J.L.
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So the new phase my 9-year old SD is in is where she acts like she's a complete airhead. Or maybe it's not acting! This is combined with her continuous asking of dumb questions (which I thought we were done with but apparently not!)
For example someone sent her a phone text picture of an ugly baby and the text said "found your baby picture!" She looked at it and laughed, and then said "wait? is that really me?" I will set her dinner plate IN FRONT OF HER at the table (where she is sitting where she always sits) and she'll look around like she just realized what's going on and say "Is it dinner time? Is this my plate?" Obviously we have called her to dinner, she has sat down at the table and obviously the plate put in front of her is her's!
If her father and I are talking to one another (and not about anything private since she is in the room watching TV) and she'll suddenly stop watching TV and start asking questions "Who are you talking about? Who is that?"
Her new favorite phrases are "Wait, what??" accompanied by looking around the room like she just discovered she was sitting in a room and then repeating what we've JUST asked her to do like she's never heard of it before. "Wait, what? You want me to make my bed?? My bed??"
I don't know where this has come from, she's an intelligent person who's never had trouble with any of these things before! The only thing I've noticed is she's pulling this act with her friends, and they laugh when she does it. When she looks around the room and says "wait what??" they laugh at her. When she's confused they laugh about it. I know she LOVES being the center of attention and I think she likes this attention. They aren't mean to her (she has wonderful friends) but they make gentle fun of her about it as girls do. The teasing is a form of attention.
This concerns me because the behavior is translating to home where her friends are not present (and it's irritation to her father and me) and it seems like she feels encouraged to act like an airhead by her friends so she keeps doing it. I'm afraid it will become her personality! In fact, at this point it IS her personality! I've tried talking to her about it but she has no idea that she's even doing it and doesn't understand what I'm saying. Any advice? Should I just relax and know that it will pass? Also, she's homeschooled so there isn't a teacher I can talk to. She has a ton of friends, both homeschooled and public schooled and lots of social opportunities (she sees her friends 4 days a week at various classes). I've just noticed the airhead thing in the past few months with both homeschooled and public schooled friends.
Thanks mamas! I will hope that it will pass. I never thought about it, but that does sound like the kind of thing that gets laughs on TV. She watches a lot of Disney Channel and iCarly. I realized that when she was younger she got attention from being the cute little kid. Now that she's older she can't be the "cute little kid" anymore so yes, I suppose she's trying out personalities. I will try the "you're so smart, I'm sure you can figure this out" when she asks dumb questions. Silly answers don't work, she either thinks it's a game and starts asking even sillier questions and doesn't know when to stop, or she will actually say "wait, is the Pope really coming for dinner?"
Also, next time she's watching TV and we see someone like London Tipton (the airhead from The Suite Life) I can make a comment like "wow, she's funny on TV but that would get annoying in real life." I hope it will pass soon. Thanks mamas!
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I suggest that this is a stage and will pass. As you said, she's discovered it gets her laughs and she likes the attention. At this age she's trying out different personalities. This one is getting her laughs.
And she's also doing a lot of thinking because she is becoming more aware of many things. Her body is beginning to change, for one thing. Hormones seemed to strike my granddaughter at 9 and she's somewhat this way too. Their mind is somewhere else and not paying attention to the here and now.
I suggest that the way to handle this is to ignore it. Stay calm and even as you repeat your request to make her bed. Don't comment on her apparent lack of understanding. Just directly tell her what you expect and calmly repeat the request. Give her as little attention as possible to her quirky way of responding. Try very hard to not let it irritate you. She will tire of this personality and move on to try something different.
Later: I agree with J.L. She has probably picked this up from TV and her peers. It does sound like the sort of banter tweens use. I disagree with talking to her about it. Sounds too much like lecturing. Let her be the popular kid who's "with it." She'll outgrow it.
Like others have said, she might be picking this up from TV...if it's funny for her friends, then fine. She probably doesn't realize that it's not-so-funny for you guys and doesn't understand the difference between talking with her friends and talking with adults. When you posted on here before, I told you about my stepson and how he did a lot of the same things. He is now 16 and sometimes still wants to talk to adults about topics that are more in line with what he would talk about with his friends. Like he likes to watch Family Guy and I don't, but one day he kept wanting to talk about it - do I watch it, why don't I like it, would I ever, etc. Finally I just had to tell him to drop it, I was not interested. I was not trying to be rude or anything, and there is plenty of other things I am happy to talk about with him, he was just being particularly insistent about it and I had had enough. A lot of his behavior, as described before, is just designed to get your attention and keep it on him as long as possible. He's a sweet kid, but he's also never been as socially savvy and mature as some other kids his age.
You SD is 9 and what you are seeing might be typical for the "tweens". It works with her friends, so naturally she's going to keep on doing it. If she starts with you guys, I would probably just try to ignore it, or keep trying to explain that she can act one way with her friends, but you expect her to act a little more grown up around the adults if she wants to be taken seriously. Or, for something like the dinner plate thing, just look at her, and don't say anything - start working on that look that says, "Really?" Or maybe try telling her that you know what a smart girl she is and you know she can figure it out for herself.
And I still love Reilly's answer from last time, "Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." If she asks about the dinner plate being hers, tell her no, the President is coming for dinner. Or the Pope. Then again, she might be really naive - I know my SD was, he would believe anything you told him.
and you have met akid who is not an air head? watch richard pryor sometime. :)
Oh the tween years........sigh. Friends, TV, pop culture....all sure to spoil a perfectly sweet and lovely young lady.
You will seen within the next year or so that the gentle teasing of her 'friends' will turn into downright evilness. Middle school girls, by and large, are the most hateful group of human beings on the planet.
All the girls want to fit in and be part of the group and unfortunately they go about it in a truly horrendous fashion.
All I can say is to reinforce what's allowed at home. Support her, love her (as I know you do) and just know that it will pass. Having her home schooled will probably be a blessing as she's not dealing with these kids on a daily basis.
You're doing fine,mama.
