Am I Being Selfish, or Do I Need to Rethink Things...

Hi V.,
I have a lot of great ideas and would like to talk to you.
call me K. Chauvin ###-###-####

I am 36 and my hubby is 50! He has a 22yr old son from a previous marriage and together we have 3yr old twin boys and an 11mth old baby girl! I say go for it and cherish every second!

The one question you need to ask yourself is: What is in the best interest of the child?

You sound like a loving and qualified individual-- this could be a true blessing from God. My advice is t pray and think about it long and hard. It sounds like as wonderful opportunity though, and I'm sure you've got a lot of love to offer!

V.,

It is natural to want to have kids, so you are not being selfish. I can not have kids either and went through a phase when my husband and I considered adopting (I am 48 years old now). My advise based on the information you shared,however, is to not take the baby. A baby is a lifetime commitment and a lot of responsibility. Even though family and friends say they will help, it is you and your boyfriend that will be the ones dealing with the day to day responsibility of raising a child. Since your boyfriend is not wanting this you may end up not having him for support or even in the picture at all. The other thing to consider is the cost in raising a child. It does not sound like you and your boyfriend can afford it. I feel for you and can understand your desire to take the child. I wish you the best in what ever decision you make.

I really feel for you. It seems like you have a lot of love to share with a little one. My question to you is...Would living with you be the best thing for the baby? If you can truly say yes, then I would consider it. However, if your health and money are limited, the baby might be better off with someone else. If your boyfriend is not supportive of the idea, you may be choosing the baby but losing him. Babies take lots of energy (and money). I would definitely resolve the issue with your boyfriend first if you expect him to stay around. My husband and I considered taking his sister's baby, but he decided he just couldn't to go family functions if his sister would be there. It would be too uncomfortable for him...so we nixed the idea. Good luck and God bless!

Dear Vicki,
I am an adoptive mom of three beautiful children. Being a parent is a lot of work, and keeps you quite busy, but it's soooooooooo worth it. I can honestly say that no, I didn't carry my children in my belly, but I carry them in my heart each and everyday. I think if you are ready you need to sit down and really consider if it is possible for you. Remember, can you do it alone if you have to, without your boyfriend. If so, I say go for it. Trust me, you will never be ready financially, no one is. But you always find a way. It just means sometimes a lot less wants, and focus more on the needs. In another words, not as many shopping sprees, etc.

A child's love is remarkable. And it's seems like you are being chosen, which is a gift in itself. Good luck.

Sincerely,
A.

I say go for it! Your bf will either come around or get lost, since he hasn't committed to you yet. But if you are ready to commit to this baby, it sounds like you should!

My advice is that of your family...you have a support group behind you to help...take the baby.

If your boyfriend really loves you he will support your decision...if he doesn't, kick him to the curb. Men are easily obtained..babies aren't.

I was 37 when I had my son...unmarried and had tried for years to get married with my ex and never used birth control for that reason - I never slept with anyone I didn't know well ..I will never regret having my son and, luckily, I had a wonderful man that fell in love with my son and THEN in love with me. There ARE good men out there that love kids and would love to be a dad.

Go for it girl...you deserve it.

You can give the child a stable, loving home AND keep him/her in the biological family - sounds like a winning situation. As someone who works in the adoption field, I've seen family adoptions work out very well. Just be clear up front about your expectations (how often will she see the child, etc..) and make it legal - get a social worker and attorney involved from the beginning. Read up on open adoption - it can be a winning situation for everyone involved. Godd Luck.

V.,

I say if you feel you are meant to take this child then I would say go for it. If your health problems are under contral I don't see a problem with taking in a child. If it is in your heart to take the child talk to your boyfriend and explain to him that you feel in your heart you are meant to have this child. Just FOLLOW YOUR HEART!

In my opinion, I think you should take the baby. Just make sure that your boyfriend is up to all the responsibilities a little one brings. Children can break your relationship (as in my 1st husband who decided he didnt want kids after we had 2) or it can make your relationship stronger. My husband now adores my 1st 2 children like they were his own. We had a baby together and he adores her too. People with disabliities still make wonderful parents. They just need some help sometimes. If you both work together, anything is possible. However, if your boyfriend is hesitant, you might rethink taking the little one. Maybe he is not ready for a child... Another thing to look at is if you take this baby, it can still be in touch with it's biological Mom instead of going on an expedition later to find her. The baby of course doesn't need to know until it is much later if you decide to tell it at all. Hope this helps.

