Am I Being Petty? 14Month Old Son Not Invited to Uncle's Wedding

If there were lots of kids - none invited - I would say suck it up and you are being petty,
;-)
But since you are coming a long way he must expect you to bring your two children.
As your husband is the best man he must expect him to bring his wife and family.
He needs to remember your two children.
As you are part of the wedding with your oldest and your youngest is only 14 months he must expect you to bring him too - so you will have two children.

He is being unreasonable. He must expect you to bring your two children.
No question!
It may be an inconvenience to him, but tell him, sweetly, that this is a family celebration and you don't plan to stay home with the baby or split up the family in any way.
Offer to sit at the back during the ceremony or near a door and to take the baby out right away if he becomes fussy or noisy.
Good Luck!

I think your concerns and feelings are completely valid. I think the fiance doesn't see it b/c she doesn't have kids and doesn't realize the logistical challenges of kids and doesn't appreciate the concept of having the family together. I think you should try to get them to see your point of view but it has to come from your husband. It's tricky. You have to make sure you are being respectful of their wishes. Try this: Make it known that you don't feel comfortable leaving your son (otherwise, you guys can only go for a very short time) and want to bring him (so you can spend more time with the family) but am trying to arrange childcare for him during times when he's "not invited" (because you don't want to impose). Talk to those involved with the planning and the word will eventually get around to the ones making the decision on invitations. Make it known that you might even fly a sitter with you. If they see you going through all this trouble, they may concede. And you could also mention how this is a rare opportunity for other relatives to meet your son which is another reason why you want to bring him. Who would want to be in the way of that? But it's important that your husband or others on his side of the family do much of the talking.

Well, if your husband doesn't want to make waves, jump in and make them yourself!! I would call the brother and ask him what he expects you to do. Maybe its just at the wedding he doesn't want him at and you can get a sitter for the ceremony itself. Since the 19 month old will be at the wedding maybe talk to his mom and see if she has a good sitter you could use for the wedding. I do know a lot of people who don't want kids at the wedding, but you need to be supplied with a way to handle it. My sister hired a few sitters for her wedding, so all of the kids could stay in the same area, then come out for the rehersal. Give the Bro in law this idea, he's just not be thinking that clearly, he has a lot on his plate.

Hi D.,

I know exactly how you're feeling...from both perspectives. When I got married 5 years ago we asked that people not bring their children as well. However, those who had children (or siblings of children) in the wedding were okay to come. I know a lot of people think this is mean, but for us, it was out of concern about keeping the cost of the wedding down since we were paying for all the food, etc.

Anyway, on the other hand, one of my long time friends has just asked me to be in her wedding out of state and she doesn't want my children (3 and 11 mos) there either. My husband won't be able to attend the wedding because he will have just started a new job by then and won't be able to take time off or be available to keep the kids. I have decided that it's my friend's wedding day and I'm not going to ruin it or make it worse by adding to her stress my gripes about what I think is unfair. However, if I am unable to get a family member to travel with me who can keep them while I'm at the wedding, I won't be going. I know your situation is a little different since this is family and not a friend, which means you may have the option I have to have a family member keep the kids instead of a "sitter." Maybe you could get one of the responsible teenagers in the family that aren't invited (if there are any) to keep the kids for that short period of time? Just a thought. I hope it all works out for you.

I don't think you are being petty, in fact I think that your husband's brother and his fiance didn't think this through very carefully. Surely they realize that they are putting you on the spot? If not, your husband should talk to them about it. He doesn't have to "make waves" but he should very politely tell them that their decision was not well thought out. If they are not going to allow children at the wedding, and they are expecting travel for guests, they should have planned to have a nursery for the children at the hotel (or whatever) with the wedding party. First, does this fiance have any nieces, nephews, or children? Obviously if she did her own family would have told her this request was unreasonable. Secondly, does this brother only have 3 nephews or nieces and he is excluding ONE of them and so your son is the only child not invited? A little rude of uncle jerk perhaps?
Sorry, not very helpful. I simply cannot believe that other members of the family have not been insulted by this decision. I would suggest that if they are unwilling to change the rules, or unwilling to have a nursery for the children (in the same location would offer you some freedom while still feeling that your child is secure), that you simply have your husband tell them that you won't be able to attend the wedding. Send your apologies (you could go with your whole family on the trip and just have a little vacation for you, but you and your son can stay at the hotel or go do something fun during the wedding) and your husband and step son can still go. In my opinion, it was unfair of the couple to put you in this position at all, but perhaps that can be solved by simply offering alternatives that will please everyone.

