Another Hard Question..

I would absolutely tell. I would want to know and would be livid and horrified if I found out my husband was cheating and later found out that my best friend knew and did nothing to let me know. It would make me reconsider the friendship, actually, because I would wonder where her loyalties lie and why she chose to continue to allow such a situation to continue than to clue me in on things.

Friends don't do nothing.

Yes. I would want to know. If my friend choose not to be my friend afterwards than that would be their choice.

No I would not. It WILL come out eventually, I would not want to be responsible by virtue of being the messenger. Really, eventually EVERYBODY who does it gets busted. Plus, unless you actually SAW HIM HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, you really DON'T know what's what.

:(

Bleck, what a yucky spot to be in, sorry.

L.:

This is tough.

I would want to know. But tell only if I you have seen them in the act...if you don't want to tell her outright - ask her to come where ever you are and let her see for herself. I would be the person who just comes out and tells you - like ripping off the band-aid...Hey L., John is cheating with Jenny. I saw them at the parking lot of the gym kissing.

It's going to hurt either way. I've been there. My ex-husband couldn't keep his junk in his pants. We were living in Belgium on a SMALL base and you knew everyone and everyone knew your business....he went to a country music bar/night with her...he's a Judas Priest kinda guy and would NEVER go to Country Night with me...my friends called me and asked me if he was okay - i said fine - why? they said - he's here at the club on COUNTRY NIGHT!!! I asked our neighbors to watch my daughter and went on base to check it out for myself...yeppers...there he was..dancing and laughing...unfortunately, they were both active duty military so the base got involved...it wasn't pretty. She wasn't the first and she wasn't the last.

Unless you have seen them deep throat kissing each other in the hallway or seen them bumping uglies...you need to make sure you are right they are cheating...no false accusations....does that make sense?

If my husband was friends with the person that was cheating? I know he wouldn't help them cheat. If your husband is helping them cheat, i would whoop his a$$ to kingdom come. Because for me? That would tell me that he doesn't have the integrity I thought he had...

Hi,
I actually had this happen to my best friend. I knew he was cheating. I struggled in myself on how to tell her. I led her to the answers making it appear she figured it out on her own. However after all was said and done she told me it took me a while but I figured out that you knew and you didn't want to hurt my feelings and I thank you for being such a great friend.
So...Yes I would lead my friend to the truth and be there for her in what ever she needed day or night.

I would tell the cheater to tell his wife otherwise you will.

Please tell!!

Thankfully I haven't been on this end... but I was on the other end!!

After our divorce I had friends come up and tell me that they had to tell me now that they knew of women and times my ex cheated on me. I really wish they would have told me WHILE I was married to him, I would have ended it sooner and it would have saved from the heartache of walking in on him and someone!

I would outright tell them but that is the person I am. I am not sure if it is the best thing to do mind you, just what I would do.

Perhaps I should explain. My ex cheated, for a while you have this nagging feeling something is wrong but you always chalk it up to something else. It would be nice to know, oh I am not nuts, it isn't in my head. I sometime think that feeling is more destructive than knowing.

Hi L.-

I divorced my ex because he became an abusive drunk. I found out AFTER the divorce that he was a cheater as well...from so called 'friends'...

Talk about adding insult to injury!!

I would have preferred to know...it would have saved extra years of heartache for myself and my children...not to mention a few 'friendships'.

SO...if I were sure, I would tell...just as I would have wanted to be told.

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

I would definitely tell. In a heart beat. I would expect the same out of any of my friends. I had a spouse cheat on me before and several people at our church knew about it and never told me. The embarrassment and betrayal by EVERYONE that knew after finding out was horrible.

Yuck! Crappy situation...I just don't know?!

~Any way you could tell her without *really* telling her? Like....'Hey, I saw John at Red Lobster last Wednesday night...I looked for you but didn't see you..was it a business thing'?

Yes you tell them- In the case of on of my closest friends her husband was having an affair with our neighbor we all lived on the same street and it became glaringly obvious to everybody but her- So I sat her down grabbed a bottle of wine a box of tissues and said- "Okay I love you so I am going to tell you" The street turned into something like the Desperate Housewives show after that by about 6 months later we had all moved. We are still good friends and sometimes we still laugh about " the wine and tissue" day

I would want my friend to tell me, so yes, I would tell.

Yes, I would tell if I knew for sure. In fact, when I was 14 I witnessed two of my teachers cheating together and I told. I would probably try and have proof if possible, but if not, they deserve to know.

