I've got another question ladies. Ny 5 month old nephew is a very happy baby. Especially now that we've gotten rid of the consitpation. Anyways, when I'm with him he is always smiling. I can put him down in his crib or whatever else. People can hold him and he never cries. I can even walk away. If, however, I walk back into the room and he sees me then walk away he starts to cry. He doesn't do this with anyone else, just me. He is fine if I leave the house and leave him with my husband, but if I walk into a room and then back out he throws a fit. Anybody got an idea on whey he's doing this? When he does cry my husband instantly hands him back to me. Has he figured out if he cries he gets me? BTW, I don't hold him all the time or come running the instant he cries.
Thank you for the responses. I guess I should feel blessed that he is that comfortable with me. Especially since I was scared he wouldn't like me when we first picked him up. He'd never seen me before that day 3 weeks ago. I will have him for the next 2 years at the least. Could be up to 5. Both of his parents have gone to prison. After hearing from you I realize I should be happy he feels this comfortable with me. Unfortunately, it kind of hurts my husbands feelings that he's not that close to him and they are blood.
if he's looking at you as his new mother and misses his mom, he probably is afraid of losing you. he's probably interested in comfort and needs to know he's loved. tell that husband of yours that he needs to learn to sooth the baby, especially if he wants a stronger bond with him
I have a 6 mth old little girl who did this as well. My books tell me that this is the developmental stage where separation anxiety begins, but permanence has not yet developed, so the idea is that when you leave the room, there is fear that you are permanently gone - perhaps crying when you leave, return, and then leave again is the only way he can express his fear that you will not return again. "The Magic Years" is a great developmental book and has a section based on separation anxiety and permanence in it, discussing this stage. One of the recommendations is to play "peek a boo" often so that the child might begin to understand permanence - you appear, disappear, then reappear and it's a fun game instead of a scary threat. Good luck!
Peek-a-boo isn't just a game you can play w/ infants it also teaches them something called 'object permanence', which means they have to learn that even though they can't see you, you're still around and that you'll come back.
He's in a normal state of separation anxiety. Sometimes they'll go back and forth between two parents... one month it will be you the next it may be your husband (since he's your nephew he may not be as attached to your husband so this may not happen).... Playing peek-a-boo with him right now is age appropriate. Other than that, you just have to let him cry.
When you go back into the room, try to acknowledge him. Say "hi" or something before you leave the room again. Tell him you'll be back at "such and such" time. I'm not an expert but it seems as though he gets his hopes up when you come into the room, but when you leave he becomes disappointed. Talk to him. Let him know what you're doing, where your going. He may not fully understand at his age, but when you talk to him, it reassures him.
M., I didn't know what to say until I saw your signature saying that you have temporary custody of your nephew. I don't know why you have temporary custody or for how long, but perhaps the reason he cries when you come and go is that he may be feelng abandoned by his mother and you represent his mother. Perhaps he is afraid that you (his mother figure) will not come back. So, what to do? I guess it will take time for him to realize that you are indeed not going to leave him and not return. You might also try telling him that. I think that many of today's children are able to understand more at a younger age and to read their caregivers' thoughts and understand the meaning of their words through their intuition. So maybe your thoughts will get thru to him, as well as your actions. Worth a try.
E. (____@____.com)
I think he just must be reminded that he wants you when you walk into the room and he becomes hopeful when he sees you, but then you walk away. Maybe when you first lie him down, he doesn't think it's so bad, but after being alone for a while and then seeing "mom" he decides that's more fun. My 5 month old boy also is more cranky with me, but will calm down a lot easier with my husband or just be overall happier with him. Yet he seems to always want me. It's kind of hard to explain. It might be the issue that "daddy" is for play and "mommy" is for when I'm sad and need comfort? I have also read that at this age separation anxiety and stranger anxiety can start, so maybe he's starting to be insecure and feels more comforted with you since you're at home with him during the day. And yes, he has probably figured out - "if I cry, then I get to be with her." I hope this gets better. Good luck!
This is the age where babies learn object permanence--if you leave, are you still there? will you come back? Separation anxiety usually doesn't start until babies are older than this. So I'm guessing he is crying just to communicate. Crying is his language, and chances are he'd holler out, "Take me with you this time!" if he could. Also, the reason he does this with *you* is because babies attach to one primary caregiver, which is usually the mother-figure, hence you. The good news is babies grow out of this developmental phase. In the meantime, it is okay to hold him, take him with you, and reassure him. Maybe he'll move through it quicker!
It is normal. Kids go through separation anxiety especially at this age. My kids went through it around this time and again around the year mark. It will pass, just reassure him with your voice if you are out of the room, he will feel secure enough in a bit to know you are coming back. He will get over it in a few weeks.
