Afraid Kids Aren't Very Good Looking?

I once worked with a kid (he was in his early 20's) and he was very handsome UNTIL he opened his mouth. He THEN became one of the UGLIEST people I've ever know.

My son goes to school with a little girl that looks just like her mom. Not very attractive BUT the sweetest people EVER. My son always hugs her when we leave the playground. Makes my eyes tear up every time. She's going to have a tough road ahead of her because kids are so cruel but I'm glad to know my son won't be apart of it.

I probably worry about it to a certain extent... but not really. I teach my kids to embrace their imperfections... My 7 year old daughter has adult teeth too big for her face right now (you know, that awkward, in between stage); she knows she looks goofy, so she flaunts it! Smiles huge to flash those babies every chance she gets. My 5 year old has a spider hemangioma on the side of her nose. She doesn't have freckles like her sister and I do, so (with a lot of support from me, because I think it's adorable), she proudly boasts now that we may have lots of little freckles, but she has one big one! She calls it her beauty mark ;) Hopefully my girls (and my son when he's old enough) will be able to embrace their less than finer points (the one's they don't grow out of) and feel comfortable in their bodies. Confidence is by far more attractive than fake beauty!!

EXCUSE ME... my 6 year old, not 5... today's her birthday, LOL! ;)

You are right, you never know what they are going to look like until they are done developing, especially boys!! Teen-age does a number on many of them, don't you think? Akward phase, the teen-age. I noticed, though, that, growing up, what matters more than looks is the way one moves, or talks, just carry themselves...that beats every other look-related pro. A charming person is very much so due to their overall persona, rather than looks. I am not going to say that a smashing smile or piercing blue eyes don't factor in on how people are perceived, but I still rather my child to be charming as beauty does fade, with time, while a spectacular personality only improves with age.

It's really about what our personality is like that makes us attractive. Seriously.

Self-Confidence looks the best on people. Instill that into your children and it's the best thing you can do.. I have known so many people in life who were not necessarily the most physically attractive .. but hey, they don't know it. their parents showed them love, affection and instilled confidence , therefore, if you were to shout out, hey ugly.. it wouldn't be those people who turned around but rather the ones lacking in self-confidence.. We teach children what we think beauty is or isn't.. initially, I do think kids come into this world with an open heart and self-acceptance.. therefore, just try and nurture that in them.. I will say this, since being in my 40s, my skin (to me) looks older but my little son sure doesn't think so .. he always tells me, Mamma you have such beautiful skin.. Hey, I don't try and change his mind either and not because I need the compliments but rather because I don't want to change HIS perception of what he thinks is beautiful... as a child, he comes from a pure and natural place... just focus on the positive and I am sure your kids will be just fine.. also, kids can teach US how to better embrace who WE are...

I seriously think everyone is beautiful in their own way. I dont worry about this for my children. But it is my job to make sure they are healthy and maintain a healthy weight. One less thing to get picked on for right? I personally think my kids are little heartbreakers, and I could careless what anyone else thinks.
Just because you think you are not attractive, obviously your husband thinks your gorgeous. We are our toughest critics. Hold your head high and teach them compassion and confidence. Thats better looking than anything.

I deal with these thoughts daily, but my circumstances are probably different than yours. My 8-year-old has gone through 11 rounds of reconstructive surgery and has a big scar line running around her eye and down the front of her face. (Not looking for any pity...what we have now is a definite improvement from what she got dealt with.)

I've always believed that the people who look the best are the ones who work with what they got and that's how I'll be playing the appearance game.

Ahh well, hum, this is hard. I was never popular, I was actually bullied but not because of my looks I was a nerd. Yeah not all of them wear glasses, talk funny, or any other stereotypes. So I taught my kids everything I wish I had known when I was their age.

I think that is the key for raising any kids, regardless of looks or anything else, critically looking at your childhood and figuring out where improvement could have been made.

I know that some of the most beautiful people I know are not conventionally beautiful. I know a lot more people that look like they came off the pages of Vogue who are ugly. What is on the inside makes a lot more difference than what is on the outside.

