Advice on Putting the Kids in the Same Room

hi K.,
we had 2 kids in a 2 bedroom home for a while, and it IS tight! i sympathize. keeping her with you longer is an option if you really want it, but please don't feel pressured to do so if it's something you're ready to end. the family bed is a great thing, but it's not for everyone and that's okay. having kids in their own rooms and regular bedtimes is not abdication of parenting, it's just a routine that when done right, is comforting for everyone.
there's often a bit of disruption when you change things, so don't let a few chaotic nights make you feel as if you're doing something wrong. the kids might wake each other a few times, and you might have to go in and rub a back or replace a paci. but if you keep it low-key and resign yourself to a few times of getting up while everyone adjusts, i'm betting that in a week or two everyone will be just fine.
it's also unlikely that a 'shared' stuffed animal or two will be a problem. don't make a big deal over it, just thank him for his sweet gesture and remind him that baby only plays with these toys when she's awake and with mommy.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.

If your son is sleeping how can he harm the baby? I think you answered your own question: it is time for the baby to move out of your bedroom. We also had a two bedroom house when the children were little. Our son was only 6 months. We put him on the bottom bunk with guard rails and our 3 year old daughter slept on the top bunk. It worked well. they both slept thru the night and did not wake each other. AF

my twon sons share a room and we plan on puttinng the third right in with them.

When we finally made the transition with the 1st two, I had the same issues- toys in crib, worring about not sleeping through the night and worries about waking the other.

they really resolved themselves quiet easily when I just did it. It was really me more then the kids- the kids ended up being pretty adaptable to it.

About the toy thing- I always just go into the room before I go to bed and make sure everything is all right. If there were things that did not belong I fix it, cover the kids back up if the blankets are off and then go to bed. They think it is pretty funny now. My oldest asked me a month or so about seeing someone in his room. I said was it me- he said yes and I explained what I was doing- giving them one last goodnight kiss before I went to bed- he laughed and thought it was pretty neat that I checked in on him.

When the time is right-- good luck
L.

Hi K.,
okay for my first piece of advice I would probably not talk to your son about what not to do with the baby, because you probably gave him the idea to put the toys in the crib when you told him not to. (LOL) I have learned to just talk to them if they do it and not to tell them not to before they do, because most likely I made them curious about doing it. Second your son will most likely sleep through anything your daughter can put out in the middle of the night. I have heard that smoke alarms don't even wake toddlers up at night, but if you are still concerened do you have a walk in closet that is big and spacious. If so maybe put her in there until you get her to sleep through the night. I know it's hard when space is limited, but I would at least try for a couple of nights and I bet your little man will sleep through it all. Try it on the weekend, so you have your husband there to help in case you get little sleep the first night. Good Luck hope I helped.

First i think you need to get rid of the pacifier. I personally think it's going to be more trouble than it's off benefit. Next at 10mo. old i don't think your son i going to put anything of danger in the crib. If i was you I would just check once before you go to bed to make sure but most things at this point won't be trouble unless of course he's putting marbles in there or something small like that. Next as far as sleeping and noise i would let happen what happens. She will have to learn to sleep through life. It's not all going to be quite. You have taught her that it needs to be quiet and you need to let that be untaught. She needs to be able to sleep through noise. I think you should let her sleep in her brothers room asap so you can get a good nights sleep. Put a monitor in there but DON'T run to every sound. Ignore it unless you hear something like screaming. The more you tell your son not to put things in there or stay away from his sister the more he will do it. So don't waste your breath. Ignore it and he will stop. Just check the crib before you go to bed and again when you wake up. Good luck

I would just keep the baby in with you until you feel comfortable moving her. It should not be this stressful. It is easier in the night to take care of a little one when they are close by either in the same room or same bed. I know that there is the belief out there that children need to be actively taught to sleep. There are plenty of experts that disagree with this theory and it has not been the case with my 6 kids. Children will eventually sleep through the night and it is different for each child. Some children are naturally more sound sleepers than others. I think most adults like to sleep in a quiet room. Unless you know that your daughter will grow up and live with railroad tracks in her backyard the ability to sleep through noise is probably not a necessary life skill. If your goal is to have the kids in the same room then try putting her in their for naps and continue to talk to your son about how we show love to the baby and share with her. I would praise him when he does not bother the baby when she is sleeping. This phase for both of the children will pass. It is tempting when you are tired to give in to the off the clock parenting advice and just put the kids away for the night and be unavailable. It pays off in the end to parent 24hours. Your kids will develop the security they need to venture out on their own knowing that you love them and are their for them anytime. Some of the best conversations about life that I have with my older children are around bedtime. These would not happen if bedtime had always been about them leaving me alone.

one possibility is moving her to the room with her brother but putting away (up high or in another room) the toys except maybe the ONE he sleeps with. That way, he can't toss them in the crib. I'm sure he thought he was being nice by giving her all those toys to play with. My four year old has done that with her younger brother and comes in all proud, "Mommy, look, I have him all my toys!"

Alternatively, is there another room you could move the crib to in order to get her used to sleeping away from you without putting her in with her brother just yet?

As for the pacifier, she's old enough with enough coordination now to be able to pop it into her own mouth. This is a good age to learn that skill so she can self-soothe at night with it if she needs to. Do you let her have it in the day to practice with? If she can put it in her mouth during the day, she can do it at night too.