Advice on Nanny Situation

I used to be a nanny. One time I got really ill and needed special treatment and was afraid to tell my employer. While I wasn't calling in sick, they did notice my "spark" was gone and asked how they could help. I will always be grateful to them for their understanding that I am a person, not just an employee.

Frankly, because this is so close to your heart, and it's a difficult and emotional situation, so you may be making a lot of assumptions, and you might be too hard on her. It is time to sit down and have a candid talk with her. If you trust her with your child, then you should certainly be able to have a talk with her and come to solutions.

It would be very wrong of you to just let her go without investigating. Don't make any decisions until you do. It's good that you realize the bonding is an issue with making a change. AND, if you make a change you never know....you might end up a far worse situation.

She may be genuinely sick. Maybe something is going on with her and she is afraid to say so, or doesn't know how. Be proactive and ask her how you can help. Maybe she needs a few good days off to rest and recouperate. Knowing you care could help her a LOT. Being a nanny is a tough job and burn out is very high.

Note, if she "calls" you when she is sick, then she's not "not showing up", she is calling you. You might be surprised to learn how many nanny's really do just "stop showing" no call, no message, no information.

Finally, you don't say how "often" she is calling in sick. One time can be a real stress for you. If she gets the flu, it can be many days.....this happens. Are your expectations realistic? Are you overreacting? Is it time to look at some other back-up sources?

Further, maybe you need to create a process for her to call in. For example, if she KNOWS the night before that there will be no way for her to make it the next day (say she has a fever, diarrhea, vomitting within 24 hours of reporting to work time), she could call you the night before and let you know so you have advance planning time. She could also give what I call a "heads up" call (I used this with my preschool staff when I was directing). If there is a possibility she MIGHT be out, she can call the night before and you can create a back up plan in advance instead of being stuck when you are needing to leave for work.

Don't give up on her or your working relationship yet. She is important. Find out what is going on, and together with her make a plan. If she is unhappy and says so, and you both (or you on your own) decide to make a change, you can work together on the transition instead of departing with hard feelings, and your child not getting closure.

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION. It is key, it is essential, it can create success.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I have a lot of experience with this as a Nanny, and early childhood director, AND a parent. I can see and empathize with all sides. Good luck.

If you see a pattern for "sick time" usage than it is time to sit her down and speak w/her about it. Ask her if sheis happy and if she is not happy then to be honest w/you.

After the talk if things still dont work out than it is time to cut your losses and find a new nanny. Good Luck to you and your family!

Truly,

Eliyah

As a previous nanny (for 20+ years) I would ask that you talk to her about it before "biting the bullet" and "moving on". Wouldn't you want that consideration if you were in her shoes? Maybe she can start working more when she's somewhat sick and not bedbound. I remember working a lot when I was sick as a nanny. It wasn't fun, but it's a good opportunity for the child to have alone play time, while the nanny rests. She may just have to suck it up and stop taking the days off. You may see a big change if you tell her that you're thinking of finding a replacement.

Whether or not you're good with confrontation, I think it is your responsibility to inform her before just dropping her. I can definitely understand where you're coming from, but it's not fair to her. Yes, your daughter would adjust to a new nanny- they all do with time, especially at that age. I think the 5yo girl I started nannying (I was her 5th or 6th nanny, I think) had the worst time adjusting.

Just talk to her.

I would definitely talk to her before you do anything. Maybe she really is sick and just doesn't feel comfortable sharing it with you. My sister used to nanny for a family and she had to take a whole bunch of sick days sporadically. My parents are retired, so they filled in for her when she had doctor's appointments and such. She had lung cancer and ended up having a whole lung removed. My point is, if she's taking a lot of sick days, maybe they are valid.

I think you should ask her if she knows anyone who could fill in for the days that she is not available since it is really putting a cramp in your style. This way it is kind of saying "hey, I need someone here, and if not you I'm willing to look elsewhere." But it's not directly accusing her of being unreliable. If that doesn't work I would consider sitting down and having a one on one talk. I was a nanny for a couple families and I'm glad that we had an open relationship because sometimes those hard talks bought us closer together. Good luck!

Why move on just yet? Maybe you are too good of an employer and she is starting to take advantage with out really realizing it. I think you should talk to her first. Try to make it very positive so things won't be weird. I would tell her she is doing a great job when she is there. The problem is she only works 3 days and she's taking off a little too much. Tell her you love her work but really need a super reliable person and see if maybe she isn't going through some kind of tough time. She may realize right away that she needs to be a little more serious. It sounds like you are really good to her. Just talk to her first.

I think you should talk to your nanny and let her know that you really depend on her to be there. Let her know that if she continues to call in repeatedly, then you will have no choice but to look for someone else. You need someone who you can rely on.