Young Marriage - Roanoke,VA

my parents were 18 when they got married and they are still married. I was 21 and next year will be 10 years for us. It's hard work, but he is still my best friend and I love him to death!

I got married at 18.. and now i have a son and have been married for 7 years! I would say go for it but emphasize that it WONT BE EASY and that a marriage is hard work everyday...

I have a young couple who are friends of the family coming to visit for the weekend.
They got pregnant and married at 19, and now, over ten years later, have a second a child and a very successful marriage.
I think it depends on the people
How much are they willing to put into the marriage

It can work.

Also, remember, if they become engaged it doesn't mean they will marry right away.

Wow... so your granddaughter is 17, has been with this guy for five years already, and he wants to propose to her? If she says yes, I would advise her privately to wait on setting a wedding date until after she finishes college. Statistics are very, very high against women graduating from college if they marry before or during college (in her age range). I think it's something like 75-80% of women that marry out of high school or while in college won't graduate college even if they attend college.

There are many other negative factors in marrying so young, but the key here is for them to have a long engagement and maybe encourage them to go to different colleges.

My parents started dating at 13 and got married when they were 20. More than 40 years later, they're still together. My friend married at 19 (her husband was almost 20yrs older, so a bit different), and they're still together 20 years later. I got married at 23 (not as young as your granddaughter, but still pretty young by today's standards), and I'm still happily married 16 years later. So it's entirely possible to beat the odds. Love, respect, a healthy attitude towards reality (it's not always about passion and roses), and support from loving family members and friends go a long way towards the success of any marriage, young or old(er).

Eighteen is so young. Yes I know people that got married that young and are still together 20y later, but it wasn't easy for them.

Here is a story from my freshman year of college.
One of my classmates got engaged at 17. Her parents said that if it was truly meant to be that it would wait. The deal was for her to give them 1 year of college. True effort - living in the dorm, joining a club, etc.

If after the year (Sept. - May, so...) she felt that college wasn't for her then the parents would give their blessing for the marriage. It was all she would talk about for the first few months. She couldn't wait for the year to be up so she could get married!

So in May, as the year was ending we had a party. In the middle of the party, someone asked all those not returning next year to raise their hands. She didn't raise hers. We looked at her. She had decided that she liked college and the independence and was going to stay for one more year and get her Associates Degree.

So my advise is to offer up something similar. Give it one more year of them being in school/out of school and experiencing life - paying bills, working, etc.

M.

I feel like I must be Kristen's mom!
I have known my husband since we were 13, married at 20 and this fall married 30 years.

It has been incredibly hard at times. We did not have our child until we had been married 10 years and totally planned the pregnancy etc..

I have a very good friend that married at 20. We tried and tried to talk her out of it, so did her parents. We just knew it was not a good match and not going to last. She had a beautiful wedding, the groom cried and cried she was so beautiful. She filed for a divorce 6 months later.

20 years later She had by this time remarried with 3 beautiful children and I asked her. "What could we have said to you to change your mind about your first marriage?" Her answer "Nothing. I needed to get married and learn that lesson. I had a bit of doubt, but there was no way I was going to change my mind."

I know 2 other mom friends that also married while in college and in their early 20's. Both of them divorced less than 2 years later. I asked them what was the deal? 1 said there was no way her parents would have let her live with her boyfriend and the other one said, because that was the only way she felt she could have sex with her boyfriend! This was 30 years ago, so things were way different back then.

I have always told our daughter, that marriage is very special, but it is also a lot of work. It is not like a roommate. This is a person you have to share everything with. Always take their feeling and ideas into consideration and no way to be selfish. You also are part of the spouses family and if they are not easy to deal with, you have to love your spouse enough to put up with all of that also.
Holidays will have to be shared with a totally other group of people, with sometimes, different values or cultures..

Also marriage is forever. It is not a test to see if you love that person enough or to test and see if they love YOU enough.. It is based on total trust and devotion, no selfishness, no distrust is allowed.

