22-Month-old Is Too Friendly?

My nearly four year old has been this way her whole life. When she first learned how to walk and we would go outside for little outings, a car parked in the driveway next to us and she bolted over there. The man got out of the car and she held her arms up to him to be picked up and this perfect stranger, as I was running up to her, just scooped her up and walked the rest of the way to me to pass her over. His parting words were, "It's dangerous to let your daughter go to just anyone!"

Well, duh.

She has no concept of stranger danger or personal space. Every day we talk about what makes someone a stranger to us and how we behave when we meet strangers. She used to ask to pet people. She had a thing for hair and would love to pet peoples heads. She'd ask everyone if she could pet their hair. At the playground she'd just pet kids and giggle.

And oh lord the hugging. HUGGING everyone. Other kids are running behind their mother's legs and hiding from her and she's still trying to give them hugs.

For a while I just stopped going out to public places with lots of people because I was sick of trying to make her understand that not everyone she meets is family, because she treated EVERYONE like they were family. Snuggled with them, kissed and hugged them. Petted their heads and said, "Aww good girl! It tickles!"

She's finally starting to understand at nearly four, about boundaries. When she was at baby birthday parties and started to become overly affectionate with kids she didn't know well or adults we didn't know I would be on hand to divert her attention to a toy or something else. It was the only way to keep her from annoying the spit out of people who didn't appreciate the attention.

Being hyper vigilant to divert her or just staying home and away from others until she grows up a bit more were my only options. It's a joy and a pleasure to have such a sweet and loving kid but it's also socially awkward (and terrifying in some situations).

Hi, C.:

When she is pushed away, comfort her and then ask her what could the problem be. Instead of blaming her. Let her learn on her own.
It will be painful for her but learn she will.

D.

Explain that everyone is different and plays differently.
Not everyone likes to hold hands. But its okay.
She can find someone else to play with.
No problem.
Of course at this age they are young to understand all social constructs. But it will not hurt her self-esteem... unless she takes it personally.
All kids, will get 'rejected' now, later, in school, as adults, etc.
It does not mean they will become insecure or damaged.
It depends on a child's self-reliance and ability to feel, fine. Regardless.

Sometimes, when that happened to my kids, I just said "Oh well, I guess that child doesn't like to hold hands." (which is stating the obvious... but is not a personal comment, upon them nor the other child). Or, I explained that no one 'has to' hold hands.... or maybe they are not in the mood, and if they don't want to its okay.... and just go play with someone else. I never made it a personal comment/critique upon them or the other kids.

All the best,
Susan

My daughter is 2 and she still does not understand boundaries. I think that it is something that they will eventually learn. I try to explain that she needs to give them space but it doesn't always work. She understands when they push her away though.

My seven year old daughter has known no stranger or separation anxiety from birth. It may be genetic, as her dad is a natural schmoozer and center-of-attention seeker. She has behaved the way your daughter behaves from the get-go, and has never been hurt or unhappy if her attention was rejected, just moved on to the next. Her nature is simply to be outgoing and like everyone as a default, and make decisions later on whether they're re-approachable. She makes friends everywhere, and I mean everywhere (I'm chopped liver if my daughter is not with me) we go, restaurants, retail businesses, doctor's offices (mine, her dad's, and her own), etc. I always get the question "where's *****?" if she's not there. If she is with me, it's always twice as long to get anything done, because it's the 'long-lost-friend-reunion', for her and whoever she knows.
It's really a gift. I was a pathologically shy child, and never knew the friendliness my daughter knows is out there. She's just irrepressibly positive about meeting new people. She has no stage anxiety, either, and is a natural performer.
It was a little scary when she was young, but she is growing into a social powerhouse, and has more opportunities than the other 99% of the population, who are less social, will ever have.
I did manage to put a lid on it for her safety with the video "Stranger Safety", very well done by John Walsh ('America's Most Wanted'), which stars "Safe Side Super Chick", who acts out scenarios of various kinds that kids may encounter. My daughter has learned and remembered the 'rules' about safety with people we don't know, and related very well to Safe Side Super Chick, from about age 3. Kids will watch videos over and over, and my daughter watched this for years, and it's now ingrained. I do recommend it for any kid, not just the outgoing ones.
For now, grin and bear it, and watch her like a hawk, until she can learn some ground rules for being safe. You're the lucky recipient of a super-social child, and it will be a fun ride, for you and for her.

My 26mo son has been like this all along as well. He'll run up to a stranger, open his arms wide and yell "tahhhdahhhh!" with no regard to personal space. Since we see a developmentalist (from him being a premie with issues), we've been told to gently refocus him - grab his hand and turn him toward me, joining in the fun, even high-5'ing him. If he gets too close in their face, gently move him back and say "there, now you have a better view". Its been working, he's much better and tends to save his exhuberance for those we already know.

Good luck!

Tell her not all the kids want her to hold her hands. Say it nice. Tell her it is ok to go and say hi to them but ask them if they would like to play. My son is very friendly. He says hi to strangers and expects them to say hello back. He was in Mcdonalds the week before and was going up to grownups and saying tag you are it. I told him not to do that. Sometimes I tell him not to bug people too much and that seems to work. When he listens,I tell him he is a nice boy and thanks for listening. It will all work out. Good luck