Advice About Job and Son...

As a nanny, I think you should have some say as far as discipline, at least while you are there. I think you should sit down with the mother(and father if he's around), away from the daughter and discuss it. Work together with them to come up with a solution.

Tell her/them that you need to resolve the issue or you won't be able to bring your son to work anymore and if you can't do that, then you probably couldn't work there anymore at all!

Make sure to sandwich anything that you say that might be taken negatively about the girl in positive things like: she's a bright and sensitive girl, but she's too rough around my son and I know she'd be happier if we can help teach her how to act around babies.

You might have to sugar coat what you are saying to keep the mother from getting upset, but you still need to be firm about what you need to continue working there. If she seems open to it, suggest what you would like to do about it, whether it's counting and then time-outs or a reward system where if the girl goes the whole day without harming your son, she gets a reward. Point out how well they've done in letting their daughter "express herself" so far, but that she's reaching an age where it might be time to instill some discipline to help her learn right from wrong.

If the mother isn't responsive to your suggestions, then you might want to keep your eye out for a new position with a family that would be a better fit for you. In the meantime try to work with the daughter within the parameters her parents set. Good luck!

Hi there-
You should not continue to put your son at risk with this toddler's dangerous behavior. You need to speak with your employer immediately about your concerns, and don't let her belittle these concerns. Your son is your absolute first priority, and whether you feel uncomfortable or not, you are his advocate and need to speak up to keep him safe.

I think it may be hard since you have been with this family for 2 years but you should really consider looking for another job. Maybe this mother will take things serious. It may feel uncomfortable but maybe you can do something in regards to disipline. Since you have the position of a nanny they cant argue, also being that is your baby. I have found myself in situations very similar with friends children and found that they wouldnt step in and do something about it. I finally decided that my children would walk away angry and hurt. I had to say something myself to other children if their parents dont and found that this alone MAKES the other parent realize that they need to do something.
If some parents dont like it then they will realize they NEED to start discipline...
I guess i just wanted to share that not to say it would be the solution to your problem, only you know your full situaition. I hope that all goes well with you and gets better.

Congradulations and many blessings to you and your family! :)

well there are some pros and cons to your job. ive had simular experiences... i used to be a nanny for one of my friends who had 3 boys.. all of them were out of control doing whatever they pleased and they didnt understand boundries at all! back when i was their nanny i didnt have my son yet so i didnt have the problem of them beating up on him.. but while their parents werent home i did strictly enforce discipline and after about a week or two of that all 3 of them behaved very very well (at least when i was around). unfortunately i was never able to tell their mom how badly they behave since she is one of those super sensitive people who believes that "boys will be boys" and "its ok that they destroy everything and dont listen".. but if u can talk to the parents without causing major problems (if you feel they are open to constructive critisism) id at least try it.. now to give you another insight of something me and my son went through when the rolls were somewhat reversed.. when my son was about 6 months old this same friend started watching him for me while i went to work but only 2 days a week... her children never did hurt him but they did teach him violence! he learned that it is ok to hit people especially in the face! i had one hell of a time breaking him of this habbit! took me close to a year to break it was that bad! her and i would also get into arguments about our parenting.. she felt i was being mean to my son when he would do something he knew he wasnt supposed to do and id put him in time out. no spanking or being unreasonable just a simple time out.. as my son was getting older and was very well behaved (aside from the hitting at the time) her and i really grew apart because she could not understand why my child actually listened to adults (to her it was because i was just overly mean to him).. so i think there is a little more you may want to consider other then just the fact that your child may get hurt.

well ther is only so many times a 4 month old can take a golf ball to the head, plastic or not, or a flashlight for that matter.

as the mother if you can impliment time outs, even though this little girl is two she should not be getting away with this.

my son is 28mos and my other is 6mos. we have rarely had an incident go by without a time out. and the incidents are very minimal.

having a heart to heart with the mom about your concerns will help greatly. even though it may be time for you to look for another place to nanny. but it will definately be in the best interests of your son.

WOW- i give you props for loving that job, i would open my own at home daycare if i were you that way the kids are on your terms, its sounds to me that not much will get done about that little girl or her parents and your son needs to come first.
good luck

E., when my son was in daycare when he was a toddler (2) there was a little boy (2) there who would bite him. Maureen the daycare provider was at her wits end, she had told the parents of this little boy about this many many times and his behavior never changed. She was a day away from telling his parents that he is no longer welcome in her home for daycare.

