Another Moms Thoughts

I don't think you're being too hard on her. She needs to know that the attitude is not appreciated and that there are consequences for her behavior. I have a 14 year old daughter with that teenage attitude. I try to let a lot roll off my back but I do reach the snapping point. I think there should be a support group for mothers of teenage daughters! LOL!!

D.

P.,
it is one thing to forgive, it's another to rollover. I don't want to sound disrespectful, but she is 18 and it is time she realized that she is legal and if she hates you, she needs to go. At that age there is little you can do to please them. If she really wants to continue disrepecting, you should tell her she can do it somewhere else. Maybe, if she beleives you are so fed up that you would put her out, she may change her tune. At that age they like to test limits. When she pushes hard, you push harder. Don't take all her comments seriously. She loves you now and always will. You be strong, and the two of you will work out.
I hope i've helped you.

Stand your ground!

She is 18. She can move out now. If she wants to go, go. But, she won't. The attitude can only get in check if she talks about the real problem is.

Sounds like she's got a lot of resentment towards you. There's a reason for it but, she has to talk about it. You two have to talk about it together.

She's a woman now. Grown up. It's time to act like it. If she's got a problem with you, lat it out on the table and fix it together. It is your house! You will go through hell and high water for her! She needs to respect. She can disagree but, like an adult.

Don't feel guilty. You're parenting her and teaching her. She can't act like this on a job. She act like that when a bank won't give her a loan for a home. She needs to learn to keep the emotions in check.

But, I have a strong feeling something may have happened to her and she hasn't come out with and its eating her up making her really angry.

Put your foot down. Tell her what the real world is like bevfore she goes into the real world with this attitude and falls flat on her face.

Remind her how much you love her but, she EXPECTED to act a certain way and that's final.

I am a mother of six children. They're not 18 yet, but I did care for my 18y/o cousin for a long time. She's testing you. She wants to see how far she can go with you. You absolutely have to stand your ground!! She's gotten away with it for too long! If you give in, she'll want to continue to walk all over you. Be strong mama!

Too Hard? Absolutley NOT!!! She's 18! That's old enough to know how to respect her elders! What are the circumsatnces in your home? Is she working a job, is she is college? And if she can't wait to get out of the house so bad, then tell her to go. She is 18, time to act like an adult.

Too harsh? Sorry, I have this friend who lets her 17 yr old walk all over her and it bugs me every time she complains about her daughter...sounds to me like you are doing the right thing...keep picking up that magazine. She probably feeds on the negative attention anyways. And if all else fails...call SUPER NANNY! Haha! Good Luck!

OMG, when I was reading this I could have written it. My daughter is 22 and this type of thing goes on all the time. She called me just the other day and asked me to give her a ride 5 blocks from her house (she lives with her dad). I told her I had work and she blew a gasket. She started cursing at me and I hung up on her. She called me back five times, one time leaving a nasty message. She then emailed me and said she was sorry, she always is after the fact, but said that I made her mad. I shot an email back to her telling her that I will not tolerate her attitude towards me anymore. That she is always sorry after the fact and that whenever she doesn't get what she wants she does this. I don't think you're being too harsh. I told her that if she continues to talk to me and treat me like this that she can no longer call me. I haven't heard from her in 3 days, but am sure I will. I just can't do this anymore either. It's OK to forgive, I always forgive her, but in my opinion she has to show you that she is deserving of forgiveness. I sticking to my guns on my end and will see how this plays out. Wishing you the best.

LISTEN!!
You've done everything I would have done..if it helps (I'm 31yr old)Hate to say it ...your daughter was sorry only because she really wanted the car. As soon as she didn't get her way she hated you again. Shouldn't she have worked her way to owning her own car right about now anyway. If not, I would remind her that the car is for responsible people whom have earned it. If she doesnt respect your rules tell her to get out. Like mommy and daddy always said, if us kids think we know everything, go and try to survive on our own!
I think every kid at one point says to their parent..."I hate you" and of course it hurts.
I'm sorry your being treated this way. I became a young mother at 21yrs old. I love my 11yrd old and 9yrd old but wholly cow Im already at times experiencing some of these issues already.
I definately think I could never take that disrespect at 18. I would have to stand strong and say "Dont let the door kick ya in the ass"!!
I single handedly raised (and still do) raise my children from the time they were 2 & 10months. At one time I was working 90hrs between 3 jobs to take care of them. Thankfully with all of my hard work, I am a successful Account Executive for a bank and only work 1 job.
Good luck, I will pray for you.
P/S- I hope she straightens out her act by Mothers day! :)
~K.

as tough as it is stand your ground, your daughter may be trying to find her independence and sounds like she is feeling her oats right now. but if you stand your ground you'll probably gain her respect quicker then if you don't. i know that the guilt is overwhelming, but the person she will become if she keeps getting her way is even worse. if she says she wants to move out, let her, she'll soon figure out that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. you can forgive your daughter anything, but that doesn't mean that you have to give in to her every whim, and that certainly doesn't mean that you allow her to treat you with disrespect.

maybe your older child can have a talk with her, help her find her way. or maybe it's time to let her take her own licks so that she can appreciate what it is she has in her mother.
as hard as it may be a little distance between you two may help her see the light, absence does somes make the heart grow fonder.