So to answer your question yes and no. No I did not worry about what my kids would look like when they grow up, we are not unattractive people. I worried about whether they would have the same issues I did growing up. It is natural to not want your kids to endure and pain or insecurities that we had when we were kids.

i think it's more about seeing the best in yourself. some children may not be super attractive (yes, they are out there), but they may have beautiful eyes, or hair, or skin, etc. as a mom i would point those things out. make them feel beautiful and special in general, of course. but especially point those things out that are unique and attactive about themselves. and of course, always tell them, "everyone is beautiful when they smile". which i firmly believe. people who smile a lot seem to have an easier time of life, imo.

At the risk of sounding shallow, here it goes... My aunt over the years has taken in many foster children of all ages. I always think that "her" kids could be on a before and after makeover show. It is amazing what longer hair on a little girl with cute bows and a cute outfit can do to her overall appearance. My aunt has also gotten the older kids braces and wow what a difference straight teeth make to a persons appearance. I also think a great personality or even just a smiling face can make a person appear very attractive. I see many people that are not classic beauties but having clothes that fit and are age appropriate, having hair and nails done and nice makeup if you are a woman goes a long way to improve one's appearance IMO:)

No, I can't say that I have worried about this...

i thought about my oldest son not having any eyebrows - he has them - but they are still tow-head blonde while the rest of his hair is darkening up...

what I worry about is if they'll fit in socially - my oldest still has "impulse control" issues...simply put - he's not that mature - but he's 11 - so I will continue to help him grow.....as it stands - he has a heart of gold...all of my kids are good kids...they drive me nuts sometimes - but, hey - that's their job!!

There are plenty of children who don't meet the standard (whatever that standard is - magazine-cover?) of child good-lookingness, but who are quite attractive as adults. And some people I knew who were knockouts as children lost their looks when they grew up. Just some.

If you ever have a chance to see photographs of your friends as children, you'll probably be surprised.

Since you understand the feeling of being unattractive, you want to make sure that the power of that feeling doesn't overwhelm your own children. Real beauty comes from the inside, of course, but *anybody* who washes up, combs their hair, smiles, and has a nice speaking voice goes automatically up a couple of notches on the good-lookingness scale. Anybody.

There seems to be a certain growing-up period, too, when everything looks and feels wrong. That's the time they have to hang in there because they'll grow some more and seem more properly put together. That happens to boys and girls both.

And *this* reminds me of the doctor our family had when my children were little. He once said to me that he was urging his teenage boys (he had several at home) to look for friendship and dates among the average-looking but nice girls at school and not be stuck on the beauty queens, because the "Beautiful People" have so many more troubles later on in life.

Happy Saturday to you, too!

Im not that good looking. But I made up for it with personality and humor. I am also kind, honest, caring, and loyal. I didnt date a lot when young but married a nice guy who is also honest, and hard working and loves me for what I am. He just happens to be cute too. (but he doesnt think so) A lot of the good looking, popular gals in school had no need to develop a good personality and went on to miserable marriages with men who wanted them for their looks and treated them terrible. Class reunions always show this to be true. The gals we wished we could be, turned into the last person we want to be, 20 years later. They are unhappy, they drink too much, have plastic surgeries trying to recapture their youth, and have spouses who cheat and beat. Im not saying this happens to every cute gal but Ive seen it many times. Your looks will fade over time, but that sense of humor and great personality will last you a lifetime. Dont worry what your kids look like. Teach them character traits to make their lives successful no matter how they look.

I never worried about the looks as much as I did our daughters self confidence and her compassion for others.

I taught her that "it does not matter what people look like on the outside if inside they are ugly."

I also always reminded her it was another persons loss if they only picked friends for their looks.

Me personally, I was ALWAYS attracted to the smartest boys.. Be still my heart if he was a brainiac. Still am attracted to super intelligent clever guys. They became more and more handsome to me the smarter they were.. Thank goodness my husband is brilliant.. and very good looking..

my oldest is a boy and is sooo cute, my youngest is a girl and well, she just doesn't have that cuteness, her eyes are always closed during pictures, her hair is wirey and she has my hubby's nose. I still love her to pieces but yes I do worry about this. Myabe not so much as an adult, but as a teen life may be a bit hard for her.

