Your House Rules with Playdates...

I had a neigbhor once that we would allow the kids to come over and play without mom/dad visiting. We (the moms) had decided we didn't see anything wrong the kids just by themselves coming over and knocking on the door to play. With that said when her daughter would break a rule--even if it was something I knew she mother didn't allow or if it was one of my rules--I would simply tell her she had to either follow the rules or go home. More often than not she chose to go home. That was that. If I was watching all of the kids and there was no one home then we all move the play outside away from everything. No real punishment just would relocate them to a more neutral area.

Oh, there are rules at our house, and everyone follows them. If they don't, they simply get sent home, and that's the end of it. It's not my responsibility to punish someone elses child, but I sure won't let it infringe on our house. I mean it, too...I set out the rules, and it's not a three strike thing...if you're naughty, home you go. They learn very quick.

I'm remembering the only time I really had to reprimand a playmate. My daughter just turned 5 and the 4 year old girl playing with her was becoming quite snotty. I eavesdropped from the next room and heard our new little friend say, "You gotta do what I say, stupid!". I asked 'Suzie' to come into the kitchen with me. She refused. I walked to where they were playing and told my daugter and son to leave us alone for a little bit. I sat down with Suzie and told her while I like her and like having her over, she is to be kind to her friends. She rolled her little four year old eyes and said, "Whatever!"

Um. Seriously? Four years old! My voice got a bit less calm but with a very quiet whisper. "Oh no. There will be no 'whatever' in my house. I am not your mother, but I am the adult watching over you. You will NOT speak to me or my children in a disrespectful tone. Or you will never be allowed to come here again. Am I understood?"

After that the playdate went like peaches and cream. Funny she's not wanted to come back again. Perhaps I went too far?

I agree about house rules. You have to calmly explain what is allowed or not allowed. I would step in and say "there's no hitting in this house" particularly with a child old enough to understand. With a 1 year old, I would just re-direct the child. The problem I see with the child in the other post is that he may not be able to control his behavior.

One would hope that people set up play dates with those with whom they have something in common, so it shouldn't be too hard to find some common ground. And yes, I expected other parents to step in when I wasn't there to make sure my son was following normal social rules. I also respect people who have certain things they don't permit - for example, several of us have a "no toy guns" policy and everyone respected that.

there's a difference between house rules and 'changing' (as that mom put it), disciplining or educating someone else's child. 'you may not do that at my house' is quite a different matter from creating disciplinary actions. the only consequence at my house for misbehavior is that the child will be told 'you may not do that' and if he persists, i'll ask the parents to step in if they haven't already.
if a kid is there alone i suppose i'd have them sit quietly somewhere. i tend to be sufficiently menacing that kids really don't require much beyond my eyebrows<G>.
but to assume responsibility for teaching another child?
no.
khairete
S.

Yes, my house my rules but until one point.
Back in FL we always have the neighbor kids at our house, and I honestly loved.
One day they were playing around the house and the only rule we put was that nobody go upstairs. One boy was playing and went upstairs so I remind him to don't but he did again so my husband told him that he needed to leave because he didn't follow the rule. I actually felt awful for the boy, he is a nice boy but let his emotions just take over.
So yes, my house my rules, BUT I would not punish this boy or educate him, that is not my job.
I did also told his mom what had happen and I told them I was not mad at their boy, just making sure they all follow the rules.
With that saying, as a parent I try to do my very best to have well behave kids because I HATE when somebody educates my kids, and like mom always said: "If you don't educate your kids you take your chances that soemebody else needs to".
But rules are not always possible to follow exactly for ALL, it depends sometimes in many things.
Like when my sister (15) was here last Christmas and she was being a teen, I did have to yell at her because she was being disrespectful to me. She yell back and said: "You are not my mom" so I said, yes you are right, but your mom is not here (she was in Mexico) and I am the responsible adult so you are going to follow my rules". If her mom was in my house I would have let it to her.

Totally had house rules. I liked to state them the first time the child is invited over and the parent has come into our home for the first time. That way the parent knows they are also allowed to have stated rules at their homes too.

They were just like any other rules, no running, no drinking, no smoking, please use inside voices and if a door is closed, please stay out of those spaces. Please help yourself to the snacks on the table and the lower shelf of the fridge. Play inside and if you all want to go outside, come and get me so I can be close by. Have fun!

My house/my rules. I have reprimanded other kids in my home--with full permission from THEIR moms and I tell other moms to treat mine as they would theirs.

Actually, I think the other question about the "weird child" was a situation taking place at the "weird child's home--not the poster's home.

Oh yeah I have house rules! I usually let the kid know when they come over what they are. Don't destroy the house, if you do you need to help clean up. Make sure everyone is sharing...blah blah blah.
But then...Sometimes a child will start whining (BLEH! Can't stand that) and I will say, "UH OH! This is a non-whining house! Better stop!" Usually the kid does. Or, if I see them hitting or something I will say, "Oh no! We don't hit in this house. Don't do that again."
I am usually a pretty laid back mama, I let the kids run and have fun, and I rarely interrupt the kids while they play. The kids know that I am not a pushover. I even say things to kids when their parents are here! (gasp!)
L.

I've never had a playdate gone bad at my house, but I will admit I almost never have playdates at my house, lol. If someone is coming over to my home, I like them and know how they are ahead of time, and they know how I am too. Usually we'll meet at a neutral place (a playland, bounce house place, the pool, playgrounds, etc).
That said, yes we have some basic rules. They are actually posted in the playroom. I usually look to the other parent to say something, but if they don't, I don't mind doing it. I'm not being mean, I'm just saying this is how we do it HERE.

I use a preemptive strike tactic. As the child arrives at my house, I tell him while his mom is still there "The only rule I have at my house is if you aren't allowed to do it at your house, you aren't allowed to do it here". I tell my kid that when he goes over to someone's house.

If a child continues to misbehave, all I do is ask "do I need to call your mom to come get you?". That usually does the trick.

I too pull out the house rulles ALL the time at playdates. Now most of the parents that come over have similar house rules so they are fine with it, but there are two other that parent completely different and have addressed my house rules before.

Here are my basic everyday rules:
Be nice to each other
Clean up after yourself
No hitting
No yelling inside
No running inside
Share
Say Please and Thank You

If I see any child while at my house do the above I will simple say "we do not hit/yell/run" or "be nice to each other." Beyond that I do not discipline the child, I will however talk to the parent. In most cases the parent is on top of it, a time out is had or they leave if the child starts to throw a fit. Often the parents that disagree if any sort of structure or discipline they end up with me asking them to talk to their child or they will have to leave. I do not tolerlate risking any childs safety to a child & parent that will not listen/discipline. It is my house, healthy snack goes out the window but the other rules stay in place. The other parents know it because I was up front about it, if they do not like it they have the option of skipping.