3-Year Old Afraid to Use Potty

Let her watch the Elmo video as it is great. I am training my daughter, age 23 months now and she is getting it but she has to have a book. I refuse to buy pull-ups as they are a crutch. I also take her to the bathroom with me every time I go. I even announce it and then we say bye to the pee-pee man as it goes away.

I would recommend not giving in with the pull-ups. Yes, you will have to do more laundry because she will have accidents, but it is better than giving her the pull ups to go potty in because then it is telling her its okay not to go in the potty. You are giving her positive reinforcement for not going in the potty.

From the perspective of a 3 year old - a swishing, HUGE cavern that carries away a part of me, might carry away ALL of me! She must be smart- I'd be afraid of that, too. Try using a low little potty seat off of the toliet (one that sits on the floor), and explain the process of flushing. I think it is worth a try!

It may be gravitational insecurity. Are you using a potty chair or are you having her use tge regular toilet? If the toilet tryhaving a step stool under her feet tall enough for her feet to touch. Some kids just feel ingrounded and insecure on the toilet

L.,

You are doing a great job. You and your daughter will succeed it is only a matter of time.

My 5 year old daughter regressed everytime some life change happened (when her sibling was born, when we moved, or even when we went away for a week vacation.) Those channges effected her training, but eventually she became potty trained. She is great at it now.

My 4 year old still struggles with potty training and it is fear based too. I have determined she is "trained" in that she knows all the steps. She knows how to take off her clothes, how to sit and pee/poop; she knows how to wipe, and how to get redressed and wash her hands. She can do it all by herself. But she doesn't like flushing.

When we are home, she does well at using the toilet. But she is terrified of "strange" toilets, partly because of automatic flush toilets through area businesses. They are noisy, cold, and it feels scary. She has a tiny body and the automatic flush triggers while she is still sitting on the toilet. I have talked with her about it and she understands what it does. She knows she won't fall into it. And I have purposefully made the flush trigger while I sat on the toilet so she saw it was not so scary. She is improving, but it takes time.

I have confidence your daughter will overcome her fears with your loving encouragement and patience.

Hi L.,

I'm not sure if you have a little potty of her own, but that may be an idea. You can do the usual: let her explore the potty, cute singing videos, etc. OR...this is what we did: We did all of the above and then some. We tried to potty train my son about six months ago - he was three. It failed miserably. I think it was too much pressure. So we completely backed off and put him back in diapers and let him go on the potty if he wanted to, of course, but with no parental prodding. We just started trying to potty train again a week ago and it is working!! He is getting it and not refusing to go anymore. Six months ago he was able to stay dry for hours and hours, like your daughter. Now he is making the connection between having "the feeling" and making it to the potty. He has occasional accidents - like if we're outside playing, but that's about it. He even wakes up dry in the morning and uses the potty! Thank the good Lord! Anyway...just thought I'd share my experience. I don't think we can get them to do it on our schedules unfortunately. So much luck to you!!

Hi L.. Are you using a potty chair or are you using a small seat on the big potty? I had an issue simmilar with my girls...my middle one didn't use the potty because it took away from more "important" things...like playing! LOL I think you should stick to your guns and not buy any more pull-ups. When my middle one was giving me a hard time I ended up just telling her that she was too old for pullups and I was done and she was going to the potty. The first day I put her in panties after that I took her to the mall. (Of course I had a change of clothes with me) We were in and out of every bathroom at the mall because she kept telling me she had to go...and of course she never went. Then it happened...she had to go, we didn't make it and she had to walk through a store in wet jeans to the bathroom. I didn't say a word. We changed her clothes, and that was the last accident she ever had. Maybe that wasn't the best way to make a point, but wet jeans are pretty effective! At 3 yrs old they know they should be using the potty, and they are old enough to "play" us with the words "I'm scared", you really have to watch how much of that you accept as real. Good luck & best wishes.

Hi! I am sorry you are having issues. The only thing I would recommend is mabye having her use a little potty? The Baby Bjorn potty is wonderful. I pt'd my son on it very quickly. Just a thought.

