5 Yr Old Desperate for 'Friends'

I think her behavior is pretty normal, but you can still guide her and give her the tools she needs to be a good friend. Social cues don't come naturally to all children, sometimes they need a little help.
Talk about what it means to be a good friend, sharing, taking turns, being inclusive, listening, etc. Role play with her, or act it out with dolls or stuffed animals.
Reinforce the positive behavior every time you see it, "oh I really like the way you let your friend pick which game to play, that was so nice of you!" and gently remind her to think about her choices when you see she's doing something not so positive, "oh, it looks like Sally doesn't really want to hold hands, why don't you ask her?"

Let her figure it out. It's the only way she'll learn. She will also figure a lot out during Kindergarten. K is a huge learning experience socially for kids.

My daughter is the same way. She is about to turn 8 so she is getting much better, but I think its also something they outgrow. You can explain to her that other kids don't want to be guided around and that she needs to be more open to doing what other kids want to do. She'll also learn these skills on her own once she goes to school.

As for holding hands, my daughter and her friends hold hands all the time. I think it's one of the most precious and innocent things they do and it always brings a smile to my cynical face :)

My daughters definitely held hands around ages 5 and 6. But I think all you can do is keep coaching her. I havent' had this problem but my youngest was super shy and just not good at making friends and I've just coached her and helped her along and she's made huge strides at age 6.5 now. But sometimes she does some things that are a bit weird and I tell her... I know some people say to let your kids be individuals and that's true to a point. I've also seen kids who just don't follow social norms and are not liked bc of it and I wonder where their parents are or if their parents don't get it either. So I think you daughter will learn and you can just help her learn a little more quickly. I too liked to have "one best friend" and I don't think i outgrew it till I was an adult but can't hurt to give lots of guidance and tell stories about when you were a kid. I think personal experience hits home with kids more even if you have to kind of embelish the story to make a point.

I agree with people that it requires a combination. Mostly let her figure it out. Don't try to point out or correct too much unless she expresses frustration. Then use her frustration to open up a dialog. And make sure it is a dialog. Ask her questions about what she thinks happened. Ask her questions about how she likes to be treated. Insert little tidbits of guidance and suggestions for her to try, but keep it simple.

It's a little of both: She has to figure certain things out for herself, but you can offer some guidance.

My daughter had a hard time socially in preschool and kindergarten. I used to tell her that no one would want to be her friend if she acted like that or talked like that. Between seeing the evidence for herself and my continued guidance, by about second grade she calmed down and was less controlling, bossy, mean etc...

She's going into 5th grade now. She's not the most popular girl in school, but has a good group of real friends. I'd much rather see her with a small group of good friends, than a big group of fake friends. She's happy and I'm happy.

I'd say work on it, I've seen bossy little girls at school and they dont get better! It's great to be a leader, but no dragging, pushing, insisting friends do things your way. Keep trying to tell her that all children play together in K, that all her classmates will be her friend. Praise her when she takes turns, shares, etc. Praise her when she is a leader in a good way, going out of her way to play with someone who is shy, or younger....
Does she boss her little sister around? Start by making that not OK (even if lil sis is ok with it -she wont be forever) When you play with her act like a friend instead of a mom, occasionally insist on choosing the game, or going first, and let her practice being ok with this. Try to schedule playdates with one child at a time so she gets that at home.

When she is in Kindergarten, she will learn further, about social behavior. Or if it is a problem, the Teacher will notice or other kids will complain, and the Teacher, will kindly... try to "correct" it.

My friend's daughter, has a friend like that.
Though older, her daughter gets real irked, because this other girl is real 'possessive' about her. Not liking if she plays with others etc. Or telling others they can't play with her, she is HER friend etc.
But well, so my friend's daughter, just speaks up and tells her no you can't tell me what to do and you can't decide who I play with or not.
And slowly.... she distances herself from that girl.

Guide your girl.

I know a girl like that in my daughter's class. This was in 4th grade. The girl complained to me saying "your daughter doesn't want to play with me or play what I want..." So I told that girl "You CANNOT control others, or boss them, or tell them who to play with or not. And you cannot MAKE a child play with you or force them. You cannot force... a person to play with you. And they can't force you to play with them, either. A person can say, no." This girl, well all the kids know she is like this. Pushy. And then complains when others get tired of it. But then I noticed, that she has since then tried to be less, pushy.

Your girl is young. She is excited about "friends." But friends... are not "possessions."

I teach my kids that if they want to play by themselves, they can. Nothing is wrong with that. And if they don't want to play with someone, or if the friend is being possessive, they can say no. In a nice way. Its fine.

Your daughter is 5. Sure you can let her work it out. But that doesn't mean she will. To me, a parent NEEDS to guide their child. And teach them... about people/situations, etc. It cannot be guaranteed, that a child will work it out on their own, without your guidance, especially when they are so young.

I have no suggestions for you (sorry!!), BUT I am SO glad to read this. My daughter is one year behind yours - starting Kindergarten in 2013. I see very similar behaviors in my own girl. So, if nothing else, you're not alone. I'm looking forward to reading the suggestions. Good luck!

Kids nowadays don't like to hold hands. It makes them feel like babies. They tend to run along beside each other.

It's great to want to have a best friend, but if you choose your best friend in pre-school or K, how do you know that they are your BEST friend? If you don't give everyone a chance to be friends with you, then you could be missing out on the friend that gets along with you best. The one that likes you for all the cuteness and quirkiness.

Yes, these behaviors are really normal for a 5 year old. My oldest is now 8 but when he was 5 he was like that. He seemed like a "bossy" friend to me...and now I am seeing it in a little 5 year old friend who likes to come over. I did talk to my son about how to be a good friend..we had many many talks. I was always reminding him you cannot always do what YOU want to do - you have to compramise. Anyway - really he matured and outgrew a lot of this just by playing with groups of kids. School really helped. Other kids put him in line eventually and he learned what is right and what is wrong. Other kids refused to always do what he wanted. Other kids made him do what they wanted or just not play with them. Just playing with other kids so much made him much much better about these kinds of things. Don't worry so much...just keep talking to your daughter about what is the right way to play. And just wait till the end of Kindergarten - you will be amazed at how much she has learned and changed!

Let her work it out.