My 14-year-old son has always been very bright and academically inclined. Up until 6th grade, he enjoyed school. Up until 8th grade, he still managed to get A's and B's, even though his enjoyment of school had definitely gone down. When his first report card came home in 8th grade, it was full of F's. In the space of a few months, he went from academic awards to failing pretty much everything. Getting him to go to school was like pulling teeth. I sat him down for a long talk, and finally found out that he was being bullied - verbally, not physically. My husband and I decided to enroll him in the K!2 program, and for the remainder of 8th grade, he was back to getting good grades.
And now, here we are, a year later, and it's back to failing grades. Failing grades because he is not doing the work. I have tried talking with him several times, and I get nothing. He hangs his head, shrugs his shoulders, and his most common response to any question is, "I don't know." He doesn't respond to taking things away (TV, video games, etc.), probably because he still has his computer, which is something I can't take away because that's his classroom.
I am pretty much at the end of my rope. He has not only withdrawn from schoolwork, he has pretty much withdrawn from everything. I feel like I am failing him as a parent, but I just don't know how to reach him anymore. I'm starting to think there is a much deeper issue here that I am not equipped to deal with, and that counseling may be the next step.
To clarify a bit on my son's personality: he's never been a social butterfly. He has a couple of friends that he calls/texts, but I suggest actual get-togethers, he says they're not interested. His problem, as far as I can tell, is that his interests are atypical of the average teen - prefers Dickens to Twilight, Cloud Atlas or Lincoln to action movies, Bowie and the Beatles to Katy Perry. I think he feels like no one "gets" him.
Counseling, as he sounds depressed. Bullying can leave scars you can't see and he may need help for them to heal.
Yes, counseling immediately. And if the first counselor isn't a good fit, find another. He needs help. Don't feel bad about it at all, we all need help at times.
My 14 year-old stepson was in regular counseling for a year, and we got our son back. It wasn't easy, but it did work.
Your son needs counseling. If you do not seek help for him, then yes...you would be failing him. You are already considering it, so please move forward with counseling.
think you answered your own question in the last few sentences. Its obvious there is some deep deep issues going on. Not just Teenage ones. Lots of teenagers are bullied, and depressed but they dont all outright give up. He needs help immediately.
I think counseling is a good idea, try to find one that specializes in teen issues.
just so i am following, you pulled him out of public school and he does his work online throught the computer??
Does he have any friends that he sees face to face?? is he alone all day while you are at work??
Have you checked his browsing history to see what websites he is going on??
even at 14 you can move the computer to a high traffic area of your house and as punishment allot his so much time like 5 frs to complete his online work and then it gets turned off.
Depending on what he was being bullied about that might help us to understand where his head might be right now. if you feel like sharing, if not, take a minute in your own mind and really consider what he might night to heal up OR be comfortable expressing that part of himself.
Depression can stick around after the original cause is gone. It can make it hard for the sufferer to concentrate and perform well. Definitely get counseling.
I'm so very sorry, I really am. You already know what to do, D.. Get him into that counseling you mention.
Also check into the AVID program. Talk to your guidance counselor after you read about AVID online. See if it's offered at the highschool. If it is, your guidance counselor will need to help you with applying for it. I hope it's available in your school system (it's a federal program).
Sending you big hugs and hopes that whatever is ailing your son can be figured out and helped by the time high school rolls around.
Dawn
I also agree that counseling is a good idea.
Is he only doing work online and is that most of his interaction with others his own age? Have you considered doing volunteer work as a family or taking some of his classes as a co-op/group option with a homeschool group? My friend homeschools her kids, but they frequently do lessons with other families, especially science projects. If he has an interest in something in particular, maybe getting off the computer and out to see people doing that or sharing that interest would be good.
Sounds like a very interesting kid!
Get him counseling.
Right now it sounds like he could be "at risk" for many things.
Not to be too forward, but are you sure he's not smoking weed/doing other drugs? That could easily explain his rapid decline.
They sell urine screen tests at the dollar store.
Good luck to you & your son.
I think you should find a different kind of school for him. It sounds like something is going on at school that he's not happy with. I think some kind of small, nurturing school might be the place for him. Are there any good charter schools in your area?
How about this one:
http://www.coastalleadershipacademy.org/charter-school-fa...
It doesn't want to take the whole link. Look up coastal leadership academy. Sometimes alternative schools are good for kids like your son. Registration for next year is currently open.
Middle school sux. Think back to when you were going thru it. It usually gets better in HS.
Your son needs counseling. He sounds depressed. He probably needs to be around some boys his age instead of always at home. Can you enroll him into a private school? They usually have smaller class sizes, so he wouldn't be as over whelmed. He is probably going stir crazy being at home all the time.
He is a smart kid, but you need to run, not walk him to the counselor. Preferrably a guy.
Do you think he's lonely doing on-line school? Is he in any extra curricular activities or some sort of group for homeschooled children?
Some of it could just be his age. This is age where most of the teen problems start.
I HATE the response "I don't know." Pushes my buttons for sure!
As far as not doing the work, I think I would literally sit right next to him (if you're a SAHM) to keep him on track. I'm sure he won't like it so after a couple of days you can tell him he can try it again on his own, but if he reverts back to not doing the work, then you will revert back to sitting with him every second. And then when school is over, you will find even MORE work for him to do. It has to be more advantageous for him to do the assigned school work than not to.
I think counseling would be a good idea so you can figure out what's going on and maybe you can fix it.
