3 Years Old

Hi J.,
Try having her go in a little porta potty. It's small, close to the ground & does not flush. Good luck.

Ok, I realize this sounds ridiculous, but we had a stuffed Poop Monster! It was a little funky stuffed toy from IKEA that was all of $1.95. We left him in the bathroom at first and just gave him that name Poop Monster. My daughter - at 3 - had a sudden fear of pooping on the potty and would hold it in forever or until she finally had an accident in her pants. The Poop Monster was a fun guy that we'd make say silly things like, "I know all about poop, and I think you have to poop. Do you?" So she would actually tell this stuffed animal when she had to poop. Or she'd just go get him out of the bathroom and bring him to us as the signal it was time to go. And she started calling him Mr. Poop. But somehow, with this really silly distraction, she got over her fears. We also realized at this time that she really wanted some privacy. So we'd let her sit in there alone on the potty or toilet and I (or my husband) would wait in the hall. When she was done, she'd toss Mr. Poop out into the hallway and we'd know it was time to come help her wipe.

Hi J....I have a similar problem with my almost three year old daughter...i've resorted to diapers for naps and bedtime to take the stress out of it for her...she was becoming constipated from holding it in as well. I feel it's a very temporary solution until we can re-group.

Good luck!

S. B.

My daughter wouldn't go and is still sometimes afraid because the sound of the toliet flushing makes her think that she is going to get sucked in. The automatic ones are the worse and she will not go if we are in a public place. I have to hold my hand over the sensor so that it won't flush until she is out of the stall. This just started all of a sudden and she is getting better about it but it is a scary concept.

Good luck!

S.

This sometimes happens but it's more common with boys - they feel they are losing an appendage like an arm or a leg when they flush the poopie down! This might be your daughter's issue OR she could have had a BAD one that really hurt and she doesn't want to go through that again!
Ideas:
1. Make it light - When you're together, have her join you in the bathroom while you go poopies. Grunt and squeeze, make funny sounds, and let her see you do it too - everyone does!!!
2. Funny book out there called "Everyone Poops" - get it, read it together....make her realize everyone DOES do this! It's VERY normal and yes, sometimes it hurts a little but it's the way our bodies get rid of the stuff it doesn't need anymore. At three, she will 'get' this concept more than you know.
Good luck! K.

Dear J.,
There many good suggestions here another to try might be looking more closely at her diet. Is there enough fruits and veggies and whole grains? These often will help soften the stool naturally.I did have this when my second oldest was about three years old. She needed extra mom time. It could also be a control issuse fro her. Is there any changes in her life? (new school, new place to be when mom is working, new pets,) Good luck and remember this too shall pass.

J. O
mom of five ages 1-12

J., my 4.5 year old daughter went through/is going through something similar. She has been toilet trained for a long time, but refuses to poop in the toilet. Instead, she puts on a pull-up and stands by the toilet. We've consulted her pediatrician, who put her on a low dose of Miralax (a powder laxative we mix with juice and give to her every morning) so we can ensure her bowel movements, when she makes them, are easy. We have found that the harder we push her to use the toilet, the more she refuses, and will constipate herself until she is really in pain. It's hard to be patient with her and with the situation, but we know that when she is ready to move forward with using the toilet, she will. We make toilet training books available to her as she poops, and we know that intellectually she knows HOW to use the toilet, but for whatever reason she prefers to stand and use a pull-up. We feel that battling it out over bowel movements is not only stressful for everyone, but is also counter-productive, as she then just constipates herself. Good luck with this process, and just know that this stage won't last forever.

I was in your exact situation about a year ago. My daughter was also 3yrs. old at the time. She had no problems in the beginning but started to hold them in. She would go a week to 10 days sometimes. I tried giving her alot of vegetables and she eats tons of fruit. I also took her to the doctor and e-mailed him about other suggestions. I gave her more fluids, fiber, everything the doctor told me to do. My doctor told me about this company where you can buy juice that has 10g of fiber per box(you could also see if she will eat the fiber one bars -9g per bar). If you google it you will see numerous options for the juice (kind of expensive). Her doctor eventually prescribed Polyethylene Glycol 3350 which is a powder that you mix in drinks and it loosens stools. We used this for a while along with rewards. She is now 4 yrs. old and is having a BM every couple of days (without medication). Good luck I know exactly what you are going through.

