Am I Irritated for No Reason?

I think if it annoys you this much that she wants to bring her kids (and you said it was ok.......), you need to either call her or email her again and say you've been thinking about it more and you just really don't think it's going to be an appropriate party for children and that you really hope she can find a sitter b/c you'd love for her to come.

Yeah that is annoying, but it is up to you to tell her that it is an adult only gathering and the kids cannot attend. She asked if she could bring the kids and you said yes, so you really can't blame her, you could have said no.

It's not too late to say what you KNOW YOU SHOULD've said: "No." Period!!!!! Explain as you did here, adults only. Apologize, say after thinking about it, you realized it was an error you spoke without taking into consideration the "adult beverages" and rowdiness, etc. But, bottom line an adult party with alcohol is no place for toddlers anyway.

Email her back and tell her that after more thought no for the kids. Your kids aren't home no other kids are gonna be there and it's ladies night. If she can't get a sitter tell her you hope to see her at the next soiree. If she brings the kids the other ladies will be annoyed, not to mention if they remain in the room you are allocated to rated G conversation only, what's the point of a girls night then?

I had a girls night at my house a couple years ago. I invited a few girlfriends and my sisters wanted to bring their kids. But, like yours, my party was adults only. Even my daughter wouldn't be there plus my friends found other arrangements for their own kids! I bet they wouldn't be too excited to have their kids taken care of for the night.... they are happy to go have a "kid free" evening and then get there and find out there are little ones running around! The difference is, I told my sisters that. So they didn't come. I felt a little bad - but ... what made me justify it was my other guests. I know if I was looking forward to hanging out w/my friends w/no kids I would be like "ugh" if I got there and there were little kids.

Hi R..

I think you should've told her no. I think you are upset because you didn't tell her how you really felt about the kids coming. Next time you need to say how you really feel so that you don't end up being resentful. That's no fun for anyone.

I would tell her that it is an adult only party that you want to get together with the family and get to know each other without having to worry about the kids. You want to reconnect with adult conversation. Tell her that you were wrong to say yes to her bringing her kids and that no one else is bringing their kids and you dont want this to be about the kids. So many times we don't take time out for ourselves as adults and that's what you wanted. If she can't find a baby sitter spend some time with her and the girls on another day. You are entitled to say no to her and also remind her that you said that the other people weren't bringing their kids and so it wouldn't be fair. If she does bring her kids let he know that she will be responsible for them at all times, if someone else has to say somehting to the kids then let her know that is when she needs to leave as other people need time away from their kids to reconnect as well. If we don't take care of ourselves no one else will do it for us.

I think it would be just fine to email her back, and say that you're sorry, but you thought about it, and you'd really just like to have an adult evening (and mention the things you put in this post in a nice way). You could also mention setting up a time for her to come over with the kids at a later date when yours are home when they could all play. She really may have no idea that you want it to be adult only, even if you did find a sitter for your own kids and it's pretty obvious to the rest of the world.... ;-)

Call her up and tell her your sorry but it is an adult party and hope she can make it. If she can't make it then tell you you can arrange a playmate for her and the kids another day.

Adults only means "adults only". Others would be uncomfortable as well showing up to find kids there. Sometimes moms cant go to stuff if they cant get babysitters. I'd let her know she cant bring them.

Blerg. Too bad you don't have a time machine because it would definitely be worth it to go back and instead tell her "No."

Alas--You DON'T have a time machine. So, serve alcohol. Provide appetizers that do not appeal to young palates. Keep the TV/DVD off and play the music as loud as you like. Insist that 1-2 rooms be adult only. Tell risque stories/jokes. Let fly a curse word or two. If the kiddies ask you for something...Direct them right back to their mother.

In others words, host your party EXACTLY as you had planned to when you sent out the adult-only invite. Either she'll think the tone of the party is fine or she will leave early.

Sorry if I sound a little bad-a$$. I am over-the-moon about my kiddos and their friends but I also firmly believe there is a time and a place for adult-only time. We are better parents for having a break.

BTW -- Liked SammyJo's idea. Line up a babysitter for her...If you know one in the neighborhood. Then call her back and tell her, "I really meant for this to be just the girls. I figured you had a hard time finding a babysitter and so I got one for you."

