4 Year Makes Himself Puke

I would offer and when he declines let it go--don't make a big deal about it. Don't make him "taste or try"--it just becomes a power struggle. He has control over what he puts in his mouth--it's his body. If there is a variety of healthy food offered (no sugar or white flower) he will make good choices. I have been working on a PHD in Nutrition and have focused on children's diets--Dr. Sears and others have some easy books on the subject.

Hello,
All I can say is don't force the food on him. It will only make him more picky and not want to eat. I learned this lesson from my daughter and my husband told me, he was the same when he was little. You should hear some of the stories my husband told me that he did when he was little when his mom would force food on him.
Forcing them to try something only makes it worse. By him puking is his way of telling you that he doesn't want to try it or it eat. Don't force him, eventually he will eat different stuff when he gets older but the more you push the more he will act out and not eat it. Trust me.

Good Luck

hugs to you mama. it sounds like he may have some sensory issues with food. some food may just taste bad to him or it may be the texture. or it may now have become a power struggle. since he is 4 and i am assuming verbal, have you simply asked him why or what he doesn't like?

good for you for not wanting to repeat your past. i know you only want the best for him but obviously this isn't working. YOU want him to try new foods but HE doesn't want to. and even though he is "only" four, it is HIS body, HIS life. just let him eat what he wants. the more we force, the less we get accomplished.
you might want to look at the website http://www.consensual-living.com for more guidance. they also have a good yahoo group

Sorry to hear you're struggling M.. Four year olds can be extremely frustrating!! Power struggles are daily, and I know my two boys could be quite stubborn. When they were that age, I really had to pick my battles. Food is something that goes into HIS body, so you really can't control that.
There is a children's book called "Bread and Jam for Francis". Very cute and right on the topic.
You know, we always want what we can't have, so a little reverse psychology might be helpful :)

I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic classes. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful).

The Love and Logic approach is all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world. And make sure you choose your battles carefully and avoid being too controlling. This is a struggle for me, but I realize these toddler years are a dress rehearsal for teenagedom and this is a great time for me to practice letting go of the small things.

If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. Here are some I recommend: a seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years," the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." They also have some great CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving.

Hi M., I hear you. What a frustrating thing. You guys have made eating a battle ground. Now take the battle away. It takes two to have a battle. This is what I do and it does work (I got it from a parenting book) If anyone says " I don't like it or yuck" before dinner I don't say anything I just don't set them a place at the table. Usually the response I get is " hey were is my plate" I resond " Well you don't like what we are having" There say " Well now I do" I say " Ok get a plate or I get it for the little ones. If it is said at the table they are immediately excused and they don't get dinner. If they just don't eat what is there nothing is said by me, but when they come later and want a snack I say " I am so sorry you are hungry. No snack because you did not eat your dinner. We will have breakfast in the morning". Lets face it our kids aren't going to starve. Key to it is that you have to have NO emotion, be matter of fact and patient. Think about it this way you have until they are 18 to train them. Since I have started this about 6 months ago there is very rarely now that my children do not eat what is put before them. It was rough at first because I wanted instant results but there won't be because they are still at war. When they figure out that you really don't care it starts to change. Children love to see adults get angry. In their minds they did that. They made this adult do something. So very important to show no emotion. It was hard for me so I just kept telling myself that I really did not care. Good Luck!!

Hi M..

If Christy L. hadn't written what she did to you, I would have. A four year old DOES get that kind of logic she mentioned. It is also right out of any given Kevin Leman book (Parenting with Love and Logic). Kudos to Christy!

A logical consequence, if the throw up DOES occur would be for your four year old to clean the mess from that up.

I can hear some readers gasping, "A four year old clean up?!"

Yes. They can clean. Maybe not to your standards though. But they can wipe up, and carry the dish to the sink before they are sent from the table with no snacks later. You can redo the job, later; when they can't see you doing that (or they might figure that you will no matter what kind of job they do).

M., you're a good mother. You're making a choice not to beat your son and I admire you for it.

~D.

The one thing about kids is that they will eat if hungry. Don't insist that he eat what is there, but don't make him anything else if he doesn't. Serve him his food. If he doesn't want it, tell him it's okay if he's done and take away the plate and ask him to go play. DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING ELSE. Even if you're having a special treat for the holiday, if he doesn't eat what's on his plate, he gets no treat. That simple..period...the end! Eventually, if he's hungry enough, he will eat. He will not starve himself or become malnourished. He's totally old enough to know what's going on. It's a power struggle and you need to show him who's boss by letting him accept the consequences of not eating what is in front of him...which is hunger! Start doing it and he will eventually eat what's there. Good luck.