It also means no more financial support from anyone else. No insurance coverage, no gas money, no housing..... Complete independence..

Ask her if she is ready and understands this. In reality she will be old enough to get married and it is her choice, just make sure she understands the realities and let her know she can be totally honest about anything at any time. You will not judge or lecture.

All the statistics say young marriages don't last. I'd say that young marriages don't last sometimes. It all depends on the two involved and how faithful and UNselfish (!!!) they are. If he or she is caught up in "getting even" or "punishing " their spouse for some real or imagined occurance, then it won't last. It also has a smaller chance of lasting if the parents of either spouse weren't faithful or got divorced, especially if the mom or dad had been divorced more than once. (You teach by example.)

That being said, my dad and my FIL both said our marriage wouldn't last 6 weeks. My wife was 18 and I was 22 when we got married. and that was almost 4 decades ago. But, maybe we'll get divorced when we come off our honeymoon. ;-))

I asked my MIL for my wife's hand in marriage. Both my SIL asked for my daughters hands. All six of my sons asked me if it was ok with my wife and I if they asked their girlfriends to marry them. Then they asked their MIL and FIL for their daughters' hand in marriage. Then they asked their girlfriends.

I spent my married life on teaching my kids how to treat their spouse. It worked.

My wife's two brothers have been married almost 40 years. Her sisters have been married several times. My brother was married to his third wife when he died.

Good luck to you and yours.

No experience at all - but if you don't exactly want to endorse the wedding but not really ignore his request, you could probably say "Son, I am honored you want and asked my permission to marry my granddaughter, but as someone with experience, I would love for you to wait a while before you do that and give yourself some more time, then ask me again in a year or so"

Someone else asked this not too long ago. Maybe you can search and find it. I've always been pretty anti-young marriage until I read all the great stories from people who married so young and are very happy!

I married at 24 we started dating at 16 I would not marry my guy until he had a real job, with benefits to support a family and his own place.( he asked when were 18 and again at 21 with a ring in hand) I have been married for almost 17 years. That being said I would advise this couple to really think about how life will be. Rent/mortgage to pay utilities, food to buy not to mention the schooling that should still happen. Good Luck to you
J. O

I would tell him it is not up to me, he must ask her, and you will support her wishes, although you appreciate his respect for you in coming to you first.

.

If you have no personal objections to his character or their relationship, I would give them permission. They are likely to marry anyway, but life is so much nicer with family's support and love, even if you don't have 100% approval. I've been married over 7 years now and my husband and I met in college and dated for several months. I was 20 and he had just turned 22 when we got married. We're still best friends and I LOVE the fact that we will be young when we hit those anniversary milestones. Age and waiting do not always make a difference.

I think young marriage can work.. but I will say it is very difficult! Also, some people are ready and mature very young and ready to be commited, while others are not. I would encourage them to go to premarital counseling if they are serious.

I would emphasize to him that there is no need to rush. If they are meant to be, she will still be there is 5 or 10 years when it's a better time in life to get married. People change so much between the ages of 17/18 and say, 24/25. They should both feel free to go wherever life leads them, find meaningful work that not only provides a paycheck but a sense of satisfaction (which manual trades certainly can do - I'm not saying that everyone needs college), and most importantly, live independently on their own as adults. I think that's the biggest problem with getting married very young (well, other than having babies too young which is a whole 'nother story) - the couple goes from being children under their parents' roofs to being tied to someone else without ever taking time to really get to know themselves on their own, as functioning, independent adults.

IMO, a spouse is someone you choose after you have gotten to know yourself and have gotten to know other people. I do know couples who started dating in high school and eventually married and most of them are happy. The ones who had major problems are the ones who either got married or had babies very early. The ones who have had great marriages went to college, lived a little, dated other people, and then freely chose each other again in their mid-20's when they were at the right stage to settle down.

