My family and I are trying to get out in my small town and meet new people. We've been here for almost three years and although I had a good friend at one time, the friendship has dissolved. My daughter's own friendship was involved and so I am trying to find new avenues of friendship for her to explore. In this way I made plans to meet another mother this morning for lunch and a swim/play date. This family has children roughly the same age as mine but my oldest daughter is 7and the other family's oldest daughter is 5. The play date went fine but the children didn't really play together. The other family's daughter showed some interest especially since my daughter was older but my eldest wasn't all that interested. Toward the end my kid even ran off and played with another child she didn't know and then announced her as her new friend to everyone. I felt so bad for the little girl at the play date with us. She didn't say anything but I felt unsure what to do. I asked my child to introduce everyone and play together. Later I asked my daughter if she'd like to have a play date with my friend's family again and my daughter said "no." I don't think my daughter had enough time to form much of an opinion of my friend's child. Is it unfair of me to ask my children to play with her children occasionally because I need the adult contact? If it is okay, how do I coach my daughter into being a little more gracious to other, perhaps younger kids. ( She plays with her 4 year-old sister all day with pretty good results.) I don't plan to force a friendship here but what can I expect? I'd love to know how you set expectations when children are playing with kids they may not choose to.
I think it depends how you set it up. If she is YOUR friend and you say lets get together and you bring the children along then thats fine. I would not set it up as a play date for the kids. I have friends who I meet who have kids different ages and the kids sometimes play but usually do their own thing. Playdates I set for my kids are only with their friends or people they want to play with. Hopetthat makes sense.
There is a huge difference between a 6 yr old and a 4yr old. Playing with a younger kid is fun for about 15 minutes and then it becomes a chore. You can ask your daughter to play occasionally, but you can't make them be best friends.
LBC
well I always told my kids that I was visiting with MY friend, and they had to play with the other children. It works both ways, you just have to teach that to your kids. Also don't expect the kids to be friends just because they are around the same age. Sometimes kids "click" with others that are older or younger than themselves, or even boys getting along with girls. My youngest son always played with the girls, till he got older. I guess they were more mature and could handle his immaturity better. Good luck to you.
I agree with Mallory. I have friends with kids the same age as my son and when we do get together it's more about the moms getting together & the kids are OK with it. Play dates are different & should be who your kids want to play with.
Hopefully it will get easier the more they are around each other. Try getting together somewhere where your kids and the other family are the only ones to play with. Try speaking positively about the other little child, sometime the more your child knows about the other child or hears about the other child they start getting interested in the other child. I come from a very small town and I can completely relate to the importance of a good adult friend. With time this should resolve itself. Good luck.
I have a couple good friends whose oldest is a year or two younger (5 or 6) than my oldest (7). What we have done that has gone well is we meet on a hiking trail and all hike together. Another time we did the slip and slide at the other person's house. My son was the oldest there but had a blast and often begs for us to do that again. We have gone biking together too. Or we have met at the local ski area in the winter and skied together. We have also taken turns just having regular playdates at our houses. I like talking to these other moms and I just give my son a BIG talking to beforehand about how I expect him to be very nice to the younger kids. But, yes, if we were somewhere and there was a boy my son's own age around he would probably do exactly what your daughter did.
