8 Mo Old and 3 Yr Old Share a Room = How to Deal with Night Sleep Issues

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congrats on still breastfeeding! :D i hope you know you are giving your child the best start!
crying it out is hard on a child, so im glad you have chosen not to take that route.
however, somehow you need to get sleep and you want to be a wife again.
no one really tells you once you have children you never sleep again. :P its true. so do what you can to get you all the most sleep.
cosleeping is safe and effective and gives your children a sense of security that cannot be replaced. parenting is night and day for the rest of your life, and though it may mean sacrificing "normal" sleep, the more responsive and loving you are to your children's needs, the happer and more confident they will sleep as they grow! :D

anyway, most importantly trust yourself on this. you do need to be a wife first, but you do need to support your kids's needs too. its a tough balance. just follow your heart and know taht what each of your kids are doing is normal, its not out of any bad choices you made as a parent, they just both need your love and attention. do what you can, and what you feel is best for your family! :D

...A.! Enough already!...I love my babies as much as any mother (I have a 3-yr-old, 2-yr-old and a newborn...but you have to end this. The baby really doesn't need to nurse at night anymore (I think you know that). As my pediatrician says, "If you got up in them middle of the night and someone kept feeding you, you'd keep getting up, too!" I would get ready for a tough week and put your foot down. The baby will sleep through. You need to just pick her up, rock her a little, talk softly for a minute and put her back down. It may be tough for a couple of nights, but she needs to learn to put herself back to sleep when she wakes... Maybe put your older guy in with Dad until the baby is learning for that week (probably only will take a couple of nights). Make sure he understands this is ONLY TEMPORARY. Then once the baby's sleeping through the night, the 3-yr-old can move back into the room. Again, you may have a few nights of getting up and putting him back to bed, but after a week or two, you can move back to your own room... Trust me, I've been caught in the "sleep with Mommy" trap. I loved it, but I knew it wasn't doing my 3-yr-old any good. We set a goal for her and she got a 'prize' when she stopped coming in our bed. It worked. It took a week, but it worked... the best gift you can give your kids is to teach them independence. They need a good night of uninterrupted sleep as much as any adult - maybe more...

What about moving the oldest in the room with Dad so you can work on the sleep issue with the youngest and let her cry it out? Or move the youngest in the room with you and Dad and let the oldest have his own room for awhile and deal with the issues. Let Dad sleep on the couch if he doesn't want to deal with the noise.

My kids aren't that light of sleepers, so we haven't had too many issues. Plus we have the baby sleep in our room until they sleep the night and can transition into the nursery with the others. I have 3 kids in one room and the only issues we have had is one wakes earlier then the others and will sometimes wake them up. But that's still at 6 or 7. So it's not the worst thing in the world. They all go to bed at the same time and I give them about 10 minutes to settle down before I start reminding them that's it's bed time (and I rarely have to do that).

Good Luck!

I went through the same issue. We have 4 bedrooms in our house and has put my 4 year old down stairs. However, once the baby came he would only sleep upstairs in his brothers room. I gave up and decided I was lucky he was so excited about having a brother and was already to get close to him. They are now insepratable but my oldest is 5 and the baby is 1. I kept running right to him when he would cry at first, but eventualy I knew I had to let him cry it out. We all suffered for about a week, but then it got much better. We are all sleeping hapily and all night long now!

I had the same issue, and spent time worrying about it. I didn't have to worry as much as I thought, so stop. It will work out. My son was a yr before he started sleeping thru and not waking up to nurse. Sometimes he still wakes up a little earlier than I want so I feed him and sometimes he still goes back to sleep for a while. That part is up to you. I was worried that his crying would wake up my daughter, so in the beginning, we put her matress in our room, so I could let my son cry it out a little. It didn't take too long before he was only waking up once or twice. Then my daughter said she wanted to go back in her room. So I told her she would have to try to ignore him if he cried, cause I wouldn't go in right away.I was surprised to find how soundly she sleeps. One time he cried for a half an hour and I never heard a peep out of her, and he went back to sleep too! Don't know if it will be as easy, or maybe easier, since your oldest is 3, and mine was 5, but good luck!

I was going to say the same thing as someone else suggested......put a mattress on the floor in your room for the oldest child and then work on the little in the room alone first. ( not good on you and your husband having alone time but better than you having little sleep at night ) We have a 3 bedroom house and when we brought our #4 child home from China I was worried about the same thing...the little one waking up the older one as she was in school and I didn't want her to be tired IF the new baby were to wake her. So we got bunk beds and then another twin bed and all 3 of the older kids slept in one room while the baby had a room all to her self. It work out great! After a year or so we moved the girls in together into a Queen bed and the 2 boys were free at last of the girls! -- Or is there another smaller room ( office/den ) to put a crib for awhile? I had a friend who put a baby bed in their closet. Now, it was a bigger closet but it worked just fine. Anything for the kids/parents to work thru the night and get better rest!
good luck! B.

Read Night Time Parenting by Dr Sears or go to the askdrsears.com site. Both are very helpful. What worked for us was to keep baby close, in our bed and everyone got more sleep. That is the bottom line. Crying it out is rarely an answer especially when baby is still so young.
The days (or nights in this case!) are long, but the years are short.
Keep baby close, keep nursing and know this will pass.
Good Luck!
J.

A.,

Well said by Chureen (below)! I second those ideas! We still have two that share a room...although they are older now...13 and 8...and really don't have too many issues.

Good luck!

Let us know what you decide!

W.
www.kidlutions.com

HAve you tried to let the baby cry or fuss for a bit at least? I wonder if your older one would really wake up as quickly as you think. I have a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old sharing a room. He rarely wakes to her crying at night and when he does, he goes right back to sleep. Also, I might try going back to your own room. When my sone was young he slept through the night at 4 months. Then, we took a trip where I was in the same room as him and we "woke" up every hour or 2 wanting to nurse! I wonder if you weren't right there and visible if the baby would fully wake as much. Also, if you do decide to try to let her "cry it out," keep in mind, if your son does wake up he (and you!) may be sleep deprived for a few days, but once you get over the hump you ALL will sleep much better. Good luck!

Could the baby's crib be put in the hallway, dining room, or some other non-traditional space? My oldest slept in the dining room until we got the second level of our house finished. The baby sleeps in the hallway outside of our room. We are all light sleepers too, so this was a good compromise for keeping them close for night feedings, yet allowing everyone to get some sleep too.