I would say to pick your battles, and this is not one to battle with. My kids are 12, 9 and 6 and when they were little, I swear they lived off chicken alone. Now they eat some veggies, most meats, almost all fruits and LOVE salads. They all taste "new" things and I don't make them eat it if they don't like it. He will grow out of it. Don't make meals a battle. Also, don't make him anything special to eat. You should all be eating the same things and if they don't like it, they won't get anything. It only will take a couple missed meals before he starts thinking what he has on his plate may not be so bad after all! Good luck to you!

Hi! I read of a mother who had a similar problem and was advised to let her child just go without eating, to not make any comments and to not provide any food outside of the regular eating times. (Does he go to pre-school, do they provide food there? Does he do this there?) He should stay at the table until everyone is finished eating. According to the account I read in the paper, that mother's problem was solved within 2 days. I would talk to my doctor first, of course. (It's probably not about the food at all, is my guess.) My kids are 23 and 27, I've been a teacher for 35 years and I've seen some humdingers, believe me! :)) Good luck! R.

The hard thing with eating is that it is a battle that you can't win. you can physically force him. I read the most awesome book about getting your kids to cooperate. Its called "Love and Logic" by Cline and Fay.
You can't control what they eat but you can control when they eat. The book says this...roughly
When you place dinner on the table and your son won't eat you can say "dinner time is over in 30 minutes, you can choose to eat your food now, or choose to wait until breakfast."
I have to do this with my son all the time. He chooses not to eat dinner and is hungry an hour later. I just say that I'm sorry he chose not to eat his dinner but I'll make a big breakfast for you tomorrow. Well it only took one day and he's never skipped dinner again becuase he remembered how hungry he was.
Its all about loving them and making them responsible for thier choices. It has tips on everything!!!
Hope this helps!

Hi!

I know exactly what you're going through! My 4 year old won't even do try it you my like it either! With him, if he smells it first, we are dead in the water! I find it the most frustrating when its something I KNOW he will like!

But, that being said, I recently read on a website newsletter that the 3/4 ages are not the best time for kids to experiment w/ new foods! Its just something in their chemistry but, hitting the 5/6 ages seems to turn that around and they are more willing to be adventurous again!

Its hard but, you gotta be patient. Your boy won't starve himself. Keep offering new things but let it go when he doesn't want it.

Good luck!

Oh M. ~ I am SO sorry, I know exactly what you are talking about!! And I sure wish I had great advice to help, but I can tell you that my son was the same way. He'll be 15 in 2 months, and he does eat "normal" food like everyone else now.

It doesn't matter where we went, restaurants or home or friends/family's houses...if we tried to get him to eat even ONE bite of something he didn't want to try he would start gagging and throw up all over his plate. Talk about ruining everyone's appetite!

Like you, I had a hard time with this because I sure wouldn't have gotten away with that when I was a kid! But I didn't feel violence would help, although I did try spanking a couple of times. It didn't help by the way. I tried to *hide* food items into meals, and that worked a couple of times (I think the sauces disguise different meats and vegetables when they are all mixed together)

Over the years it got better, and by the time he was 10 he was eating most items, or at least trying them. I don't know how old he was when he stopped gagging, but we all decided that if anyone in the house was ever going to enjoy another meal it would be best that the first time we heard him gag we would send him to time out until the meal was over, then bring him back to the table to finish eating. If he was hungry enough he would eat more of his meal, if not then he didn't. He preferred to go hungry than to eat sometimes.

I hope you find some great advice to help! The only thing I can really say is now my son eats a large very diverse diet!

