1 Kid and Already Overwhelmed-- Help and Support Please?

Will Daddy take him for a night and let you go to the bookstore for a cup of coffee with a girlfriend?
Play the "Oh my Gosh!!! I just died" game and walk out the door.
They will be OK for a night once or twice a month.

Your not the only mom that feels this way. I think it happens alot for moms. You as a teacher deal with children in a totoally different way at school then you do with your own child. those kids don't hang on you need just you and ONLY you. It's very different. Plus you come home after dealing with those kids all day then have a boy that only wants you. We've all been through it and it will get easier just not yet, but you'll get there...give it a little more time.
The sleeping thing my daughter stopped napping at 13 months old...her choice NOT mine. If we even let her nap for 30 minutes she would have the hardest time going down at night. try cutting out his afternoon nap so when it's bedtime he is really tired. We also added a right before bed family walk around the block to helo really get her tired. Your son may just be one of those high energy kids that doesn't need a nap, just a good nights sleep. i hope you find something that works for you and your family.
My son is the same way about me that yours is with you. he only wants me to change him, give him his food, put him in bed, bathe him and so on. It's just a phase. Try to enjoy it as long as you can cause there will be a day where he doesn't want you to help him or hold him. i know it's exhausting but it really doesn't last long enough.
My three kids also learned ASL and started doing things very early. It makes for wonderfully smart children but overly tired parents. Good for you for doing all that for your son. You sound like you will be a great mom to how ever many you are blessed with. He will adjust to another and and so will you, more than you even realize right now. My boys are 16 months apart and I was so worried but they are the best little buddies ever. Even though they both have times that they really want just me at the exact same time we find a way to work it out. It's tiring but worth every minute.The tantrum thing I wish i had some advice but I have never dealt with that to that extent. i wish you all the luck. I can only say stay strong and be consistant, but Im sure you already know that. Good luck.

I won't go into "advice" mode... you've got some great advice already. Just wanted to say... "NO. You are NOT the only one overwhelmed by one child." I was too. And I stressed SOOO much about having a 2nd because I felt I could never manage due to the first one being so challenging. Like you, mine had no "special" needs... just very needy (as in keeping him out of trouble: walked early; talked early; climbed early; opened doors even with "babyproofing" applied; broke cabinet locks; fought every single nap; etc). I was playmate, disciplinarian, nursemaid and gym guru all rolled into one, all day every day.

I wasn't sure my husband knew what he was talking about when he suggested that it might be easier with two than just one. But he was right. Not only did they keep each other busy quite a bit, but the 2nd one was a much "easier" baby altogether. They are 3 yrs apart (I was petrified when at 20 months we were trying to get pregnant again). And for the most part, they get along fabulously and have from day 1. None of the sibling jealousy regression issues that you hear about at ALL! He just loved her right from the start. They are 11 yrs and 8 yrs now.

Take deep breaths. Babyproof a safe area (playpen ??) and know that it is okay to just let him cry once in a while. One time my son was just squirming and fighting a diaper change on the changing table so much and I was SO frustrated and exhausted (it was his bedtime too). So I just put him on the floor and he kept crying then, so I went and got my husband out of bed and told him he needed to come take care of it. I was crying too. But it was really an awakening for me, b/c I realized that nothing terrible happened as a result.
I learned to let my husband give him baths, even if he (my son) wanted ME to do it. Buy earplugs if you have to. Let him and Dad figure out their relationship on their own a little bit.

I have always heard sleep begets sleep... but my son just never seemed to nap. (He slept at night like a champ from 3 months, but naps--- I was lucky to get him down for an hour at a time).

The only thing we did "intentionally" when expecting the 2nd baby, was that we never blamed anything on the baby. I was really nauseous (one of those people with the 24 hour a day/40 weeks nausea) and not able to do much with him during the pregnancy. But I never said it was "because of" the baby. I just said I didn't feel well. Or I was tired. NEVER blame anything on the baby. You might end up like I did, with a son who becomes easier to manage once the sibling comes along...

Wow, M.. Now you're talking. I've been a preschool teacher for years and I am challenged nearly daily by my 3 year old son. For me, the way I see it is that while I've moved my business into my home, I'm lacking the stimuli and feeding of just being out and about in the professional community. It's good when I have the chance to do it, but it's so exhausting for me too. And adding the needs of my son, who is sweet and yet in a real space of starting to test the power of his autonomous self. Working to compromise with someone who is so dead set against compromise is intense work for those of us who take it from a classroom management angle. Kids are mercurial and we try to do our best, but it is a demanding job of any parent.

