6 yr.old Cries All the Time!

For me, fiance would be gone. I'm not going to have a non-constructive person around my kid and I don't care how right or wrong he is. He's either a part of the solution or he's part of the problem.

This child probably needs some help. I'd seek out professional feedback as to what is going on with him. Where is his dad?

JMO. Sorry, I've been in a step-parent relationship with my son and husband for many years, and I just would not tolerate my husband treating my son the way you describe (nor would my husband ever want to do that).

T.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

If your fiance does NOT show compassion NOW? It won't change after you get married. So if he can't accept your son NOW? He won't later. How is disciplining him for his feelings going to help your son? BROOM the fiance - seriously - boot him and focus on your son!!!

Your son is sensitive. You need to learn how to communicate with him so you can help him EXPRESS his feelings without crying all the time.

He needs to learn how to control his feelings - and disciplining him will NOT change his crying. Your fiance sounds like an a$$. A HUGE A$$. Your son deserves better than that.

You can talk to your pediatrician and see if he/she can recommend a therapist who can help you and your son communicate better together and help him express his feelings without crying all the time.

I can't believe that your son, at the age of 7 is JUST NOW starting to play with friends. Where has he been all this time? No school nor day care? Who has been caring for him all this time?

When he starts crying because he's frustrated...get down on his level - eye to eye and tell him to STOP. BREATHE...now TALK to me about what you are upset about. I cannot hear you through the tears and whining. I need you to tell me what is wrong. TALK TO ME...

When he starts whining about something? Tell him to TALK to you - NOT whine to you.

Get rid of that awful "man" you have as a fiance....seriously. Kick his sorry a$$ to the curb and never allow him in your home again.

There are two parts to this scenario. This first is your son. Because of how you described the situation, I'm going with the assumption that crying is how he expresses strong feelings, and this isn't attention-getting tantrum crying. Crying sue to sadness or disappointment is a valid expression of those feelings. I agree with what you already say - talk to your son. Listen to his words and help him to learn how to work through the times that he finds tough. When people feel heard, they are less likely to hold it in until they burst into tears. The last thing you want to do is have him 'suck it up' and hold in more. I can tell you already know this.

The second issue is your fiance. When people show you who they are, believe what you see. I'm sure you love him, but that isn't a good enough reason to get married. After three years together you still have at least this one serious incompatibility. Do not marry until you're on the same page regarding kids and parenting. (and in-laws, religion, money.) Save yourself a world of hurt and a lifetime of trouble by heading off this stuff now. If it can't be resolved, then your heart has to take one for the team and cut him loose.

I have a sensitive 7 year old. My son is very bright and intelligent, and gets frustrated easily when things don't work out with the first attempt. I think he gets ahead of himself and his brain goes faster than his body. He is getting better about it though, but it does take patience. I tell my son when he gets frustrated and feels like crying, to close his eyes and count to ten. Then open them and take a deep breath, and try again. We practice this at home as well when he gets frustrated. I think this has helped as his teacher tells us things have improved quite a bit this year.
btw- I'm not passing judgement, but it's not your fiance's call as to whether and when he should be disciplined. If your fiance can't handle it, he just needs to leave the situation and let you handle things yourself.
Hope this helps.

Your fiance needs to back off.
Some kids take longer to out grow this than others.
There is a boy in my son's taekwondo class that cried over absolutely everything.
It was wearing thin but he finally outgrew it at about 9 years old.
Now he's an outgoing kid that everyone loves to be around (he's 11 now).
He's a great junior taekwondo instructor and has no troubles leading the class in warm-up exercises.
Your fiance could learn a thing or two about compassion.
If he can't develop more patience real soon, he needs to be an ex-fiance.

oh my God!! your fiance has showed you his true colors!!! Leave him NOW!! It takes more than love to make a marriage work. He doesn't love your son. RUN!!! NOW!!

My 7 year old is sensitive like your son. What I have learned is to tell him to stop whining and TALK to me. Much like WW said, I can't hear you through the whining. Do NOT make fun of his whining...as he's already sensitive...with my older son, if he starts whining, I ask him if he'd like some cheese with that whine...it works on him. On my sensitive one? No way! Only upsets him further.

I see signs that my son is starting to learn to express his feelings in words and not whining...it's taken a lot of patience and time. He knows that I will take his concerns seriously IF voiced to me like a gentleman and not whining...

My husband, his dad, does NOT ridicule him NOR discipline him for his feelings. He will roll his eyes and hand him over to me. It's been hard on him to hear his son "whine" and "cry" but he realizes he is TRYING to express his frustration, feelings, etc.