A little about me: Stay at home Mom of 3, ages 9 yrs, 8yrs, and 22 months. I am married to my high school sweetheart and the love of my life.

I guess I would make sure that your boyfriend isn't just saying that you shouldn't take the baby cause he is to old and you are disabled maybe he doesn't really want kids of his own you can love kids but not want your own and if he changes his mind about it does the mother of the child mean for you to adopt the child or what??? it really up to both of you unless you can take care of the baby on your own good luck and no I don't think you are being selfish allmost every woman wants to be a mother

i would go for it!!!! i would have given anything if someone would have said here take my baby. i didnt think i would ever have one. and i know the hurt that comes with not having one. and if you want this baby then i would do it. just because you have health probs doesnt mean you cant take care of a child and it sounds like you have them under control and you have people there for you that are welling to help, then just go for it. i finally had a child and she is my life. just make sure everthing is on paper, so NO ONE can come back later and take him/her back. good luck.

I would say pray about it and if God is leading you to take care of this child then you will be able to provide for the baby. It sounds like your family is willing to help and give you all the support you need. I would say take the leap of faith and God will work everything out in the end.

My husband was given up for adoption. He at the time of adoption was the youngest of SIX. I can tell you that the fact that he is adopted doesnt bother him at all. He loves his mom and dad(adoptive) very much. In fact he is the biggest mammas boy Ive ever met. Whether your adopting or giving birth its always an overwhelming experience. If you have helped raise other children then you know what your getting into. I was told I couldnt have children and the lord gave me two miricles. I know what it feels like to know in your heart that you were born to be a mother but also know you never will be. What your feeling is not selfish. Giving your life to this baby is the most unselfish thing that you can do. Listen to your heart and let god lead you.

-I am an adoptive mom and now have a son that is 25 years old. There is nothing greater than giving a child a home. I have finally met most of his biological family and really have grown close to his aunt. Matt and I are very bonded and he well assured me that nothing will ever come between me and his other family. I do know that. As far as your illnesses go, if you feel that all you health problems are under control and you can handle it, why not? As far as not being married, that happens everday. You probably have a very great guy if he loves children. My son now has a step-father and loves him like he is his dad. They communicate quite often. I had a son and I adopted a son and will tell you that I feel no different about Matt than the other son. Give yourself some happiness and be a Mom. Just look for all the responsibilites that come with it. It's a BIG job and very demanding but also very rewarding. Goodluck, P.

Pray about it and make sure it does not end what seems to be a good relationship with you and your boyfriend. You both need to discuss the ends and outs if you get to the place that you cannot take care of the child. There is always an answer in God.

V.,

My husband was 49 when God gave us the chance to adopt a new baby. I wanted the baby but my husband kept saying we were too old. I persisted. Emerson was born on a Friday and my husband did not come to the hospital, he kept telling everyone this is her deal not mine. He finally showed up late on Saturday and fell in love on sight. Emerson is now 18 months old and is Daddy's boy (accoring to Daddy). If I had listened to his grumbling about being too old and sick we would have missed the most wonderful joy of our life.

Whenever someone says, Hey James you didn't want him this was J.'s baby he gets red in the face and tells them how wonderful it was to adopt him and how much enjoyment and love he feels for him. He helps with Emerson like he never helped with the girls. He took three weeks vacation to stay home with him and gets up at night, changes diapers, baths him and spoils him rotten.

If we had the chance to adopt again even at 47 and 50 we would. Emerson has brought more joy to the people around him and everyday someone we know tells us what a blessing he has been in their lives also. He has helped a father who lost his son, given his uncle a reason to live after being paralyzed in an accident and even helped another couple decide that adopting was a great option since they cannot have children but they were afraid.

Good luck and if God has opened this door for you this take this chance, you will not regret it.

J.

Generally it is best for a child to come into the home of a committed (MARRIED) couple although a single parent is better than no parent. I'm not really concerned with the world and people having children out of wedlock and celebs making it fashionable. Loving children means wanting the best for them and ultimately that means two parents whether that means you and your spouse or some other committed couple. I'm a teacher and a parent so I see the results on the other end. Everyone talks about how it CAN be done but no one wants to talk about the ultimate effects on the kids.

The fact that you want children and your boyfriend does not is something very important to consider for choosing a mate. If you feel and God has confirmed that you are to have a child via adoption then he may not be the guy.

