Without fail, every single morning my 4 year old finds a reason to be angry with the world and cry about something. This happens within moments of waking up and doesn't necessarily take provoking or any external stimulation at all. I have tried getting up before him and being available to him immediately and it doesn't help. I've tried being acquiescing, cuddling and giving him whatever he decides he needs, or what ever he tells me is bothering him. Nothing seems to appease him.
I've also tried the tough love approach, giving him warnings that if he doesn't tell me what is really bothering him so I can help he'll need to go back to bed till he calms down. Also refusing to listen to the whining until he can talk to me normally. Nothing makes a difference.
I'm at my wits end. I wake up in a good mood and it is immediately dampened by his anger at the world.
Any ideas?
I know it's only been one day since I posted, but the low blood sugar thoughts and suggestions really struck a cord with me. He's always fine once he's eaten. I don't know if that's a matter of time or a matter of food in his system, but I decided to give him a light snack just before bed (whereas he normally eats 1.5 hours prior to bed). I also prepared a glass of orange juice (in his favorite fun cup) and told him where it would be in the refrigerator in the morning. I told him that even if he gets up before anyone else he could come down and have his juice and a string cheese (he's a cheese-a-holic) and start his day.
He responded very well to my suggestion last night, and loved that he was getting some special attention. He did come down first thing this morning and get his juice and I had no cranky little boy : ) This could all be coincidence, or not. But for now I'm going to take this approach and see if the irritability levels out. Thanks all of you awesome Mamas!
I didn't speak to my children until they'd had their breakfast. They'd get up,come down stairs, and sit at the table. I'd put their breakfast in front of them, smile, and say nothing.
They needed time to wake up and process.
LBC
Wake him with little talking and give him time to wake before you go in his room again. Tell him when he's 'happy' and ready to eat he can come out and have a nice breakfast and then leave it to him. He'll learn to adjust his moods much better then and even if not a morning person, he has a choice as to his mood and attitudes. He is better off to learn how to handle that now at age 4 than at age 24. I know from not being a morning person myself that cuddling, etc. is not what he needs. Just let him have time to change his mood or let him stay there until he does. You could offer some milk like suggested but don't give in to other demands or waiting on him either.
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That's my four year old when he wakes up from a nap. ONLY from a nap, not in the morning.
He's thirsty and hungry after naps and I just go get something for him when I see he's gotten up. I don't SAY anything and let him do his thing. Once he has something to drink he starts to wake up and is back to his old self. At least he's gotten past the crying stage of this (on most days.)
Some people are just not morning people or people that like to be bothered when they first wake up. Many adults are the same. Our daughter and I do not do well with lots of cheery voices and animated questions when we first get up. We do best with a few minutes (15 - 30) minutes of just letting us get our wits about us.
He may grow out of this or he may not.. He is his own little personality. Follow his lead and figure out how he needs to wake up.. Follow his lead when possible, or when he is awake later in the day ask him about how he feels when he first wakes up.. Tired, confused, wants quiet, wants a few minutes, needs a hug, needs to be left alone, hungry, thirsty. Have him think about his feelings, but give him some words, so he can search for it.
It sounds to me like he is reacting to the low blood sugar you usually get right in the morning... irritability is a sign of low blood sugar... (this doesn't mean there is anything medically wrong with him... don't worry!)
Try waking him up about 10 minutes earlier with a glass of orange juice or (gasp) chocolate milk... something with some sugar in it. (I'm suggesting the chocolate milk to encourage him to want to drink it... something sweet, but still nutritious.)
The sugar will get into his system fairly quickly, and may help lessen his morning grouchies!
I agree with Malia -- this sounds like a simple case of low blood sugar. I personally don't agree about chocolate milk, though -- any food can get blood sugar to a functional level. I'd just say, "Good morning, here's your banana. I'll talk to you when you can talk nicely."
When my son wakes up like that, i've learned to just go in and drop a snack or some coconut milk by his bed then give him a few minutes alone. He cries and carries on as if the world were ending, but he really doesn't want me in his face trying to cheer him up. It's frustrating for me to hear it, but he's at least in his own space. Some kids just need space when they wake up and not have someone trying to figure out what's wrong and trying to make it all better when all they need to do is cry out the grumpies. My husband is like this too--i've just learned to not speak to him until about 30 minutes after he's woken up because he's a BEAR in the mornings.
If it's ONLY when he first wakes up, and not all the time, then this isn't him being angry at the world, or some kind of personality issue. Like someone else said, he could have low blood sugar, or like my daughter, sometimes it just takes them a bit to come around after being asleep. I can be crabby when I first wake up sometimes too. I wouldn't go out of your way trying to change his mood - I would just be sympathetic up to a point, and let him be. Don't react too much either way to what he says or does. Let him drink some juice or eat something and watch some TV on the couch until he's more himself again.
It doesn't sound like he's "angry at the world" as you say. It doesn't sound like a case for "tough love" and discipline either.