I love the first poster who said that clean clothes and a big smile can do a long way, but it is such a struggle with my daughter, I see other girls with beautifully styled hair and it's just not worth the fight in the morning to do more than a headband, pigtails maybe if she is in a super great mood but she would never tolerate me torturing her head long enough to do braids.

Talking about this makes me think i need to step up my efforts to help her care a little bit more about her appearance. But ultimately if i love her for waht she is I think that will help her most of all.

I worried about my future grandchildren when my daughter was dating a really ummm... let's just say not attractive guy.

I'm not an attractive person either since I gained too much weight. I also was very self conscience growing up. It doesn't help that my 20's were in the late 80's and early 90's LOL! The hair and clothes were so awful!! But when I look back at pictures of myself in my 20's I know I could have been attractive if I cared to be.

Anyway, my kids are gorgeous! One of my girls is seriously way too full of herself. She just got a job at the Tilted Kilt in San Diego. Let me tell you, she's a babe and knows it.

No, I don't. Mostly, because as a kid I was considered "conventionally" attractive. You know what? It didn't make my life any easier. The best friends I had (and still have) were friends with me, because of WHO I was and am. I got the jobs I've had, because of my skills. My husband married me, because he loves ME.

It's normal to want the best for your kids, and to worry that they will be teased or ostracized. I find that, the more diverse our school system gets, the more accepting kids are of so many people who "look different" in so many ways. I have neighbors who had the 2 homeliest babies I've ever seen, but they grew into nice looking kids.

I like the remark about the doctor saying kids shouldn't seek out the beauty queens or the hunks. So many shallow people do that, and there's a lot of hurt involved. Encourage your kids to notice people's inner beauty - their kindness, compassion, etc. Comment extensively and exclusively on people's ACTIONS - are they helpful, do the kids collect for the food pantry, do they rake leaves to help the family, etc. etc. My kid was always the "go-to" kid in the neighborhood - helping people on vacation or just gone for the day (walking dogs, taking in mail, putting out trash, watering plants, mowing lawns). That's what you want to develop in kids - being respected and trusted, and valuing that in others.

Try not to let your own negative experience govern your fears for your own children. Develop in them all the things you wished others had noticed and valued in you, build their character, and put less emphasis on people's looks in every walk of life. Comment on funny actors or talented actresses, don't comment on looks. Stress the things that others, and you, can control and ignore what is beyond your reach or influence.

Good luck!

I saw your headline, thought of my son, and started laughing. When the boy was born, I swear he looked like he had been put together out of mismatched spare parts. He was cute, but not in the Gerber baby way - more like in the goofy mutt way. Huge head. Ears that I hoped he'd eventually grow into. Little bony chicken legs. And he looked like he wasn't quite done yet - someone had forgotten to give the boy a butt! He was flat in the back, to the point that diapers wouldn't stay anchored because there was nothing for them to hold on to. And to top it off, he already had the "grumpy eyebrow" - the same furrow between the brows that my husband has, and was sure was the result of scowling too much.

Well, over time, the pieces and parts did even out. He grew into his ears. His legs filled out and became muscular. He even grew a bottom. And now he's an adorable, goofy-cute 7 year old (who still has a huge head, and is proving to have a comparable huge brain) with stick-up hair and new glasses. And when he's annoyed, he still gets the "grumpy eyebrow" just like his dad. Who knows what he looks like to the rest of the world? In my eyes, he's spot-on perfect.

When i saw your headline i laughed. I have had these thoughts too. My first daughter gourgeous from the day she was born. My second daughter i was a little worried about. She is 2 now and the forehead i was worried about is easily covered by bangs and she has the most gourgeous eyes ever! Dark think long eyelashes i would die for! My baby boy i was worried would look like his dad who i decided to divorce while i was pregnant with him, so of course i dont want him to look like him. He got my blue eyes and hes so cute. Although he does have his dads short legs.
Ha you are not alone. People tell me i have children that look like models. I am not very good looking myself. My kids dad thinks he is gods gift to women. UHG He is all right looking. lol

I might notice how someone looks the first time I see them, but after that, it is the person they are that makes me think they are attractive or ugly!
I turned into such an ugly duckling when I hit puberty. Unibrow, weight ballooned, acne, glasses, etc. My dad called me "Sleeping ugly!" Although I know I am attractive as an adult, I will never get over that.
So please don't think of them as unattractive. Tell them every day how precious they are.

