11 Month Old Screaming If I Even Think About Walking a Step Away!

Well. I was going to say some stuff...but Nervy already did. :-) It's hard being a baby on an inconsistent schedule. You're doing a good job.

Ugh. How long have you been watching her? Have you talked to her mom about it?

Maybe mom can bring a comfort item from home. Maybe you have a toy she's crazy about you can keep from her except for just these occasions. Some kind of distraction.

I babysat my niece for a few years. She totally hated my guts the first few weeks. At one point I was so frustrated I just burst into song over the top of her screaming, she stopped immediately. So from then on I just sang whenever I couldn't give her my direct attention. Not sure whether she found this a comfort or a distraction, but it worked.

Poor thing, has no other way to express her nervousness.

Hopefully, she'll get used to the arrangement soon.

HTH.

:)

What you did is just fine. My guess is that, at home, she screams=she gets picked up. That might work for her family, but it's not a realistic expectation for her to have of you.

I was a nanny, too, and I understand that you are wanting to ensure you are doing your best by this child. I also think that setting her in the pack-n-play, preferably within view of yourself, in a calm way and saying "you may play here, I'll come get you in a minute" is a great way of keeping her safe. When we go about doing this as a safety measure-- and the situation you described certainly warranted a change from her clinging to you-- it's all right. We put them in the safe place calmly, make sure she has some toys in there, and then go about our business. Be sure to pick her up when you are done and give her a cheerful "I'm back!" when you do with lots of hugs and love, that's the best thing you can do, in my opinion. When WE treat these small separations like everything is fine, when we don't get distressed, then they learn that it's okay.

I agree with asking for more comfort items and then, just try to treat each separation with cheerfulness and confidence. You will have to show her that YOU believe she's going to be fine, and she may have to experience this several times before she realizes she IS okay.

Oh yes, this is brutal. My DD used to do this- and I just had her, can't imagine how hard it is with 2 other little ones!

Definitely would ask for a few more comfort items. And then my best advice (which worked for me) is to gradually try to add time and distance apart. 11 months is a little young, but I would try to get DD to do what I was doing. So if you are cooking, give her a pot and spoon and set her close by in the kitchen with an upbeat "I'm cooking up here and you are cooking here too!" Things like that- you are dressing a kid, she gets a doll to dress. Start with her close by you, and my biggest advice is to start by getting back to pick her up BEFORE she starts to get upset. This changes the tide. She doesn't have to freak to get your attention, she gets it before she freaks out.

For me it was a tedious, gradual process. But it worked. I had more of a luxury of time with one, but still possible for you! And will save your sanity!

Theresa -

No offense, but she might have thought your singing was punishment! (joking...and sorry for using your name). lol

To OP, maybe try doing some 'peek a boo' type games? A blanket over you (or one of the other kiddos, or some toys) and then pull it off so she gets an expedited lesson IN object permanence?

And, as the previous poster suggested, talk to 'mom' about what she uses/does.

Best!

both my boys went through clingy stages around this age. nothing severe, but certainly loud when i stepped away.
but that's life. i certainly don't subscribe to CIO, but neither do i think life comes to a halt. sometimes you need to walk away from a tiny, and they scream, and you come back. that's how they learn you will. not deliberately putting them in stressful situations, nor twisting one's life into pretzels trying to avoid them.
put her in the pack and play, wipe your toddler's butt, then go back. 4 minutes of bellowing is not going to damage her physically or emotionally.
khairete
S.

Mom possibly holds her a lot. I am watching my niece who is 6 mth and SIL holds her ALL the time. I won't. If she begins crying and has had all of her needs met then I move her to something else to catch her attention. Playmat to Baby Einstein seat to high chair that has a toy she likes or sometimes we will go outside. Not sure why but she loves outside and could be starving but would stop crying if we walked outside. It will at least lessen how often she cries because she will get used to trying to entertain herself. If it's new to her it will take a little while but stick to it and have a schedule so maybe she'll know what's coming next. My niece has gotten much better but still tries it every so often.

You sound like a sensitive and caring babysitter and mom. Recently published studies have revealed that babies do experience high raises in cortisol levels when they are separated from their mothers and placed in daycares. If she is clinging to you, it is because you are her reference point when she is away from home, and I believe that it is very important for you to hold her as much as possible. Have you mentioned this concern to her parents? For me, as a mom of a one year old myself, if I were looking for a babysitter to watch my child, I would want someone who is willing (and happy) to hold her as much as she wants, and respond to her needs, never "letting her cry it out", or trying to force her to learn independence before she is ready. But that is also very challenging and difficult to expect from anyone other than the mother or family member. You have a life and you are writing this post because you find the situation challenging and you are being honest. If you are willing to "wear her" in an ergo carrier, you would be doing her a huge service, but then again, you should be paid good money for being so hands on. That being said, nowadays so many people in our country believe that babies are spoiled if they receive too much nurturing or too much interaction. In fact, studies have shown just the opposite. To "spoil" a child is to ruin a child, as that is the original meaning of the word. What ruins children is being ignored for long periods of time and left to cry it out alone in a crib repeatedly, until the child no longer cries, until they learn that their voice will never be heard. That is the recipe for a screwed up adult. But children who are held close and loved and responded to, grow into independent, confident, and happy adults. Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to put her down to go to the bathroom or make tea! I am still trying to find the happy medium, and not doing such a great job at it yet myself, but aspiring.

talk to the mom and see what happens at home...

maybe if you and mom are doing the same thing it will work better..