And even if it does come out.. what it it's like 5 or 6 years later, what if the friend gets an std or the marriage is ruined and unhappy for that long, but the spouse has no idea why? No... it's not fair to keep something that important away from an innocent person in a cheating relationship.

I might say to the cheater, 'either you stop right now, or I will tell your spouse. Wanker.'

Yes absolutely I would tell. I couldn't live with myself if I kept a secret and then she later found out and found out that I knew.

Maybe I'm a chicken but I would make sure they found out without me directly telling them. I think they deserve to know, but I wouldn't want hard feelings or friendships to be jeopardized because you never know how people are going to react with sensitive issues like this.

I normally don't interfere with marriage problems- other than mine. BUT if it was me I would like to know if my husband was cheating on me.
My opinion is that if you are going to tell, make sure you have strong evidence. Not just go and say I saw...have pictures, point it out, set it up where things look like a coincidence.

I would have to tell.....

Yes. I hope the same would be done for me.

Wow-- from the number of responses, I would say this is truly a hot and emotional topic. Here is the thing---- my best friend tried to tell me BEFORE I married that my guy wasn't what he appeared to be, that he was pulling the wool before everyone's eyes. She said she tried every which way to tell me and then backed off because she knew I was looking forward to marrying him and that I was "in love". Well, she wasn't a bull in a china shop about it, but I do recall a few things she said to me that illuminated the situation that was to come. I am truly grateful that she stood by me as a friend no matter what and didn't walk away. It was a horrible and abusive marriage and I am grateful that I had her friendship and that she acted without judgement towards me. I was able to keep my integrity in the process. So, if I were you, I would feel your friend out to determine if she wanted to know or not and you may have to back off from time to time. She may have to figure things out herself. At some point, these guys do tend to reveal themselves. I would probably preface things and let her know that you value your friendship greatly and love her as a friend and want to be there for her through thick and thin. Let her know that you have some concerns about her marriage and want her to be happy and respected and valued in her marriage. See where it takes you. If she shuts down, she is not ready and you could tell her that you will always be there for her as a friend if and whenever she needs you. Let her drive that ship because she has to live it and, if you leave the door open, she may come back for more-- or not-- on her own. The tricky part for you may be that your spouse is friends with the other guy--- ugh-- a separate issue to wrestle with. Good luck and hang in there!

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That is a super hard one to tell, but yes-I would tell my friend BUT....only under this circumstance first.

TELL the cheating person that I KNOW what they have been doing and they have one day to tell my friend exactly what has been going on, OR I will. I have had to do this and it was really hard, but the guy ended up tellin her before I did--It was awful though.

At this point in my life I think I would tell my friend. There was a situtation when I was younger that I did not but that's because I knew that they were both cheating on eachother. And to me it was pointless.

Good luck and God Bless!

Here's the thing. We had a bit of the same situation, wasn't a spouse but a fiance. Me and another girl were just getting ready to spill when she flat out told me, "If any one ever told me he was cheating, I wouldn't believe them. I know he wouldn't do that." From that second on, I knew all telling her would do would destroy everyones friendship. Eventually the dude stopped, and as far as I know has kept it in his pants.

Gotta know the friend, to give a good answer. My best friend, yeah I would tell her. But, I damn well better make sure I have 100 percent fact, before I speak up.

It really depends on your friend and if she is a "reality" person or prefers to keep the blinders on. Some women are "blinded" by love and would not believe you anyway and your friendship would be ruined. Others, like me, would be grateful you told. So, it just depends on your friend and how you think she will react. If you think it will damage the friendship, then I wouldn't tell her but I would be prepared to help her through once she finds out. If you don't tell her now, I wouldn't not tell her down the road that you knew - she will feel humiliated I'm sure.

Yes, I would definitely tell~ If you know 110% that it is true!

i agree with jo w, my ex cheated and i had a nagging feeling something wasn't right in the begining but he always talked M. into thinking i was crazy and not good for even questioing anything, and then all those feelings went away adn I thought we were good...turns out no...it took M. 10 years to find out everything was a lie. I'm glad noone told M. b/c i got my daughter BUT if I was you I'd tell the friend or spouse to fess up or that I would tell and see what happens,, I found out my brothers ex was cheating and we offered her to tell him 1st, she didn't so we did
ADDED and who cares if your friend finds out you told she slept with her friends husband, I wouldn't want her for a friend anyway=)

I would give her some info but not DIRECTLY tell her. If after awhile she still had no clue, then I'd tell her bluntly.

