10 Yr Old Daughter Lies a LOT...at What Point Do We Need a Professional?

I have noticed that my stepdaughter (who is normally very truthful) will lie for one of 3 reasons:

1. They don't want to get in trouble, and they think that lying is a better choice.

2. They want attention.

3. They want to be right about something.

I don't know which one (or all three) you daughter has.

You could try this one tactic if nothing else has worked. Ignore the lie, and praise her for the one thing she did right.

For example, if she says "I want the blue one!" and a minute later she says "I never said I wanted the blue one, I said I wanted the red one!" you could say "Thank you for choosing the red one."

If she's having a disagreement with her sibling, you could say "you are doing a good job of not changing your mind."

I know it sounds weird and contrary to what you WANT to do (punish) but if punishment hasn't worked then your daughter is doing it because she wants to be punished and wants the attention. Whatever you're doing is keeping it going, so why not try the opposite? It sounds like she might lie because she feels inferior, or not loved. And I've noticed that my SD will act up and WANT to be punished because somehow that's attention to her. So I give attention to the positive...and believe it or not she does more of whatever gives her attention.

Your daughter knows she is lying. She knows it's wrong. She can't help it anymore. Somewhere along the line lying became the solution to whatever problem she is having. So if you give her love for what she does right, perhaps the lying will cease on it's own because her need it being met.

Hope that helps!

to help break this habit, we used a few behavior modifications with our son. When my son begins to speak (in a situation we know he is lying or "telling a story"), I hold up my hands....like stop signs.....& say, "truth or lie". He stops, he thinks, & then he proceeds with his story/answer.

I know it sounds inane, but it does truly help him focus on the importance of telling the truth. I vary this method with just simply saying (with an exaggerated eye roll), "OMGosh, what a story! Are you believing yourself?" & I say it with lots of humor. Even if it's a denial of responsibility, this does work! That way the attention I'm giving him is done thru humor & of a more positive nature......than through the negative emotions of distrust, disappointment, & untruthfulness. It calls his attention to his actions, allows him to take responsibility without the negativity of lying.....& just makes our home a happier one.

In extreme cases, I have a packet I print out....which I created after being totally frustrated with him one day. In this packet are about 10 questions which he has to answer in written form....explaining what the situation was, what he said, how it was a lie, the basis of the truth, how it hurt him & others, what he could have done differently, & what his punishment should be. We then sit down & go thru his answers. & I play hardball, the answers have to be complete sentences & have to be an honest examination of his actions. & here's the shocker....he enjoys the process! How twisted is that? He said it helps him figure out "why" he's doing what he's doing.....& it has helped a lot! Good Luck........

My sister used to do that when she was little. She could look at you with the straightest face and tell you she didn't make that mess or steal that piece of candy or even tell you she didn't break something. My parents always knew it was her because I was the good kid, the one who made all the good grades and wanted to help everyone. I think my sister resented me for that simple fact. Are you favoring any of your other children? Or showing that one is being better then her? If so she may feel left out and feel she isn't the encouragement she needs. Spankings can help only so much just like punishments. But by the age of 10 she should know better and if she keeps lying about things that are serious and she does it to many time and it really does happen then no one will believe her (crying wolf) I would say talk to her first, explain why all the things she is doing is bad and could get somebody hurt. My parents always taught me if you lie it only makes it worse, but you tell the truth the punishment is less server. If that still doesn't work I'd suggest going to see a therapist and see what underlying problem she's got going on. Kids usually lie but to keep up with it there is most likely something bothering her. Good luck. :)

Can you secretly record or video tape her? Then play it back to her?

It sounds like a very bad habit at this point. She is going to start loosing friends and then it will be almost impossible to get them back.

You can also speak with her about why she feels she always has to be right? Where is this coming from? Explain to her no one likes a "know it all" and it sure is getting hard to believe anything she says.

Each time she throws these tantrums, you need to treat them like tantrums. Send her to her room and have her calm down. Take away privileges..

My mom made a deal with us at about this age (my parents had just divorced) she said she needed for the 3 of us to be able to trust each other, so she promised she would never get mad at us if we ALWAYS told her the truth. She may disappointed or upset, but we would not be in trouble if we always told the truth.. She really did hold up this promise. It was quite freeing to know it was safe to tell the truth. No matter what the situation.

My son (also 10) does the exact same thing...he lies to get others in trouble..lies about what he did or did not do....he even lies about things he would not get into trouble for. I brought it up to his pediatrician once and he said it was fairly normal for his age but I have an 11 year old daughter and she didn't do this and neither does my 9 yr old son. I will watch to see what others offer to you as far as help to see if I can get any ideas. Sorry I couldn't be more help as far as what to do but if you ever want to just talk out your frustrations feel free to e-mail me :)

hi C., i wanted to let you know that u arent the only one having issues with this. my 9 yr old son lies alot too. when we confront him about it he denies it, we have yet to figure out a way to get him to stop so if you figure something that works for you out please let me know so i can try it. we are also having aggression issues that we cant get to stop. im sorry that you are going through this but i understand what you are going through. i know this doesnt give you advice but it does let you know that you arent alone

Now is a good time to get help-only not just for her. This is really something the whole family will be good to do-it will find a path for the arguements and possibly help her to find herself and how the family dynamics will blend together. A family counselor might do the job or perhaps a church person-a minister/priest/rabbi/ or your school might be able to suggest a person to work with. If you find they don't work,look into a local college/university/junior college-they have counselors that may be able to work with you. This will help everyone-lying is not a singular effort and you might be surprised how many times "we" actually lie and forget that it ever was. (um like what did you eat that was not on that diet?) or that yellow light-well it all is taken in by others. Go get help it will make a difference.