Wow, that is quite a skill your little guy has :) I have a picky 4 1/2 year old and after watching him gag on things we "made" him taste, we finally gave up the battle. I prepare a meal for the entire family and I make sure there is atleast one part of it that he will like, whether it is the side dish, the veggie, or what. I fix his plate, put it in front of him and if he eats, he eats, if he doesn't, he doesnt. If he doesn't though, there is nothing later in the evening, or if there is, I make sure it is healthy enough to justify replacing his dinner (cut up carrot, cut up apple, yogurt etc)I am not saying that I serve hot dogs as a side dish, for example, the other night we had baked chicken, brown rice and broccoli. He loves broccoli and brown rice but skipped the chicken. He LOVES pasta, so I have recently decided to start buying whole wheat pasta so I feel better about it being his favorite. Surprisingly he has not commented on the color difference or the slight taste difference. I look at it as there are things I like to eat and things I dont and I would not appreciate someone basically 'forcing' me to eat something I don't like. Yes, as an adult I can see the manners behind atleast tasting, but at the age of four years old, to us, it just isn't the right time for that. Your little guy is having such a drastic reaction that eating is no where pleasurable for him for he is learning to eat whether is body wants it or not, which is not a healthy eating habit to establish. We have noticed since backing off and just letting him decide what he is going to eat at each meal (from what is offered) that sometimes he will be sneaky and take a taste of something he normally wouldn't, and then show us while he chews it. It took a couple months to get there, but he even tasted turkey and sweet potato at Thanksgiving. The sweet potato made him gag which my mom thought was obsurd and worthy of a punishment, but she had her time to raise her kids and this is how I am choosing to raise ours.

Hi! Have you heard of the new show on TV called The Doctors ?I saw the one day....someone asked a question similar to yours...the toddler wouldn't eat anything. One of the doctors went to their house, at meal time....they in a sence ignored the toddler....less attention! The toddler took a minute but he started eating just fine! The parents where stressed and upset, hence a lot of attention! I don't know if this will work for your kiddo, but just wanted to pass that along! Good Luck! :)

I have often heard that food and eating is one of the only things that children have control over in their world. So, perhaps giving him more control in other areas of his life will allow this to subside. You know the saying, what you resist shall persist. Shift your focus to some new areas and create responsibiity and control for him and I believe that will create more freedom here...and last but not least take a deep breath.

I am married, and a SAHM with two little boys that fill up my life. I have found peace and purpose on the pages of my journal and am out to share this amazing tool with the world. Ready to pull your hair out...grab your journal instead. www.sanityjournals.com

Hi M.,
Wow...this is a problem. I hate vomit. As a special education teacher who taught non verbal and autistic kids I have been sort of "trained" to give kids the benefit of a doubt and assume they have a real reason for food avoidance. (tactile issues, associations-fears or who knows what).
Some of my fellow teachers had students who would vomit in reaction to other unpleasant stuff...like a math worksheet. This was a definite avoidance strategy...called opperent vomiting. It worked really well.
But as a teacher I know power struggles develop too, as we are all human.
Maybe the thing to think about here is to decide if you want to continue what sounds much like a power struggle. (although I do warn that enough vomiting in association with mealtimes could make some new problems (associations) the child did NOT plan).
Many kids have gone through the new food-rejection stage and come out as adults trying new things. The logical mind will take over. It even becomes "cool" to be adventurous.
There is some evidence that genetics play a part in how picky we are about food some of this may not be his "fault".
A some reasonable suggestions from others have been said...I esp like being UNemotional about what solutions you choose. Throwing your past ( I never got away with this)or anger into the mix adds nothing beneficial.
Good luck

I would not get mad at him- there are a lot of children who do not like certain textures of food. As long as he is eating well otherwise - I would not force him to eat anything he did not want to try. I have children from ages 4 to 19 and it is not worth getting frustrated over- he will try new things as he is ready. Also, ask your pediatrician if there is a possiblility of a medical reason that he may not want to eat.

Im not really sure how to help in that area esp since my son who just turned 9 yrs old has been the same way for years. He only eats a few things and he eats them over and over and over. One of the things he always ate, he finally gave up and now eats cheese pizza. So thats a relief when we want pizza, I dont have to worry about fixing him something seperate. I have a 31/2 yr old who is better but seems like I still make him seperate stuff to eat part of the time. I used to cry when we would try to get my older one to try something else. It was a battle every single day. Like you, if we did that when I was growing up, it was punishment to come or we just didnt eat. We have tried it all with my son. The doctors keep telling me that he will outgrow it and that he is healthy and not to worry so much about it. So thats what I try to do, not worry but what a pain for me. I used to enjoy cooking and now I cant stand it. We call my kitchen "D.'s Diner" because I feel like a short order cook.
So I dont have any great advice on how to change the behavior since I go through it also and been going on for years but if its comforting at all to know you are not alone in this. Kids are so stubborn anymore. Just maybe check with your doctor and see if they say he is healthy. It gave me reassurance to hear it from the doctor anyways. We also give our son a multi vitamin everyday so hopefully that makes up for what he isnt getting in his meals. If you get some advice that actually works, please pass it on to me. DONT beat yourself up over it. Esp this time of year. If he is eating something, let him eat and just keep putting things on his plate but dont upset yourself if he doesnt try it. Seems like once we let up on our son a little bit, he was a little more willing to maybe try something. Hang in there!!!!!!

