1 1/2 Year Old Daughter Aggressive at daycare.....need Advice

Updated on May 08, 2009
R.H. asks from Apopka, FL
4 answers

I know i may get a wide variety of tips and ideas from each of you. Please keep in mind i am looking for positive ways of helpming by daughter get through this phase in her life.

My daughter since 6 mos old was going to a neighbor for childcare. In her home were 3 kids, 1 including her own daughter 5 months older than my own and one little boy the same age as my daughter. I was not there to know how the kids interacted and played. I do know the two girls are best friends, and often pick on eachother as sisters. We are neighbors and really good friends, so the girls get together often and they were used to being with eachother day in and day out plus sometimes on the weekends. My neighbors daycare ended about 4 weeks ago and now my little girl goes to a daycare with a few teachers and about 6-7 children in the room. The second week she was there she tried to bite a couple kids and has not done that since; however, she continues to be aggressive, rolling around on other children, trying to push them aside, playing by hitting them and thinking its a game, its not a hard hit, but the action speaks louder than anything. I am embarrassed and want her to behave so that she does not get in trouble all the time, hurt others, or potentially be removed from the school.

She has been so sweet up until her age now that she is gaining her independance. my husband and i are working with her at home alot, she has a dog in which she likes to play with so we teach her all the time "GENTLE" and she does pet him gently when told. Lately she has been acting up at home so she going to time out, it hurts her feeling and she cries alot, the problem is she loves her thumb and soothes herself by sucking it and then she soon forgets about being in trouble sucks her thumb and sits there, appartently the teachers at school say the same thing, she gets in to timeout when misbehaving and then trys to squirm out or sits there with her thumb and doesn't show signs of knowing and caring she is trouble. i don't know what to do at this point. i just want her to be a perfect angel and stop getting in trouble. I feel horrible for the teachers going through this as much as it hurts me and make me feel embarrased. my husband and i just want the best for her and want her to behave in all respect. Alot of the other children are smaller so she is almost dominating over them and bullying them around. i just don't accept this as an excuse. She is being a bad little girl and we keep getting the oh no reports. without us there to control the situation ourselves we are relying on the teachers. We would prefer to be able to notice the actions before it even happens and redirect her in a positive manner.

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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

It's not realistic at all to expect a 1 1/2 year old to know or care that she's in trouble. That's why you only set the timer for 1 minute per year of age. They just don't have the memory yet. And you can't expect her to be a perfect angel. It's just not realistic. She's a child who will grow and change constantly. She will go thru many developmental milestones and with lots of behavior changes. They won't all be this drastic but she's not a robot and you can't expect perfect behavior. Consistent redirection is what is going to get things to start to click for her. This is a big adjustment for her and it will take some time. She's not used to being with that many kids in that type of situation. Perhaps too, if you are able to join a mom's group where she can attend play groups with other kids her age it will help reinforce positive behavior. A lot of mom's groups try to plan activities on the weekends for working parents.

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T.S.

answers from Orlando on

Timeout at this age should only be about one to two minutes (and two minutes would be pushing it). There is a book, Happiest Toddler on the Block, that is excellent. It basically says you first need to show them you understand what they are feeling before you can react to the situation (unless it is something that is putting them in danger). And the punishment needs to be appropriate for the act and once the punishment is over so is the discussion on that particular instance.

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M.A.

answers from Orlando on

I would find out what the daycare is doing to discipline her so that you can be on the same page & she is getting consistent discipline regarding the behavior. Or let them know what you are doing at home to stop it. Also, when you put her in time out for not behaving, try not to let your voice show that you are upset with her. Use a firm voice yet don't raise your voice when you tell her she has to sit in time out. You can say something like "Mommy loves you very much but you didn't mind me so I have to put you in time out". She may be getting her feelings hurt because of your tone of voice. My daughter responds much better when I don't raise my voice. In other words don't let her see that you are frustrated with her. Good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Pensacola on

R.,
Your daughter is impressionable and I am sure she is not the only one doing this. She is or has learned this behavior by watching other kids. Because she is a child she doesn't understand everything about limits and boundaries. If she did not learn this at home, she picked it up through play somewhere. Maybe if you ask the daycare personnel to use that home and familiar phrase, "gentle" when this occurs, she maybe redirected this way. Let her play with toys that are manipulative, it will keep her busy and less interested in what others are doing. Those little kids know how to push, hit, etc., Because they are smaller than her, do not rule out the possibility that they have not or are not doing things to her. You'll find the way.

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