2 After 40? -- First at 42. a Second Child After 44? - Key Biscayne,FL

My SIL had my niece at 39 then my nephew at 40 then my other nephew at 43!! Phew!!! :-) She is 50 this year but you would think she was younger. She also worked full time, breastfed all her kids and always devoted her evenings and weekends to her kids. She is also a grandmother of 3 cuties (she has 2 older sons in there 20's from a previous marriage). I think all those kids keep her young. We are a close family so they had plenty of help but if you want something bad enough you will find a way to make it work. Go for it!!! You sound like a great mother.

I say go for it!!! While I am not over 40 life is too short!!!! Work out and have a proper diet, vitamins...and enjoy!

I can't answer that question for myself but my SIL had her son at 40 and her daughter at 47 (almost 48). I'm sure she also doesn't have the energy that she used to have but she does a lot with her kids and she's a great mom. She doesn't have any extra help, other than their father. She's unable to stay home full time so they have a babysitter for the little one during the week.

Good luck making your decision. :)

Congratulation, Jilly, on your son. I loved becoming a mother at 42. If I could have done it earlier, I would have but life just turned out this way. Fortunately, we were blessed with twin boys (thanks to one round of Clomid) and so we didn't have to make the decision to have a second. But I thought about that A LOT when when I was first pregnant so I definitely feel for you. It would be a very difficult decision to make knowing what I know now.:) While I too don't have as much energy as I did in my 20s, I have the focus and energy to prioritize motherhood right now. These kids are amazing! They say and do the funniest things. They are also terribly challenging at times and the house is never really clean. Still, what would I rather be doing with my time? I think rather than focus your energy level, ask yourself if your family is complete. (Its ok to want more kids at any age.) I may never match the energy of my toddlers but I'm going to try my hardest. I owe it to them to be as active and healthy as I can. (Easier said then done.) I find its easier to simplify things right now so the energy I do have is focused on all my boys. One of my worst fears is to have my children grow up thinking their parents are old. So while I may not be able to keep my body from aging, I'm at least going to try to keep my mind and spirit ageless. Good luck with your decision!

I had my son... after 40.
It was not problem.
Normal pregnancy.
Got pregnant naturally.
Son was born healthy and normal.
I was fine... I breastfed. But it is tiring no matter how old you are.

My friend, had her 2nd child, at 46 years old. Planned. In-Vitro.
Normal pregnancy.
Her child was born normal and healthy.
She is fine.
She never regretted it.

You WILL be the Mom you want to be... no matter how old or young you are.
Age has nothing to do with it.

I did not have extra help. Beyond a Husband. My Mom lives with us. But still, "I" am the MAIN doer around my home/family.
For everything.
Kids included.

all the best,
Susan

Jilly, I had 1 child at 36 the second at 45. I had 3 miscarriages in between, and my OB told me I would never be able to carry to full term after my first child. Doctor's don't know everything LOL. I don't have the energy level of a 20 something,but I cherish both opportunities for raising my sons.I enjoy the boys and seem to have a bit more patience when exploring, going to the park etc. I think I am a better parent for waiting until later to have kids. Many of my acquaintances now have Grandkids, but I am happy with our choices to wait. Also financially we are able to do more and are better prepared for the future. I did not have a nanny to help with the second child. I just stayed home for 1.5 yrs and breast fed. I hope this helps.

Well, I'm in my 40s with a 2 and 4 year old and have numerous family members and friends in their 40s either having their first or with toddlers. Unless something has happened to you health-wise, you shouldn't have a large decrease in energy now from when you had your first at 42. Due to dietary and fitness changes, I actually have A LOT more energy and stamina now than I did in my late 30s. I would suggest you speak to your OBGYN regarding any issues they feel may arise, but I don't think it would be much different for you than it was at 42. I will say I felt much more tired after having my 2nd, because I also had a toddler to look after and care for, and that does take extra energy.

Of course look at your work situation, care situation for your oldest, etc. -when it comes to being really hands on all the time, a lot depends on finances and whether or not your older child is in school or some type of preschool or daycare situation. No child, no matter how old you are, is going to be just like your first. Simply by already having a child to care for, any subsequent children are going to have to share a bit of the attention and spotlight.

I'm not over 40 (35 with 2 kids), but just my take on it...nope you might not have as much energy...but physically, you might not need as much! Your baby will also have big brother to play with and roughouse with! I actually find some times easier with 2 as they can play with each other and I'm not always the playmate. The other thing is, your baby will not be harmed in any way if you don't breastfeed till 2 (or breastfeed at all...if you ask me...but I won't go there), there are other sleep solutions and you just might get an easy sleeper without an issue, etc. You're right...you won't be able to devote as much time to each child once another arrives...but I promise your baby and son won't compare notes down the road and say, "Well, I was breastfed longer than you ...nananana"!
As for 2 kids at 35...I am married to my husband who is in the Army and has been going to school online after work since DD was born and he's currently deployed for a year...so I've done 99% of it all on my own. My family does visit at times and are very helpful when they're around...but it's pretty much on me...and it's all worth it. They're only small for a short time and only very needy for a short time. My age is actually one of the things making me consider more kids...when I'm gone, I want for them to have each other.
Just my 2 cents.

