3 Year Old Uses Reverse Psychology on Me!

My son is 4... and from when he was much younger, he did that too.
All I did was tell him "I know what you are doing. You are saying the opposite to get what you want. Mommy knows. You can't fool me."
I also told him, if he wants/needs something, he can just ask me. He should not play games. Its not funny.

So, by being direct with him back, and TELLING him that I KNOW what he is up to, it made him realize, that he CAN tell me things directly. And that I do listen.

Kids this age also are experimenting. With language and situations. They are learning. This is the process of how they learn.

It is a Phase.

I don't get in a vicious cycle about it with my son.

I guess I don't really understand. How do you really know that he's using reverse psychology? If he preemptively tells you he doesn't want something, why wouldn't you take him at his word and assume that he really doesn't want it? What happens when you say, "Ok," and then just move on?

If this is truly reverse psychology, he's doing it because you are reinforcing this behavior. Tell him to say what he means and mean what he says, because no one other than his parents is going to take the time to try to figure out what he really wants if he doesn't ask.

I didn't read all your responses yet so sorry if this is a repeat. This is somewhat normal in that children often say the contrary just to say it and learn cause and affect. It sounds like it may have gone on longer because of how you react and I honestly don't think it is healthy or honest even though it is understandable and can seem you are stuck. If he says he doesn't want something you should agree or comply. You can also say matter of factly, "If you change your mind, let me know." If it was something you didn't want to happen, don't change your mind just because he's learned to play this game to get what he wants. Maybe I'm putting to much into this but it seems you are setting him up for misunderstandings well throughout his life if communication continues in this manner. Take him at his word, that will teach him to say what he wants and not learn bad or manipulative communication. He's playing the victim. Do you really want that? All the best.

Ignore what he is saying, say "OK," and move on by diverting the conversation to something else. When he sees he didn't get what you think he wants and starts to whine that's your opportunity to say "Oh, if you want some juice (or whatever) you need to ask for it." Giving in is only reinforcing the behaviors (the reverse asking and the whining.)

I actually worked with a child who did this at 4. She couldn't understand why teachers and other children didn't give her what she wanted, when her mother had thought it cute. It took lots of language re-training for the child, and teaching her mother how to help her rather than hinder her language development.

I don't know the answer to all your questions, but he may be a tad insecure. It may also just be that he is testing the world. I would suggest you continue to be consistent while not allowing his "reverse psychology" to sway what you do. I think it is probably a phase that will pass.

It also wouldn't hurt to respond by saying something like, "Don't worry sweetie I am getting apple juice for you too...... unless you don't really want it." Or, "Darn, I wanted a hug from you. Would you consider changing your mind?" If he keeps acting like he doesn't want it then I would just say "ok." As long as you are matter of fact about it - that way he could see it is better to use words that are how he really feels. You would be teaching him how to express himself in a positive way to get what he wants.

Honestly, I would ignore it, and try to find a way to teach him to express his feelings in a more positive way. Help him recognize what he's feeling (frustration, favoritism, left out, anger, etc) and make sure he understands that it's ok to feel that way. It sounds like he just needs a different way to express himself :)

I have seen my former brother in law (he's now 9) does that. His mom would give in.. you don't want to go down that road. There are other things going on because his mom gives in to everything, but let's just say he is a spoiled rotten boy that doesn't ever listen.

Stop giving in to him and he will eventually stop. He has to know how to say what he wants instead of saying he doesn't want it when he actually does. People that do that live some unfulfilled lives because people can't read their minds and know their needs/wants.

Hopefully another mom can help you as my child doesn't do it and I have only observed continually doing it with my former brother in law.

I would respond "Ok, but if you decide you do want some juice just ask me for some and then I will give you some." Then ignore any whining until he actually asks. I think he needs to be retrained and prompted to ask for things in a positive way. It's just like when my kids would whine I would say "use your words" instead of "stop whining". Or if they were running when they shouldn't you say "walk walk" instead of "stop running" It really works great.