Thanks to everyone who answered my question about siblings! I have another question for birthday party invites.
We have a homeschool group and my daughter wants to invite friends from her group that she sees often and plays with when they are together. There is one girl in the group that she doesn't connect with. They don't fight or are mean, in fact the other girl likes my daughter. When they are all together they will all play wonderfully, but my daughter would not choose to hang out with this girl on a one-on-one basis like she would with the other girls. This girl invited my daughter to her birthday party and my daughter didn't want to go so we made our polite excuses.
My daughter does not want to invite this girl to her party because she doesn't care for her.
Our homeschool group is huge and we aren't inviting everyone, just the girls she connects with and hangs with on a regular basis. Problem is this is one of the girls she sees often and she plays in the same "group" as my daughter. While the girls she doesn't see often wouldn't feel bad about not being invited, I think this girl would not only hear about the party but be upset that she wasn't invited.
I'm leaning toward making her invite the girl as a life lesson in not hurting feelings. She's inviting 23 kids so if this girl isn't her favorite person there will be many other children she can hang out with. However, my husband says that it's my daughter's party and she should invite whomever she wants and we should only invite (and pay for) the girls she's friends with and connects with.
What would you do?
If she didn't want to go to this girls party and doesn't care for this girl I would NOT make her invite the girl to her party! I don't believe in teaching that everything needs to be "fair", real life just isn't that way!!
I think I would invite her, since she will definitely hear about the party and will feel awful knowing she was the only one from the group not invited. I think there will be enough other kids that she won't need to interact much with this girl (other than to be a polite hostess) and it will go a long way in teaching manners and preventing any awkwardness between you and the other mom.
Have a fun party. : )
K.
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If I'm understanding the situation correctly, this little girl plays with your little girl routinely as part of a group. Much like kids would if they went to a school and were in a classroom together. As such, it would be self-indulgent and petty for your daughter to exclude the little girl from her party. If she is inviting 23 children, it's not as if the party is an exclusive affair where she's only inviting her closest confidants. Imagine how hurt the little girl would be if she discovered that literally every other child in their group had been invited, imagine how the little girl's mother would feel, and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed. As they say, always be kinder than necessary. You can never go wrong doing that.
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Personally I think it would be absolutely horrible to leave out one girl in the group especially since the little girl invited your daughter to her party. NOt inviting the girl will more than likely cause a "serious" issue in the group after the party. The relationship btwn your daughter and the little girl will become strained whereas before they played together in a group just fine, even if it was not in a one on one type of situation. Please invite the little girl and save her from the humilitation and heartbreak of being the only one w/o an invite
You don't mention your daughters age. I would say that young children, girls especially, live for friends and acceptance. She would be crushed, so please have your daughter extend the invite to her. What is 1 more if 23 are already invited. She will mix in with everyone else, and she and her parents will not feel hurt by feeling left out.
I think your instincts are right. I do not fall into the camp of "invite everyone so there are no hurt feelings" but I think we should teach our children to be kind to each others feelings, and if your daughter doesn't have any major "beef" with this girl, invite her. Everyone will be better for it. Have fun.
Since you're inviting 23, I would definitely invite her. It would be like inviting the whole class minus 1-2 children, which just isn't right. With that many guests, this girl probably won't notice your daughter hanging out more with her closer friends, there will be enough company to go around. On the other hand, if say next year, you have a smaller party, like 4-6 friends, your daughter should not at all feel obligated to invite her.
Yeah, I think I would invite her, too. If everyone in their "group" is being invited, that's really a personal slap in the face to be excluded like that. I think the little girl would be more devastated at not being invited than your daughter would be at having her at the party. There's definitely a lesson here in kindness and compassion...and being gracious to your guests even though you may not like them. Good luck with your decision!
Holy Cow -- 23 girls at a birthday party?! I would say that if you were only inviting maybe 5 you could get away with it. But no matter how huge your homeschool group is, 23 kids is also a huge party. So this girl will hear about it -- AND she invited your daughter to her party. With that many kids at the party, your daughter will barely have time to interact with specific girls, so she won't really even have to have much contact with this girl. I say the life lesson is teach your daughter to be kind, and teach her to do the right thing -- invite her. Otherwise this little girl's feelings surely will be hurt.
That's a hard one, but since the girl hangs in the same group and they aren't enemies or anything, I would tell her she needs to invite her. Explain it to her as doing something really nice that won't affect her enjoyment at all -but it will make someone else very happy (whereas if that girl finds out she's not invited -and she will -it is going to hurt her feelings). I remember a few birthday parties of my own -and some parties as an adult when there were one or two people I may not have invited if given my "druthers," but I knew that the people would really feel hurt (and I've been in that place too -and it's not good). It would be different if you were having the party somewhere that limits attendees.
Your daughter is turning 9? I think that this is a good age to teach that all is not fair which for me means that she invites the girl because she is the only girl in her group of friends that she wouldn't invite. It's perhaps not fair that she has to invite this girl but it's also not fair to exclude her since she's part of the "in" group. It's important for your daughter to be aware of how social groups work and how to show sympathy for someone even tho she wouldn't choose to play with them one to one.
My granddaughter is 9 and her social group changes almost daily. Some days she'll play with some of the kids and other days different ones. One day she is on the outs with someone and a week later they're friends once more. Some of the kids are usually her favorite people but sometimes not. It's an important part of learning social maturity to recognize that even tho someone is not a current favorite that they have feelings that should be acknowledged.
I think inviting 23 girls is a LOT of kids to invite. That's a huge party. If you were having maybe 10 or less children, I'd say it wouldn't be such a big deal to not invite the girl in question because there would others mssing out as well.
But it sounds like she is the only girl in your daughter's usual social circle that is being excluded. It just doesn't sit right with me to leave her off the party list. I'd suggest to pare down the guest to maybe 15 or it's going to be on the rude side for her to be the only one left out. And with a party of 23 children, it really seems like an insult to not just add one more child to the mix..
you invite the girl. Also you never know when later in life she maybe friends or need help in high school and this girl is her partner etc. they are too young to have their feelings hurt. Better to invite than not and yes your daughter will have so many other friends there it will be fine. have fun at tha party!
I would definitely invite the girl. Especially since your daughter was invited to her birthday party. She was probably thinking the same thing (to invite or not) and decided not to hurt your daughters feelings and invited her anyways. Don't start unecessary trouble and teach your daughter to be the bigger person.
It seems really mean to me if you do not invite the girl. To your husband's point of it being her party - you didn't mention her age, but until college graduation I am in favor of holding veto power over every decision my child makes!
if you are saying that they dont fight and that girl is no a trouble maker i think that i would call her mother before the party and maybe invite her over my house with her kid..... i would tell her the problem with the two girls in front, it may be a little too awkward but i think that is the best way to make the good example to the kids.
i would tell her mother that my kid doesn't seems to connect with her kid but that i think that maybe if they spend some time together they will make friends and i would really glad if they connect better, and i would put the kids to make activities like baking cookies or cake or crafting something that you know they would like and invite her mother to do it too.
i think thats the best way to fix this problem...and making a good example for the girls
Invite the girl! Half the reason we hs is to avoid this kind of drama:)!