I would encourage them to just wait - don't invalidate their feelings so that they get married just to spite you, but encourage them to give it more time.

ughhh i did it and I got divorced so did a few of my cousins(i was with my ex from 14-26)...I don't think its the marriage itself that leads to divorce I think its the thinking about someone 1st from the time you're soo young, you never live out your dreams or travel, or experience the things you should experience then hopefully forget when you're older=) they should experience the world together and consider a future later...why do they need the piece of paper so soon anyway...i would tell him your advice but give him permission b/c they're going to do what they want anyay...

I think who you are at 30 is very different that who you were at 18 (or in her case 13..if that is when they started dating). There are a few exceptions out there, there are a few couples who married young and their relationship stood up against the test of time. Most examples I've seen end in divorce. One of my best friends from highschool just told me she got divorced this week. She said he did not do anything wrong....he became a roommate that she had nothing in common with...then added how could I have known at 18 what I would want in a partner at 35? The thing is though, that hindsight is 20/20. When you are 18, you think you know everything and you think anyone who tells you that you are too young to get married is completely wrong. One of my baby sitters, a super sweet young girl of 18, just got married a couple of months ago. I am friends with her Aunt and heard how no one in her family thought it was wise and they are actually sad about the whole situation....but nothing can be done. You go to the wedding with your gift, say congratulations and hope that she is one of those rare exceptions.

People change a lot when they get out of high school.... turn 21.. The big milestones.

I met my husband at 15. We had problems (he needed to grow up) He did, and so I stayed. He has grown into a wonderful man. We got married when I was 28. I'm 36 now.

Just so depends on the relationship. .

Is your 17 yo mature enough to make that decision? If so, allow it. You can't really stop it...

I got married when I was 19. Big mistake! I had no idea what love was back then and what it took to make a lasting marriage. My husband at that time should never had gotten married so young. He needed some time to mature and get his act together. Instead of growing up and taking responsibility for his life, he made me take over where his parents left off. This created a lot conflict in our marriage. I really did try to work things out but he wasn't willing to do his part to make our marriage work for the both of us.

My second husband is a blessing compared to my first. We married just after we turned 30 and he had enough time to be become a responsible adult. My second marriage happens to be a true partnership with a mature adult. So much better than the first!

This was just my own experience. When my children get older, I would caution them to complete school (college) and get their career in order first before they even start thinking about marrying someone. I just think that is the safer, saner way to go.

I got married at 22, but have only ever been with my husband - we started dating at 16. We've got 3 girls and have been married for 7 years. I love him more now than I ever did.

My parents and in-laws have both been married since our moms were 18 - 38 and 36 years. If you're marrying the right person, then it doesn't matter how old you are. I know women in their 40s that married the wrong person and were divorced a few years later.

I think it's a great sign that he asked your permission first (who does that anymore!??!) and that she doesn't want kids until she's older. But were it *my* daughter, I would strongly suggest that they wait to get married. Be happy and be together, but wait until making it all "official".

Like you said, not your choice. But I would stongly encourage them to pursue college and a little more of life before they tied the knot. Hard to convince young kids what's best, but that is my thought! Especially since they have been together since they were children, there is so much more to experience.

I had just turned 20 when I got married. My husband is 5 years older, so not sure if that makes a difference. Anyways, we will be celebrating our 9th anniversary this fall. Though it was a small struggle at times, I wouldn't change it for the world. What was nice with us, is that being so young, we really grew together. I can't say that will happen for everyone, but it really did for us.
I guess it really depends on where they are at that time, where they want to be, etc. And, do their hopes & dreams lead them to the same place, or will one of them have to make a sacrifice for it to work??
Good luck!! I have to admit, I do feel a great sense of respect from him to actually have the courage and respect to ask you, rather than just ask! That has to say something about his character, right??

I would say first off that it was a wonderful thing that he called you and let you know. As for myself, I got married at 17 and am now going on 13 years, of course it was tough in the begining but my husband and I worked it out. I say if she feels like shes ready for marriage then let her do it, basically leave it in god's hands. I would much rather see a child-young adult married rather then pregnant and without a father figure for that child, unfortunately it happens.. She seem's intelligent in knowing what she wants in the future and holding off on having children. Just let the two of them know that marriage is a LIFE TIME commitment and it's definately not a boyfriend- girlfriend type of relationship.
I hope it will all turn out great and that they both will make the right decision. Good Luck!

