Our little three year old (3 on 10/24) was always very confident, independent and strong willed. She still is, however over the last few weeks she's been very emotional. Crying and whining a lot, and very clingy with me (mom)and not wanting anyone else (Dad, sister, brother, grandma etc.). She's always loved to go to pre-school (part time) and now is very clingy and sad when we take her (althoug she's happy and says she had a good day when we pick her up after nap time). Is this a natural 3-year old stage. Also, any advice with helping her deal with emotions vs. just giving in to the whining would be very much appreciated!!!
Hi Dena - I understand this kind of behavior well. For my boys, it usually pointed to the fact that something happened at school that they didnt like. Either they were teased or got into a fight with another kid or were corrected by the teacher, etc.
If you cant get anything out of her directly or by talking with her teachers, maybe try to play pretend school with her dolls and ask her to play the role of the teacher and other kids.
My almost-3-year-old goes through this every so often. Sometimes it's brought on by illness, poor sleep, or some change in routine that I can point to (new bed, potty training, travel or visitors). Other times it just seems to be a stage she's going through. Typically her more cheerful side comes out after a few days.
When she gets whiny we ask her to restate her request without whining before giving her what she wants, or we explain that she's not going to get what she wants, offer alternatives, and deal with the tantrum if necessary. Occasionally to give me (mom) a break we have someone else take her, despite her protests, for an hour or two, and we usually find that she's happy enough once she gets away from me. Other than that, I try to give her lots of reinforcement that I love her and give her some special time when we do those things she's been asking to do. Role modeling positive response to situations also seems to help in the longer term. (Naming the things you and she enjoyed doing that day, stating what you're thankful for, praising when she or others do something well.)
My daughter had a similar sudden switch (very confident, outgoing, loved other kids). It wasn't until we were heading back to her once-a-week class after a long holiday break that she told me a boy had kicked her on the first day (no teachers had noticed). Is there any way you can stay and observe the class without being noticed, for clues? Anyway, it's likely something upsetting happened to her at one point and she's figuring out how to cope/move on. She may or may not tell you about it. Keep being firm, but loving!! And pray that if it's something you need to know about, you will....!
My boys are very whiny when they're going through a growth spurt. They get the whines, then they eat everyting in sight & hopefully w/in a couple of weeks it passes.
I tell my boys that I can't understand whines, they've got calm down & tell me in a regular voice or I can't hear it. My mom used to do this horrible high-pitched whine right back at us when we whined at her (must have made an impression, I'm in my 30s & still can hear it in my head!)
Teach her the word "frustrated". That's probably her problem. She wants to go & do like a big kid but her body just isn't ready for the big kid stuff yet. Start talking about how you're frustrated that such & such isn't working out the way you want it to, show her through words & actions how to use the word. You'll hear it a lot, but it's far better than the whining!
DON'T GIVE IN!!
my almost 3 year old is going through the same thing. Our pediatrician just recommended Love & Logic for our 2 1/2 year old. You can take a class, but they also have books: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp... My sister and several others recommended Dr. Brazelton's books (a well-known pediatrician in Boston) and he has many book's available on amazon/your local bookstore. Hang in there!
My DD is a month older than yours; she is a very outgoing, friendly child who loves pre-school but in the past couple of weeks we have had a few days where she wants to stay with me, doesn't want her Daddy if she can get my attention, etc. I did hear that they go through a stage of clinginess in their 3's. I am having the same challenge of knowing when to reassure her vs letting her get her way with whining. She is trying new things and gets frustrated, so I try to get her to repeat what she wants without a tantrum or whining. I think it's a stage of growth and learning, and pushing for independence but at the same time wanting reassurance. One minute she wants to do it all herself, the next she wants to be babied.
Dena - I just wanted to share with you that all three of my boys went through the same stage around that age..maybe a bit later..only by months. They seem to hit this new age of awareness and are very sesitive, very insecure and clingy. They hit a age of new awareness of scary or a bit less secure. I found that showing them I was confident in them they became stronger. Tell Lily she is safe and in the perfect place where ever she is. Tell her you know she is strong, smart and can handle anything that comes her way. She'll be very well with this advice...or however the words come to you. It's normal - no worries here! She's probably very intuitive and intelligent. All is well - trust your intuition too!
My Mom told me:
Terrible Twos - favorite word is NO
Traumatic Threes - overly sensitive as they begin to see the world does not revolve around them
Adorable Fours - less whining, more independence
These can overlap but for the most part your little one is on schedule. Gently guiding them with consistency, choices (no more than three at a time), patience, humor and love will pretty much see you both through it.