Hard one. I would be irritated at her...but more irritated at myself for buckling and trying to be the good guy if I were you.

Can you maybe call her up and explain you have it planned for being a "girls' night." You want to make sure the focus of everybody is having fun and enjoying each other...instead of running around cutting stuff into bite size pieces, and replaying Hannah Montana CDs. Remind her that everyone else will be attending solo to keep the focus on a night away from the hubbys and kids, and maybe she could find an alternative.

If you are really reticent about upsetting her...why don't you make arrangements at one of the other guest's houses to take a group of the kids with a babysitter you trust, and a couple of her friends, to watch the whole gang elsewhere (we have done this with even arranging a hotel for the evening and the babysitters took the whole gang swimming and ordering pizza). You could pool your money, and the kids could have their own little party. Arrange it all and then throw it at her that you have an even better solution than bringing them along.

I can understand you being irritated, but you did say yes she could bring them. If it bothers you, let her know that you've made arrangements for your children and ask if she can make arrangements for hers. Tell her what you told us about there being alcohol and you don't want to have to censor yourself because there are little ones around.

*hugs*

well you have a right to have a "no kids party", but now you messed it all up because you said "yes" to her bringing her kids.

People will usually just not invite me at all if its not kid friendly, id probably be that cluless mom wanting to bring her rugrats along, i throw parties that are both kid and adult friendly

I would say no, it's an adults only party. If you made arrangements for your own kids, she should for hers.

if you want to drop a "hint" (slightly passive aggressive i spose...), you could call a babysitter and then tell her, "great news! i found someone to watch your kids for the evening! problem solved!"
good luck mama!

Sounds like you are handling it well. Let the kids watch a movie and have snacks in the playroom, their mom can dismiss herself and go check on them when she needs. Maybe your cousin is desperate for a night out but can't find arrangements for her kids, be glad she asked instead of just shown up with them. Just be a little more specific next time... and have fun!

Adults only means adults only! If she can't get a sitter, then she can't make it, I guess!

I think you should call her up and tellher you've thought about it and since it is an adults only party you don't think it's a good idea for her to bring her children. Point out that your children aren;t going to be there.

LOL! No, you told her it was ok to bring her kids. You could have nicely said, No, its an adult party not appropriate for kids.

Just tell her.
Does she not have anyone else to watch her kids?
Her Husband, if present, can certainly do that.... I would think.

You are irritated... because she was flaky last time in RSVP'ing to you, and now inviting her kids to an adult get together.
Some people... just do not get it. Nor have any common sense. Maybe she is like that?
But some people do NOT RSVP if they are not attending. A no response, is a "no."
And now, it is stewing in you....

Regardless, e-mail her back.. tell her honestly, nicely.... that it would be best, as planned, Which is no kids. AND tell her the other guests are expecting NO kids. BUT.... be prepared that she may get IRATE at you, because you previously told her, it was okay to bring her kids.
But perhaps, telling her no now... will get it off your chest.

I would tell her no that this is for adults and you made arrangements for your kids to be gone.

Do you have a right to be irritated that she wants to bring the kids..OF COURSE! But if she does really end up bringing them than you can't be mad because you DID tell her yes! But since it is at your house you do have the right to change your mind...but she might end up getting mad with you...but that's the chance you take. Either she will be mad because you don't think the kids should be there OR have everyone else be mad at you because the kids ARE there. Because you know 2 preschoolers at an "Adult ONLY Girls Night" will change things and things probably won't be as fun as it could be w/o the kids there. Here is an idea....tell her you told her the kids could come because you felt bad that they didn't have a chance to come to the Christmas party but you had time to think about it and it wouldn't be a good idea to have 2 kids around and maybe schedule another get together for the kids!!! Hope this helps...good luck!!!

Just saying no is the best thing to do. No matter how much you love the kids. Some functions are fine for adults AND kids, especially when there will be a bunch of kids to play and run around. Parties that are specifically geared for adults really are no place for kids. Your cousin shouldn't have asked. If the hostess isn't going to even have her own children there, that's usually a hint.
You might want to call her and go over this again. You did say it would be okay to bring the kids, but really, does she want to spend the evening in the playroom with the kids or having fun with the adults? Accept that it's possible you didn't make yourself clear enough and gave a mixed message, but it really is a kid-free party. She's your cousin, not mine, so I don't know how she would take that. But preschoolers at an alcohol party are not a good mix. They can get either wound up or tired and whiney. They're little. One or the other is bound to happen.
Maybe half an hour into it she'll be thinking, "Hmmm. Should have left the kids at home" and she won't ask next time. But, if she does, use the magic word.
NO.

