14 Month Old Sleeping habits...I Need Help!!!

Yes, you need help. It won't stop until you manage to get her to bed and her not to wake up. Give her a blanket, or something of yours. Tell her you love her. She feels abandoned. You may have to continue to have her in bed with you for a while. Then when she gets use to the changes in her life, move her to a bed beside you or on a pallet. It may take months. Then slowly move her to her own bed. She needs security right now - you.

Do it gently and gradually, and allow for relapses.

Don't worry or feel guilty - you haven't "spoiled" her at all, you've given her a wonderful gift. It won't become a "way of life" - they grow up way too fast and you'll come to miss the precious closeness.
I agree with what Danelle said (below), that you haven't done anything wrong. Our culture doesn't support bed-sharing with children, but there is significant evidence that it does much more good than harm and that "crying it out" can have long-term effects.

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html#links

I'm not trying to guilt you into continuing if you're ready to move beyond the family bed, I'm just saying there's no need to feel guilty about it if it's working for you, (meaning that everyone gets the sleep they need and has their needs respected.) Moms have rights, too, and if you're ready to move beyond the family bed, then it's time.

Inevitably, she will wake up and come to your bed (or want you to come to her.) You could start with different beds in the same room (having baby's crib within arm reach or just in the same room; or fixing a futon or bed for an older child on the floor next to, or at the foot of, the parents' bed.) We had a futon on the floor of his room where he could nap in the day, and either stay there or with us at night.

Then I took my child bed-shopping (he loved IKEA!)
and I didn't even buy the bed the first few times we went. He was hooked on one particular bed, and he was really BEGGING for it. So we made a big to-do about it. Fixed up the room a little, he got to pick out some cool sheets. We even took out some of the "babyish" toys to make it a bigger kids' room. And we made it perfect for storytime. (lamp, flashlight, and spill-proof cup of water on the nightstand.)

We read his bedtime stories there, curled up with him, and I usually snuggle him for a while after lights out, sometimes until he's asleep, but not always. Sometimes he sleeps there all night, sometimes half the night. Occasionally, he's in my bed before he even falls asleep once, but he's always welcome, so it doesn't become this big deal. The forbidden fruit, you know? (I was never allowed in my parents bed, and it became a big deal for me. I remember staring up at the ceiling too scared to move, imagining burglers and kidnappers coming though my window and stuff. No sandmen and moonbeams for me.)

It WILL pass, all too soon, so cherish this time. Think about how quickly she's growing and how much you will miss holding a tiny child when you are old and gray. (This hit home for me when I visited a nursing home and saw an ancient woman, maybe 90 years old, who constantly held and rocked a baby doll - those must have been her most precious memories of her entire life. I got choked up watching her. Sure reminds you of what's important in life.)

A.,
The best gift you can give your little girl right now is the gift of learning to fall asleep on her own & sleeping in her own bed. It creates a much happier, healthier child. I think it's wise to do it now (contrary to other's advice) because it is SO much easier at 14 months when she can stay in a crib or pack and play than at 2 or 3 when she will be talking and negotiating and running to your bed.
It is one of the first acts of discipline we do for our kids, but it is SO worth it to have a well-rested, happy child & mom. It will be hard to hear her cry (and at 14 months, she will cry the first few days), but just go in & soothe her every 10 minutes or so, lay her back down, and give her a special blanket or toy, play soft music, white noise, or whatever works. Whatever you do, don't pick her up or give in to letting her sleep in your bed once you've committed to transition her.
She will get used to it by a week or so.
A great book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
Good Luck! You can do this!
S.

I have the same issue with me boy; But he pulls himself out and over the baby crib so we are looking for a toddler bed with side rails and will be doing everything else to make sure he is safe;
I think it will just be a couple of weeks for him or your girl to get used to; We just need to train them just like anything else; JUst keep putting her in the pin and let her scream as long as she is safe, she will be just fine; This my babysitters also said for me to do with our son;
GOOD luck and keep your hopes up;
I am in the same shoes and it is very, very hard to lesson to your baby cry, and scream; But, they need to learn to be able to calm there self down alone and they will put there selfs to sleep;
Ms T

Hmmm.... where to start.... I know some moms have said that there's nothing wrong with her sleeping with you, but I disagree. Get her into her OWN bed ASAP! Of course, she's going to squawk when she figures out you're not there. To my knowledge, babies are just fine when they cry for long periods when they don't get what they want. IT'S OKAY TO LET HER CRY!!! I had my kids a long time ago and I'm learning that a lot of opinions are changing with different generations. :( So, I'm just going to be really straight with you.

I know this is a little rough considering that your daughter is only 14 months old. I work with troubled teens, and trust me, this is where a lot of things start. It's not HER that won't sleep in her bed - it's YOU that won't make her. I know, ouch!!!!!!

You're setting up a pattern with her at this very tender age - not so much for her, but for YOU. Where have you decided that you will draw the line for her? Will you always accommodate her by doing whatever she wants? What are your ideas and beliefs as to what is best for her at this age? What are these based on? I am reading that you are now a single parent - take a look at this and see if this has anything to do with those beliefs. A single parent is FULLY capable of giving just as much love as a married parent and part of loving them fully is giving them (and enforcing) the rules and boundaries they need to grow up to be a healthy and happy person. I agree with the mom that says it's going to be even harder to get her out of your bed in later years. How about when she's 10???

