3 1/2 Year Old Poops on Floor

The parents laughing says it all: If I were you, I 'd give 2 weeks notice and stop watching this boy. Good luck.

L., I feel for you. I think that you are handling this issue sensibly. Even if it is "ok" for this boy to run around naked inside his house and eat with nothing on, pooping on the floor to express his anger....he has to learn that that behavior is not acceptable in public. I
think it's odd that his parents laughed about him defecating on the floor. I think it's best if you can remain calm if he acts out again, but state what is acceptable behavior.

When the parents laughed about him pooping on the floor, I would have told them that our child-rearing philosophies about what behavior is acceptable from a child are obviously quite different. Forcing your daughter to deal with this boy tearing up her things isn't fair to her. I'd tell the parents to find another sucker...er, I mean sitter. I wonder how long the next one will last?

Oh, and send them a bill for the cleaning of the rug, if it was on a rug. That is just disgusting!

I would tell the boy's mom that until he can control his behavior & not poop on the floor, he's not welcome in your home. it is unsanitary & puts YOUR child at risk.... & it's (obviously) some kind of cry for help on some level. the fact that the parents "laugh" about it is strange to me ~ are they "hippies" or something?

it's VERY nice of you to help out your friends by watching him when they need it, BUT you need to think of your OWN child first, ya know?

good luck to you, mama!

It is really up to you, if you want to keep babysitting this child. AND you and your friends have polar-opposite parenting styles. No matter what you try.... it will be the opposite of what his own Parents do, at home. So, it will be a vicious cycle of him doing things at your home that is not acceptable to you... but is to them.

I know he is your friend's child...but, you need to assess your 'wanting' to handle this child.

Boys and girls are different developmentally...but, your friends to allow this boy to do anything he wants, not to mention it is unsanitary. At 3.5 years old, he certainly knows this is not a 'nice' habit to do, pooping where ever he wants, and he seems to be a willful child. But alas... that is not your "problem"... it is his Parents... and they will be the one's who need to handle his future behavior once he starts school.

I used to do child-care before I had my 2nd child... at one time I sat a girl that was very aggressive with my Daughter... and she and my Daughter just never got along. This girl was an "alpha type-A" child... always having to be on top of everyone. BUT, she was also very aggressive and physical. She actually HURT my daughter, scratching/hitting/pushing/shoving my daughter. My daughter fought back... after all, this was HER home. I managed them both for several weeks. BUT, my daughter, my own dear daughter was miserable every time this girl came over. Sure, I talked it over with the girl's parents each time... and my daughter always had a scratch or bruise on her from this girl. It was not nice. FINALLY, I just told the Parents I cannot babysit their child anymore. It was making my daughter emotionally unhappy and stressed. I could prevent that... by NOT forcing my daughter to have this child in our home. For me, this was the best solution. My daughter even ASKED me to stop babysitting this girl. I obliged. It was the right thing to do, for MY child.

The thing is, you either want to handle this child or not...and then you decide what to do. By no means is anyone FORCED to babysit a child that does not mix well with others, nor can all children be expected to act a certain way all the time.

But this boy... well, his parents will have to deal with his aftermath... if he continues to behave this way... his socialization is not the run-of-the-mill upbringing, obviously. But well, that is the way his Parent's are. You cannot change that. AND as Julia M. said, you cannot expect a 3.5 year old to clean up his own feces... yes, its dirty/unsanitary and even if he does clean it up, he will do it again. It is "allowed" at home. So, the poor boy is so confused. AND you run the risk of his parents getting upset AT YOU because you demand other things from their boy... that they are permissive about. There is no right or wrong... it has to do with this boy's Parenting, and his obvious development which is not all positive. There are many things this boy NEEDS from his Parents... in order to blossom into a happy boy, which to me, he is not. But well, in their household, this is their environment.

No, its not funny, its not normal, its not nice, its not pleasant that this boy is aggressive and poops on purpose anywhere in a house. And yes, your home will become a stinky mess with him pooping everywhere. Then, WHO will pay for the clean up if your home becomes damaged/stained?

You can insist on certain rules & styles of discipline while he is at your home, and discuss it with his Parents. But they don't have to agree.

Unless you are equipped and ready to analyze this child and correct him and turn him into a civil little human being... then you need to think about how the situation will affect you, your child, and your home in the long run. For me and my daughter, the girl I baby-sat just caused so much STRESS on my daughter... and it was not nice. AND it caused me much stress as well, because even when the girl was not here, I saw how my daughter would talk about her and be so upset... and how she dreaded the weekdays because it meant the girl would be here. And yes, the girl's parents KNEW full well their daughter was aggressive and a bully... but they were young permissive indulgent parents... and they simply catered to their daughter's every whim... as Julia M. said, in order to "avoid" tantrums.

You need to really pick your battles... and see if you REALLY want to keep babysitting this boy... or to "cure" him. But it won't happen over night. And you need to think about your own child and how it will affect her.

