7 Month Old Sleep Issues - Moberly,MO

Hi T.,
I too had a daughter who never slept well from day one. (For her the issues were food allergies and reflux). I too got stressed about how she fell asleep and read everything I could get my hands on about sleep, most of which stressed me more because a lot of it says they should learn to put themselves to sleep. The best thing I did for myself was read Dr. Sears' The Baby Sleep Book...made me feel like doing things on my baby's own time and trusting my instincts was not just ok, but the right thing to do. We decided that "she needs what she needs when she needs it." And she did learn to go to sleep on her own. Hang in there. C.

If you're against letting her cry it out, I suggest the book, The No Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. It teaches different approaches to helping your child go to sleep w/o crying. There are some really good ideas about how to ease off the nursing to go to sleep. Good luck!

Hi T.,
Congrats on your little one. I could never take letting my kids "cry it out" it seems like torture to me. However, she needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own. The sooner she learns that, the better both your lives will be. I learned with my first one, that if she wanted to sleep she had to be in her bed, and with each child I learned to put them in their own bed while awake but drowsy and let them learn to fall asleep on their own...this helps with in the middle of the night when they wake up, they know how to go back to sleep on their own. As I said, you and I both don't like the "cry it out" method. But I would start putting her in bed, before she's totally asleep, and leave the room. She will cry, and you come back in after one minute and comfort her...without picking her up or nursing her. Repeat the process, making the time interval a bit longer each time. It's not going to be easy, but she will eventually go to sleep. She's learned that you are there when she goes to sleep, and she expects you to be there when she wakes up. Hope this helps, Good luck!!

I don't have advice to give you because you understand your own situation much better than I. What I can give you is what I have learned and observed through my own experience and my studies. Perhaps, this information will help you make decisions and find solutions.

There is a lot people do not commonly know about the multiple benefits of nursing. Something that is rarely understood is the advantages for brain development. One of the reasons human milk is so sweet is because the amount of sugar in a mammal's milk is in direct proportion to the size of the brain in ratio to the size of the body. Because the human brain is the largest in ratio to body size, a human mother's milk is very rich in this sugar that feeds the brain and helps it develop. Most of our growth happens while we sleep. It is, therefore, no small wonder that babies commonly want to nurse before falling asleep. This is a natural instinct. Because of this, I would question the idea that life will be better for both of you when your baby falls asleep without nursing.

The formation of what many people refer to as the 'emotional brain', the limbic system, patterns itself from the close contact a child has with the person to which they are most attached. Most commonly this is the mother. Scientific experiments have proven that, while nursing, a child's brainwaves become entrained to the mother's brainwaves, significantly aiding this process. An EEG reading from a baby's brain becomes identical with the mother's EEG reading while nursing. So, for the baby, nursing takes a child into a meditative or trans-like state, which allows them to fall asleep more easily.

At 7 months, this is perfectly normal, and I think, adventageous. It is normal for a child to wean themselves between 18 months and 2 years of age. Although my son started napping without nursing at about 15 months, he was only wanting to nurse at bedtime by the time he was 18 months. One day I had to put on my nightgown in the middle of the day. When my son saw it, it triggered him to want to nurse, even though he had not nursed in the daytime for quite some time. That's when I realized he was ready to ween. I slept in casual clothes for two weeks so he would not see me in my nightgown and he never asked to nurse again.

I have learned that if children are not deprived of nursing before they reach a natural weening point, they ween more easily because they do not become hyper-vigilent about it. It is far more difficult to ween when mom is not available on a regular basis and the child feels the need to cling to nursing habits in order to cling to mom. Weening is commonly more problematic for working mothers becuase of this. Part time work may or may not bring this on. It really depends on the child feeling secure about mom's availabiltiy, not just on how many hours mom is away at work. If the child bonds well with Dad and/or someone perceived as close family, and is nursed when needed, that state of hypervigilence may never develop.

The trick is to develop a sense of security that their needs will be met. You can try to gradually replace nap time nursing with lullaies or reading stories. These are other ways a child's brain becomes entrained to the one who is 'feeding' them the song or the story. Also, it has been proven that the frontal lobe of the brain tends to become entrained to someone who is sending them a purely compassionate thought or emotion. So, if you are frustrated, your very thoughts will lend to insecure feelings in your baby and he/she will naturally want to be comforted by the most familiar form of comfort - nursing.

As far as waking to nurse at night, we let our son sleep with us until after he was weened. He found his own groceries when he needed to and we all slept better. This, I felt, also allowed him to feel secure that his needs would be met. This allowed him to develop the habit of sleeping through the night naturally. According to what I have read, this also helps a child maintain an intimate bond with working parents.

You should be commended on being successful at managing to nurse for 7 months while needing to work outside the home. It can be difficult to manage, but trust that your instincts will tell you what is most important. I once read a very valuable piece of advice that said, "We must give up the important things for the most important things." That wisdom never failed me when I applied it!

I'm a mom to 3 and a grandma to 6, I've stayed at home with all of them. I've found that holding them tight and singing or humming softly as you rock them will get them to quiet down. They have to quiet to hear what you're doing, the rocking is also soothing. I insert their name into a song if I can, that gets their attention, make up your own words or just sing the ABC song, they have to learn them anyway, it always depended upon how tired I was as to how complicated the song was (they heard ABC's a lot!) Once she stops nursing or taking the bottle to sleep is the time to start trying to get her into bed before she's asleep. Enjoy the time you have rocking her, it's calming for you, they grow up too fast and you'll regret making her split from you before she was ready!