It honestly has never crossed my mind. But I have noticed it seems like the ugliest parents seem to have really cute kids! Lol!!!

I have a dear friend that always felt unattractive but always had a dynamite figure. She got told growing up that she had a great body and ugly face, can you believe that?? She is a totally hottie but her environment put that idea on her you know? I was told ALL my life EVERY day how gorgeous I was so it stuck and I have always thought of myself as pretty. I think the influences in our lives play such a part of all this. I know my hubby got picked on a lot as a kid and so automatically he was concerned about our sons going through that. He channeled that experience into becoming a black belt in a traditional martial art and now our oldest has just started martial arts bc he wants our sons to always feel confident that they can handle themselves and have the discipline that comes with martial arts, my son is in love with martial arts and it is great to see he and his dad bonding through it even more. So maybe approach it like that, just pour words of love and encouragement into them. My mom grew up feeling like she wasn't too cute and her mom, my grandma, was a good lady but kind of hard on her and critical. So when she had me and my sis she spent a lifetime telling us how awesome we are and you know what, it worked!! I always considered myself a capable pretty girl. So I think if you take your experience and use it as a catalyst for good in your children's lives it can work out great. Happy Saturday :D

I haven't read all of the responses, but I did read a few. I agree with Grandma T. It's all about personality, and confidence. As someone else mentioned, good grooming and things we can do to help (like braces) are great, too.

I think my boys are going to be very handsome, but I know I may be biased. ;) However, my oldest is 13, and currently has very bad acne and braces. It's not his shining moment. We've taken him to a dermatologist for the acne, and he's being treated agressively. Even with not looking his best, he is confident and intelligent, so people are drawn to him.

Like you mentioned, I strive to teach them that a person's character is what is really important.

I know it's nearly impossible not to worry about this type of thing - after all, it's human nature to judge people on their appearance and attractive people often have an advantage over "normal" looking people. But I honestly think it's not worth worrying about, because there's really nothing you can do about it. Generally, good-looking kids grow up to be good-looking adults, but a lot of "ugly duckling" kids turn out gorgeous too.

Also, once the children are older, they can do things to enhance their appearance, such as general grooming, protecting their skin from the sun, wearing clean, un-wrinkly clothes, etc. That stuff goes a loooong way towards a first impression, even if they don't have a perfectly symmetrical face or whatever. I'm a pretty big believer in "inner beauty" too. I think how you feel on the inside reflects in your exterior appearance.

I really am not going to waste my time worrying or thinking about it. I had puffy hair, big glasses and hand-me down clothes (majority was orange, green and just odd). I was far from the popular group but in the end I found out that it was good to not be in that group, at least the schools I went to (they were back stabbing each other, mean and later in life many got themselves in big trouble). Sure I was teased or not "pretty" enough to be in their group but I let it roll off my back, had a great group of friends where we supported each other to be ourselves.

In the end I make sure my child is clothed, feed and treating others properly. The way she looks is the way it is, if you are not going to change it then no need to worry about it.

For myself: Absolutely. But I'm an artist. I can look at any infant, and children at certain stages of their development (when their bones aren't in flux, then it gets very difficult) and see EXACTLY what they'll look like at 30/40/50/90. ((20's are actually quite difficult to "see"))

Although if you have wonky looking kids (different from FLK's, which is a medical term for 'funny looking kid' which is a subtle face feature cast which denotes certain kinds of chromosomal abnormalities)... you're very very lucky. Most people have cute kids. What looks "cute" in a child or infant does NOT look good on an adult. Beautiful babies and beautiful kids usually turn into plain adults at best. Wonky looking kids, however, usually turn into extraordinarily beautiful adults.

((If you don't believe me, check out the childhood pictures of supermodels and most "10" movie stars. They're almost to a person rather "Yikes" looking babies and young children))