16 Month Old and Separation Anxiety at the Gym

Hi M., I was so glad when I read your request as I just sent mine a few days ago regarding the same issue with my 9 month old. The first day I took him to the gym, he cried the whole time (10 minutes) before they paged me. I was so distressed when I heard it was 10 minutes. The encouraged me to come in every day at the same time and keep trying. I thought about just quitting the gym all together but I learned something very valuable that day to encouraged me to keep trying. What I realized is that my son will have to get used to it at some time in his life if I decide to go back to work or when he has to go to school. And the older he gets the harder it will be. I also realized that as hard as it is on both of us right now, it is truley in his best interest to learn to be around and even trust other adults besides just me and my family. So I decided to give this a week to 10 days. The second day I asked the daycare provider to just let him cry for 5 minutes before paging me. He did cry for five minutes and I came played with him for awhile in that environment and than we left. Today I said 7 minutes. When I went to go check on him at 7 minutes, he was not crying. Than I came back about 15 minutes later and he was doing pretty good. The lady said he cried off and on for a little bit but never more than a few minutes. I know it's not much of a work out for me, but it was progress and I was very happy with it. It's soo hard but I think it is worth a try for you. But of course you are the only one that knows what's best. You sound like a wonderful caring mom. I am very interested in knowing what you do so please let me know. Thanks and Good Luck. M.

Actually, I like your plan. Also, no matter how much he cries or how bad it makes you feel to see him cry, make sure you say goodbye to him before you go out, and tell him it's time for him to play with other kids and you will be back soon. Don't EVER sneak out while he is distracted, this defies his trust and he will only scream more the next time you try to drop him off. It is totally normal for kids this age to have this kind of reaction, but the more he becomes used to it the better he will become. My daughter had a hard time, too, at that age,(although she didn't cry long once I was out of sight, but I had left her pretty often before for various reasons). However, when I went to suspend my membership when I found out I was pregnant she got SOOO mad that she didn't get to go "play kids." Also, make sure he takes his security object with him, and if he doesn't have one, now would be the time to start one! If he doesn't have one, it's a pretty good indication that YOU are his security object, and because of this he will have a lot harder time with any separation.

I had two kids that I started taking to the gym at about a month old. It was the only time of day when I had any time at all away from them. I even went to the qym when I was sick, because it was more restful to have some one watch them for an hour than to stay at home. It will take a while to get him used to it. Try your method and see if you make progress. But it might be better if you start by saying a quick good by and just go. Have them call you in 10 min. if he's still crying. Make it longer the next day. Continue to make your absence longer gradually. It will be a while before you actually get to work out, but it will be a beginning on teaching him to be away from you.

Have you considered finding a way to work out at home or when your husband can watch him? To be honest, he may just not be ready to have you away. It's my theory that we should try to bring up the most secure kids we can and adding stress to his life doesn't seem necessary here...although I understand the need and desire to work out and get some stress relief for yourself. Just my thoughts....

I have a 4 yo son and a 1 yo daughter. With my son, he never had separation issues. The kid would go to anyone. So we went happily to the gym and I could work out there all day and he would be happy as a clam playing there. With my daughter, it's a totally different story. She is a Mamas Girl, big time. Until recently she would cry anytime I left her with anyone, including my hubby.

I tried to take her to the gym when she was 6 months old. The called me after 10 minutes. I tried again a few days later, same thing. She just wasn't ready to be left alone.

Now 6 months later we are trying the gym again. I took her once last week. I checked her in, handed her to the attendant with her back facing me, said good bye and left. They said she was fine the whole time. Then when she saw me, she started crying. So now I know, drop her off and go. No long goodbyes.

Is your son used to being left with other people? If not, you might want to try leaving him with familiar people first before dropping him off at the gym where he doesn't know the person caring for him.

But if he is used to being away from you and doesn't have issues with it, I would look at what is at the gym that might be frightening to him. Maybe the person at the gym care scares him for some reason (my DD still cries if someone with a deep voice talks to her or holds her). Or maybe you need to trust your sons instincts since his reluctance to be there might be his way of telling you that he doesn't trust the person/people there.

I never force my kids to go to someone that they don't trust. Watch his reaction to the person you are leaving him with. You will know if he is doing the "I just don't want to be here" cry or the "I am really scared of this person" cry. If either of my kids has the I am scared reaction to a person, I never leave them. We always have strangers coming up to my kids whenever we go out, and if I see any of those scared reactions from my kids, we just keep walking and don't even stop for those people. And trust me there have been a number of weirdos who try to talk to my kids. So trust your sons instincts.

I think its a good idea to go everyday. Aim for the same time so it becomes a routine. I would not hang out with him, just take him, say good bye and go. Whatever you do, don't sneak away, the will just make him not trust you. You might want to keep your workouts short, start with 20 minutes and increase the time a little every day until he's gotten used to the gym.

Have a great workout!
N.

Hi
This is the EXACT reason that I joined www.babybootcamp.com
that way you can take your kid/s with you. They usually meet at a park so the kids can play before and after class.

However, if you are committed to the gym, I think it is better to drop him off and leave. The longer you stay the more anxious he will be about when and if you are leaving etc. He will figure out the routine soon enough. I think if you keep going back to check on him that will just make him more upset.

Try gradually increasing your workouts from 15 mins, to 20 mins etc. Leaving him a little longer every couple of times.

Good luck