This is happening at the same time every day, in the same pattern. If he is otherwise OK throughout the day -- not the kind of kid who cries at the drop of a hat, and generally able to tell you what's bothering him at other times of day -- then the issue is something else that he can't articulate or control.
Some kids (and adults) have a tough time as soon as they wake. He may not be getting enough sleep so he's up but he's still exhausted. (You might say "He sleeps through the night, he's not tired," but just because he's apparently sleeping, that does not mean it's restful sleep; he might be a wakeful person who sleeps lightly and doesn't truly get enough deep sleep to be rested. I am like this all the time.) He might be waking up after bad dreams that he doesn't fully realize or remember he's having; he just wakes and feels very out of sorts and/or frightened and can't understand why. He may be coming to associate his wake-up time with generally feeling upset, which makes him even more upset. He might be hungry though unable to interpret what he's feeling as a low-sugar morning crash, so he doesn't say to you "I'm hungry."
It sounds from your post like he changes "whatever he decides he needs" (your words) from day to day, so of course you're confused. So is he. He's probably changing what he asks for to appease you, because he knows he's making you angry. That needs to change.
It also sounds like you feel this is intentional misbehavior or manipulation on his part. He certainly knows that this behavior gets your attention, and even negative attention is still attention to a young child's mind. But you've tried ignoring it all, and that doesn't seem to help.
I would think through it and really search for the deeper pattern here. Does this truly happen every morning or is it likelier on certain days, such as when he has to go to preschool or day care if he goes (but he's better, say, on weekend mornings when he knows he'll be home with you all day?) Does it happen more if he gets to bed a little later? A little earlier? Does he have a very regular bedtime routine? Does he eat quite a while before bedtime or closer to bedtime? (I would try regularly giving a high-protein snack closer to bedtime; protein fills him up until morning and can encourage better sleep.) Does he have to share you with a sibling, with his dad, with a get-out-the-door-fast routine in the mornings? Have there been changes in the household anytime recently (new sibling, new routines, you going to work, him starting daycare or anything -- even tiny changes that are nothing to adults can upset kids).
I know you wish he could explain what's wrong but please try to curb your own anger and upset at his inability to do so. This likely will pass in time, but meanwhile, try examining things to see if something that's very small to you is upsetting his routine/eating/sleeping. And again, he may never be a morning person.
What a way to start the day! Yep I have a 4 year old and that girl is the sweetest thing one day and a monster 30 minutes later. Some days she wears me out! My gal is a evening grouch even if she did take a nap earlier! I would suggest a strict morning schedule and stay with it! They need and crave structure. If he knows what's going to happen every morning without a doubt it may help. Good luck love, 4 year olds are the moat fun :)
I'd give him a cup of milk when he wakes up, just to get something in his belly (in case he's hungry and that's why he's crabby).
Then....ignore him.
We're back to this with our 3.5 yr old. It's about manipulation for whatever he wants...
Just like the toddler days, when the crying starts, I walk away and don't speak to him. If he's really freaking out, I tell him that I won't speak to him until he calms down (like you have).
I think that's about all you can do. Just be consistent.
OK, that's ME when I wake up if I don't get half an hour to absorb caffiene have a little something to eat and rub my foot in peace and quiet. SO I would wake him up with as little fuss as possible and park him out of the way with something to eat and drink and ignore him for half an hour....
Is he getting enough sleep or he is waking up tired? Some kids just also take longer to "wake up" so perhaps you just need to leave him alone for a little while. Don't cuddle and dont' yell, try giving him space. Or he is STARVING? My suggestion would be to ignore him and not give him any attention whether positive or negative until he can behave calmly.
Maybe he's still tired? Or maybe he needs time to himself in the mornings? What if you asked him to stay in bed for a few minutes after waking so he can have some time to "wake up"? Maybe a digital clock in his room that has to show a "7" as the first number before he gets out of bed?
Good luck. It doesn't sound easy.
Hi K.,
Sounds a lot like my 4 year old and I am cranky also in the morning so its tough. My poor husband wakes up in a good mood and has to deal with us lol. Also, I noticed it is more so when he is overtired and doesn't get enough sleep. Regarding blood sugar, I usually give him a little juice (which he asks for). Sounds to me like you are handling it the right way. I know it is frustrating. Hang in there!
Is he getting enough sleep?
We should get your son and my daughter together.. I have a 3 1/2 year old that does the same exact thing.. cries and whines through out the day for no apparent reason.. Everything is a battle with her unless she is getting her way.. Like you I have tried all those things and found nothing that works so far..
Hate to say it, but you just went to the 2 extremes. One is over cuddling the second is yelling. A child sees warnings as yelling and it only makes them more upset. Sometimes they just feel weepy and don't know why. While I do agree with a lot of the poster of him still being tired, the best approach may be to do nothing at all. Sometimes they just need to cry it out. Once he's completely calmed down, you can ask why he was crying.