When my husband and I got married we chose not to have children at our wedding - but we also didn't have any children IN the wedding either. We had some out of town family coming with their children, but we made arrangements for a reputable sitter to watch the children and paid for it so that it didn't inconvenience our visiting family. We let them know this up front when we sent the invitations so that it didn't cause them any stress over what to do with their children. Also, we arranged for some time for them to all get familiar and comfortable with the sitter before the parents had to leave to attend the wedding. It worked out perfectly and they were very pleased with how the sitter worked out! I can understand your frustration with the fact that they are picking and chosing the children that can be present! Perhaps your husband can suggest they find a good reputable sitter in the local area if they insist that your son can't attend the wedding? I'm sorry to hear that you've been put in such a difficult spot!

You aren't being petty if the issue is that you don't want to leave your son. If, however, the problem is that your son isn't invited while two other children are, then perhaps. I think you should talk to your BIL and/or his fiancee and just let them know what a bind this is putting you in. Leave out any issues about how "unfair" it is that the two other nephews are in the wedding and just keep it strictly about your concerns about who will be watching your child. Maybe as a compromise, offer to keep the baby away from the ceremony (where a crying child would be the biggest distraction) and ask if he can at least come to the reception? Good luck. This is a tough one!

I would not call it petty! I would call it being a concerned mom! What do they expect you to do with your son while you and your husband are at the wedding??? I personally think kids at a wedding are wonderful! they always do something hysterical and it gets to be apart of the wedding stories and memories, i had about 10 kids under 10 at mine and while all the adults were eating i had provided coloring supplies and all the kids where strewn on the dance floor coloring pictures for their parents and my new husband and i, a memory i will cherish! if your sil to be doesn't want kids there and there are families coming from out of state she should help set up a babysitter, someone she knows and trusts and can vouch for. ask her or the bil for help on this issue, ask them if they can help find a reliable babysitter for you since they are not allowing your son to come. i bet they won't want to go thru the hassle of trying to find someone and will break down and say he can come. the last thing a bride wants before a wedding is another task added to her long list. she may get bitchy about it but that is her issue, she is the one being inconsiderate in the first place.

I would talk to your broter in law, I was in the same situation . My husband's only niece is getting married and she requested no childrent well I cant leave my 4 yr old and my 11 month old home . I told my husband that he could go alone and I will stay. I talked to the bride and told her that only her uncle would be going and she had already had added the kids to her list bcz they are her only cousins and bcz we are super close family , she just put that for her friends and not so close relatives. I would just ask it dosent hurt !

I don't think you are being petty. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but I see no reason why your husband wouldn't be willing to talk to his brother since both the kids are his and one isn't any more important than the other. If it's not a kid friendly reception then no kids should be there, even if they are part of the wedding party. If one kid is welcome all kids should be welcome as long as the parents take care of them. I think it's wrong to allow only the invited children and that ends up sending a message that it's okay to discriminate. I realize your son is on 14 months but how many children that are older are being left out? Weddings should be about family and friends and if you can't stand all the kids you should elope. Wish you the best.

I don't think you're being petty. I think that if the rule is "no children" then the rule should be "NO CHILDREN."

I can understand wanting an adult-only wedding; asking a small child to sit still for any length of time isn't reasonable, and if you don't want the distraction then you don't. But if you already have children in the wedding party, then the distraction is there.

We asked for no children at our wedding. It was an evening wedding and I don't think it would have been appropriate. The only one who made a stink was my SIL (who got that side of the family to come at ME, even though DH was the one who didn't want it, but that's a whole 'nother Oprah...) But we didn't pick and choose which children were invited. AND I provided off-site childcare (and had space for SIL's son, if she'd only talked to ME rather than getting everyone else to talk/attack for her, but again I digress). But we were consistent -- no children.

The only thing you can do right now is ask. If they stand firm, then you need to accept it. Either find a sitter or stay home with your child. Good luck.

Your not being petty, it's their wedding though. Sometimes people frame of mind during their wedding planning isn't "clear". luckily it's an awkward situation that can be resolved. Similar to the other response, I probably wouldn't go and let the hubby go alone. Though, it doesn't hurt to have your hubby talk to his brother. Explain that mommy and baby may stay home due to the situation with babysitting etc. Hubby's brother may say it's okay to bring your baby or may say "Stay home". Whatever the decision is.... just know that the best part is.....you still get to be with your baby!