Advice on Fostering My Cousins Child

I'm an adoptive mom and I truly believe that family means "the people who love you" and if this foster family loves her and she loves them and they want to adopt her, then they are her family. Blood doesn't mean family- I have a biological father who has never been a dad to me and a Dad who was a great Daddy until he died when I was 11. I agree that it's selfish for you to keep her "in the family"- she's not an heirloom piece of furniture. You already said that Steph "didn't really seem to care. It was almost like out of site out of mind. They had her young and now there 21 and they want to play". So, why take her away from the only family she knows? I don't see the point. Sorry if I sounded blunt. I do agree that you should seek God's will here, of course.

Hi A.,
I'm with Alli on this one. I, too, am an adoptive mother and as far as I can see, the foster parents who have this child are already adoptive parents in their mind. I can not imagine losing my son to his birthparents now after 5 years or any time frame, or even to a biological family member. If this child is being cared for and loved then that is where she needs to be. You could always request to be able and stay in touch with the foster to adopt parents but I believe the best interest of the child is she stay where she has been and no more confusion be added to that childs life. You'll be in my prayers and I pray that you already know in your heart God has placed this little girl in the right hands.

I've experienced these difficulties and questions within my own family....the best advice that I can give you is to pray about it and ask for God to give you a sign. If you feel strongly about pursuing the fostercare/adoption, you'll know if it's the right thing--God will make it clear to you. Bless you for caring for this forgotten child.

I know you said you can't imagine being Steph & having parental rights taken away, but obviously Steph is a very different person than you are, and the person you need to image foremost is the little girl. Steph has made decisions that led to consequences & she's an adult & needs to deal with those consequences. Please think about the child's best interests. She probably already thinks of her foster family as "mom" and "dad," and it would take some very weighty considerations to rip her away from those "parents" she loves. God has given this little girl the gift of foster parents who love her and want to adopt her. She may be your family biologically, but in the sense that would have any meaning to her, her current foster parents are her family. I think it's great that you are willing to foster her, but it sounds like she's already in a very good situation, and I'm sure the change would be traumatic to her, no matter how much you would love her. If she didn't already have a loving family, it would be different.

Hi A.,

This really is a very sad story for your whole family. I've seen an experience like this in my own family when I was younger with my uncle's two older children and my grandparents having to step in and provide for them temporarily. Unfortunately, when a child finds herself in a desperate situation, those who feel called can't really say "Not now, it's not a good time for me to help you" and then come back later when things are better but the child has moved on and spent a great deal of time with someone else that has shown love and care. Please know that I'm not blaming or finding fault with you and your husband for not taking her in the first time around, you had your reasons. But I tend to agree with the social worker. This child has spent (I'm assuming) the last few years with parents that have loved her enough that they want to spend at least the next 14 or 15 years providing for her every need. They've given her consistency and stability that no one else has been able to provide. To take her away from her "family" because now it's a better time for you doesn't seem really fair. And honestly, it seems that this little girl really does need to move on from her obviously unfit parents, you taking her on would always leave the door open for her parents to come in and out of her life, constantly disappointing her and making her feel insecure. If this other family adopts her, when your little cousin is old enough, she can contact her parents and let them explain why they couldn't be there for her. In the meantime, she'll grow up knowing she was wanted and cared for and that God provided for her exactly what she needed. Best wishes to you and your family. I know this is a tough decision and I wish you well. Especially, your innocent little cousin.

If there is a family who has already embraced and loveed this little angel the I would leave well enough alone. Perhaps you can establish a relationship with the adoptive parents. It sounds like this child has already been through a lot, why add insult to injury. It also sounds like the best thing for her if her parents don't even care about giving up their rights. Anyone can be a birthparent, it takes special people to ne Mommy and Daddy.

I would let the child be addopted. There is a christian adoption agency, not sure of the name and the child goes to a christian family, that would be my only concern. I heard the phrase a mother used and she said she hand picked her daughter, wow that hit me hard, because its so true when you addopt a child and its really cool. I had a friend that was 17 and had a baby, she did the right thing in my eyes and put the baby up for adoption, had an open adoption and made a scrapbook for the baby. Of all the familys history and about the mother. I thought that was really neat. Hope this helps :)

I know this is breaking your heart but I have to agree with Glenda, bringing her into your household will expose her to her biological parents to try to "be there for her" whenever is convenient for them causing her heartbreaks and dissapointment.
I know you want her to have a loving family but the fact is she already living with loving parents to the point they want to adopt her. Please think carefully if you're willing to remove her from the only stable loving home she has met?
God bless,