Anyone Else Have This Happening?

This is not good. Teach her how to express her feelings more directly. Stop her before she scratches herself. Say to her, I know you're mad, lets hit this pillow for example.

See if you can learn a different way of dealing with her so that she has more power and will be less likely to get that intensely angry. Give her choices. Do you want to pick up your toys now or in 5 minutes then set a timer for example.

Get the book, How to Talk so Children Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. How we word things makes a really big difference in the way our kids respond to us.

I suggest that if you think in terms of teaching her instead of getting on her, your attitude and hence your way of wording and expectations for her behavior will be more positive and learning focused instead of punishment focused.

Yes, I have seen this in children and adults. It's an indication that the child/adult hasn't learned how to deal with anger, depression, feelings. When it's an adult cutting themselves it's a mental illness. When it's a young child, such as yours, it's more likely to be an indication that they need help in learning how to recognize and express their feelings. I suggest that it might be helpful to talk with her pediatrician about this and perhaps have her seen by a child psychologist. It might also help if you were to take a parenting class so that you can learn how to teach her about her feelings and how to positively express them.

I went back and skimmed your previous posts. You've been having difficulty with your daughter for some time now. I urge you to talk with her pediatrician and get a referral for a professional evaluation. I also suggest that you'll benefit from parenting classes as well as reading some parenting books. I recommend Love and Logic books by Foster Cline. For effective discipline techniques I suggest 1-2-3 Magic.

I suggest that it's possible you've been able to stop or reduce the screaming which has now resulted in the scratching. Both are ways to express emotion. We need to teach appropriate behavior without trying to stop the feelings.

It helps to recognize your child's feelings while showing her how to deal with them. "I see you're angry. It's OK to be angry. It's not OK to scratch yourself." I've often had my daughter and now my grandchildren scream with me saying, "I'm so angry!" A few minutes of loud screaming gets rid of the energy that anger produces and allows everyone to calm down.

Another way to deal with anger is to put them in their room or another quiet place and give them time to calm down. My grandchildren go to their room and play until they're able to come out and be more compliant. It's not punishment. It's discipline, teaching them how to calm themselves. I would stop the scratching while talking with her soothingly before sending her to a quiet place to get control of herself.

Ditto Marda. She's got some very good suggestions.

One thing I do want to add because I see this debated: we often confuse discipline with punishment. Sending her to her room should be to calm down, not to 'teach a lesson'. I often hear the argument that 'if they go to their room, they'll just play'. This is true. I try to consider it this way: when I send my son to his room, it's because we've tried to solve the initial problem and yet, he's still upset/dissatisfied with the result. At this point, I need HIM to deal with his emotions (because what I tried didn't help), and the distraction of play does often help him A. work through the problem (maybe as play) and B. work through the emotion. So when he comes out to join me, 90% of the time he's in a better space to do any further problem solving.

One last suggestion, which I received from two wise mothers-- when you are addressing discipline/behavioral issues, make a list of the behaviors you want to improve/change, and then pick your top two. Start there. If you are 'getting on her' about every.single.thing. this can overwhelm and undermine a child's sense of both ability and her sense of self. No one wants to be hounded over every little thing they do, and NO ONE responds well to constant correction. So do choose the two most important/significant trouble spots you want to address, and start there. Don't forget that kids this age need us to 'do' a lot with them (instead of giving orders), they still often respond well to distraction and redirection. LOTS of praise, too, when you see her doing well. Lots of gentle touch, hugs and smiles-- she needs to know she makes you happy MORE than she makes you upset, or she will feel that she is 'bad'. No kid should grow up feeling that way. It's one thing to address certain behaviors as frustrating, not helpful, etc. Try to keep the verbiage in the moment "I am frustrated right now. I need you to put down your toy. Come get your shoes on." etc.

Hurting herself is her way of turning her anger inward. You need to find some healthy ways for her to express her own anger and frustration, even if it's in her room for a few minutes. I know that sometimes, we adults can become overwhelmed by our child's feelings. If you find this is happening and you are getting angry with her, do talk to a professional who can help you to find ways of de-escalating your own feelings when this arises. Good luck! And re-read Marda's post. Excellent advice.

Ditto Marda P. Even though I have never read the books she suggested everything she says is just plain, good common sense when it comes to dealing with young children. Please follow her advice, your daughter needs a firm but also CALM and loving hand.
Ditto Hazel W too, great advice!!!

My daughter did the scratching herself before. I taught her she needs to calm down, take a few breaths and count to 10. Then we talk about why she is mad and remind her that hurting herself or someone else is mean and inapporpriate.