I got married right before I turned 21. I'm 30 now. I couldn't imagine a happier marriage. We were inseparable before we got married and now that we are going on 10 years of marriage our bond just gets closer. I think that if it is with the "right" person, a young marriage could be perfectly fine. Just like any other marriage.

The only concern would be her possible desire to be out on her own first. She may want/need that before the marriage. I never felt the loss of "freedom", personally... I still want to do everything with my husband. Everyone is different, however!

Some mother mentioned that at that age (and any age, or that matter), people have different levels of maturity. I was very mature back then, and actually never understood the foolishness of the teen years- I frowned upon the "immature" ones... LOL. BUT, I think it does make a difference in a young marriage.

(...coming from a person who cannot really relate to the fact that marriage takes a lot of "work"- mine has been effortless.)

My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married almost 8 of the 16. We started dating when I was 19 and decided marriage could wait until I graduated college and we both had good stable jobs. That's exactly what we did and we now have 2 beautiful boys. However, I have 2 friends that married around the same time and both have been divorced-twice. I think it depends on the person/people and their lifestyles. I think a long engagment is what I would suggest. :)

I think its great he has asked for permission. I got married when I was 21 and I couldn't be happier. I'm not saying that we haven't had hard moments. One thing that got us thru the hard times was when we got married understanding that who we are at 21 is not who we may be at 25 30 35 and so on. In life you are always growing and sometimes its ok to not like the other person but eventually you get to fall in love all over again. I think when people get married young they forget that who we are in our late teens early 20s is not who will stay forever. If they understand this they will do fine. Marriage takes work the nitty gritty of life takes work. Good luck to them and when family support is there it makes it so much easier.

I haven't read all the responses, but thinking back into my 18-year-old head, I was head over heels in love with my boyfriend which I had been dating since I was 15. Not that we talked about getting married right after high school, but I practically had our wedding planned. My mother told me how much I might change after high school and you know what--I did. I went to school, he moved to live closer to me, but we eventually broke up. Not a bad one at all, but we both changed. My parent's--high school sweethearts- and have been married 36 years. I believe with all my heart in love and it's possibilties. I would pray about it and be open to them and their dreams, but I would acknowledge to them their feelings may change and it's okay, so waiting (IMO) would be the best thing.

as long as you remember you are not just marrying the other person, you are taking on their family too.
my best advice, marry an orphan, and keep all your money and credit accounts separate from your spouse,
and dont listen to the people who pressure you to have kids before you are at least 30
K. h.

Wow. It is nice that he asked you, that shows that they both have respect for you and for your thoughts. I think the thing is though that you'll have tons of stories from both successful and unsuccessful young marriages, so you have to figure out exactly WHY he wants to marry her, and I guess her to him. Is it because they are truly in love and can't imagine a life without each other, or is it because he is afraid of losing her to college and a new life and is just scared...?? I think either are possible and although I certainly could not imagine marrying the person I dated at 18 I think the notion is crazy, but for them it might not be. My advice is to ask more questions and figure out what his real motivations are and then give your advice. Of course, in the end, you're right that they are going to do what they want, but at least you get a chance to discuss it.

Being fit for marriage is not automatic, especially by turning some special number, so I have no thoughts about a young marriage or an old one. After all, the average marriage age is increasing, and so is the divorce rate. The real concern is maturity and preparation.

I would advise the love birds to participate in a 3-6 month marriage counseling program to prepare for marriage, after which they will have my blessing. With this, they will have the proper expectations and understanding of each other, themselves, and marriage. And can better decide whether this is something they want to pursue.

