I have a 27 yr old daughter and 25 yr old son that live with their Father. Because my daughter is obese and didn't take her brother upp on his offers to assist her in exercising and eating differently to loose weight, he has decided to disown her and ignore her. This has hurt her tremendously. So now they both ignore each other even at family get togethers. Both say mean things about the other when one is with me. I have tried to remain neutral and played the mediator to no good. I have also given each one a very serious conversation about getting along with your family no matter what. So now I have stepped back and am waiting to see what happens. Anyone have a similar situation and how to handle this differently? Thank you lots!
If they were 7 & 5, I'd say intervene...
But they are 27 & 25 yr old adults. Let them work it out. If/when one starts to say something horrible about the other, I'd stop them and say, "Why don't you call and tell him/her since you feel that strongly?"
Seriously - who has the engery to keep an arguement like this going in this day and time???
Just would like you to know that my brother and I never...and I mean never, got along as children. Lots of history behind that but we won't go there. Family issues always forced us to compete for attention, and we always felt against each other. We never as children told each other I love you, and my mom was constantly screaming at us because all we did was FIGHT from the minute we woke up and saw each other. I graduated and moved down to FL, didn't see him when I left, didn't care. After a year or two of living here one day I called him or he called me on my birthday...and we kept talking ever since. Now we are closer than anyone else in the family...and always are amazed at how we treated each other as children. There may not be a whole lot you can do but don't give up hope. Unfortunately sometimes it takes time and distance or even something tragic to draw people together. I hope they find peace in their relationship....having a wonderful brother or sister can be a true blessing to have.
My husband and his sister are not close, though he is close to his brother. My sister and I really have not gotten along until recently - she is 40 and I'm 42. We have never been best of friends. If we were not related, we wouldn't spend time together as we have very little in common. I am there for my sis when she needs it, as he is for his, but we're not going to be busom pals.
Though the weight issue is the one that they have "vocally" with each other, they may have other reasons for not getting along. If your daughter's obesity is a result of bad eating habits, only she can make the decision to change, and I would think that she would need a doctor's help to do it. He can then be supportive within the guidance of a professional. If it's a medical and/or psychological problem, then he needs to get off her case or help, again within the guidance of a professional.
They need to be mature and polite. Don't ask for anything more. They don't have to like each other. They may never get along and you'll have to accept that.
i think there are bigger problems than this... cleary, both have "childlike" attitudes if they are bickering like this and still living at home at their ages. they need to grow up and recognize what is important in life. maybe your son is scared of losing his sister at an early age due to her poor health? good luck, i hope they will both mature soon and realize how fortunate they are to have one another.
Sounds to me like these "kids" need to move out, get jobs (if they don't work already) and start being adults.
There is truth in "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I bet once they are out on their own and not forced to see each other by the circumstance of still living with a parent, they will soon start to appreciate each other more.
These two adults still act like teenagers, because they live like teenagers. It's time to leave the nest and be adults.
You choose your friends, not your family. Leave them be. They'll work it out or they won't.
Refuse to listen to them when they talk about each other or want to vent on the topic. Let them know it is because you are too close to each of them to be involved in their disagreements, but that you are available to chat on any other topic. Keep the lines of communication open and stay close...just not on this topic where nothing you can say or do will be effective. This is their issue, leave them to solve it, they're adults now.
BTW...they are lucky to have such a loving parent. [hugs]
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I hope not to sound too harsh, but here's what I think. If they are both still living with a parent, there's probably been too much babying going on in their lives. And if your son is willing to disown *anyone* for not doing what *he* wants, he is no more mature than your daughter.
Because they're (technically) adults, there's not much you can do *for* or *to* them. You cannot mediate as though they are thinking like rational adults; clearly, they are not. And insisting that family members get along no matter what isn't realistic in all situations.
All you can do is limit what you will allow in your presence. If they badmouth one another to you, tell him/her to stop or leave and come back when they have something else to talk about. It's that simple. They seem likely to try to pout or fume about it, but too bad so sad. I'm sure they'll find someone else to share their woes with, and you won't have to hear about it.
I myself would have a heart to heart with them. They cant' stay enemies forever. Has your daughter ever had a thyroid check up, perhaps this could be her problem. You have to remind both of them that unfortunately when both you and their father is gone they will only have one another. Also let them know that it is very rude to be speaking out in public gatherings and embarrassing to say the least. You really didn't say how much overweight your daughter is, nor if its just from her diet. If this is the case she should be reminded that this can cause so many health issues'. Diabetes, heart conditions, breathing problems just for starters. Hopefully after talking with them together or separetly they will come together, I hope so. Good luck to you and I wish for the best for your daughter and son.
