6.5 Yr Old Girl Fearful and Pooping Pants Again from Seeing Scary Video

It might continue, but I doubt it. Look, she's had a fright and now you know that she has this "thing" with her bowels when she has a fright. But at some point, this turns into a bid for attention - "go to the bathroom with me because I'm scared, stay with me til I'm asleep because I'm scared". You can't give into this for long or it really WILL turn into a dependency issue.

I'd have her clean herself up alone the next time she poops. Just say to her, "Well, you need to clean yourself up." Go in the bathroom and show her how. It should require flushing the poo in the toilet, and THEN dipping her panties in the toilet and scrubbing the crotch out, rubbing the fabric against itself while dipping in and out of the toilet water. She will probably think it's gross. It IS gross. But there is no better incentive to her to stop pooping her pants than having to wash out her OWN underwear. Require this of her. Don't talk about her fear ANYMORE, and don't go to the bathroom with her.

At night time, you need to tell her that if she wants to go to sleep with the light on, that is fine, but you aren't staying with her anymore.

It's important to do this because she WILL see things that will scare her. You cannot prevent it. It doesn't even have to be scary. It can just be something that she DECIDES is scary. Everyone's "scare point" is different. You have to refrain from letting her think that you feel sorry for her or letting her know that you feel helpless. It will only further her feelings that she has something to be scared of.

It is good that she will go to summer camp. She will be made fun of if she poops in her pants, and most likely, it would only happen once, and then it wouldn't happen again...

Part of her fear is based on a feeling of helplessness. As Marda suggested, let her talk about it over and over again with you. Use the phrase "Tell me..." to get her to open up. For example, "Tell me what the scariest part of the movie was." "Tell me what you are afraid will happen when you go to the bathroom alone." If she says, "I don't know." Ask her, "Pretend like you know." Then just sit quietly and allow her the time to hear her own thoughts.

Too often as parents we tend to tell our children what they are thinking and feeling rather than allowing them to discover that for themselves. It is important for you to stop reassuring her and allow her to find her own reassurance.

One of the things you can do is ask her, after she tells you what she fears will happen to her, "Tell me what you would do if that scary thing happened." This gets her to move past the scary thing and on to the solving of the problem. Too often we get stuck in the scary moment rather than forcing our minds onto the next thing and then the next thing and then the next thing till you are past the scary moment. Ask her what she would do, who could help her, what are the things that could help her like calling the police, yelling, running away, being smart and looking for ways to get to safety, etc. Then ask her what the next thing she would do and on and on till she is no longer in a scary situation.

Do not censor her solutions. Even if she uses magical ideas that is okay. This is all about a story in her head and not a real incident. Let her play out the story and to play out the solution as well. What is important is that she moves from the "stuck in the fear" place to the "Maybe I could get out of or survive this" place.

This is about a teaching moment. Teaching her how to solve tragedies and scary problems rather than being a victim to them. Help her to see that there are always choices no matter what is happening. Sometimes, if she is really stuck in not seeing any solutions, tell her if she comes up with two ways of helping herself then you will come up with two also. This encourages her problem solving skills and helps you to step back and let her develop those skills while still helping her.

I'm sorry this happened to her. There are some "silly" scary videos online that I can't stand. One is a random scene and then all of the sudden terror horror face pops out of nowhere to terrify the viewer. Another is based on some ghost that allegedly appears if you say her name (I don't even remember) in the bathroom mirror. I'm not sure about the Queen Mary Ship, but she's probably afraid of something appearing in the mirror when she's in the bathroom alone.

Comfort her and I agree have someone escort her to the bathroom (an adult, an aide?) at school. You definitely walk her to the bathroom at home. I still cuddle my almost 9 year old daughter to sleep because she likes it. Nothing wrong with staying with them until they sleep. Help her feel safe. Tell her silly, funny stories before bed. Help her feel better in whatever room she is in.

In the meantime, no ghosts are not real. If you are a Christian, I would pray about it with her. I would remind her that God is sovereign and sends angels to protect his people, especially children. Pray with her that God would give her a peaceful heart about this. (Look up Philippians 4:6-7)

The thing I would not recommend, contacting a paranormal group to talk to her. Well "ghosts" are not ghosts. The dead do not come back. But it might be something else. Nobody should be contacting them. God forbids psychic activity for a reason (our protection).

What does the Bible say about ghosts / hauntings?
http://www.gotquestions.org/ghosts-hauntings.html

What does the Bible say about psychics?
http://www.gotquestions.org/psychics-Christian.html

This is ridiculous, but remember that stupid movie THE RING? I was terrified of that monster walking around my house. I'd imagine it and get myself terrified. Stupid, right? I'm an adult. It took me a few weeks to get over it. I was just scaring myself.

The movie: explain that movies are fake. That people make them up to be entertaining (some people like getting scared). I don't. I avoid scary movies now (not worth my time).

Maybe tell her not to watch YouTube alone with other kids. For now, maybe that's a good rule to have, because YT has "good" stuff and not so good stuff. And to be mindful of kids showing you things. Teach her to say, "no thanks."

