3 Yr. Olds Temper Tantrum

With my kids, and the numerous kids that I have nannied I have always given them until the count of "10" to get to timeout. If they got out of timeout before the timer went off, or I let them out, then they got a spanking. Also, if they didn't get to timeout by 10 they got a spanking and we started over. It only took about 2 spankings before even the most difficult of children would go and stay in timeout without much difficulty. A side note, I always adjusted my counting to the situation - if they were down the street and trying to get to timeout in time, they could make it by 10. If they were down the hall and kicking and screaming on the way to timeout, I would speed up the counting, and they wouldn't make it in time. Good luck

T.-
We have similar situations with our son. Sometimes I say to him, "OK, MOMMY'S taking a time out"- and I go into the closet. He hates that and it seems to calm him down. The point of the time out, in my opinion, is to remove attention, so unless you lock his door (which I could never do), the next best thing is to remove yourself or ignore him if he won't officially stay in the time out.
I hope this helps.
I have just ordered a few of the "Love and Logic" series books and also one called "Parenting 1-2-3" which I am hoping will provide useful advice.
I have also read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and that was somewhat useful.
Good luck!!! I know how hard it can be!!
R.

Here's how I would handle this situation:

Calmly, "I want you to stay in a room for a little while. I will come get you in a few minutes. Do not leave this room."

He leaves the room. Calmly, "Peter, I told you not to leave this room. You disobeyed me. I am going to give you a switch." Switch his bottom one time with some type of wooden spoon like implement. Look him in the eyes. "Let's try again. I want you to stay in your room. I will come and get you in a few minutes. If you leave this room, I will switch you."

If he leaves again, repeat the words, again calmly, but make it two switches. Etc.

I prefer this method to taking away precious possessions. It is quicker, which allows you to move to the positive interaction you want instead of having conflicts last for hours. and the switch becomes the symbol of discipline rather than toys, which any other time are "his" and are intended for play. I think that's too confusing for 3-4 yr olds to understand and makes them feel very insecure.

but don't use a switch in anger. make sure you are calm and confident.

Whatever you do, Do things calmly and slowly. That gives him more time to exhaust himself. Don't allow his behavior to alter your decisions whatsoever -- otherwise he will learn that his temper tantrums are effective and he will be all the more likely to repeat them.

Just my two cents but I am not a fan of time outs in the bedroom...especially if there are toys in the room...not much of a time out at all. We do time out against the wall for a minute per year of age and timeout starts when they stop crying. So if they spend 5 minutes crying then they have actually spent longer there but after about a week of learning this mine stop crying pretty quick. It takes a little time to get them use to the idea that when they get put in time out they must stay there. But once you get them doing this (and I say again it is not an easy task initially) but once done it makes it go much smoother. way worth the effort in the beginning.

I put them in a safe room with a doorknob cover so they can't get out and they stay there for one minute per year of their life (so 2 1/2 minutes or so for my 2 1/2 year olds). If they throw fits or cry a lot, that's ok. That doesn't mean that the method isn't working. Good luck. This can be very frustrating to deal with.

We were at our wits end at Thanksgiving with our son doing the same thing. Then we finally watched the Love and Logic DVD and it has changed everything for the better.
We stopped getting worked up, yelling and taking away toys and instead just announced Uh Oh! when he was acting up, put him in his room and walked out without yelling or talking. It scared him at first but after a few times he got it.

Now if he is misbehaving all we have to do it say Uh Oh and he immediately stops what he is doing. And now we feel better because we (most of the time) don't get frustrated.

Good luck!

I'm going through the exact same thing with my almost 3yr old as my 17 month old becomes more independent. My husband and I are reading "How To Talk So You Child Will Listen and Listen so your child will talk" and "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child". The premise which does seem to work is to really validate their feeling - by saying "you seem to be very frustrated / angry / jealous/ etc." help them identify their feeling and that having it is okay. Also, in the book (sounds corny but I'm going to try) get out a paper and crayon and scribble and say you feel this mad? and then he might take it and say yes, and draw harder/bigger/whatever... Also, a good idea (we aren't here yet but sure its around the corner), bring a pen and paper with you when you go to Target and when they ask for things you can say no, not right now but I'll write it down (what he wants is important enough to right it down and that might be all he needs). My daughter asks for ice cream a lot and I say sorry we can't have it but I really want it too... Sorry if this isn't helpful.

I also bought Lori Lite books: "Boy and a Bear" and "Angry Octopus" which helps her learn relaxation techniques.

Good luck and I'll have to check back to see what others advise.

Get an exterior lock for the room. When you put him in the room use it. Don't let him out until he calms down. It may take a couple of times to work, but he will figure it out, but it will work. I know because I used it and it only took once. (smart daughter) If he starts throwing the toys, take the toys away. Leave his room empty until he gains control.

Good luck. What you do now will play out in the teen years.

Hi T.,
Wow, sounds like you have a spirited, expressive little guy there. It might be time to try a different disiplicne approach than time outs. Have you read The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears? It has some great ideas. What are the behaviors he's exhibiting that put him in the time out? Are there triggers you can identify (hungry, tired, bored, etc.) and maybe head the behavior off before it gets to the point of time out? How do you react to his hysterical screaming? Does it rev you up or can you ignore it? This is a challenging time for both of you! Good luck!

I think I would try the time-out again, allowing that it might be a long day, but you'll get through it. Keep putting him back on the time out every time he gets up, but don't talk to him or give him attention. Let him scream and he will see it won't get him anywhere.
Make the time out area near you, but give attention to your other child, husband, or the task you are trying to do. You could only say: when you finish your time out I will let you get up. Then ask him to apologize and hug him.
I would stop with the threats of taking things away because the situation is giving him the power of what he'll settle for to stop a behavior and that's too much power for a 3 year old. It sounds like you have a very busy schedule and this will take a little time but will make life easier in the long run.