Those infuriating moments are so hard! I feel your pain. After three kids, I have finally heeded the advice a family therapist gave me once...pick your battles. Life is too short to worry about everything, so we have tried hard to just let the little stuff go. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't try everything, you know? Maybe just let it go for a couple of months and then revisit it after it's not an issue anymore.

Also, my oldest son has an incredible gag reflex, and he throws up when we make him eat things he doesn't want. It's not something he controls, and he doesn't like it, but it's there. We just gave up on it. He's 10 now and eats lots of stuff. He's pretty willing to try most stuff, but if he's adamant about not eating something, we just let it go. Who cares if he doesn't like tomatoes, you know?

Good luck. I'm sure you're doing a great job with your kids! It's great that you're looking for other tools...so many parents just repeat what they went through. It's a lot harder to find new ways--good for you!

He needs to learn immediately one way or another that throwing up is not okay. Don't get angry because then he has control. Make new (or favorite) things (especially healthy "treats") that you like for you and the rest of the family but don't give him any unless he asks for some and promises not to throw it up. Give him only healthy (NOT snack/junk) foods that you know he likes - and tell him that you are worried that he will damage his body by continuing to cause himself to throw up - and that he doesn't get any nutrition that way - and that since you are his mom and you love him that want him to be healthy and you don't want him to feel like he needs to do that just to make a point. Feed him what you know he likes until he is tired of it and wants to try new things. Don't allow only snacks and junk to be "what he likes" either. There have to be healthy things he has liked when eaten that you can use. If you don't play his game he will learn to play yours. If he keeps throwing up "healthy" food - stop feeding him until he's hungry enough to cooperate. It probably won't take more than a day or so. If it does, take him to a doctor and get referred to a psychologist or dietitian for an eating disorder education and (if necessary) intervention. Good luck.

Hi M.,
Many of these responses are very good. My son did this too, as soon as I realized it was a willful thing, I prefaced the meal with, IF you throw up you do not get....(wahtever it was). Fortunatley for me that worked.

The other thing I did that was really helpful for all 4 kids was to require their age in bites of food. IF they did not like it they had to try 4 bits of it, when they turned 5 it was 5 bites. This reasoning is very logical for a young kid. I have suggested it to many parents and all have said it worked.

You are wise not to cave into the beating/striking of the child. I am sure it is very hard when you were raised that way.

--Good Luck!
C. W

Good Morning M. -

As I am sure you are aware, this behavior has become a battle of wills between you and your son. You didn't mention - who cleans up the puke? When my boys were younger, they tried similar behaviors - having to clean up their mess a few times quickly brought the behavior to a halt.

Good Luck,

M. M. Ernsberger

Hi M.,

Good on you for making the decision to raise your son without the violence you were subjected to - a hard choice to put in action, but a really good one!

Personally I would not make my child eat anything he really didn't want to, although if he ate no veggies I would keep trying different ways of presenting them to him. He's 1 1/2 and our current trouble is that he'll put things in his mouth, chew them and then spit them out instead of swallowing. I think I know how you feel because it drives me nuts!

The thing is, he has control over what he puts in his mouth, so he has an alternative to what he is doing. Does a child really deliberately puke? It's a pretty unpleasant experience, not just for the person who cleans up. We don't say that pregnant women who smell something they don't like and throw up are "making" themselves puke, so why kids? Basically, I'm just suggesting that in spite of what we hear from all the "discipline" people, and what it sometimes looks like to us moms, puking is NOT "acting out", it's just a natural reaction to being forced to do something we hate. The next step is to think: "how would I feel if someone was making me do something I hated so much it made me puke?"

I would go with what most of the other moms have said: don't try to force it. Put a few things on his plate, and if he doesn't want one or two things, he doesn't have to eat them, but he doesn't get anything else (although don't try to force the same thing every night!).

I love the idea of doing something special with the family every night until Christmas. A really nice way of getting into the season!