Any suggestions on what to do when I am pushed beyond my patience and just freak out on my kids. I'm talking when I have already counted to 10, already given myself a time out in the garage and I'm still angry, the kids are still in my face, the house is still a mess and I haven't grown that third arm that would help me do the countless things that need to be done at that second. I've already upped my Vitamin B12 intake which has really helped but every once in a while I just seem to lose myself and say stupid things to the kids and throw things(not at anyone) and just get really angry. Then of course I just feel stupid. This all sounds stupid now but when I'm in it I'm just mad.
I can relate to you. Just this morning I lost it on my seven year old daughter because she was sassing me. I yelled at her and made her cry. I felt awful and apologized for yelling, and also beat myself up about it all day because I felt so horrible for upsetting her. I just snapped and felt like that was the only way I could get her to understand that she shouldn't talk to me like that. I think we all have those days though.
I know it's frustrating for me to try to get everything done around the house while caring for O. kid--and you've got two! Remember, they're not going to be little forever--it will get easier (or at least different). Do what is necessary but take the time to play with and enjoy your kids. Try to get them engaged in an activity and once they're into it, walk away and try to do O. or two little things.
They will sense it if you are more relaxed and may be better behaved if you lighten up the stress a little. Remember that random, mean comments will hurt a kid for a long time, and you don't want to break their little spirits. Also, I think after you've said something stupid or mean to your kids--you need to apologize to them, just like you would expect them to do to you!
Is there any way you can quit some of your jobs? Perhaps the anger is your body's way of telling you that you are being pulled in too many directions. If you can give something up and get rid of some responsibility you may feel less stressed. That may help you have more patience and the other "cooling down" techniques you use might work better.
Whether you are able to quit some of the jobs or not, some things that help me are:
finding time for myself - maybe reading for 30 minutes during naptime or going out one night a week
getting the kids to help - my kids are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. They help sort and put toys away, the also like to dust and mop
organizing my cleaning schedule - I spend 30 minutes or so in the "room(s) of the day" and 5 or 10 minutes in the other rooms
realizing I can't do it all - family is most important so some cleaning has to wait. I opt for cleaning the dishes, sinks, toilets and bedsheets before putting things away in their proper places. My husband has to help. Sometimes I get my parents to babysit so I can have a full afternoon to clean.
Good luck in finding something that works for you.
K.,
There is no greater gift you can give your children than taking care of yourself. Several other responses have suggested yoga, exercise, reading time, etc. If you realize that for each time you unload on your children, it takes 100 positive interactions to counteract the effects of the unload. Each unload changes who your children are and can be a "wound" they will carry for life.
As a life coach, I can tell you there is so much about yourself you don't know that you don't know. Being in exploration of ourself is a very freeing, empowering experience. One suggestion I would make is to consider working with a coach. A great option to start experiencing the value and benefits of working with a coach is to work with a Certified Dream Coach. This is a 12 week program, learning and exploring yourself while looking at dreams you had for your life that have now been placed on the back burner. This alone can be a transformational experience. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.
Most importantly, don't stop seeking help until the unloadings stop. You owe this to your children AND yourself!
Gratefully,
G.
Nine months ago I was considering some kind of anxiety medicine, but a friend gave me a free membership to a yoga studio and it has changed my life. Really! I would have laughed at the idea of yoga a year ago but now I am in awe. They do a sort of meditation (I feel like it's a time of prayer for me) before and after the yoga and the combination has changed my life. I try to do both every morning and it really carries me through the day- I am able to handle my two small boys, my teenager and all the other troubles in my life with much more ease and calmness. For me the femaleness of the studio, the physically challenging aspects of the yoga, and the centering essence of the meditation combine to create something I have never experienced before- very powerful for me. It took me several months to feel the calming effects fully penetrate me-- maybe it would work for you. Or maybe just a 6am walk with a friend each morning- something nourishing for you first thing in your day so that you have enough to give out to your family and life throughout the remainder of the day. Good luck! C..
Do you ever get any time to yourself? You time is VERY important.
Not sure how old you are but no matter what you may be experiencing some hormonal changes that can change you into a person you don't recognize at times. It's like you see yourself acting out and hate yourself, but can't stop the inner rage...that's usually hormones! If you are young, look for a natural female PMS type aid; if you are 40 or over, I highly recommend Remifemin; it's an herbal supplement and it has helped LOTS of women in many ways. Go to their website - they used to offer a sample pack to try. Perimenopause starts 10 years before you actually experience menopause and I believe the peri is the worst part! In addition, you might be much better off keeping only one permanent part time job with structured hours that you can work with....that gives you guaranteed time away from the children and eliminates the stress of managing the 5 jobs along with them! Don't be too hard on yourself......remember that even caring about this makes you a good Mom!!
Dear Kniki,
I am a sahm too and it is the most difficult job in the world and I only have one!! I used to be a 2nd grade teacher and handle 25 kids at a time, so what is my problem!!!!
Your kids are the most important thing in the world to you Im sure. YOur expectations are proberly set so high as well. Perhaps if you try exercise.......I know that may sound silly, but it works for me. I know it releases your HAPPY chemicals in the brain and puts you in a great mood. Also, are the kids invloved in activities outside the home? If not, you could try a swim class, gymboree, etc. Other moms would also be there for you to meet and talk too! If all else fails maybe you should talk to your doctor. What you are going through is real.......not in your head and all kinds of research has been done and maybe your doctor could help with a solution. Hang in there and know you are a great mom and you love your kids so much.
Hi K.
I have the same problem with my 3 year old son...and I wish I could be more calm but it just doesn't happen. maybe we could go through this together? I too do stupid things like scream and cry in front of him which is really stupid but I am so sensitive.
