Younger Sibling of Bi-polor Bro. Behavior Not Acceptable

am not sure if this is really what is happening but it is what you have made it sound like... your son should not be allwoed to do these things without reprocussions because he is bipolar. That is just a label to his behavior problems, it doesn't mean that he cannot be taught to control it. As a matter of fact NOW is the time to help him so he can function better as an adult. Your daughter needs to know that it is wrong for BOTH of them regardless of any disabilities either of them have. I know your situation has got to be insanely difficult. I have lived with bipolar, just not from a child.

I know this is a late response, but I'm 32 and my older brother is bipolar. (We are also 8 yrs apart.) I love my brother very much, but life was hard growing up with him. I know not everyone agrees, but his medication really did help him. It took a while for the doctor to find the right medication(s) and then the right dose, but it did help his emmotions. I also agree with the therapy, including group therapy. That was something we didn't do and I think it would have helped him even more. Being a teenager is emmotional enough, but adding even more unbalanced chemicals can be a lot for a teenager to handle. My mom would tell me that my brother was very sick and although his behavior was not acceptable, I was not sick therefore I would be expected to behave. Of course I wasn't happy with this answer, but I do think if we had gone to group therapy, it would have helped me better understand my brother's condition while I was younger. Now that I'm an adult, I realize how hard his life has really been and I feel bad that I was not there for him more. I hope this helps.

One last piece of advice... try to create a positive bond with the three of them by doing something really special every few months... like fishing, bowling, hiking a beginner's trail at a park, etc. They may fight you on it, but later they will look back on that memory with love. And I know that after my brothers and I had a great day, my other brother and I were not so judgemental of our older brother when he was upset about something. We'd try to help him (or leave him alone if that's what he wanted) instead of just yelling right back. Good luck and know that things will get better! ;0)

M., I am so sorry to hear about the diagnosis of your son. I know this is a difficult thing, especially with him growing and going thru puberty. As for the seasonal mood swings, those too are difficult as the changes in the season can cause a person to go change themselves. As for he not being able to help it, I don't neccessarily agree. Does he see an occupational therapist or family therapist? He should be monitored very closely at this age and they should have worked out a medication modification system for you to have when this happens to avoid this type of uproar in your home. He can learn to help some of it, as with any child they learn what behavior works,so some of these "seasonal mood swings" may actually be just tantrums every kid throws. I know many bipolar people. One is a CEO of a fortune 100 company and he has learned over time with therapy how to control himself, just like anyone else. The reality is that all of us would like to yell, scream, and run around the house destroying things, or just letting out frustration, anger and fear etc. I understand completely the " he can't help it" thing. My son has a verbal and learning disability. He has a hard time communicating spontaneous thought. So he is very quiet at times, especially when put on the spot and needs to explain himself etc. He at times throws fits, explodes, breaks his pencil, papers etc when he is frustrated. He has learned that while this is how he wants to respond, it is not OK and he has to learn what to do instead. It is working, it helps him so much and he is doing much better. If your son doesn't see a therapist on a regular basis, that UNDERSTANDS BIPOLAR DISORDER AND has other bipolar children in their practice. Also, a therapy group of other bipolar teens would help him immensely, to understand that he is know alone in this, there are other's in life with the same problems and frustrations. Your family should be in counseling as well. This is give you and your spouse help in how to parent both all of your children, how to help a bipolar child grow into a productive adult. It is possible for him to grow up, have a family and lead a "normal life".
As for your baby girl, preschoolers are tantrum prone anyway and add the admiration she has of her older brother and you have a recipe for disaster. He has to learn that he is " working on how to control himself just like she is. He needs her help to see someone who can and does control herself. explain what you do when you feel that angry. (i.e. pray, take a walk, get some fresh air, lay down for a minute,etc.) all people mimic what they see in life, not just children. I hope you continue to have great hids,and a a wonderful life.

At five she can understand just that -- he can't help it, but she can. Explain that the behavior he shows is hurtful, to him as well as others, and that you would do anything to help him not do it. It will cause him grief all his life, because those actions aren't acceptable in our society. She, on the other hand, doesn't have to be hindered with "sick" behavior. Tell her that you love her too much to let her act in a way that will harm her, and so you will act firmly and consistently every single time that she throws a fit. Assure her that you will NEVER give in to her when she throws a fit, no matter what. Bad behavior means an automatic "no" that is non-negotiable. And follow through. Don't scream, don't threaten, and don't back down. Every single time she throws a fit, follow through with a pre-determined punishment. She's smart enough to mimic her brother's behavior. She's smart enough to see that it won't get her anywhere, if you are consistent. By the way, there might be help for you son by modifying his diet and by supplements. The company I'm with gives their products to kids with chronic illness at or below cost. You can check out the MannaRelief link at my Web site, http://susanjordanbrown.com. Feel free to contact me if I can help you in any way.
S. B.

Your daughter is mirroring her brother's behavior because i is attention getting. I would suggest that you focus on reinforcing the good behavior that your daugter exhibits. I would also say that your daughter is at the age to start understanding what bipolar illness is. If you are seeking treatment at a local mental health facility, ask them if they have information on how to begin educating your daughter on this illness. The more she understands, the better she will react to it. Seek the advice of a counselor or other professional to help your daughter modify her behavior. She may benefit from seeing a counselor as well so she can discuss the feelings she is having from seeing her brother's outbursts. She may be frightened a little, curious and confused. It will help her to understand better that her brother is not just getting a free pass on his behavior. I worked in mental health for many years and it's going to be much better for your family to get a hold on this now rather than later. Bipolar illness or any mental illness for that matter is best treated through proper treatment and education.

This is definitely a "monkey see monkey do" thing. So many kids (and adults) imitate behavior that they are around. You've probably already done this but if not, you will just have to sit her down and explain that the dr. did tests on her brother and he has some medical problems. She does not have these problems and it breaks your heart that your son has this condition but you have to treat each child in different ways because of this. Ask her so you can hear her answer ... "have you been to the dr?" "Did the dr. say you have the same things as your brother?" Okay then, ask her what your punishment is when he misbehaves. Have you answer so everything is clear. She knows and you and her have everything spoken about. Talk softly as much as possible to keep everyone's stress level lower and they don't start to imitate the higher voices and yelling that can happen often. Tell her that when she's a mommy she may also have to treat her children different if they have a medical condition/problem. Assure her that we all do the best we can everyday and that you greatly appreciate her help when possible and understanding that mommy is trying hard to help all the children.