Reprimanding the child: sigh. You can talk to the parents and HOPE they will teach their child NEVER to do that (show something inappropriate) again. That's what you hope for. I am sorry to report that not every parent is so thoughtful or caring enough to do that. Some will shrug it off. Children are young and sometimes, careless and thoughtless.

Most summer camps do not allow electronics. So it's unlikely this will happen at camp.

I suggest that she will get past this before too long. In the meantime talk about the movie in as much detail as she's wanting to talk. Explain how what she's talking about is fantasy and talk about how to know what's real and what's not. Over and over if she wants to talk.

Also, give her added support until she gets this worked thru in her mind. Ask the teacher to send someone to the bathroom with her. I suggest that within a week or so she'll feel more comfortable. The good experiences that she has with someone with her will help her know that the bathroom is safe.

I'm going thru something similar with my 9 yo grandson. He was exposed to violent video games complete with pictures of real people at his father's friends house. We've been talking about the story line and how he feels about what he saw for about a week now. He's reached the point where he tells people that the game scares him and he doesn't want to play it again. He no longer needs to have me go into other rooms with him. It's take 7-10 days for him to be less scared.

Later: giving her a way to control the situation might help her. With my grandson it helped to be able to say out loud why he was scared. I gave him the words for that. "When people hurt other people that's scary. Remember it's not real even tho it looks real." He showed me an excerpt on the Internet. I said, out loud, "that scares me. I don't want to watch it." I think that by my expressing my feelings it validated his feelings and gave him words to say in response to his fear.

I also told him he could not continue to watch at my house; that he was not allowed to watch such things at his house (mom's) and mine. He was then able to say, he didn't want to watch them. Until then, he thought he had to watch because his dad and his dad's friend thought it was cool. I told him to say no when he was asked if he wanted to play and to leave the room. His mom is going to talk with his dad about it. We'll see how it goes.

Take her to see the Queen Mary. It's beautiful. Maybe if she gets to tour the ship her fears will go away.
I would call the ship before you go, while she is in school, and tell them what happened and explain what happened and ask if you can schedule a private tour with no ghost talk.

I've been on the ship many times, I love visiting it. But as a psychic/medium I know it's haunted. Maybe you can find a paranormal group in LA and have someone from the group come to talk to her. I do paranormal investigations and part of my goal during an investigation is to allievate fears. My house has 3 resident ghosts. They don't bother or scare me.

Knowledge is power. I imagine she is so frightened by the concept of ghosts because she has never before been exposed to the idea. When my kids had these types of fears (ghosts, monsters, insects) we would go to the library and find every book and every video about the subject we could get our hands on and learn about it. I'm sure the children's section at your local library has lots of resources on the paranormal. If she understands it better it won't be so scary. Look for Discovery Kids Eyewitness books and videos. They are usually very informative and the kids really enjoy them.

You have gotten some excellent suggestions here. Definitely invite her to share with you what her fear actually IS. You may be surprised by the answer. Brainstorm with her about things that might make her feel better about using the bathroom on her own. Have her clean out her own underwear and make sure that the camp has plenty of clean undies and bags to send home the soiled until she gets through this.

I would also talk with her about how movies and videos are made. Talk to her about what "special effects" are and see if you can find a video on You Tub about special effects. It would great for her to see how people create these images so that the "look real", but aren't.

When you pick her up at school go into the bathrooms with her - use th toilet yourself and have her use it as well. You need to replace the bad video image that's been seared into her brain with normal images to help her get past her fears. You may have to do it a number of times.

As for the older child - there are some kids out there whose parents are just not connected, or they're just as bad. Calling this child's parents will accomplish nothing and may end up back-firing. It's best to just move past it.

You did absolutely the right thing to go to the afterschool program adult and the principal! School rules probably will prevent them from telling you whether or what they did to discipline this older child, but you could still try to follow up along the lines of "I would like to ensure that you're banning all cell phones and other electronics as the policy requires."

For your child -- I agree with the person who posted, go with her for a bit longer. But I would add that you should take care not to lavish too much attention on her regarding going to the bathroom; be very business-like and matter-of-fact about it; go with her but do not talk about the reason why a lot, and don't keep asking her how she feels or if she's upset.She knows by now that you care and you are there for her. I would drop this topic except for one thing:

You can filter the internet at home etc. but you cannot control other kids or other families. She WILL encounter jerky kids and their illicit devices again. You need to start giving her the tools to deal with it -- she needs to be taught that when another kid, older or not, pulls out a cell phone or other device (even if the kid says "I just want to show you a cute game") she should walk away immediately. Remind her that no one is supposed to have these devices so she should not be looking at them even if they're not hers and should immediately walk away from that kid.

You're right that summer will help distract her and break up this phobia. As for the camp, I would think this would be over by then, but you should let the camp director or counselors or first aid person know that her reaction to fear is sometimes pooping that she can't control. They do need to know that. (Do not tell them in front of her - she will feel ashamed, so keep it between the adults.)