3.5 Yr Old and Getting Along at DayCare

Yes, 3.5 is a big physical age. and yes, I think there is usually at least one mean kid and its good for kids to learn how to handle them. It isn't that htey are mean, they are just frustrated and lacking in the skills and words to handle the situation without their bodies. Kids use their bodies for a long while. Watch 6 and 7 year old form a line, you see lots of bodies gently shoving each other.

I have a lot of years in child care so please consider my comments as advice from their possible point of view.

They do have very strict regulations about what they can and cannot do. Such as time out, that is strictly forbidden. Calling it time away and used as time for kiddo to leave a frustrating situation and calm down.

It's absolutely not for punishment. A child care facility is supposed to use teaching as a method of stopping a behavior. If the center your kiddo is going to wants more time to work with this family they may see what you are missing since it's your kiddo he's decided is his victim. They may see a whole different picture. They know what they've learned from the parents in the past discussions, they know what he's suffered in the past or been traumatized with or if he's just a kid that's mean and lives in a completely loving home.

If you are really put out with all of this make an appointment to sit down with the teachers and the director. Ask them if they can share their plan, they absolutely should not share much because he has the right to privacy just as your little girl does. It should be a general behavior plan style document. Such as when a child hits another child he/she will be removed from the situation, checked for injuries, and have time to calm down. IF a child hits again then.....you get the idea. They should have a plan to work through this sort of situation and if they've done that plan then it is your right to let them know you are done. That you are tired of your daughter getting hurt and you are now holding her teachers completely responsible for each and every single injury from this point forward.

Let them know you expect them to protect your child from all injuries and that allowing this child access to her is the same as letting her climb on a toy that is broken and about to fall apart. They are not protecting her enough. You can see that and they do have some part of the responsibility.

If you have any options for other child care you might consider taking her out. If you are a medium to low income family your child is old enough to go to pre-school at Head Start in the Fall. It's often an all day program from 8am - 2pm. It is sort of a part of the local school district but since it's a 3 year old program it's slightly part of it. If there are kids with emotional issues or behavior problems the school district can send in the psychologist to observe and do some simple evaluations. If your child shows any actions or behaviors that says they may have some disability such as Autism the school district can help find resources for that. Other than that little bit of support they don't do much for a 3 year old program.

I'd do that in a heart beat and then have the head start bus drop kiddo back at the center after school. This way she'd only be in the classroom a couple of hours max with the kiddo she isn't getting along with.

Otherwise you can tell the director it's you or the other kid and see who she picks.

Aw, I want to hug both your child and the one who is having the issues. I'm the parent of a child with ADHD who was kicked out of preschool for displaying the behaviors you've described.

It's incredibly hard to get medical help for a child that young who's out of control. We knew by three that our son's behavior was out of the norm and had already pursued medical help (and read every parenting book out there) by the time a parent filed a complaint and got out son kicked out of preschool. Please don't be the parent who did that to our son. Being rejected at that young age is scarring, esp. for behaviors that are out of their control.

Should you just put up with it? Absolutely not. What I would do is bring up your concerns to the director but don't be the "I hate that child" parent and force the child out. Let the director figure out a solution working with that child's parents. And the teachers SHOULD be taking corrective action with the child. If they're not, I'm not sure I'd be keeping my child at this daycare. ADHD or not (if that's what's going on), a child needs to learn right from wrong. Ignoring bad behavior at a time when they really need the teachable moments is a red flag.

Good luck!

Be the squeaky wheel for your child. The teachers should be keeping track of this little trouble maker much better than they currently are. Relay every single incident your daughter tells you and ask them to keep him away from your child. She's 3.5 and doesn't have the skills to deal with him. You are paying people to watch out for her best interest so hold them accountable.

If they're not protecting your kid, it's up to you to. I'd be looking for new daycare and telling them it's the mean kid or mine. Yours should absolutely not be used as his punching bag just so they can work with him and try to help. Kids can be mean at that age, and there's no reason your daughter should be made to feel like no one likes her, or be hit/bit, etc just so that kid can be worked with. If they can't keep them separated/protect your daughter, it's time to find somewhere else where she'll be safe.

Yes, some kids do start at this age. But no, I don't think that kids this age are old enough to handle it on their own. The center should be doing more and they should be able to tell you a concrete plan of action on how they are handling it.

We had a similar situation. But in our case, both the center and other parents were proactive. The parents had their child evaluated through early intervention and EI assigned a therapeutic support staff person to the child for 1/2 day every day who worked one-on-one with the child to help him learn appropriate behavior. And the teacher and director met with the TSS worker to put a behavior plan in place that they could all follow.

Our child was the favorite victim of the troubled kid. But, since the parents and center were proactively working on it, we gave it some time and it got better. And, as soon as it was possible, they moved my child into a different classroom.

But, if the parents hadn't done anything about it and the center wasn't handling it, we were fully prepared to tell them that they had to choose between our child and that child. Either that child left, or ours did.

I am a daycare provider and if I had to choose between a troublemaker and several good kiddos I would dismiss the troublemaker in a heartbeat. Make sure you inform the management that you are considering moving your child because of this situation.

Why would time-out be out of the question? Time out (or whatever they choose to call it) is a good and acceptable tool.

I would watch closely, ask your daughter questions and make sure management knows you are paying attention.

M.

yeah, 3 year olds are very, very young, and don't have all the tools they need to communicate and work things out effectively. i don't think framing it around removing her altogether or making her deal with it is really looking at it realistically. the problem is less the kid (yes, there will always be a high-maintenance kid to deal with) than the fact that the daycare has abdicated control of the situation. if they 'can not do anything to control or punish this kid', maybe they shouldn't be in business.
of course, the rotten little fellow is only 3. punishing him would be pretty unhelpful and fairly awful. but he does need to be redirected, and shadowed if he's actually getting physical, and removed when he misbehaves. your daughter does need to start using her words and learning how to cope, but that doesn't mean she should just be tossed out there and expected to have it all figured out. you're working with her- why isn't your daycare backing you up, and working with the problem child?
if they're really this incompetent, you can probably find a place better equipped to deal with small children.
khairete
S.