Many people with disabilities raise children successfully. Heck, I've worked with blind and visually impaired children for years and some of my former students are raising their own families! I'm concerned that you look at diabetes and psoraisis as disabling conditions rather than just part of your life. You need to think of yourself as "abled" with minor inconveniences.

In-Family adoptions are hard because sometimes. So you will need to weigh the dynamics of that realtionship. I almost did that, then there were horror stories of "helpful" family memeber who wanted to choose the time to tell the child who was who or the parents who had the right to visit because--and on and on.

At any rate, no matter how God brings a child to you, weigh all these things as bringing up a child from "babyhood" to beyond is the most important, difficult, selfless, dedicated, rewarding job you will ever have in your life.

I would "go for it! But, I would make everything legal. Cross every T and dot every I. You would not want to get attached to the child and then have the birth mother (family member) take your child away. Good luck.

V.,

I say go for it!! You may never get this chance again. Being a mother is a wonderful gift and I think you would love it. Everything else will work out..Have Faith. I agree with the others..make it legal if you do decide to go through with this. God Bless and Good Luck!!

Sweetie pie, nobody is ever really totally prepared to be a parent. Therefore do not worry about what you may lack. Second, why is he still your boyfriend after 6 years? He has commitment issues, thats why he doesn't want the child. My thoughts are thus. If he is adament about not wanting the baby, perhaps its time to part ways. He's being selfish in not allowing you the priviledge of raising a child of your own, you are only 37 for gosh sakes, life is not over! I have a girl friend who had her last one at 42, she didn't start until she was 30!

There are family, friends, and social services who will help you get a parenting class, a new baby class, thrift stores for clothes, toys, and furniture. And frankly even if you have to apply for food stamps and welfare, that baby will probably have a better life than what it will have if you don't take it. In Oklahoma there are 1700 children in foster care or 'the system' waiting for foster care or adoption. Most of them wont get a family. Non fostered children go through life feeling nobody wants them.

If God has given desire of your heart and then gives you the object of that desire and it sounds like on a platter, what will you miss out on if you refuse the gift?

Diabetic psoriatic people raise kids every day.

Good luck to you, and God bless you whatever your decision.
R.

You are not being selfish at all. You are looking at an opportunity to be a mother when you haven't experienced that yet. If I was in your shoes, I would take the baby. I agree with one of the other posters too when it comes to your bf. Life normally presents us with another chance at love, but may not present us with another chance at motherhood. I'm a single parent and know first hand how difficult it is to raise a child alone, but I wouldn't trade a smile, hug, kiss, laugh, or tear for anything else in this world. My daughter completed my life in some many ways that I don't feel like I'm lacking anything in not having a spouse. Trust your heart and you will know what to do.

Good luck!

It depends. What will happen to the baby if you don't him (or her)? Will he be adopted by a young, healthy couple who are married? Will it wind up in foster care or be added to your relative's dysfunctional family? If you can provide a better home than the baby would have otherwise, it's not selfish!! A friend of mine is 60, has an enlarged heart, diabetes, fibromyalgia, and just about everything else you can name. She and her diabetic husband are adopting a blind, severely handicapped child and foster two others. You can certainly do it if they can! Sounds to me like you have lots of love to give and a good support group. The boyfriend is the issue. He isn't supportive and, after six years, doesn't look like he wants to marry you. Are you sure you would rather have him than the baby? When you are a mother you have moral issues to consider. You have to model the type of morals you want your child to have. Living with a guy you are not married to is going to be a problem before you know it. Think about it -- and I'm praying you make the right decision!
S. B

i think that you should talk to your boyfriend about all the things that would be great about being a parent. i have four kids, we decided to stop for financial reasons but if that weren't an issue i'd have a few more. being a mom is hard but it is wonderful at the same time. just watching the silly little things that my kids do is so entertaining and heart warming. especially my youngest, he is a mamma's boy, he is 9 months old and he lights up everytime he sees me. my twin boys are all about daddy and love to wrestle, (they are three, but they are big for three) so they really enjoy when daddy gets home. My oldest, she is a tom boy and not all at the same time, she loves dress up and new clothes, but also hunting for worms and such. our kids are the best things about us.
this little baby would think the world of you two. and if you have the illneses undercontrol i wouldn't worry about it. my sister has juvinille diabetes and has had a baby and is pregnant with her second. she isn't going to have any more but even if you have an illness you can still be a parent. obviously, your family member thinks that you can give this baby a better life, i think that if want it go for it. this may be your only chance. i can't help but think about the movie juno in this situation. good luck!!! let us know!