I'm sure that a lot of moms will have some great advice on ways to keep her in bed. My only advice is "do what is BEST for HER." Period. It may not always feel good and will sometimes break your heart, but always do what is best for her in the long run. You'll be glad you did.

When we were young, we actually held our daughter almost every minute. I cooked, hubby held her. He would eat first and I would hold her. I would eat while he held her. Yup, that was crazy!! I rocked her to sleep every night and as soon as I would put her down, she'd wake up. When I made the decision to have her sleep in her bed every night, she cried for an hour and a half the first night. 45 minutes the second. 10 minutes the third and went straight to bed every night after that - even when she was a teen!! We got to a point where we KNEW when it was 8:30 because she was getting cranky and wanted to go to bed. Strict times, schedules and spaces are really important. I still rocked her as she got older, but I did it while she was awake and we could talk and read, etc.

I know this was a little long, but please believe me when I tell you that it matters more what YOU do with what she does than what she does. What she does is always a symptom of what's going on. It's her job to buck the system. It's her job to manipulate you. This is how she tests her world to see what's going to work later on in life. When you teach her that rules and boundaries keep us SAFE and HAPPY, she will be more likely to comply. :)

Good luck to you on this!!

Hugs,
L.

Our son is almost 16 months, and has slept with us since he was about two weeks old. My husband and I both enjoy it, so we haven't pushed getting him out of our bed. He does spend the first part of the night in his room, when I put him to sleep on a crib mattress on the floor by laying next to him and snuggling him to sleep. I like this setup because I don't have to move him after he's asleep! It does allow him to get up at night, which he's done a couple times, but only when something has been bothering him, like teething. He'll just come find us then go right back to sleep. I also try to remember that they're at an age where they are learning a lot, and can be easily overwhelmed, which might explain the sudden crying in the middle of the night. I would say not to force the issue, be sensitive and responsive to her asking for comfort, and allow her to find her independence when she's ready for it.

With the new living arrangements and you being a newly single mom doing the things that are familiar to her are important. Her sleeping with you is fine. If she can sleep on her own for a few hours then wants to come back into bed with you, I think it is fine. My now 10 month old slept with us for 6 months and then transitioned to her crib where she sleeps for the first four hours or so then by midnight I go get her and bring her in our bed. If her sleeping with you isn't greatly interfering with you getting a good nights sleep then you can address the sleeping issue as time goes on. The "self soothing" thing seems a little strange to me because I have cried myself to sleep as an adult and it doesn't result in good sleep or a good feeling when I wake up. Just keep loving your little angel and she will grow up well adjusted, secure and happy because you responded to her needs at this still early part of development.

There is nothing wrong with her sleeping with you. We didn't do that with our first two. But our 4th child (we too had different living arrangements due to moving my mother in to live with us) and she slept with us for the first 2 years of her life. Now, she did have a crib, but we needed sleep and so did she. Some kids just need that extra cuddle time.

I would put her back in the bed with you until she is a bit older to where you can communicate what you need for her to do. When we got our daughter her own twin bed at 2 years old, we put it right next to us and all was well. Yes, from time to time, she would still want to be with us, but once asleep, we put her in her bed. Other times, she went to sleep in her bed. She is now 3yo and sleeps in her bed and rarely wakes up at night to come into our room. On those rare occasions, we just take her back to her room and stay with her for a few minutes until she is back to sleep. We are at the road now, where I'm about to get her to fall asleep on her own without someone being in the room with her. Our first night was last night.

Now, with my 5th child (another boy), he sleeps in his crib during the day (even my daughter wouldn't do that...I guess in our family, it's a girl thing) and sleeps half of the time in his crib at night and the other with us. He still nurses, so at times, he does need to. But he can sleep up to 8 hours without me nursing him. He is almost 8 months old.

Good Luck! And get some sleep. :0)

There is nothing wrong with letting her sleep with you if you enjoy it. If you don't want her to sleep with you, I recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It's a tough method because you really have to let them cry, so you really have to commit to it to do it right. When you do follow the book correctly, though, your daughter will be going to sleep on her own in a few days. The book helps you understand why it's important for kids to go to sleep on their own--think of it as your first lesson in discipline. There will be many more down the road. Good luck.

Either continue co sleeping or try to make it for more than 10 minutes. Yes, the crying is awful, but it is not physically harmful. If you wait until she is older, the crying will get worse and she may be able to climb out of the crib. Give yourself a limit, like no more than 20 minutes (with one of mine, it took 40 minutes for 2 nights but that was all). With the younger he rarely cried more than 20 minutes, but that lasted a little longer than 2 nights. There are pro's and con's to both methods. You just need to decide what is best for you and not let anyone tell you that it is wrong. YOu can find "experts" and books on any of the methods.

Eh...Go with your gut. If your mama instinct tells you to pick her up, then do it. She's also having to make big adjustments as you are. She IS dependent, and that's fine. She doesn't have any real defenses of her own except to cry. All babies need to feel *safe* to sleep well and as history has it, babies have only been pushed to be independent recently. (I know you said people instead of books, but try "Our babies, Ourselves". Good book)

As long as you and her are happy with your arrangement, then that's what matters. Not what any 'expert' says.

Oh and on the whole Crying it out, studies are now saying it can be harmful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...