I am 44 and tired! Working out helps, but I'm not as energetic as I used to be. I am wiser than I was in my 20s and don't sweat the small stuff like I used to. Maybe that's a good trade off!

My cousin had three - the first at 41, and she's happy she did - and has more energy than most people I know. She did have help from her mom who lives a couple houses away and only went back to work part time after #2. If you want another, I say go for it. Two is not twice the work , it somehow seems exponentially more work, but SO SO SO worth it... Just be easy on yourself and them and enjoy - you'll be exhausted, but we all are -regardless of age. I was 36 and 38 so a little younger, but not much at all. No regrets and I'd do it at 42 if it were me.

Hi Jilly,

I'm not quite there, but I had my first at 38 and my second at 40. The short answer to your question is that yes, I am absolutely the mother I want to be... but yes, I have help. Both my husband and I work full-time, and we both travel some with our jobs (never at the same time). We have a few nannies that help us from 6:00 am until 8:00 pm. While we are gone, they watch the kids. While we are there, they help with stuff around the house so WE can be with the kids (like after work, from 6:00 until 8:00 pm). We are not wealthy but have chosen to invest in our sanity in this way. We rent a house... but the "quality time" we get with our kids is more important to us right now than saving our pennies. It's just a choice that each person has to make for themselves.

Likewise, if you choose to have a second, you need to be aware of the statistics and health risks to you and your unborn child. Make an educated decision and be prepared. For example, before you get pregnant, know how you and your husband would react to the news that your child might have Downs Syndrome. If you are realistic about your age and the associated risks and you still feel that is the right decision for you, then go for it!

Best of luck,

S.

I had my son at almost 40 & am now 44... last year we went thru 4 cycles of IVF unsuccessfully & (can't affor more) so I am trying Clomid as a last ditch effort... So I am probably biased but I absolutely think you can do it IF YOU WANT IT. All parents, regardless of their age- question if they will be able to love their 2nd as much & handle it, it is a normal concern... but it is just twice the love!

I am much like an earlier post & I have more energy now than I did in my 20's (but I am not out all ours partying/dancing after work). My life is happy, I have a home & we have a very active social life (much of which is focused on my son) but we each try to keep a little time for ourselves. Find a balance that works for you & if you really think you want it START NOW. I just assumed it would be as easy as it was with my son & age does effect fertility- so if it is something you truly want... now is better than next year :)

Just do it! If you think about it too much you'll find too many reasons not to, and once that second one arrives, you'll know that no matter how tired you'll be, it will be worth it. At least that's how I feel. I had my first at 40 and the second at 46. I breastfed the second until she was 2 1/2, and kept working (with help at home.) I am now 58, retired from one of my jobs (teaching) and still going strong in the second (playing in a symphony.) My husband and I are planning to work until we are close to 70 just to get the kids through college. I no longer have help at home (kids are 18 and 12 now,) the house is a mess, and it is full of love. We're tired, and blessed! Bringing a child into the world is a little miracle! Good luck! Kathy

Hi Jilly!

At 41 I feel I am 100% a better mother than I could have been at 31. I am much more patient and able to handle any scenario that I would have been in my younger years. My energy is lower for sure so I have to make a conscious effort to eat well and take care of myself (you have to make that commitment to yourself). You may wind up doing things differently with your second and that's totally ok so don't stress for a minute over that. Go into it with the mindset that you will do your best at that moment and don't self sabotage yourself into comparing to your last pregnancy or other peoples.

Good luck!!!!

It's up to you my dear. You have to be comfortable with having children; no matter what age you are. Tired is tired. Some women say that they fared better in their forties, then their twenties. I will say this much. Having two children instead of just the one is tiring. I had my son at forty and my daughter at 43. Children keep you young. My children are very active and I take them out daily. We go every where together. I take them out to playgrounds every day as it tires them out. I don't get a lot done. It's only myself and my husband and it makes for a messy house right now.

I enjoy and love it all. All I will say is that I wished I started sooner as I would love to have more. My hubby and are always agreed on just two but I didn't know that I would love it so much. I wasn't sure If I was going to have children. I really loved my life and I knew having kids would be a lot of work. I don't consider it a job; it is my life; they depend on me. A job can get someone else but no one can take mine or my hubby's place.

If you are fit and have energy to give, then I say go for it. You have to really want to have more kids because it takes up so much time and energy. My daughter has been teething for quite some time but some times she can't get comfortable so I get up with her on the hour. Not to mention that I'm still breastfeeding her at 16 months. I bf my son until he was 3.

I did a lot of wonderful things before I had children; I enjoyed life; I have to say it's much better with children in the mix.

I hope this answers and helps you in any way. You can always contact me.

Let me know what you decide. . . you might be pregnant already.

R.

You're too old and too high risk! The placenta doesn't nourish as well after 35. If your child is healthy, stick with that!!!! I know too many women who were greedy and had children with problems or bad outcomes of the pregnancy.