S.
Mommy to six

Hi L.,
I wanted to share my experience in hopes it might help!! My daughter is 3 1/2. She knew exactly when she had to go but wanted nothing of sitting on the potty and going. We would let her run around the house without a diaper and she would go for hours and then say "I need a diaper mommy." I would tell her to sit on the potty and she would cry. She would go sometimes for a candy, sticker,etc. but nothing would ever last. It got to the point where I would say mommy's busy you have to wait for a diaper and she actually learned to put the diaper on herself!! (Anything but sit on the potty and go!!)
Anyway, I finally told her that soon she was going to be too big for diapers and the "diaper fairy" would come and take them away to babies that really needed them. I metioned this several times and then one day she woke up and the diapers were gone! In place of the diapers was a big basket with lots of party stuff. The diaper fairy left a note and told her that she was a big girl now and had to go on the potty but that she could also do big girl things. That night we had a big girl party with balloons, a cake, etc. The following 2 nights after using the potty we did special big girl things like stayed up late and went for ice cream after dinner and went to see her first movie together!!
She now goes potty very well but will still try to sneak on a pull up to go in when I'm not looking!! She keeps me on my toes but the diaper fairy idea did work pretty well!!

Hi. If there is one thing I've learned about potty training it is that every child is different. My daughter is 3 1/2 and she still wets her pants at times. She is too busy to take the time to go. I would just keep working with her and over time it will happen. I started at 2 and here I am still patiently ( yeah right) waiting!

My husband I and were having the same problem with our son who is 3 yrs old. We finally figured out that it hurt him to go (size) and so we talked to the Dr who recomended Miralax which we used and has worked for him. The longer he woudl hold it the worse it woudl be, of course that stands to reason when you think about it? Good Luck.

If you haven't yet tried using a little kids potty chair, I suggest you do. My daughter now 4 has been potty trained since she was 19 months old. Everytime I went to the potty I took her in and sat her on her potty. You can put the potty in the bathroom or where she is comfortable using it. The big potty is scary to most kids even with a potty seat made for it. Good luck!

I haven't had a chance to read the resposes you've received so far, but am interested in what others have to say. My daughter will be 3 in August. She is very interested in sitting on the potty, accompanying me to the bathroom, loves her potty books and wearing underwear, etc. However, she refuses to put anything in the potty. If she accidentally pees or poops in the potty she cries. She told me several days ago after peeing in her diaper, "it hurt me". I thought maybe she had a UTI. It is very frustrating. You are not alone.

I have a potty that plays a song everytime you do something in it. That may intice her. I like the idea of cutting a hole in the pull-up I would have never have thought of that one. I think its good to put yourself in her shoes too. Its frustrating to us cos were are like - its nbot that hard! but for them its a major deal. I owuld compare it to something you could understand for example, My husband takes me rustic camping and I hate having to dig a hole in the woods! It scares me to death! Looking at it from and experience you understand may help oyu decide what you need to do to make her feel safe and comfortable adn still get the results you want.

Had some potty issues too with my daughter. Try seat as suggested. Also, first I moved pull ups into bathroom and she could use one but it had to be put on and taken off in bathroom. (no playing and going at the same time) Next we moved to sitting on the potty with a pull up on and going. Next cut hole in teh pull up to make "magic pull up" and poop and pee drop out into potty. Next, no pull up. Every child is different, but my pediatrician suggested thisand it works for us. Good luck.

we read books about the potty and watched fun movies about it from the library, read tons of books while on the potty, even blew bubbles to get them to relax while on the potty.
also i would sit on the floor with them while they went. it was annoying and hard for me to be patient when i had tons of other things to be doing, but investing that time then made the potty training process go much faster.
you may also want to really push the fluid during this time, so that there is a NEED to use the potty.

Good luck, there is some great info on the internet about Potty training in a day. It really can cut the whole potty training process in half. I guess that makes me think, It really is a PROCESS and you will have some regressions etc so take it easy and sooner or later they will get it.