I had this very issue with my daughter when she was 3. Her resistance to pooping caused her to become constipated making the pooping very painful. This just reinforced her fear. I was able to make some dietary adjustments after seeking advise from the peds office. They offered alot of encouragement and guidance. Fresh blueberries worked well for us. She would eat them by the fistful while softening her stool. On the very rare occasion, it became necessary to administer child sized gylcerin over the counter suppositories or manually evacuating the stool myself. This was not pretty but tough times called for tough measures. Another suggestion by my peds office was coming in for a "constipation consult". I never had to do this but I was very close. Remember that this situation is very common in children in his age bracket as it is their way of exerting control over their environment. Best wishes that everything comes out in the end! :)

We used a lot of natural options to take the fear away for our daughter. They did not work, until our doctor recommended a bit of over the counter Miralax in her morning drink. It worked, and our daughter is no longer afraid to go.

I'm no expert but it sounds like she had a painful bowel movement recently, a really hard stool or something. Now she's afraid to go. Perhaps if you explain that that was just a one time thing and it doesn't mean it's going to hurt again? Also, perhaps a fleet enema to soften the stool the next couple times will help her realize that it doesn't have to hurt and perhaps this will go away. Good luck!

Hi J.,
Have you tried getting her a little potty? My son wouldn't go on a regular toilet for about six months after he was potty trained. You just never know what has happened or what she has dreamed about to make her scared. I have a potty that the top comes off so it's easy to trasition them to the potty and that helped my son with the fear. I would just keep it in the bathroom so you don't start another bad habit by letting her go in the potty. Maybe let her choose between two pottys at the store that will work for you.
Good Luck!
W.

Good Morning J.,
I had that problem when mine were going through potty training. I remember being frustrated, going to the doctors and trying different things, until I talked to my mom about this and her reply was some children associates making a bow movement as losing a part of themselves so,on that note be patient and reassure your daughter that it is ok! If she sees and hears that it is frustrating you and your husband she is going to be frustrated too! Be patient it will get better!!

Dear J.:

My girlfriend's son went through this. Your daughter has a fear about her feces and it is a true condition. My girlfriend's son would hold it and hold it. He too was trained. The doctor gave a formula of some kind that would make him go and the mom would put a diaper on him.I don't know if it was a fear of the toliet as well but he would go stand behind the chair when relieving himself. The medication helped him go and there was no control. That is why the diaper was worn. But only to have a bowel movement was the diaper worn. I can't believe your doctor hasn't addressed this. I would ask for more help or go to another pediatrician.

My daughter would hold in it until she got constipated and I was tearing my hair out.

My cousin said that I should get some glycerin suppositories and I did. We shoved one up there, and it was like she knew she had lost the battle and went poop on the potty after that.

Kids are strange. My sister is now having this problem with a grandson.

Good luck.
.

Hi J.,
Do you think that maybe she could be constipated?? Maybe that is why she is holding it because she knows it may hurt to go on the potty. I give my 2yr old and 3 yr old chocolate milk(ovaltine, so they get vitamins and minerals) and just a little prune juice and you can't even taste the prune juice. Now they rarely ever are constipated or complain about using the potty. Good luck

I have similar issue, mostly resolved now, also 3 yr old but it's always been this way since she had chronic constipation. Perhaps your daughter had a bad episode and is afraid of recurring pain? In any case, try an incentive. Skittles, stickers, m&m's, whatever will motivate her, e.g. 5 skittles or one piece of chocolate every time she goes. Also, it helps to have her lean forward on the toilet and hug a stuffed animal, or hug you. This is a better position, according to my daughter's GI specialist. If she has hard stools, try Miralax, which recently went OTC. Ask the pharmacist or your pediatrician how to use it. My daughter used it for 1 year while she learned to psychologically be less fearful. Good luck!