I would NOT marry this guy. I agree with everyone who has said reconsider marrying him...RUN!!! NOW!!

He needs coping skills. Alternate ways of expressing himself.
Has he been explained to, that there are other ways of communicating... besides crying?
Show him.
Tell him.
Give him examples.
Practice/role play with him.
He is getting older, and needs to learn that.
Coping skills are not automatic. It is taught. By the parent.

TELL YOUR Fiance, it is NOT his place... to discipline YOUR child.
Your Fiance is not even his Dad.
Your Fiance has no place, in this.

Send your Fiance, to parenting classes.
IF your Fiance, truly cares about learning... how to be your partner and a positive presence for your son, then he WILL go and learn all he can, and be caring about it.

If your Fiance, can't even handle your son, and is acting this way... well, maybe that is the problem.
And calling him a "cry baby" (hopefully your Fiance does not do this), is very wrong. It is name calling. And it is hurtful to any child.

I would really question your Fiances attitude, toward your son.

6 years old, he should be in the 1st grade. Is he having this problem at school too? It seems to me like your little one doesn't have the resources to process his frustration except for crying. He needs to learn what to do beyond crying to express his feelings. It's your job as his mother to teach him. Your fiance and soon to be husband also much teach him.

Men are not like women. How they handle and process information and life are different. Does your fiance have the best in mind for your son? Is your fiance the kind of man you want your son to grow up to be like? If so then allow your fiance to teach him. His methods won't be like a mom's way of doing things.

If you don't like your fiance's lack of compassion with your son you may need to reconsider marrying this man. Marriage is an as is proposition. This man is who he is. He will not change which is fine but is it fine for your growing boy?

Is fiance the boy's dad? If not, he needs to back off. You don't "discipline" crying.

Some kids have short emotional fuses and need extra help to figure themselves out.

Ask your pedi if they have any suggestions. Also, talk to him when he's not upset about "big" upset, little upset - what tears are for, and what words are for. Tears are for big hurts - injuries, etc. I try to tell my son it's ok to be upset about things, but to try to "save" tears for the big stuff (really getting hurt, etc.). If your son has any issues communicating WHY he's upset, then he'll cry because he doesn't have the words. He may need some help with that.

Please ask the pediatrician, today, to recommend some good books on child development that cover your son's age group. Learning more about where you son is as a six-year-old child will help you and is an absolute must for your misguided fiancé.

You are doing well, mom, for thinking first about your son, and for wanting to work with him on expressing what he feels. But your fiancé does not seem to see your son as a young child (and yes, six is still quite young). Please hold off on marriage until your fiancé and you are absolutely and always on the same page about this. Disciplining your son for this could be a huge mistake, yet it's what your fiancé expects to do; he will expect even more control and a "right" to discipline once you are married. Hold off and go to parenting classes or even family counseling with your fiancé BEFORE you marry him, because if he will not do those things with you -- he is not going to be a father to your son.

This situation gives you a huge red flag about your fiancé. You love him but that alone is not enough for marriage if there is a child involved.

As regards your son: Talk to the school counselor (you, alone, without son) about this, and then ask if the counselor will do some talks with your son one on one. This is exactly what school counselors are there for! You need to look at why your son reacts so strongly and emotionally and you especially need help to find some specific things to do and say when he gets disappointed or upset -- he needs to learn some better ways to cope, and the school counselor should be giving you some specific ideas. If the school counselor isn't up for that, ask the pediatrician for referrals to some local counselors who work with kids this age.

Six is a transitional age for many kids between being a "little kid" and having a lot of expectations, by parents, teachers and others, that they must now act like "a big kid." But they aren't always emotionally ready for that, and get overwhelmed at times. If this seems to be your son's case, be sure that you (and especially your fiancé, who seems to lack understanding of young kids) are not expecting too much from him, demanding that he act older or better or more mature too often, etc.

See a couples or family counselor or therapist with the fiancé; reconsider marriage if he refuses or insists your son is "just being a baby"; and work with the school counselor and/or another counselor, just for a time, to help your son over the very normal hurdle of being six.

It's also possible that the tears are a way to get mom's attention away from the fiancé. That does not mean your son is naughty or manipulative -- he probably does not even realize that he is getting all emotional, in part, to get you to come to him and comfort him. But it could be a signal that he feels mom is being taken away by the fiancé. You might need to work with son on that, but first, you need to work with your fiancé. I would be concerned about a man whose first and last thought is punishment and who doesn't stop to consider what's really behind the tears.