Hi L.,
Are you using a small potty? If not, maybe a small O. would make her feel more secure b/c she can have her feet on the floor. OR if you're using the big potty w/ a potty ring..let her put her feet on a stool in front of it. OR--my son STILL does this--sit her facing the back of the toilet. For some reason, my son felt more secure like this since there was something in front of him. Good luck!

It sounds like a control issue to me. I agree with your method of not buying any more pull-ups. Sure, she will have accidents. But I feel that as long as the pull-ups are there, they want to use them. Good luck to you.

You might want to buy a timer. A lot of times, "potty time" is a control issue. Even though she is only three, she is exercising her right to push your buttons. With the timer, you take away your involvement with the potty. You set the timer for maybe every 30 mins in the begining and lenghthen the time in between as she gets into a routine.
The great thing about the timer is that it is no longer "you" telling her to go potty. Every time the timer goes off, you just have to tell her that the "timer" says it's time to go.
I got this tip from my mother who is a teacher, and it worked well with both my kids (now 12 and 8). Good luck and don't give up, just don't make it a "you vs. her" battle.

When I potty trained my son, I used a three tiered bribe system. He got a sticker everytime he used the potty. if he managed to keep his pullup dry all day, he got a matchbox car at bedtime, and if he could go for a whole week without having a wet pullup we would take him to dave and busters. It took about a month from the start of this system until he made it a whole week dry, but once he did he never really had an accident again. He also knew that once he got the d&b trip he didn't get any of the daily bribes anymore too. It worked quite well for us. I'm getting ready to try the samething with my 2.5 year old, but I have to figure out what bribes will work with him. Stickers don't interest him, lol. Good luck.

Are you using the big potty or little one? Some kids may be afraid of either of those. Try having her pick out a little chair or seat and stool for the big one that she likes. Maybe if she's more involved she'll be more willing to use it. Sounds like she's more than ready to train and is doing well already. Don't stop or give up! Sometimes that makes the problem worse. But don't have her use pull ups as a place to pee. She needs to go in the proper place now before it becomes too much of a habit. If she has an accident on herself she may see the importance of sitting down and going.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

Hi L.,

I would have had 100 kids except for I hate Potty Training!! LOL okay, maybe not 100 but I am sure right now you know what I mean...

I used to be a parent educator and do home visits teaching parenting skills to migrant workers and I worked with a little girl who was 4 and had the same problem only she would pee... so here is what I did as a suggestion for her mom and it worked... There is a 'little sister' to Barbie named Kelly and she had a 'potty set' in the stores at the time... so I bought her one and had her mom put it on top of the fridge near their bathroom door and in plain sight... so when Stephanie used the potty for one week and did not use any pullups or diapers or anything other than the potty for one whole week the doll set was hers ... once she had done it for a week she was fine and had no more problems... but the week she accomplished her goal was not the first week...

did you ever put her on the toilet and she almost feel in backward? I hear that is one thing that causes the fear...

good luck and God Bless always,
S.

Hello - I wish she would elaborate on what scares her. Does she have a little step stool to get on the potty on her own? Was she afraid before or is it on and off?

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 7 month old...the older one is in school a few days a week with kids her own age and most are potty trained. ON those days she wears underwear! The days she is home she regresses a bit and forgots to potty, wears diapers or pull ups (depends on what she wants).

Perhaps your 3 year old is trying to get more attention since the baby probably gets a lot...8 months is a great age...and people begin to notice the baby's more now that their personalities are more obvious. Just a thought...Perhaps if the older one hears you talking about her potty training to others and how "good she is doing", realizing it draws more attention to her than being in pullups or diapers it may help.

Good luck.

Are you using a child's potty or are you putting her on the adult one. I have heard that some kids are initially afraid of the adult potty. Don't worry too much about her ago though. My son is turning three and we are no where near the point that you are. Try slowing down a bit on the process. Maybe she just needs a little more time to work through whatever is scaring her.

Are yu using a potty chair or the regular toilet. If using the regular toilet try buying an seat especially made for the adult toilet it fits perfectly on the toilet and they feel more comfortable sitting to go to the bathroom. Plus they are able to place the booster right on the toilet themselves if you let them.