Sounds to me like it does to many others: Stress, painful recent poo, and control issues.
I'd personally avoid enemas, except in the most extreme cases, as it weakens the rectal walls and can lead to more constipation, not less.
Rubbing her back, sitting in the bathtub, explaining it to her so she understands what she was doing versus where she is now...I'd try all the non-medicinal approaches first since she was potty-trained and is reversing it for some reason.

Good luck...hopefully you can both de-stress and it will be a better time for "everybody poops".

I have dealt with similar issues with two of my children and am also a working mom. after discussing my situation with some friends one of them told me that she took her child to the doctor and explained the situation, and the doctor prescribed enulose syrup. I called my doctor and told him what my child was going through, which was very similar to what you explain, and said I wanted the enulose syrup and would not take no for an answer. He prescribed the medication, and it takes about 48 hours to work but it is a very gentle laxative and it does not allow them to hold it in, which gives them the stomach aches, and my child did not want to soil herself, so it got her going to the bathroom regularly and the problem was solved in about two weeks. hopefully this will help.

This is so common and happened to both of my boys. After learning from the first one, patience is all you need. If she wants to go in a pull up, let her. I would just ask her to do it in the bathroom. Don't make a big deal and don't make her feel ashamed or embarrassed. That way it helps with her not holding it too long and the constipation setting in. Let her know when she is ready to get back to the potty, you will be ready too. Only mention this to her occasionally. In her own time, she will decide when she wants to go back on the potty. My first one held out for a long time but my second one did it only a few times and then decided he wanted to do the big boy thing. We made a big deal of being done with diapers/pull ups and never looked back.

Good luck!

There is a VERY good book about the fears that can arise related to potty training and poops, etc. It's in the book: The Emotional Life of the Toddler. It's worth reading, at least the section on potty training. You may have a child that has had something happen that makes her afraid of the potty. You've probably heard of the kid who worries she'll be sucked down the drain in the bathtub? That can also happen to a kid for toilet issues. Sometimes they become 'attached' to what comes out of their bodies. They are afraid that, if that can be sucked down, maybe I can too. It may not be that your child has a problem physically, but emotionally. This book also suggests that kids have backslides. It's OK. Not the end of the potty for them. If approached in an understanding way (I know, not easy), it can be worked out, so to speak.

Good luck. I'm sure you're doing a great job.

Have you tried Miralax? My son who is now 5 (actually today is his birthday!!) had a short temp. problem when he was 3 with coonstipation even though he had a pretty well diet. He would scream and cry and even hold on to the wall to go or would just not go for days, it was so terrible! I used Glycerin stool softners, that you can by at Walgreens (they have ones for children) and then our Dr. prescribed Miralax and I mixed it with his food or drinks and WOW what a difference that was, he started poopin regular again. He was on and off of it for oh about 6mths. I would use it every 2-3 days until it was pretty noticable he didn't need it anymore. Well hopefully this will help you, take care and good luck!

She probably had a hard poop and it hurt and now she doesn't want to go and have pain again. My friends young girl was 4 and had the same problem and she gave her juice, fruits and other liquids. The doctor told her to go and pick up aphodolpholus that helps regulate her. You can get this at a health food store.

Hope this helps.

L. M

This happens so often with kids this age. All good advice below! So just remember that your kid is not the only one to have every done this, keep addressing the problem so that it doesn't become a long term problem and relax!

My oldest had this problem in public restrooms only. So often I found myself kneeling on the floor of a PUBLIC restrom in front of him with my arms wrapped around him hoping he was "pointed" down so as to not get peed on in the process! Totally gross but it made him feel better. And of course he outgrew it. I swear by those glycerin suppositories those! There is also a prescription laxitive that you can mix with water or juice that has no flavor if it comes to that.

Looks like you've got a lot of good answers. My daughter had difficulty knowing when she had to go since she wasn't very regular and would get marks in her underwear. The pediatrician tried telling me I potty trained her too early and to put her back in pull-ups. She didn't like pull-ups, so it was a bit of motivation. Her problem was constipation and with the gentle laxative the Dr. prescribed, just going regularly helped her to recognize the feeling and learn when she had to go.