Judging from my some of my teacher friends and myself, there is sometimes a tendency to be less relaxed than our non-teacher friends, if only because we have been doing classroom management for years. As teachers and parents, we can spot trouble a long way off. It's almost like a dog reading a scent. We've developed this nose, this alertness, in the way other parents haven't. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. And I know that this is probably not a universal truth about parents or teachers, I've just seen this commonality uniquely with my teacher friends.

What helped me immensely was to start taking more time for myself. I let my son learn how to be with his father, and then how to spend time with dear friends who I knew would love him and play with him. At nineteen months, it sounds like your son has had an incredibly great start from you. It's okay to give yourself a break and go away for a night, or even an afternoon. We need to do this for ourselves, and sometimes it's really hard to do at first--you wonder how it's going to go, and worry that they'll call in a panic. But they will manage, and learn how to have deeper relationships with each other.

And do yourself a favor--find something to do for yourself, even if only for a half-hour a day. I get up early and make myself a great cup of tea and relax before having to talk to anyone else. My morning Space Out time is the perfect start to my day. It's like food. Find some food for your soul.

Ponder the question about the future and having extra kids, but you don't have to make any decisions right away. Kids change. Would you be upset not to have a second child? These relationships are so tricky. People are who they are in the moment...little people too. I've worked as a nanny with lots of kids who were tough little ones but turned out to be charming older children, so who your son is now is not necessarily who he's going to be 5 years from now.

Best wishes.

You are not alone! REALLY REALLY REALLY. PLUS, pat yourself on the back no-give yourself a hug from all of us. You are incredible and wonderful and well, tired. Teaching 35 other children really is easier (I subbed many years and am a spec. ed teaching assistant) There are very clear rules and consequences, your emotions while somewhat attached are not the same issues that the 'guilt' ones are for moms. It's just clearly a job, but being mom is so much more on top of another full time job. I do want to tell you this, now that my children are grown, you will find yourself wondering why he doesn't want to be with you, why he prefers to be doing something else and this will be a tiny blurb from the past. Best advice, hang in there, enjoy him, do not feel guilty if you have to push him away, Will you be able to be with him during the summer or do you have summer school? If you do get to be with him, you will find that he probably settles down. And just do not try to do much else. You will have many years down the line to get all sorts of dishes and projects done. Good luck!

WOO! Take a deep breath mama! You're doing a great job!
I'm a teacher too and I have a 14 month old who, while not a "super child", is demanding. It's really hard to go from teaching all day and being the parent to 35 and switch gears to being the true parent to one. I don't have much advice, but I was getting super frustrated with bedtime, etc. with out son when I finally called the pediatrician and said HELP! He told us to put him to sleep sooner. Our son goes to bed at 6 ish and gets up at about 7. It's not perfect. It seriously limits our time together, which makes me sad, but it's best for him. I think that with another baby, it would be a transition, but as a family you would make the adjustment and work it out. We are down to one nap a day and have been for several months so I get the weird sleeping thing. I would just try to make sure he doesn't get over tired and has opportunities to rest if he wants to. Good luck!

HUGS hey just because you're a teacher it doesn't mean your patience is unlimited. You're tired and a demanding baby can sometimes just do you in. Cut yourself some slack. My sister's little one was like this for a long time and she's now very independent and self reliant and I'm sure your little one will get there too.

No, you are not alone. It's easy to feel overwhelmed with these little demanding creatures, especially when you don't get a break. I have three children who were all GREAT nappers, but there are times when I knew they were exhausted and didn't want to sleep and I would leave them in their crib- it could be their quiet time or down time if they didn't want to sleep. But your little guy is too young to skip naps contributes to his outbursts. Even with my older kids, 6 and 8, I see a direct connection to them being tired, lack of sleep at night and their behavior, outbursts, etc. So, try to have a regular routine naptime, and put him in his crib, where he can't get out and leave him there, even if he doesn't sleep.

My daughter also had awful temper tantrums from about the same age, when I started time outs for short period, 1 minute in the corner but your son has to have a consequence for his misbehavior or you're teaching him that it's ok to scream, cry, yell, be violent to get what he wants.

Also, I also had the same problem with always being wanted, but I would simply walk out of the room and dad, grandma, auntie- whoever was there was the one my babies were forced to go to. He is always going to you because you are enabling him. Hand him over to someone else and walk out of the room, preferably out of the house and you'll find he'll adjust and do fine with whomever he's left with. You're lucky to have your husband, grandparents to help- leave the baby with them for a few hours and go out to lunch, exercise, have a break. He'll be fine and learn to be comfortable with others other than you as my 12 month is. Good luck!