I have to say I married at a very young age, i would have to say it depends on the circumstances of the marriage. for me it was because we were engaged when i got pregnant, and rushed along with the engagment so our child wasn't born out of wedlock. i must admit it was extremely difficult marrying young. i still am searching for who i am and exactly what i want. sounds like your grandaughter has been with her since she was 13, so maybe since they were able to grow together, and accept changes well. i would say that is very respectful of the young man to ask you for her hand in marriage. it is very hard, and at the same time it is very fun. you are still young and can enjoy everything together. the only problem for myself was not having that time in my life to learn about myself.

I got married when I was 23 and it was hard then (I also have a child from a previous relationship that has major medical problems so that didn't help either), at first it was rocky but now we have hit a groove and things are better. I don't think that he understands how much work a good marriage is especially if you want to make it work. They are so young and haven't lived their lives yet. I would tell him to finish high school, go to college live life a little bit then give him your blessing if he still feels the same way after that time.

If they are so in love right now, why not wait? I think your granddaughter should graduate, go to college or work on a career, then think about marriage. I was married at 20 and divorced at 22. I have a wonderful son from our marriage, but met the love of my life at 25. I was so much smarter at 25 then I was at 20. I understand there are a lot of people that married early and are still happy, but I just feel she should wait. My son is 21 and has been dating the same girl since 7th grade. They are both finishing college first and careers before thinking of marriage and I am very happy about that.

My husband and I met in college and he was two years ahead of me. When he graduated at age 21 (with a degree and a Naval career starting) I was just short of my 20th birthday. We married a week later. We celebrated 42 years two weeks ago. My feelings are: it is hard to learn to live with someone whether you are 19 or 29, but love does prevail. BTW, after 5 years I went back to college and finished.
I would also suggest premarital counseling. I think too many young people give up when the going gets rough, and it always does. Life gets "lifey", if you know what I mean. Also, perhaps they should be secure in a job or career and wait a little while on having kids.

I don't think that marrying young neccessarily leads to divorce any more than getting married at an older age, as long as it's done for the right reasons. A lot of young marriages do fail, but a lot of times people that marry very young have rushed into it, they have not fully gotten to know their partner. Or they are not very mature at the time. I think for it to work they both need to be pretty mature for their age, a lot more mature than most 18 yr olds. Just because she's young does not mean it's the wrong choice for her. Some people meet the one at 18, and some people meet the one at 38 we are all different. I did not marry young, but my sister in law married at 18, and her husband was 19 at the time they married. They grew up in the same neighborhood, and had known each other since they were little kids. They have now been married for 34 years, and have two children, so you just never know. Obviously it was right for them. I hope everything works out for your granddaughter.

I got married 2 days after my 22nd birthday (he was 22 at the time also), which is not exactly 18, but still young none the less. We had been together for about 15 months at the time. My husband will turn 35 in a few months and though we've had at least our share of ups & downs, we're still going strong.

Life & marriage are hard, no matter what age you begin them, or how long you've been together beforehand. They both take a very serious committment, patience, love & understanding & almost most important, a sense of humor.

I wish your granddaughter much strength, love & happiness in her life.

I got married soon after I turned 18 (turned 18 the end of Sept and got married the end of Dec) and my ex-husband was in the military and was getting ready to turn 19. Everything was ok for a couple of years but then after our daughter was born, he still wanted to be "free" and hang out with his friends who were his age, (who were not married, no kids), and do the same things they were doing like staying out until 2 or 3 in the morning and they didn't have jobs, they still lived at home! After 6 years or marriage and him deciding to quit, his words, we got a divorce. I am now very happily re-married, going on 2 yrs, and while I wish I never would have gotten married so young, I am so glad I have my daughter and wouldn't have it any other way. I think why my first "young" marriage didn't work was the other part didn't want to be committed and be in the marriage, he liked having someone at home but he still wanted to go out and party all the time. I would also suggest pre-marital counseling, so they can get a better feel of how they would handle situations they may not think of.