Do you have a "right" to be irritated...

Well... she called and asked, and you said yes. If you called and asked someone something and THEY said yes, and then were all ticked at you, wouldn't you feel like it was a whole "how am I supposed to read your mind?"

It's not too late (unless it's tonight) to call her back and say that you've been thinking about it, and while you said yes because you really want her there, everyone has babysitting because it's an adult only part and it really needs to be a no kids affair.

Now... if it's very soon (like tomorrow) the short notice WILL give her a right to be kind of ticked that you didn't tell her no right then, and that's fair. Having to scramble or back out.

Our friends and fam get together at least 1-4 times a month. Alcohol, games, rowdiness. The kids are ALWAYS welcome. We have a separate meal set up for them, games and movies, even sleeping bags and bathtimes for late night parties so the kids get a "piquito sleepover" (aka they go home after falling asleep). While we are all responsible for our own kiddos, we also all keep an eye on other people's as well. When OUTSIDE of that circle of friends I always call/ ask the parents if kids are welcome. Because it's about 50/50. 50% host at home specifically so that the kids can come / no one needs babysitting - the night is a night OUT if it's adults only... and 50% are horrified at the idea.

What is *obvious* changes quite a bit in different groups.

I agree--you should have said "no" which is sometimes easy to say and hard to do....

You make other arrangements for your kids, but tell your cousin she could
bring hers. I will tell you if I were going to a "girls night out" I would not
be happy if kids were there. I can't imagine anyone else would be happy
to have them around. I would definitely let her know that you have had a
change of heart and since it is adults only, you would be uncomfortable
having them there.

Well you told her it was ok to bring the kids so you can't get mad at her. Next time be clear about the no kids rule and stick with it.

I think you should have just been honest when she called and said sorry it is not a kid friendly party. If you presented you reasons to her like you did to us that there is going to be alcohol, it may be inappropriate, and also uncomfortable for the other guests to have children present she would have understood. Since you said yes I think you have to live with it. Learning to say no is difficult but if you say it with good reason and are not nasty it is necessary in these situations. I think you are more angry at yourself for not standing your ground. Lesson learned for next time.

I know I'm coming to this question fairly late. I guess my take is not to be irritated with someone for asking. If a friend showed up with kids without asking, then you should be irritated. But if someone asks, she is looking for your guidance, and that's when you need to tell her if you don't want kids there (as you now realize). But, do tell the person nicely; she might not have found it as obvious as you thought that this was adults only.

Where are your children going? Is it possible for her children to go too?

Of course it is reasonable to be upset because it is an adult party. People get silly when they are drunk and kids shouldn't be in that environment. I agree that you should set up dvd, snacks in the playroom and she can check on them with help from you maybe :) Just for the safety of the kids around alcohol... I'd feel sad if someone said I couldn't come because I couldn't find a babysitter or something. I wouldn't take my daughter to an alcohol party but from her pov she could feel like you have kids yet you don't understand kind of thing. I don't know her so I can't tell, that's just how I would feel. Some of my friends invite me on their boat but seem less thrilled that I am excited and want to bring my daughter (I'm a beach bum in Utah with no beach -ahhh) so I get upset like they don't understand. Obviously you have kids but she might feel left out. Very on the fence though, because I don't know her or how she is. I would've been peeved about her not responding to the kids christmas party too

I agree - just tell her it's an adults only evening. If she still wants to see you set a time for kids and you guys to get together. I would be irritated if I were making arrangements for a adult night (few and far between in my world....) and someone did this. She should understand.

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You need to contact that cousin and explain that you don't MIND if she brings her children but it really is an ADULT party...adult drinks, adult conversation, adult interaction, relaxation/unsensored time and not really appropriate for the preschoolers. Tell her you are concerned about anyones children being there. Since you did say yes, you shoudl let her bring them if it is the only way she can attend but is this a single cousin who may have to miss if she can't bring the kids? Can another family watch them for her?