All the best,
Susan

Hi L.:
It's your ultimate decision,as to whether you continue watching your friends little boy. It sounds like you'd like to help,however if his recent behavior is permitted at home,your energies may be for not.I would agree that his parents permitting him to sit at the table naked,in poor taste.I'm guessing they are allowing this,to save themselves A tantrum. They let him get his way,rather than deal with the child.You mentioned how unhealthy and unsafe it is for this boy to sit at the dinner table naked,however you insisting this toddler help clean up his own feces,resulting in his being covered in it. is extremely unhealthy as well. I realize you were very upset,at him,but you have to step back and think.Is it fair to be so critical,of your friends,when your own actions were unthinkable? Boys and girls have their differences in so far as what entertains them. Your daughter may be able to sit for hours mingling with her dolls,while a boy feels the need to get out all their energies,in a physical way.Most can't sit still for more than a few minutes.They want to run and climb and jump.If they get bored,anything can happen.I'd take the time to sit with him and your daughter and instruct them how to share well. Your daughter most likely knows,but this is something he has to learn before reaching kindergarten.Sit on the floor with them and hand them both a toy. Then show them how you ask to share,and exchange their toys with a (thank you) Have them do this a few times.trading toys. The boy will think of it as sort of a game,yet hes learning how to share and get along with others. The parents of this boy sound extremely immature and lost,as far as proper nurturing and teaching their child.It's as though they have given up on working on his potty training and they are leaving the entire task up to you. Make sure he is in underwear,and keep an eye on when he has regular bowel movements,and put him on your pot. It would appear their technique of having him run around naked,is not helping achieve his goal. Tell his parents,that your efforts in helping him,will be for nothing,unless your all on the same page,and if they aren't willing to work with you,they will have to find someone else to care for him. I commend you for your tireless efforts and patience. I wish you the best. J. M

Obviously, this child has a problem, and his parents find it easier on themselves not to "parent". I'd be done with having him at your house. Not your problem. Be DONE.
K.

I think he's trying to figure out what's OK and what's not. Since his parents think this no big deal, he can't figure out why you're upset. He really cannot imagine why you made him help clean up. Unfortunately, he's likely to do this MORE often while he puzzles it out. You might not be a great fit for babysitting him. Even if it upsets his mom, you might suggest that she find another sitter who's OK with this behavior. It's VERY unlikely that she'll decide to teach her son that he needs to change; she's sure to feel that it's "your problem" for being upset. Hang in there!

Hi L., Unless this $$ is crucial to you eating, just stop watching him until he's older or better behaved and past this stage. Why bother trying to teach him or help his Mom and Dad your way...leave it alone and move on with other friends.
I'm sure you have better things to do and they don't want your advice. like I said, move on. Who needs it?
deb

I can only tell you that this kind of behavior is something that I would seek homeopathic treatment for. I treats behavior issues in children like anger and potty training resistance. It sounds like this little guy has some things that homeopathy could really help. So far a nakedness goes...It's your house and your that caregiver so it's your rules. I let my 3 year old be naked as he just strips them off the second they get on, so It doesn't bother me. It helped him create body awareness and potty train faster as well. It is your house and I see no problem you expecting his clothes to remain on since you are not the momma. I would encourage her to see a homeopath (I'd be happy to refer you) as this anger and potty training stuff will be a thing of the past. However, you have to take care of your little ones, and taking care of others children comes with it's troubles. It's OK to say no and make a different choice if that is what you need to do for yourself or your kids. Just in loving kindness talk to the mom about what you struggling with if you want to watch him, and if you just "can't watch him" say that too, sometimes just speaking up can be hard but you just need to know it will OK, as long as your kind, truthful, and come from a good place. My advice tell the truth.Best wishes...

If I were you, I would never take care of that little boy again. Ever. He has issues with his parents (starting young, huh?) and his mom doesn't seem to care to change his behavior if she knows about it and says it happens all the time. There's your red flag-- it happens all the time; it _will_ happen if you choose to watch him. So don't. His parents need to hire "The Nanny" and get some lessons in parenting. Meantime, take yourself and your sweet daughter away from that family's presence. Your daughter won't benefit from being around that sort of behavior.

I'm not exactly sure about what your situation is. Is this a close friend that you want to keep? How often do you watch this child? Is it a favor, or a paid job?

I don't know how long you've known this friend, but I know that for me as a mother, part of my criteria for choosing new mommy friends has to do with sharing similar parenting philosophies. If we're not on the same page about parenting, then it would be difficult to handle situations with both kids.
This parent might allow certain behaviors in her house, but it does not mean that you have to. You always have a right to set boundaries in your own home. Kids actually need it, too.
I would let this friend know that one of the rules in your house is that children keep their clothes on. That's just kind of a generally good rule anyway, these days. Let her know that everyone is dressed at the table, and that particularly given his tendency to poop on the floor, that you just can't have him without clothes on in your house. Pooping on the floor is not okay, and the clean up takes you away from being able to be with the kids. It's just not fair to make you go through that anyway.
I'd personally start with that, and see your friend's reaction. Depending on how open or receptive she is to your concern/request may dictate how you proceed (whether to watch her son anymore).
Next, if you do decide to still try watching him, you might consider limiting the amount of time that he is there. Next time, only have him over for an hour or so.

