What can I do when both my adult sons, 45 yrs and 28 yrs are always fussing and cursing each other out over trivial stuff and then they both complain to me in anger. Im retired, 64 yrs old, both each son has a different father, and they are like night and day. So different in personality's and way of thinking. I cry all the time, it just breaks my heart. What can I do?
I would like to thank all the wonderful souls that replied to my plea for help. I was overwhelmed with your kindness.
My sons are not yet speaking to each other. This not the first time or the last I suppose. I still hear complaints when they call, but at least they are far from each other. I have told them to keep away from me if they want to fight and fuss with each other. They were not to happy about it, mind you I have said all this to them before. I think that because its the Christmas season, when family gather together to enjoy Christs birth, its sad that they cant seem to understand the importance of family. All I can do is pray and hope that time changes them some way, so I can have peace and tranquility and enjoy my old age without all the fussing and fighting. I guess it takes time.
Thank you all so much for your advise and kindness.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year..may God Bless you all.
Hugs
Z.
Stay out of it and let them duke it out!
If it comes to blows, so be it! They are grown MEN!
They shouldn't need their Mommy stepping in to break it up, or settle it!
Tell them to stop complaining to you and let them work it out.
If it's at your house, call the cops. Otherwise, stay out of it.
There is a 17 year difference between them and they both are adults. You have to make a decision for your own well being to do whatever you need to do in your own head to make peace with yourself. They both sound immature to me. Two grown men can not resolve differences except with fists is ridiculous. Stop entertaining their conversation about the other and keeping the drama going. You are 64 and need peace. Get out of their drama for your own sake. It's time for you to be selfish because they certainly are.
They sound like very immature, disturbed boys in men's bodies.
Probably nothing you can do except ban them from visiting you at the same time. How ridiculous and heartbreaking for you.
Is it alcohol related? Grown men act pretty stupid when they drink.
I would stay out of it. They are adults and should be able to work out their differences without getting physical. If they can't then maybe one or both needs anger management classes.
My question to you is why are they 'up in each other's business' in the first place? Do they not have lives of their own that would preoccupy them from one another?
You need to tell them that they are grown men and can work it out. That they need to love and respect each other and get over the trivial stuff, and instead of fault finding, find things they have in common and forget the rest. They each have a different set of experiences, expectations and world views... they need to stop bothering you about it.
I agree with the suggestion that anger management or therapy might be helpful for them both. When the drama starts, I would explain that if they can't get along, you are leaving-- you don't need to witness it. And then, leave. You can meet them in public places (instead of at home) so you have the option to go, or just have them over one at a time. If they complain to you about the other, simply reply "You know, I really can't do anything about this. You will need to work it out with him." and change the subject.
Tough love, but overdue, maybe?
If you are crying all the time over this, too, it might be good to talk with someone yourself. At some point, parents have to separate from their children and let them craft their own lives...and let them take responsibility for it. They are putting you in the middle, and you are choosing to stay there instead of putting those problems back at their own feet. If you don't allow your sense of self to get 'hooked in' to their drama , they lose their audience (you) and have to deal with it on their own. Grown men don't need their mommies to fight their battles for them. They are adults, and can fix themselves if they choose to. Right now, they are getting lots of emotional attention from you, so it's easy for them to choose not to. Take those good steps when you are ready, and consider your own part in this. Do you want to do this the rest of your life? If not, stop now.
Tell them that you don't want to hear about their problems with one another any more. Tell them they are grown men and to handle their differences themselves. If they can't, then perhaps they need to stay clear of each other until they can.
Pray, because God is the only one who can deal with their hearts. You cannot change them. God's Word says it never comes back void, that it ALWAYS accomplishes the purpose for which it's sent. So maybe you can find some applicable scriptures (I can help if you like) and when they come to gripe and complain, read them the scriptures (we can find some about not complaining) then trust them to the Lord.
