Advice on Depressed Spouse

He needs to talk to someone and probably needs to be on medication-at least temporarily.

It's the tough love route, but if he won't do it voluntarily, maybe you need to say that if he doesn't it's a deal breaker (of sorts). He doesn't owe it to just himself, but the rest of you are suffereing too and it's a selfish act to refuse to get try to get better. He's married/a father-it's not all about him anymore.

Remind him he's not a failure and that the only 'failing' would be to not deal with the depression that is affecting everyone.

My husband sounds similar. He got laid off a few years ago and went through depression. He has a good job now, but he never went to college and has always been a blue collar worker. I have absolutely no problem with it, I just want him to be happy. But he mentions every now and then how he "has to be good for something" - in a kidding manner. But there have been times he's opened up to me and I know he really feels inadequate and like he's failed. I don't think he's ever going to feel good enough, it's sadly just his issue. I just try to reassure him, compliment him - make him feel good about himself. Even little things like letting him open the pickle jar ;-) so he feels important. I think men are really hard on themselves a lot of the time, they feel a lot of pressure to provide for their families. I would just try to support your husband and give him lots of positive reassurance. However, if he's really unhappy with his life, there's not a lot you can do. Just try to give him love!

My husband has gone through this. I try to be loving, have fun with him and do whatever I can to make his life smooth and easy at home. That's all I've done and it seems to help my husband. If he won't talk to anyone, maybe you can be cheerful with the kids, loving, kind and respectful to him to reassure him that he's giving you and your kids a good life. Maybe that will help him snap out of this. Good luck!!

You should definitely go the couple's counseling route. I would explain to him that his behavior is effecting you BOTH, and because you care so much for him, you want to improve your relationship, and you need a third party to talk too. My husband was going through severe depression, due to the recent deaths of this parents, and it has helped us BOTH tremendously. They really don't see how it effects those around them when their going through it. My hubby also was self-centered, stubborn, and when I reminded him that he is married/has a family its affecting, that changed things. Good luck to you both.

I'm with Cate. You didn't sign up for this. Use the deal breaker. This got my husband to the doctor. If he understands the way he feels has a physiological base that can be adjusted/treated, he might look on it differently. The problem with people with depression is that while they are not thinking clearly and rationally, they believe that they are.

Without treatment he cannot snap out of it. It will keep returning. I hate this, it's unfair on spouses and children and it's no way to live. My best wishes go to you for getting through it.

Hi A.L. I am so sorry you are going through this.
1. a friend of mine recommended a book on the subject:"I don't want to talk about this" by Terrence Real...
2. If he won't see a counselor or religious figure, would he go into couples therapy with you. Altho it is not individual therapy, getting him in a safe environment to talk about issues with you can have the side benefit of his working on this issue as well...

Hope this helps.
Best of luck. you are not alone.
jilly