it sounds like you really want the baby! If you think you can give it all the love and safety it needs and know how hard it is to care for a baby all day, all night, no breaks and are ready for that, than i'd probably say yes. but it does seem a little sad for the baby that it will always wonder why its birth mom kept #1 and #2 but not #3 where if another person, not in the family adopted it, it might be easier on him/her. If you know you want one, and wouldn't be able to have one or afford to adopt one and you feel this is your chance, then I would just pray...ask God to guide you in this decision and see what he wants for you. I would probably talk to the birthmom about maybe telling the baby he grew in her tummy, but in your heart, and maybe being open about it. My husband was adopted, (not the same sort of situation) but they always told him from the beginning that they adopted him, and he feels and knows it was for him to have a better life, which he had wonderful parents and doesn't even want to know or find his birth family. If you guys see eachother a lot, I might just explain the situation one day, I don't know. Good luck with your decision!

I don't think that you are being selfish as much as I think you are desperate for a child of your own. Children are wonderful to have, and I am so sorry that you are unable to have one of your own.

However, you said you don't have a lot of money. This is one point that sticks in mind my the most, aside from the age of your boyfriend and your own medical problems.

If you adopt this child, you are going to need money. You will need a lawyer to handle the paperwork of this private adoption, and even with that all done properly, there is nothing preventing the woman from 'changing her mind' some months down the road, and wanting her child back. A lot of judges will give her the child back. This happens all of the time, and it is heartbreaking and very financially draining if you try to fight her in court.

Her situation at this time might seem desperate to her, but once she has the child and thinks about it, she may realize that having three children isn't really that much more difficult than having two, and she may miss him/her and decide she wants to keep the baby. If this happens, you will be financially and emotionally devastated, and that is the problem with private adoptions like this.

Also, I don't believe you mentioned the father of this baby. Where is he in all of this? If he doesn't sign the adoption papers or give up all of his parental rights, he will always have the option of fighting to keep his child. The child might be 7 years old by the time he finds out he has a child, and the courts will generally side with the parent who never knew he had a child rather than one who raised the child. It's sad, but true.

I would say that if you are serious about adopting this baby, gather all of your financial resources and be prepared for the fight if it should happen. First thing you would need to do is to hire a lawyer. Family help is great for babysitting the child, but ask them if they can help financially, and most of them will probably run the other way. Just being realistic here.

I am sorry for all of your problems. Honestly, I am. I am not sure that you are looking at the bigger picture, though. It sounds to me as though your boyfriend really does not want this child, and if you force it on him, he might decide he really doesn't want to stay, or he may grow to resent this child as a financial burden on top of the fact that having a child will change his life in other, more personal ways.

Please reconsider this. Think calmly and rationally, and make a list of all of the things, both positive and negative, that can result in taking on this child. In the end, will it be something you can live with?

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Just make sure you take your boyfriend seriously into consideration. It is not fair to him or the baby to foist something on him that he truly doesn't feel he can handle.

Wow, sounds like you're heart's in the right place, and no you're not being selfish. Your only hurdle is your boyfriend at this point. You 2 really need a heart-2-heart. Let him know how serious you are. And draw out a financial plan for your future that includes baby, teen, college, etc. and make sure you factor in the unthinkable (ex. a life insurance policy will help take care of baby in case something should happen to you or your partner). Young babies are a LOT of work. Are you up to losing several nights' sleep? Diaper duty? The cost of diapers? There are several options available to you for slightly used clothing and furniture tho, so that can help offset the cost in the beginning. Good luck :}

I don't think you are being selfish at all. The young girl who came to you obviously trusts you very much, and feels you are the best choice to raise her child. God is giving you a gift and will not put more on you than you can handle. You may not be a biological mother but you will be an even more special type of mom, because this is a choice you are making to be a mom, so I feel you shouldn't pass up this great opportunity.

V.,

All I can say is make sure everything is legal. What the mom thinks is a good solution right now may not be what she thinks in a year. And then, some day she may get herself straightened out and want the child back. In other words, cover your tail.