Stand your ground don't give in, and maybe have your 30yr old have a talk with her maybe he/she could be a good influence.
Good luck

Oh my Gosh Do I feel your pain!!!!! I have a 15yr old son who is the same way. We fight and I somehow loose everytime. He will just walk out the door and not come home the rest of the night. So I finally had enough, I called the local court and asked them for some help. They refered me to a mediator. SO after fighting about him not wanting to go, he finally gave in. We went on Monday night and it was the BEST hour and a half we have ever spent together. I never really thought this would work but it did. He even agreed to go back again. It's not easy to sit there and listen but if she will talk a little you will see all the things we seem to miss as parent who are trying to give our kids everything. My son is actually very sweet to me now and I enjoy most of our time together now. We still have our issues but it's a step in the right direction. Hope this helps you.....

Is she in highschool?

If she isnt still in high school, tell her she needs to pay rent or leave. If she is going to pay rent, seh is a tenant, and will obey the rules of the house. If not, then good luck, you love her, and wish her the best, but she has 30 days to find a new place. You will not tolerate her attitude, and she has no choice but to respect you, as it is yoru house and your rules. If life is so horrible, she can leave.

If she is in highschool, then tell her she can start savign and start looknig for a place to live, as upon graduation seh is not to be living in your home any longer. If she wishes to stay, fine, but it is your house adn your rules, and seh will be paying rent.

teh fact is, this girl is an adult now, legally. You do not ahve to deal with the disrespect. Eventually, I am sure she will outgrow this, but for now she is 18 and knows it all. You have to put yourself first. you have given 18 years to this person, and if seh has no respect for that then show ehr to the door.

I know that sounds harsh, but enabeling ehr will not fix the problem. Stand your ground and show her you are serious. After all, you are the mother.

P.,

DO NOT GIVE IN!!! Stay strong. Your daughter is giving lip service to what she knows you want to hear, in order to get what she wants. It's manipulative and insulting to your intelligence, and the proof that this is what she's doing is that when you accepted her apology but refused to give her the car, she blew up again.

Your belongings are your own, to lend or not as you see fit. She does not have a right to your car, and if she wants one of her own, a job and a savings account are highly recommended things to have. She's not a baby anymore, and I'm sure is totally capable of behaving ina civil and respectful manner to the the people around her when she chooses to do so. She's not a little kid anymore, and one of the tenets of being an adult is knowing that you NEVER disrespect your mother. It's just not done. One of the effects of maturity is being able to look back upon your childhood and adolescence and realize how much your parents have done for you, how far out of their way they went for you, how much you were loved. If she's not able to do that, then she's not there yet.

Don't give in and give her what she wants. The lesson that acting childishly, rudely, and disrespectfully enough will get me what I want because people will not want to keep arguing is not a productive one.

P.,

Teenage years are such a tough time for adults and the teens. There really is no right way to handle the situation, but your definately doing the right thing by standing your ground. Even though you feel guilty, it sounds like she knows if she keeps pushing and apologizes theres a chance your going to give her what she wants. My Mom was a push over so we got away with a lot, but we also got in a lot of trouble because of it.
My advice to you would be to talk with her and explain how much you love her and how it hurts you when someone you love disrespects you in that way she does. Even though she's 18, she's always going to be your baby girl, and you can't allow her to act and treat you the way she does. Let her know the consequences of her actions for here on out, and also let her know that at 18, you understand she wants to have her freedom but as long as she lives with you, she has to follow your rules. Pick and choose your battles. If disrespect is the number one problem, stick with solving that first.
Stay strong and I wish you both the best!

hi, i may not know anything about being the mother of an 18 yr old girl, but i do remember being that 18 yr old girl. it's only been 10 yrs for me, and maybe reminding you on how it is will help. i myself had been disrespectful to my mother telling her that i hated her and couldn't wait to move out and if things didn't change i would never see her again! i couldn't stand being told what i could and could not do once i was 18. to be totally honest with you, once my mother stopped telling me what i had to do, and just gave up on things being her way...i gave in and showed a little more respect. now, i'm not saying just let her have your car now...she shouldn't get what she wants when being shown respect, but it's YOUR car, not hers! just tell her that once she shows you respect, then she'll get her way WITHIN REASON! and in the case of her getting ready for her father to pick her up, try just letting her know that he called saying that he's on his way so she'd be ready for him when he gets there...instead of asking her if she'll be ready. i know this sounds ridiculous, but it's the age. and don't worry, in another 5-10 years, things will be much better. you'll have great times together, you'll still have those stupid arguements, but once you're no longer living together, things get MUCH EASIER!!! good luck.