I asked Maureen what time the parents picked up their little bitter and planned to be there at that time to voice my concern for my son and the other kids in the daycare. I arrived right before the mother did and when she walked in her son right off the bat started to be awful. He was one of those kids you see in the grocery store that you wish the parents could have left at home. He was kicking her, he even bit her in front of me. She stood there and took it all the while just telling him to be a good boy. I couldn't take it anymore. I got down to the childs level, put my hands on his shoulders and sternly told him "you do not bit, kick, or hit your mom, my son Wyatt or any other kids" He looked at him with that sad 2 year old face and started to cry. I was still at his level and asked him why he was crying, he said he was sad that I yelled at him, keep in mind I did not yell at all but I was very stern with him. I told him that the kids at daycare are sad to because he is so naughty when he is at daycare. After some crying from him, he said he was sorry, gave me a hug, gave my son a hug and I told him to go off to play with the other kids.

I looked at the mom and said that if her son did not stop the biting and all the other bad behavior that he was not allowed to come to Maureen's daycare anymore. I also told the mom that if she did not do something about her son's behavior now that when he is 6 or 7 she will have many many issues. I gave her some of the resources I have used with Wyatt, to many to list for this email. To make a long story short, her son changed his behavior, not overnight and he regressed a few times but he is now a well behaved little boy.

With regards to your situation, if this little girl continues to do what she is doing with your baby, I would say he will be in danger. She is 2 and 2 year olds are very resourcefull in getting what they want, good or bad. Her behavior is a product of her parents. They let her run their house hold and themselves. That little girl will end up being the classic little spoiled brat who then turns into the b***h in highschool.

I know you have been with them for a long time and I am sure you feel like more of a friend than an employee, but that is what you are to them in reality. You need to sit down with BOTH (if there are two) parents and lay down the ground rules on what your duties during the day, you need to discuss discipline with them and make sure you are on the same page. You can't discipline her during the day and have the parents let her run wild in the evening. Just like any other job there are expectations that come with the job and you need to have a clear job discription of what it is you do for them and how to do it. Just like a "regular" job there are things that can get you dismissed from your position, you need to make these parents understand that if this behavior continues you will have to terminate your employment with them. Your son needs to feel safe and you need to feel safe also. If you worked in an office situation and something was not right, you would take it up with your manager and voice your concerns. You need to do this with her parents. On the opposite side, if you stay and the little girl does not change her behavior, your son as he gets older will have the worst peer role model in his life. You will find that you will have the same type behavior issues with him, kids learn at an early age by watching others around them.

My step daugher is a nanny also and she had a situation similar to yours and she left that family. She is now with a new family (two sets of twins) and the expectations are very clear and it makes for a peaceful day (usually). You can love what you do but you don't have to love where you do it.

I would give the parents of the little girl a time frame for her behavior change (in writting) and if you do not see ANY improvement, you will terminate your employment.

I am sorry if I seem to be rambling, but I am tired of parents saying "what happened to my child" "why are they so bad". These parents need to look back on to themselve for part of the blame. Like the refrigerator magnet says, "children learn what they live". I hope this helps and if not for you, maybe someone else.

it sounds like you have a big decision to make.. i would either find someone to watch your little one while you are at work or find a diff job... good luck

Hi E.,

It seems like you really like your job but it must be a real struggle to be raising someone elses child along with yours and feel like your hands are tied when it comes to discipline. If you plan to stay at this job you should really sit down and talk to the mother of this child. This is only the first of many discipline issues that will come up. You need to have a clear view of the plan and make sure they are concepts you believe in and can abide by - if not you need to move on. And if the mother doesn't have one you need to come up with one together.

I have just finished a great parenting class that might help you and the mother of the two year old. It is called "Making your children mind without losing yours" by Dr. Kevin Leman. He has several books and some videos which I am told by some of the other classmates they have at our local library so they probably have it at yours. He has a fun, humorus, christian, and realistic approach to some of the joys (problems) of raising children. It might be something you could watch with the Mother and then discuss to give you a basis address the issue.

Talk to your employers they need to see that your son is important to you. And if they can not accommodate then they need to find some who does not mind being around an aggressive 2 year old. Big trouble ahead for them if they to not hold the child to her actions. Your child’s safety is #1

hey !! i would seriously think about weather or not you want to continue to work there ! if you bring it up to the family and they ignore your concerns they are not worth working for !! your child comes first and thats just how it is!!
you are from wausau huh ! me too ! i just got a nanny !