It isn't selfish to want to help someone else or to help a child. Please don't think you are selfish! It is wonderful that you want to help give this baby a better life. It sounds like your boyfriend might be selfish though. It also sounds like if you decide to adopt this baby, you will be a single mom. I suggest "borrowing" the 6 month old for a week and getting a taste of what its like. Parenting is lovely and rewarding but the hardest thing I've ever done and you just can't tell how much work it takes until you've done it. Also, you have to plan on doing this on your own, without the help of friends and family. They can't be there for 2 am feedings. When they do get to help, that is just a bonus. There is also the chance that the mother will change her mind after she carries and delivers the baby so please prepare your heart for that possibility. As far as finances, babies are expensive but you can be smart about it. They don't need fancy nurseries to sleep or designer clothes. Shop garage sales and thrift shops for safe, lightly used items. Check into your local WIC program. Set up a budget and add in the costs of formula, diapers, baby food and clothes. Pray about it and you will find the right answer. Good luck!

Go with your heart. You are being sent a message are you going to listen? If you wait until you are "ready" for a child you will never have one. You can make it if you have faith and beleive in yourself. This child needs you. And luckly you have people that are willing to help. The road of life sometimes is not easy but the experiences that we have along the way both good and bad are what make it interesting. It will not be easy but just have faith. Think of the life that you will be able to influence and be able to teach so that one day that child can grow up and be a good person. I have two children of my own and although it is hard sometimes I would not change a minute. Good luck to you. If you believe you can, you will suceed. Hope it works out for you . Blessed be J.

In your "about me" section you say that you have always wanted to be a mom, but guess it wasn't meant to be.

Have you heard of the story where a preacher is helping ppl in a flood and 3 boats come by to help him- he refused them all, saying his God would save him. Then, after he dies in the flood, he gets to the pearly gates and says "Father, why did you not save me?" and God replies "Save you? I sent three boats!"

This may be YOUR third boat. Follow your heart. Boyfriends come and go, but children are forever.

Hi V..

If you are just "managing to make ends meet", then you cannot afford to take on a baby. Children are VERY EXPENSIVE!! Also, are you physically up to the task of raising a child? It is very demanding, physically and emotionally.

By the way, tell your 19 year old family member to use birth control! Obviosly, no one told her! She is way to young to have that many kids. Too many kids are having kids, but that is another story!

Offer to take her 6 month old for a week, and give it a test run! That should dampen your spirits! :)

But seriously, you better be VERY sure it is what you BOTH really want, not just you. If you do decide to accept the new baby, get a lawyer to make it official, so the birth mother gives up all legal rights to the baby. Otherwise she(or the real father) could snatch the baby away from you later on, and you would have no say in the matter.

Good luck, dear.

A.

If one person in a couple wants to be a parent, and the other doesn't, then the one who doesn't trumps. It isn't fair to him or to the baby to push him into being a parent against his will. He will resent you and the baby for it, and with all your health issues, I wouldn't advise trying to solo parent. It's hard enough to be a single parent when you're healthy.

V.,
You definitely want to give the matter a lot of thought, and it seems that you are doing exactly that. I think what Alicia says is VERY good advice--to take the youngest baby for a week or so and try to take care of it completely on your own without help from anyone first. That would give you a rough idea of what you could handle with a baby, though you must also realize how very expensive children can be. It would be ludicrous for a person in your situation to take on such a huge responsibility without having at least given it some sort of "trial run" since you are so unsure if it is something you can handle. It would only make sense to do so.
Ultimately, you have to decide what is best for you and the child outside of what your boyfriend thinks. Ultimately, even in a marriage situation, a woman should never decide to have children that she doesn't feel she could properly take care of by herself. Whether your man is in the picture or not should have little to do with your decision. He could have a change of heart, or he could leave with the stress of a new child at his age. You cannot predict what he'll do. This is up to you, and this child would be completely your responsbility. You would need to make it legal and decide how things would be handled within the family. It could be more difficult with the child being adopted out of the same family since there would always be contact, which could be a good or bad thing. One thing I would strongly advise is telling the child the truth from as early as they can understand. I find the worst thing you can do is lie to a child about his biological heritage, even if you think you're doing the best thing. I seriously question how the mother of this child is really going to feel about giving away her 3rd child after the fact, especially when it's so close to her. I wonder how the child's siblings will feel about the mother "giving away" their brother or sister? I have heard that sibling children often view such a situation in this way. And for the child itself, will he/she wonder why the mother kept them but not him/her? I know all of this can be explained as best as possible to the child, just as it would be in another type of adoption situation, but these are things to consider. How do other family members feel about it? Is it going to cause a big upset within the entire family for those opposed and those agreeing with the situation? I understsand that the idea of keeping the child within the family seems like a great idea to many, but you also have to keep in mind that having an adoption stay so close to home--and within the same family at that--might be more stressful than anyone thinks possible right now. It could also be the best thing for this child, just depending on how it works out. What if the birth mother changes her mind after giving you the child, and it splits the family over who sides with whom? There is almost no way to know for sure how that mother is going to feel once the baby is actually here. That is one reason lots of adoptions begin but never finalize. People often don't truly know how they will feel until the child is actually here. That is human nature, but it can break hearts on either side of such situations. This could be a God-given opportunity for you to finally become a mother and realize a dream, but just make sure it is something you really and truly want in all ways 100% and that you aren't going into it just because the offer is on the table, and you have thought in the past that it's something you want. Make sure this is what you want NOW and that you can truly handle all aspects of this situation legally, financially, mentally, physically, etc. If the mother really wants to give the baby up for adoption, and you decide against taking the child yourself, there are thousands of loving couples out there who would gladly take the child and give it a good home if it isn't something you take on personally. Don't feel pressured in any way just because they want you to take the baby. Consider it a compliment the mother thinks that highly of you to want you to raise her child, but don't feel obligated to bite off more than you can chew, either. There are lots of options out there. Look into it long and hard and speak with people who have been there themselves. The internet is a great tool for connecting with others who could give you excellent advice!