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I will keep this short, but my son was the same way, very clingy and always wanted me to put him to bed etc., but I got pregnant and my kids are 23 months apart and it really was good for both of us that I could answer his every demand when he wanted me to. Of course it took a little bit of time for every one to get used to the new life but now that my little girl is almost one every one in our house realizes that they don't get whatever they want the second they want it. Good luck.

OH I know how you feel! I felt smothered to death when my baby was a girl. She was bright, calm, loving, perfect, really. She was also absolutely single-minded about wanting me and only me, 24/7.

I thought she'd be an only child. I couldn't imagine having two.

She's 7 now and we're doing fine. She grew out of the baby phase and I feel so guilty about my emotions at that time (everyone assures me I was a great mom, nonetheless) that I would HAPPILY go back and relive every single second of it knowing as I do now how short that phase of life is. Soon he'll be in school and you won't remember much of it, except the guilt. :)

When my dd was three I decided to try for another, out of guilt that she'd be alone if we died. My son was born when my dd was 4.5 yrs. old and he SAVED ME. I was no longer in control of my life. It was chaos. Part of my problem adjusting to mommyhood is that I need a great level of control in my life and baby was making that very very difficult. Once I was outnumbered, there was no hope. I learned to let go. That was really good for all of us.

Babyhood doesn't last forever. I didn't realize that because I'm not such a baby person. I love kids in Jr. High. That's just me. And it's fine. We all have different strenghts.

As for the sleep, though, I would strongly urge you to not care about what he wants in terms of sleep and force a schedule on him where he is getting th 14 hrs. of sleep he needs. It will be a big struggle to get him on schedule, but he'll be happier and healthier and so will you. You can't trust a kid to figure that out for himself. You have to make it happen. Believe me I struggle with it because my second child suffers with insomnia, but we do it anyway. He needs it and I have to provide it.

Wow, so there is another one out there. I thought I was the only one at the time. My daughter is 4.5 years old now and yup she's the only one. I couldn't have even thought of another given how much she requires/demands/needs etc. She also has no special issues other than being very capable. Also walked early and talked early and I taught her ASL as well. Hum, maybe we shouldn't have done so much? :-) Anyway, I was also the only that was good enough for all which is number 1 why you are so tired and are doing the same as if you had more. Although my neighbore who has 5 now said to me when she was 3 she wouldn't trade with me at all as she said having 1 was much harder ans she remembered how hard until she had more and they could all play together. As you know, you are the nurse, the nutritionist, playmate and everything.

What I can tell you was Dr. Karps' book on the Happiest Baby and Happiest Toddler worked wonders for me. His method of dealing with an unhappy child was such a cure that when I simply told my other neighbopr with her 2.5 year, in one try he was better. Its a method or repeating back to the child what they are saying (NOT what you want them to do), but you do what you want them to do. Quick example, "I know you don't want to sleep right now, (insert chld's name here) doesn't want to go to bed, yes Mama's knows you don't want to go to bed,, while helping him get into jammies, or into the bed, or onto your lap to cuddle or whatever you physically want to happen. They want validation that you heard them even if it means tough luck they have to do otherwise. It worked all of the time. some times it took longer depending on her frustration with me or what had to be done, but she got it and it was great. it only doesn't work when I forget to do it. And the even better new is at this age (4.5) and really around 3 yrs it was better anyway due to their competencies. She can play by herself in her room to give me a few minutes (45 if necessary) and play on the computer and of course goes to pre school for 2.5 hours 4 mornings a week so that helps. But if you have a smart kid, or mature kid or capable kid these are the breaks. It is overhwhelming, but it gets better. Try Dr. Karp and well the other side is now I have the preschool telling me that although she still will be 4 in Sept. they think she needs Kindergarten class because she can absorb so much information and is at a highre learning level, so I am faced with losing a year with her at home full-time a full year before I planned and now those tiresome moments are one's I kinds wish I had back, so it is all perspective, maybe thinking of that will help too as your window is probably 30 to 40 more months total with him all day with you. I did find a good babysitter too (yup, as you figured out I, as well as you probably will too, had to stay home during these babysitter time for a long time) because she was unwilling to give me up for many things, but after 6 months I was able to get to the store (15 minutes) and this began at 15 months old for us, then by 2 years old, I could go out to Barnes and Noble for 45 minutes just to breathe and come home, etc for a break. But Daddy, babysitters, grandparents are still not ok for when she doesn't feel her best, but now Daddy is good for going to the park for maybe 3 hours on a Saturday w/o me!!! And Nana is fine for Mama to run to the store for 1 hour or more, so it all gets better. Deep breathe . . . . see having a very capable kid is not easier, but it certainly is better than any alternative I can think of. Oh yes and of course join your lcoal Moms Club for play dates to get out of your house and into aomeone else's to for your child to play.

Best, S.