Have you tried a rewards chart? So many stickers or happy faces will earn her a small toy. She could get stickers for keeping her underwear clean and/or for going in the toilet. You could even let her hold the prize while sitting on the toilet as a little encouragement. Just make the goal possible, even just a few stickers to get the reward the first time, then increase. You can also add brushing teeth or something to the chart so she still has a chance at the reward (perhaps using the toilet could be worth more stickers).

Good luck!

Hi J....
if you are trying to get her on the regular toilet she may think she will fall in .. in that case i suggest a potty chair , if she is doing this with the potty chair then maybe put her back in pull ups until she feels she can do go onthe potty to poop.. she may actually feel she can have a bowl movement in the pull up assure her thats fine and she wont be in trouble. hope this helps D.

What kind of toilet does she have? A plastic ring that sits inside your toilet seat???? A seperate tiny toilet that sits next to your pottie. A ring sometimes moves slightly. That happened to my little girl so I bought her,a tiny potty of her own that she could get on and off herself. She was fine after that.

For some reason pooping in the potty is scarry for little people. Even when they are potty trained. My daughter and my girlfriend's daughter went through this and it drove us mommies CRAZY! One of the things I started doing is when I noticed my daughter had to go, I would rush her to the toilet. The second she would stretch out her legs and squeeze her cheeks to keep from letting it out, I would push her knees up to her chest. This relaxes her cheeks and she can't help but to let it out. Once it's out, we'd applaud her for doing a great job and then suddenly, she realized it wasn't so scarry. Did the same thing with my girlfriend's daughter when she'd visit, worked like a charm!

Hope this helps
M.

Maybe your little girl had a poop size issue when she went last and is now fearful that what's coming our is too big and will hurt...I would ask your doc to consider a stool softener, or maybe a suppository to soften and ease things along...try to talk to her when she is calm about it.
That's what i would do. My son is also 3 1/2.

It sounds like she's very constipated right now. I would call the doctor again. Maybe a glass of juice would help her to flush her system. The fear may be just avoidance of pain because of the hardness of the stool.

J.,

I found out the hard way that children do things on their own time, not on our time. They will often digress when changes have occured in their lives too. As for the poops, simply say to her poop's and peep's go in the potty not in our pants. It is a simple, but efffective statement. You may have to remind her of this a couple times a day and she may even have an accident or two and that is "okay". We all learn though our mistakes. She won't like the feel of it in her underwear or smell. Just don't make a big deal of it! As for the next time she needs to go poops simply remind her where it goes. Potty can beocme a control issue and they will win because the child is in control of his/her body functions. Relax and see if the problem doesn't disapear as fast as it apeared.

D. : )

My son had the same problem and we tried everything! Bribing with M&Ms, reading to him while he was trying, etc. He would end up pooping his pants. He was miserable with constipation.

Our pediatrician put him on Miralax too. Even 9 months later I still needed to use a glycerin suppository the other day, so now we're using the Miralax every other day.

In times where he is so miserable she can hardly walk, cries, etc. I have used the glycerin suppositories to releive the acute discomfort.

If it's constipation, then she'll need to relax. My granddaughter (4 now) experienced that once (I'm thankful it was only once!), and I just sat next to her, she on the toilet and me on the edge of the tub, and just rubbed her back, read a book, sang songs,.... It was still very painful for her, but she did relax enough to go.

But if you're having trouble getting her to even SIT on the potty, start the relaxation by hugging, rubbing her back, etc. while in the living room, or the dining room, etc.

I do know of children, though, that have had to have stool softeners. Like I said, this was a one-time incident with my grandbaby.

I am having the exact same problem with my 2 (almost 3 year old) -- she was going potty however never #2 on the potty. However, she would go regularly (daily). Now, sounds exactly like yours -- she as of today and for the last month now hasn't gone in about 3 -4 days. She has held it as long as 4 days and then when it's time she cries and screams for me and looks like she's just in pain. She speaks in full sentences -- she tells me it hurts. I believe it's the fluid as well. She doesn't drink a whole lot. Yet, she hasn't changed anything in her diet or drinking habits so really I am stumped.

Stumped.