this really depends on them and their feelings towards each other and their knowledge of marital relationships. they should definitely go get marriage counseling before they commit to anything for sure. they need to be educated to make a serious decision like this.
i was 16 when i got married to my hubby who was 18.
i love him now more than ever! we are going strong after 10 years!
we talk a lot, we share our feelings and thoughts with each other. we are best friends, with no one higher on our priority list except God.

obviously its her decision to say yes or no, but make sure she should never go into a marriage thinking, "if it doesnt work out i can just get a divorce" because that makes divorce inevitable. if you make a decision to do something that is difficult thinking you can quit at any time, of course you will. but if you make a real commitment to do something that is difficult thinking, "there is no option, this has to work" than you will do everything in your power to make it work. (of course HE has to know this as well!)

good luck!

I don't think age alone can tell you if a marriage will be successful or not. I think it has more to do with some when they are young don't actually know themselves so have no clue who will make them happy for the rest of their lives.

i thinkits tough on any age these days. most dont get toknow each other or spend enough time together to know erach other wellenough. i'd tellthem totake classes together and marrage or couples counseling first sothaat they can really get toknow each other. i got married when i turned 19 and it was hard for a couple years after the lovely first year together. but once we got used toit and figured each other out we did better. we are now at 12 years this june. at least they don't have a baby n the picture to make the transition harder. fighting it will probably pull your grandchild from youand in the end pull them apart from each other (after they are maried) so try to be supportive but give advise od how much better it would be to do counseling now than needing it later.

My answer is a strong NO but expressed very wisely. Studies show that the brain hasn't finished developing (problem solving, full understanding, etc) until their mid to late 20's. Children cannot be expected to make good decisions or even know their values until they have lived on their own for awhile, had experience with doing for themselves, budgeting, etc. The sad thing is that some kids marry, commit totally, and suffer with each other the rest of their lives because they don't want to "sin." (Did you know that having bipolar disease usually doesn't even become apparent until a person is about 19-20?)

It is nice that he asked you. Course, he shouldn't have asked you by phone. Be the wise one for both their sakes and tell him that they need to be aquainted with themselves as adults after they have some independent life experiences under their belts. Tell him that if he wishes to marry her still then, to see if he can tell you what he loves about her, what he can offer her in the way of financial and emotional security, whether or not they have discussed marriage and children, and if they are willing to go to pre-marital counseling first. The deeper someone knows someone and their families values, the better chance they stand at happiness.

Don't set them up for hard/rough times and luck. If she is a reader, ask her to read them. There are some great ones out there. You could read them to and discuss it with her. It is the biggest decision of a lifetime. Prepare for it as such. Don't roll the dice.

My late husband was honored that my daughter's boyfriend asked him. By phone. I didn't have a chance to help him formulate an answer (as her mother!) He said he said "YES" because he knew she would do what she wanted to do anyhow. (He didn't know how influential my daughter was.) She didn't expect a proposal that soon. The boy proposed in front of his family (whom she adored) so she didn't feel she could say no. They have struggled ever since. I have paid through the nose for her depression, counseling, lack of help, etc. After 6 years, things are a bit better now. She refused to consider divorce because "the bible said..." I pray things keep getting better...

Don't go for this long engagement thing. They should not be bound by anything other than their own true feelings until they are 1 year away from the big day.

My advice would be to give it time. If they're madly in love now, they'll be madly in love--and a little older--in 5 years. I think getting married in high school is silly.

I met my husband in high school. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. He went out of state for college (New York). Two years later I graduated from high school and stayed in state for college (Florida). We continued dating long distance and would see each other on holidays and summer break. He graduated in '98 from college and was commissioned in the US Army. We got engaged that fall and although my mom was excited, she said NO WEDDING UNTIL I GRADUATE. I did my last semester in London and graduated in 2000. He was stationed in Louisiana and we decided that I would move out there and work for a year before we got married. We finally wed in 2001--8 years after we met in high school and almost 3 years after we were engaged. Ten years and three kids later we are still perfect together.

So, why rush things? Let her graduate from high school and go on to college or trade school. If it is meant to be--it will be. If not, at least they won't have to pay for a divorce.

