Adjusting Three Year Old to Newborn

Something that I have always tried to do with my kids is to tell the baby that they have to wait for something. The older kids get so frustrated with me because I found myself always telling them to wait while I did ______ for/with the baby. Once in a while tell the baby that they need to wait while you do________for/with your older son. The baby won't know or care, but it will make a world of difference for your older son. He will think that it is way cool for you to tell the baby to wait while you do something with him. When the baby is sleeping you can also spend some quality time with the older son. It will also help a bunch when your husband goes back to work, since the baby has been home his routine has been thrown out of whack with him being home. It might also help if you get him to help out with some of the tasks that he can do in caring for the baby. Have him help get the wipes and diaper ready for a diaper change, let him pick out clothes to change the baby into, let him wrap the baby up for bed, get a binki or things like that. After he does something like that, praise him for being such a great big brother and tell him how much the baby loves him for doing it. It is a big adjustment for him and sometimes it just takes telling him that you still love him and don't know what you would do without him (to his understanding, of course.) He is afraid that you don't love him because of the baby. It does get better.
J.---SAHM of 7

It's only been a week. Hang in there sounds like you are doing the right things - trying to include him and give you two special time together..... I say just stick with it. Be consistent in giving him love and praise and lots of normal you-and-him behavior be that hugs or a special snack or activity.

Is he getting enough sleep? That may be part of the issue too. Talk to his school about it and ask if he's napping. Tell them that he's having a hard time adjusting and perhaps they have tricks up there sleeve.

@ Julie - I LOVE your idea. If I ever have #2 I am using this tactic!

Hang in there H.!! My daughter was 3 when our baby arrived and I was shocked that she changed so much (much in the same way your son did). The great news? It's absolutely temporary. It lasted just about 3 weeks for me and then all of a sudden, we "got her back".

My 3 yr. old was sweet, patient, sensitive but as soon as I came home with the baby, she hated ME! Loved the baby but hated me. In my hormonal state, nothing could have hurt my feelings more. She wanted Papa for everything....all of the stuff that I typically did. Even though I knew it was typical for a child to act out when a baby comes along, I was certain that it wouldn't happen in our home. But I promise you, it'll wear off as soon as a new kind of normal sets in your home. He'll get used to the new situation, I'm sure of it!
Best of luck to you. I know what it felt like, and it hurts, but it won't be permanent!!

It takes time. Some tips that someone gave me that helped:
1) As much as possible, never blame the baby for anything. If my son asks for something when I'm changing diaper, for example, I say "I can help you in a minute". I don't say "I can't help you because I'm helping Baby right now."
2) Set aside time for you and your older child, without the baby. If possible, make it at a regularly scheduled time so that it is part of a predictable routine.
3) Make the baby wait sometimes too, and say it when you do even if it's only for a moment. For example, if I'm reading a story to my older son and the baby starts to fuss, I say "Just a minute Baby, I'm reading to Older Brother. I'll come after this page". The baby doesn't understand, of course, but my older son does understand that everyone has to wait sometimes.
4) This age group usually loves to help, so involve him as much as possible. For example, my son chooses the diaper and he hands it to me when I'm changing the baby (yes, all the diapers in the drawer are the same, but he like to pick it out and give it to me anyway). I let him choose the baby's clothes (from options that I give of course), etc. As much as you can have him be involved, do so. It's another way that all 3 of you can interact together.

It will get better as you all settle into a new routine. Good luck!

Last paragraph hit the nail on the head. When your husband goes back to
work and you get back into your routine, things should get easier. Make
sure he has something to do while you are involved with the baby. Time
will make it easier. Everyone will adjust.

My daughter was almost 6 when my youngest came along & to this day I still deal w/a little bit of her wishing that we had seriously considered her thoughts a little more in this whole adding to the family deal...but she has adjusted. And as I have explained to her many times, she had us for many years alone, her sister has had to share us her entire life.

I made a point of keeping time each day for just Sami & I regardless of what we would do, read a book, bake, have her help out w/dinner or go to the mall and walk around. There are going to be days that you may not be able to do exactly what your son may want to do, that is where it may come in handy to keep on hand a stash of little projects (michaels, ac moore & other stores) have little things you can do - maybe make some stained glass window hangings for the baby's room or make a picture frame. One of my daughter's favorites was chocolate pudding fingerpainting - just make choc. pudding & let him have fun on a piece of wax paper - the best part is the clean up! It's all about the fun & the little things. My girls are now 7 & 13 and I don't think the fight for my attention with my oldest will ever end, but I do my best to divide my attention and to do the best I can. Best of luck to you.

We had our son 3 weeks ago and my 3 1/2 yr old daughter always seems to need something when I am feeding him. I ask her if she can wait until I am done. She is usually patient and waits but there are things that she cannot wait for. Like if she has to go to the bathroom. I have to go with her cause she cannot reach the light switch or the toiletpaper. So I take the baby with me in that situation. While he is sleeping I pay alot of attention to her. I had a c-section so for the first week I was in pain. She understood that and would cry cause mommy hurts. She is such a big help when it comes to feeding and changing diapers. I let her shake the bottle and she has helped in changing him. She opens the diaper and throws it in the garbage. And she also helps with giving him a bath. I try to involve her with everything. She has a field trip on the 21st with her daycare and I am going with her. My mom has off that day and is watching the baby so that I can just be with her without having to stop to care for the baby. She is so excited that I am going with her. We are also taking her apple picking this saturday.
Try to involve him as much as possible. Ask him if he wants to help with his brother. While the baby is sleeping try to do some activities with him. It is hard trying to adjust to having two children but in the 3 weeks that my son has been here it has been pretty easy for me since she is my little helper. Plus the fact that I let her hold him makes it easy too. I put a pillow on her lap and she gets to hold him. We try hard not to say don't do this and don't do that with your brother. She loves him to death. We made a brag book for her to take to school so she can show off her brother.
Best of luck and congrats on your new addition!!!

I have had to deal with sibling jealousy but with much older children, but I am guessing the "fix" is pretty much the same no matter the age or gender. It will take time for everyone to adjust, plain and simple. And secondly you need to go out of your way to make one on one time with each child. You went from giving a lot of your attention to one and now dividing it, and a 3 year old is going to feel some resentment...totally natural. Keep bedtime routines special...have a mommy outing day, or even stay in and have someone watch the baby. Lots of things you can do with a 3 year old...make cookies, finger paint, color, go for a walk. ((hugs)) hang in there....your 3 year old is processing some heavy emotions.