Remember also when talking to your friend, that parents can be highly defensive in hearing (or not wanting to hear) things about their children. My suggestion would be to avoid saying things about her son, and to try more passive terminology. ie: instead of "your son is really horrible", try things like "The taking of his clothes habit is just making things a little too difficult. Then it sets up the wanting to eat naked, and really sets him up to poop on the floor, both of which I can't have. Maybe we need to take a break for a little bit."
You can really emphasize the amount of work it takes to clean up after the poop incident, especially when he walks through it, and that you just can't go through that.

This for me, would be a very diplomatic way of approaching your friend. Her response will tell you a lot about how to proceed next, whether to try any further, or to just end the whole thing completely. I gave suggestions based on the possibility that you want to continue the friendship, since that takes a lot more diplomacy. You've gotten plenty of other suggestions on just cutting them off, so I thought I's share another route in the even that it is useful.
In the end, you, your daughter and your home are worthy of being respected, and just as you would not allow your daughter to engage these habits, so you also have a right to set these boundaries with others who visit.
I've personally made a habit of letting kids know the rules in my house on first visit. I tell them that those are the rules for anyone who visits. (Things like speaking respectfully, not hitting, putting things away, etc.) I have found that helpful later in being able to refer back to our house rules.
These situations can be a bit sticky to deal with. Good luck with it all!
Please do let us know how it turns out.
M.

Hi there! well here what i did in this situation. My kids were miserable when i babysit this child & his brother who was just as bad, that was like the one you are talking about. So i chose my kids over my friends. My friend (who is also my neighbor) knew her kids were terrible. I gave it my best shot for two months. Naturally it did not end up good because they got offended when i told them I could no longer watch them and they stopped talking to us. She did tell everyone that I had issues with personality and i really didn't care. Of course I had issues with being moody her kids were driving mine and me crazy. And besides these people know EXACTLY how their kids act and they allow it. Well then be it, tell her to find another sitter. And if she stops being friends so be it, its not worth your daughter being tortured or eventually hurt by this child.

These are parents that let them get away with everything not knowing the damage it will cost these kids later on in life.

The last straw for me was when I grounded the youngest child and he went outside and pull out my sprinkler heads!! I am so not kidding!! then proceeded to slam the soccer ball into my daughters face! when i heard the chaos, my daughter was already bleeding and crying. This all happen about 10 minutes before the kids were due to get picked up. So i told both kids to sit on the sofa and wait for their mother. i sat right in front of them until she got here. She got here alright, when i told her what had happened, she laughed and said "oh my god, my kids are terrible!" while laughing!! The next day I still picked them up but when she got here i told her there was too much going on and I needed to concentrate on my own kids. She again laughed and said "my kids are terrible" So bottom line they know how their kids are and just basically look around for those of us dumb enough to put up with their kids!

So be it - bon-voyage! We say hi and bye and that is it! the kids don't really see each since they go to different schools.

And bottom line - all the other neighbors that USED to babysit, actually told me afterwards that they were surprised I lasted two months with this kids!! LOL!

So cut your ties, if she is a great friend she will understand, if not tell her to have a nice life! ;)

Its your child and your house - you can control who or what happens in it!

Hello! I read you post and thought I would go ahead and share my thoughts. I have 4 kids, ages 14,12,8,5. First I would say you are not wrong in not allowing him to go "commando" at your house. That is an important boundary. If he is 3 1/2 and does not have any obvious disabilities then he should be potty trained or at least actively potty training. If this happens all the time at home I would ask your friend if this happens when he is angry or just any old time when he doesnt make it to the bathroom (accidents happen more often for some than others) if it is an angry outburst then I would ask the parents to agree with you on a plan of action on how to respond. I would also ask for their assistance on how to respond to his violent displays when someone takes or touches his stuff. If they are not willing to do this then they are not willing to parent their child and I would not continue to watch him. A corporate daycare would not tolerate such behavior without a plan to address it and neither should you. That is just my 2 cents. Hope it helps, it sounds as though you are a very patient mom and caregiver.
Starshine

I would rethink my decision to babysit him. If you want to be friends with his mom, that is one thing, but it sounds like you and his parents have different parenting techniques, which would confuse him. Being around him may cause your daughter to regress as well, as you will need to devote more attention to him when you are babysitting to correct any misbehavior. She may become jealous of the attention you give to him.

I would just get together with his mom if you are friends and leave the kids at home. That way you don't have to worry about your parenting styles being the same, etc. Let her find another babysitter.

Best of luck,
J.

Your child may be angry or upset about something and this is his way of letting you know he is upset. You may want to look into books on Prodigy and Advanced children, and Indigo and Crystal children on Amazon.com

be well.

N.