NOONE wants to babysit my great nephew....not either set of grandparents...mother and father live apart...they fight each other..."no I can't do it toinght"...or..."it's your turn...or mother says..."he's not like my other kids...she has 2 others from previous relationships. I blame everybit of it on my sister...his grandmother. My Lord...she is still following him around hand feeding him..he dominates the tv all day...the Wii....NetFlix...he spits at her...he screams at her.....Soooooooo!!!!..When she is upset with him...he laughs uncontrolably...he screams at her.....GIVE ME THE REMOTE......she ALWAYS gives into him to avoid the screaming and crying until he gets his way. Destructive....everything bad you can think of. She told me today she is about to throw the towel in...I told her....do yourself a favor....when he screams or demands...get down on your knees and tell him ...you are going into your room until you are quiet. If he tears the room up (as usural) tell him he has to stay on the bed or suffer the conquences(I say spanking). Is it too late to try and change him? I say yes...but I told her the thing to do with punishing is to Follow thru with what you say you're gonna do. He is a living mess....no one can call her on the phone...he won't have it...is super loud the whole time. She says he is munipulating her and she knows it....my sister has never been the stern or punishing one.
It sounds like he's the victim of lazy parenting. Poor thing, it's not his fault. He's been enabled & allowed to act like this. How dare she say she's going to "throw in the towel" - are you kidding me? In my opinion, it's her that made him this way & she needs to correct it.
If he's tearing up his room, you know what she should do? Take everything out, except for the mattress he sleeps on.
It is not too late to turn this things around. Having said that, if the person who is his primary caregiver is not on board, then it's going to be hard. It's a lot to ask your sister to take this on. It will require energy and staying power. Does she have it?
I think it can even change if he isn't with her all the time. She just has to get tough and mean it and once she lays down the law she needs to stick to it to the letter. My nephew was a holy freakin' terror. His mom wasn't way to strict on small silly things like his be being made and then not strict enough on the ones that really counted like obeying and telling the truth. His room can look like a bomb went off as long as he doesn't look at me and lie and then turn around and do whatever he pleases regardless of what I say.
When my nephew came to stay with me on the nights his mom worked we made it super simple and there was one rule. I was the boss. Whatever I said was the word for the day. To cross me was peril. So the only rule was: Do exactly what I say right when I say to do it. If he didn't, he hated life for a little while. By the end of two weeks when he walked into my house he was a different kid.
Each kid is different. If he really likes the tv and computer take them away. I mean completely unplug them from the wall. No matter what kind of fit he throws, SHE still has to be the one to hook everything back up, so the punishment lasts as long as he does.
Put it to your sister like this. If she is stern enough now, then she won't have to be later. Usually with kids, if you prove it consistently, eventually you don't have to prove it anymore. They know and they comply.
I don't think a 3.5 yr old is beyond repair, but his parents need to want to do it. It will be tough at first, but he's just getting away with what he's allowed to get away with.
I wouldn't make him stay for an undetermined amount of time. He's three - so set a timer for 3 minutes and sit him somewhere he can't play or watch TV or get into something. Then have him apologize and/or clean up. If he won't let her talk on the phone then she needs to tell him, "If you are not quiet, you will go to time out" and then if he is loud, excuse herself for a minute, put him there, and return to her call. Tell it to her this way - if he's out of hand, then she's doing him a FAVOR by loving him enough to teach him how to behave so other people will love him and accept him vs him being outcast. A few bad playdates and nobody will invite him over. She may even want to take a parenting class to help her deal with a willful child.
Bottom line is, someone's got to step up and be the PARENT this kid needs. If his own parents won't get over themselves enough to do it, maybe the grandma needs to. And maybe the first thing is to unplug the TV and put up the Wii and get him to do other things like go to the park and run off some of that energy.
It is not too late, he is only 3 1/2. She needs to be firm with him. It will take some time so she needs to be patient. If she says she is going to put him in his room then she needs to follow through with it. If he throws a tantrum then she needs to walk away. She has to change her ways first so he will change his.
He's only 3....of course it's not too late! If 3 were too late to break bad habits, I would be in horrible shape. We are always on here talking about how husbands, mothers, etc. need to change and then you ask if it's too late for a 3 year old to change! Of course not. And what does she mean, she's throwing in the towel. He's only three. The towel can't get thrown in. This child is going to have to live with someone! I don't understand - throw in the towel and let him get worse? What is that throw in the towel stuff. But like others have said, it is going to be hard work and it will get worse before it gets better. I agree with the spanking; if he's bold enough to yell at an adult and spit in an adult's face, he's definitely spanking material. Remind his mom and dad that he's pushing because he's trying to find his limits and apparently now he doesn't have any. All kids want limits and they want to count on their parents to set those limits. So, while grandma thinks she is making the child happy by following him around hand feeding him, all she is doing is feeding his insecurities and making him push harder to find that boundary. When she starts implementing boundaries and limits, he will push very hard against them to be sure they are solid. Once he realizes they're solid, things will get better.
Technically it's not too late for him, but it may be too late for her to learn how to be an effective disciplinarian. Especially since she missed the early window and he'd need much more firmness now than if she had started 2 years ago. Usually when people are averse to discipline to begin with, they don't come in guns blazing after things have gone awry. Plus, she's not his mom. His parents need to do an overhaul and she needs to also participate. The prospects aren't good. But in a perfect world, if she started being firm with him, yes she could turn it around...but people usually don't change their style. If you think she has it in her, encourage her. By 5 years old it's really too late to start to teach him.
She is not doing him any favors. It is not too late, but it will take a strength she may not have. She has to KNOW that loving him means making major changes and he will fight it.
Is he 3 and a half?
Give her this book, it will help greatly, it is not too late to work with him and turn things around at all! Chalk full of expert discipline advice, I have read it and it has helped a lot with my boys as well:
Dr. Sears Discipline Book:
http://www.drsearsfamilyessentials.com/books/the-discipli...
a lot of the advice is here online as well:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
ha. too late? not for the child. it's never too late to correct bad habits. but maybe for the adults. they would all have to be willing to put in a lot of WORK (which they obviously weren't willing to do from day #1) to fix these problems. much more than it would have taken if they'd started off disciplining this child and loving him enough to raise him with boundaries. does he do this with other people besides parents and grandma? i would love to see how he handled you at your house! he definitely needs a firm hand. for myself, i don't care how you act at other peoples' houses (if you are THEIR kid) but at my house you follow my rules. or you take my discipline. just like my son does.
but come on...he's only 3 1/2. NO of course it's not too late. i just feel like in these kinds of situations, it's the adults' laziness that got them there to begin with...so is a lazy person likely to all of a sudden be willing to put in the blood sweat and tears and WORK HARD for something, no matter how great the reward? sometimes. not usually. it's not an accident. they let this happen. how likely is it they will suddenly change?
If you want to change the child's behavior, then you have to start with the parenting. It's never too late. As another poster suggested, definitely pick up a copy of Parenting With Love and Logic or find classes in your area. You will be so glad you did.
Kevin Lehman's book "Have a New Kid by Friday". It gives practical advice for changing behavior. No it won't change overnight, but it takes time and consistency to change behavior. Them mom's behavior has to change first, though. Based on logical consequences and he states that his techniques will work with 3 year olds. An easy read, and lots of humor.