Oh boy! My older son is 21 now. From 16 until 20 he was a nightmare. My younger son is almost 17 and I am going through it again just differently because they are different guys. STAND YOUR GROUND. Your daughter is trying to grow up but she needs boundaries. That is your job. If she is disrespectful she should not be allowed to borrow your things. If this was an acquaintance treating you like this, would you loan them your car?? It is very tough, very stressful, but I will tell you I lived through these years with my son and he was leaving and I was letting him so many times that I am amazed that he is still here and a wonderful young man at that!

Yes, we must forgive but that does not mean being a doormat to anyone, most especially our children who need guidance to grow into resposible adults!!

Will you feel guilty when you say no? Of course. All moms feel guilt; should your guilt make you give in to things you gut says you shouldn't? Absolutely not.

Just like all other phases, this phase will pass too and with a little luck, a little ignored guilt, and a lot of good parenting your daughter will grow into a wonderful adult!

Sometimes tough love is the best avenue to go, if she is so miserable there tell her if she doesnt like ur rules or hates u so much maybe she should move out. But tough love is the best medicine, dont give in, you could love her and forgive her but she has to respect you.

i dont have an 18 yr. old, but i remember being 18 and being just as difficult with my mom. i wasn't as disrespectful because i think my mother would have knocked my teeth out, but i definately felt like i hated her. ofcourse i didnt hate her, but hated all her rules, and guidance.
not sure if this will work, but i think you should have a heart to heart with your daughter. take her to dinner, just you and her, and just talk to her. let her know exactly how ur feeling, and how you were once her age, and you want to understand , and be there, but at the same time, she needs to recognize, that you are infact her parent, and she has to obide by rules, wether she likes them or not. but also let her know that you in turn, will try to be a little more understanding regarding her feelings.
at that age, we think we know it ALL. think back to when you were her age. its a difficult age, but at teh same time, dont let her walk all over you. its hard, good luck, you can do it.

Hi, so sorry to hear about that you are in such a tense situation with your daughter. Anybody could be very upset in your shoes. But, still, only you, can speak for your daughter and change her. She definite needs you to ask her:" come to my side. Tell me what I did annoying you so much." For she is what you are interested in, not the time she waste. You must first give her a chance to understand you will admit your mistake if you annoy her and by this way she will learn to admit her damage to your feeling.
Nobody can love her more than you.
Nobody will do more for her than you.
A mother's opposite opinion is very very important for a daughter.
Most working mothers have lots of pressures from work; So they need be more patient with their childrn, and control the bad mood is important.
A daughter can alway feel how her mother judge her. Be positive! And give your daughter support and time! Don't expect she to change immediately off her 18 years habbit. Any little improvement should be celebrate.

Just because you are the mother, you have to give her more love and forgiveness. Don't blame yourself, or see yourself as a loser, but positively grow with your daughter.

Best regards,

Y.

Maybe this is too late.

I like what Yiwen had to say. Try to see why she is so angry and disrespectful first - if it isn't too late. My mom threw me out at 19 and I have never forgotten. I was difficult but if she were to ever sit down and tell me that she may have been too hard or too negative at times, I think things would be different. My mom never apologized and was always judging me. It hurts a young mind who just wants to be free. They say at 16 we have everything we need to be on our own, so she may be feeling that she is an adult and doesn't want to do anything for you and your husband anymore. She wants her to explore her own identity. That doesn't mean she should be disrespectful. I hope when my daughter is 18 I remember this.

I totally understand how you feel.
Let's just look at it from the perspective of a teenager. It's their job at that age to be moody and hate their parents. They are learning what life really feels like at this age and often it hurts. Mom/Dad are the closest targets so they often take the beating.
Of course you need to be respected in your home but please do not tear yourself up or say things you will regret later to her, this is part of growing up.
You made the right move not letting her take your car if she can't be respectful but don't be surprised when she acts possessed, it's normal.
For example:
I am very close to my mom and have always been...from 16 til the time I moved out (17 and a half) I hated her and thought I was so much smarter than her and would never want to be anything like her etc....
In order for them to develop who they are they need to judge parents and decide how to make differnt choices than we did etc...
Just hold on, it won't last forever.

You did the right thing she needs a firm hand she's at a age where she should know better then to act like a small child and when she realizes that you get more fly's with sugar than vinager she needs to know that you have the right of way ( so to say) my daughter had tried that nonsense for a while and I stood my ground I explained to her that she may think she hates me now but that I love her and always will than I gave her the book mother-daughter wisdom from Dr. christiane northup she hesatated reading it but eventually did and her attitude changed a little and I told her if she respects me I'll respect her and she would have to gain my trust again because of her attitude but things are much better now she even is told by her friends she is so muture for 17 but I believe it's because she respects the rules and we have a better understanding of one another good luck.
god bless,
A.