You should definately think through this decision long and hard since your boyfriend doesnt sound like he wants to help raise the baby, you would likely end up raising the baby like a single mom and depending on his temperment he might not stay around since the whole dynamics of your relationship will change or he could get angry about the baby being there and take it out on you or the baby.You also need to decide if the baby is not healthy or has something wrong with it(special needs)if you would then want to take care of it because there is always that risk and complications of delivery that no one can forsee.If you decide to have what sounds like an open type of adoption you will need to make specific written plans so it will go smoother. Good Luck!!!!

Vicki,
I think if your heart tells you to take the baby, you should. All a baby really needs is a loving home...everything else comes to play. It sounds to me t hat altough you can't give this baby every tangible thing he or she will want, you would be able to provide a loving home, thus impact this child greatly. I hope you do take this child..he or she will bless you and you will be a great blessing to him or her.

You are not being selfish in wanting the baby. If the girl is seriously wanting to adopt the baby out, then why not let it be you! BUT, I have to tell you that I was adopted, and it's not all wonderful for the adoptee. He/she will always wonder about the birth mother especially. I suggest an open adoption, where you send pictures to the b-mom over the years. I would also tell the baby when he/she gets to be around 2. Tell all the circumstances of the adoption. It is better for him/her to know than to always wonder. You can even go as far as letting them see each other occasionally. I don't see what it would hurt. You have to be confident that your child loves you as their mom to do this. I had many emotional problems due to being adopted. I didn't bond with my a-mom at all. But, I know many adoptees who did bond and everything was fine. I met my b-mom when I was 30, and we became best friends. I also suggest counseling for you and your boyfriend if you decide to do this. Just think of what is best for the baby. If the mom cannot afford to take care of it, that is a good reason, but the child will always feel rejected and have to deal with those feelings. I wish you the best of luck and will pray for you.

Dear V.:

You were already blessed with the experiences of different women that wished you the best! Here my thoughts because I, too, wish you the best!

Adoption is a long term commitment and at times can bring difficult issues such as adjustment, b-parent/child issues, emotional issues once the child starts building his/her own unique personality but on the other hand it is one of the best opportunities to share God's love with a child that otherwise might not grow in a healthy home. The fact that the offer comes from a relative can bring other issues workable with an open adoption (someone else already shared related this option).
On the other hand I agree with other ladies related your boyfriend not being supportive. I had a boyfriend of 4 years and had to end the relationship because we were not in common agreement related our expectations or me wanting to have a long term commitment.
I am 45, my husband is 55. We were touched by God. I had 2 teen daughters when we got married and my husband couldn't have children but now I have 2 pre-schoolers and I'm expecting. See, my husband is older than your boyfriend and enjoying being a dad!
whether you adopt this baby or not if you really want to share all that love with a child and adopt another child in the future, the person next to you should value that dream and support you!
Don't give up things that really matter to you because of others, a man or any other person. May God guide your life and show you the right path!
hugs, R.