I got married at 17 (almost 18)... and we are very happy and will be celebrating our 6th anniversary this June.

I do think that if he is a nice, loving, decent person and you have no reason to NOT allow it, you should give him permission to ask for her hand. If you are nervous about how young they are... go ahead and request that they consider a longer engagement.

I was friends with my husband for about 3 years before we were married, but we had only dated for a few months when he asked me to marry him. He just knew. Now, my only concern with your granddaughter would be if she has had enough experience dating to be 100% sure this relationship is the right one. I dated a LOT of guys, and my husband dated several girls, before we got together. I knew some people in highschool who dated one person all through highschool... only to have the relationship die at the first real bump in the road. Dating experience can help you learn that there are a lot of different personalities out there, some people are kinder, some are terrible, and some are just boring. I wonder if you granddaughter and her boyfriend have had enough ups and downs in this arena to make that decision... I can't say.

Young marriages that are entered into for the right reasons can be very successful. rather than two "established" adults trying to find commonality together, young people have the opportunity to build their lives and paths together from "scratch". You finish up "growing up" together which actually helps you both learn forgiveness and compromise, as you both encounter eachothers faults and failures as well as your successes. Of course, if the marriage is rushed or forced (like marrying because of an unplanned pregnancy) I think it is much more likely to fail... because before all else, marriages must be built on love.

It IS 100% fair for you to ask them a TON of questions and overload them with advice and things to consider. I was constantly asked if I was sure I was ready, by family, friends, teachers, and even strangers. It annoyed me then, but looking back... it helped me truly realize how serious and absolutely life changing our decision was! When we entered our marriage we didn't go into it "till we don't get along anymore..." it was "for life, for better or for worse". And we have had times that tested the foundation of our marriage... and I am sure that more storms will pass. A strong enough marriage, built on love and trust can weather almost anything.

Whatever they choose... I hope that you all have long, happy and fruitful lives!

-M.

Wow! Marriage is a big decision!! Are they mature for their age? I would recommend that she go to college and they try to seperate for a while and see if they feel the same once they are out in the "real" world. Seems like I grew up a lot more once I was in college. They may need to do that.

I personally didn't marry until age 25. I dated a little in high school but then did date several guys in college. I learned a little something from each relationship. I frantically searched for the "right" guy while went to college in Omaha,NE then I moved to a tiny town in KS where all the kids grow up and move away then they get married and move back. So single guys were very few. I had handed the idea of marriage over to the Lord after living there for about 2 years. My husband and I met at church. :) We became friends and after about 3 months of friendship we started dating. Then about 3 weeks later, we were engaged. I knew the big issues that I didn't want to compromise on. Your daugther needs to know what those areas are. I'm assuming she and her boyfriend must be fairly compatible, but have they discussed big issues like wanting to have children, are he and her of the same faith, do their goals for life go in the same direction or in different directions, financially are they of similar mind? I definately recommend premarital counseling, just as nearly everyone else did. They need to understand that marriage is a lot different than dating. It's not all fun and games. Can they argue and compromise? Are they truly in love or just comfortable with each other after all these years? Help them understand that marriage is a serious decision and shouldn't be taken lightly. My husband married me at age 19, and we've been together for 10 years. We've endured good times and bad times, but are still together by the grace of God. Many blessings to your daughter in her decision and in your support of her.

At least they have known each other for many years. That said, people change a lot esp. in their 20s and they may not grow in the same direction. I would be honest and say how happy you are that they have been together so long and that they love each other. Tell him you are honored that he asked for her hand as a gentleman should. I would gently and calmly explain your reservations about young marriage and ask why he doesn't feel they should wait until they are a little older (and she is at least out of school). Then I would tell him that you know Alex will do whatever it is she wants and she will be 18 so really it's not your choice. Tell him your preference is that they wait - maybe a long engagement could make everyone happy??? - but that you give your blessing b/c you would never want to lose your beloved granddaughter!