I'd expect a friend to do the same for me if my husband was cheating.

She definitely needs to know. If you are SURE that her spouse is cheating, this can't be kept from her. Especially if this is your friend. Think of how she would feel if she found later, and that you knew and didn't tell her. While this is an AWFUL situation to be put in, don't let yourself be a liar too.
I agree maybe the better route is to confront her husband first and tell him that either he tells her, or you will. Even if your spouse is friends with hers, too bad. I wouldn't want a friend who was an adulterer. I have actually ended a friendship because of that.

Here's one viewpoint. My husband had numerous friends tell him after his divorce his ex-wife was sleeping around beyond the ones he knew about. And we're not talking speculation on these people's part. From the more casual acquaintances he understood why they didn’t want to get involved. But from his better friends it really hurt. It was an ugly situation but he just felt like they helped in the betrayal by not saying or doing something. He is no longer friends with any of those people. Now I can’t say he would feel differently if any of those people had said something but that’s how he feels about it. It's a tough spot so good luck in whatever you decide. Remember some people just don't want to know.

I was at home and a friend I had not seen in several years dropped by.

I was visiting with her and my neighbor came by to visit too. She was one of the Marilyn Monroe types that could dress up and make any man drool...

When she found out who my friends husband was she about choked to death. She made light of it and said her drink went down wrong. After my 1st friend left the other friend told me she knew the husband. Didn't have any idea he was married and they had been flirting, petting, necking, etc...I don't know how far exactly it had gone but it was way past an innocent flirtation.

A while later my 1st friend came by again. I had not seen or heard from her since the last visit and much in her life had changed. It was a very sad time for her and she was a little lost spiritually. She just drove by and thought she'd drop in. She and her husband had just lost a child. She was pregnant with another one at that time too. She told me that her husband had been distant but since they lost the child he had straightened up and was being a wonderful husband. His reasoning for his life change was that if his little son was going to be in heaven waiting for him then he better do whatever was in his power to get there to see him again.

I have faith that I made the right decision to not say anything. They worked things out and it would serve no purpose to destroy her world.

But if he was a horndog who humped anything with a vagina he would be outed in a heartbeat. My friend would not need VD or worse to show her what a louse he was.

Unless somebody has been in your friend's shoes there is no reason for them to answer your question...... My husband had an emotional affair 3 years ago....i did not know till a year later.... had NO IDEA it was all going on.The pain of finding out was unbearable at times.......the pain of knowing I lived that whole year in lies was even worse.
Tell your friend of you know for sure. Have a heart....................

Well there were rumors flying around about my friends husband cheating with another friends wife for months. No one would say for sure but everyone kinda knew. My husband is good friends with the husband(couple met when they were both in our wedding) yet none of their mutual friends could say for sure. I couldn't say anything to my friend though. I didnt' see anything with my own eyes or hear it from a good source,my husbands buddy (who my friend doesn't always like is not a good source) ANYWAY it broke my heart to not tell her these rumours that were definatly more than rumours. Well she found out after a couple months and was crushed although he denies that anything happened no one buys it. I dont' care that my husband is good friends with the cheating husband I would have told her if I had a good source or saw something myself. My husband would actually want me to he has little respect for a cheater/liar and wouldn't be mad at me at all.

One of my daughter's friends dad was making inappropriate advances towards a good friend of mine. Sending her pictures of stiletto's and telling her how great she would look in them, telling her how amazing she looked working out at the gym, offering to come over and fix whatever need she may have...ew! He is a really nice guy - but I have never looked at him the same. She finally got him to back off, but I never told my friend, and I'm glad I didn't.

I would give the cheater a deadline--either tell her himself or you will by Oct. 21st. (for example) My decision would be the same if my spouse was friends with her spouse....

No, unless a whole group of friends knew and was going to tell together. I think there are too many possible reactions the friend can have, and other than photographing the husband in the act, there is no real proof that you can offer. You may assume the friend will believe you, and this may not be the case. How will the friend tell the hubby she found out, when she didn't see anything? "L. told me." Then he'll make up a big story to cover, she may believe and stay with him, and then you'll see the friend much less because it'll be uncomfortable on both sides.

Would you want her to tell you if your husband was cheating on you? Yes tell her after you have all the facts and proof.