I think this is perfectly normal behavior for an infant. Babies need to suckle for nourishment and comfort, and that is usually to fall asleep. So, you could give her a pacifier or drive her in the car until she falls asleep, and take her in from there, and hope she doesn't wake. I am not sure where the idea that a baby has to go to sleep on their own started from, but I have had 7 babies, and all of them have nursed to sleep. When they were 18 mos, they only nursed for naps and nighttime. Those are the hardest to wean from. Because babies are naturally geared that way. They are only small once, so enjoy this time.

Looks like you've gotten some good suggestions. Another book that I found incredibly helpful is the "Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake up Happy". The only thing that I would suggest is that if you're going to try her methods, try them right away. The longer you wait to do it, the harder it is. This worked for us with our 5-mo-old in 2 nights - the first night she cried for 45 minutes, I think, and the second night for 15 min. And you don't leave her to cry it out alone, you sit with her to keep her company. But the older they get, the more difficult it is because sitting there isn't enough, they want you to hold them. Good luck!

My son was very similar.

I would first go for an earlier bed time. We found that between 7-7:30pm was the magic hour for us.

Also, we would give him a bath or do something to wear him our physically before bedtime. So he's ready to rest.

We purchased an alarm clock with a sound generator, ocean waves worked for him. ($14.00 at Target)

We made sure that he got plenty of cuddle time in the hours before bed so that his "emotional tank" was full.

Create a routine - wash up in the bathroon, changed into PJ's, read/sung to, nursing/bottle, then bed. Has to be the same, babies just thrive on routine!!

And then we had to let him cry it out for 2 weeks.

I know.

It's really rough.

Run the water at full blast and do the dishes, set a timer for 15-20 minutes so you don't stop to listen/ spoil it by checking in/ too often.

And then it's over.

We had to fight this battle once. He's now 3. Every about 4 months, he starts to fuss - fusses for 5 minutes and then he's asleep. He knows that it's his job to go to bed. *whheeew*

And you might try some different pacifiers now... she might have interest and that would help you. Give her a way to self-soothe.

Hang in there Mommy! You'll find what works for you.

T.

put on a cd or turn the tv up and let her cry. because eventually she has to learn that she can't always have her way. since you want to try weaning her get a sippy cup and put breastmilk in it and give it to her before letting her nurse. it just may be she is one of those babies that goes from the breast straight to a cup instead of a bottle. but if you do want a bottle try her on different types of nipples it just may be that certain ones are to hard on her mouth.

Does she like music or lights? my girls would focus on that instead of me, that helped. Try to feed her more at dinner and sing to her. You have to fine other things that she like more then nursing.

I second Chris D, fwlady M, and Kathy L. Wanted to add, when people give you advice, or you read about "sleep training" methods, remember that all kids are different. My older daughter was a lot like yours sounds. The younger one is more easy going. So, sleep training and/or "cry it out" would have been very painful and traumatic for the older one, maybe not so much for the younger one. If all my kids were like my younger one, I might have thought cio was the bees knees too. It wouldn't have worked for my first one, though, and I personally don't advocate it for anyone.

There are neurological factors, too. My older daughter had a lot of difficulty unwinding at the end of the day, well into 2 and 3 years old. There were so many nights of lying down for an hour and a half to get her to sleep, WITH nursing. Weaning was very slow and gradual, and not complete until after her 4th birthday. But that last step just wasn't even hard. I told her she was old enough that she didn't need it anymore, and she hasn't asked for it since. I do lie down with her, but she falls asleep in about 5-10 minutes. I think her brain just had to learn how to switch gears, and it naturally did, over time. IMO being alone in the dark and crying is not a way to learn.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Paperback)

I cannot reccomend this book highlly enough. My daughter is 13 and for the first five years, I dreaded bed and naptime. It really put a dampter on parenting. Someone reccomended this book to me and it saved my life. I would just look up the advice and pass it on, but I have long since donated my copy to another parent. I hope it helps.

One thing that helped me to get my kids to sleep through the night was to move bedtime up early. 9:30 is a pretty late bedtime for a 7 month old. If your child is overtired by the time she goes to bed, she may be having trouble settling down into a deep sleep. If you can try to get her to bed before she reaches that point, it may help her to go longer stretches at night. At 7 months, it's reasonable for her to need to nurse once at night, but beyond that it probably is more for comfort or an inability to settle back to sleep on her own. My oldest needed to go to bed between 6 and 6:30 or she would have a bad night. My youngest could stay up a little bit later, but he is still in bed by 7 at 13 months. Good luck!

Hi, I know that it is hard, but since she is now used to falling asleep while eating, the only solution is to let her cry it out. I promise you that it gets better. She is going to scream hard and long for the first two to three nights, but she is trying to break a bad habit that she has had for seven months. Just know that you're not a bad mom for letting her cry, it will benefit her and you in the long run. The reason she is still waking in the middle of the night is because she hasn't learned to self-soothe. Once she learns that she doesn't need you to fall back asleep, she will be able to put herself back to sleep. Put her down with something to look at in her crib and then leave the room. Keep checking on her from the door, do not go in there, at seven months if she sees you, you will start all over. It will be rough at first, but I promise you she will learn and life will be much easier. Good luck...you can do it.

Hey T., I don't have the answer for you but I always had this concern with both of my girls. I am all about feeding them when they are hunrgy & putting them asleep when they are tired, so I try to keep there eating & sleeping schedule seperate. eat, play then sleep.... If she is always nursing to go asleep, probably her eating scheulde is the same as her sleeping scheudle she is hurngy. Try to get her on a different eating schedule so she is not hunrgy before she goes to sleep...