Would You Not Tell Your Family the Gender of Your Baby, Even After It Was Born?

I've read everyone's response and one thing sticks out to me that no one has really mentioned...Don't you think these children will feel rejected by their very own parents. I can only imagine being 5 and feeling like my parents reject the part of me that is male/female.

Like it or not males and females are just NOT the same. And really wouldn't it be boring if we were?

Basically the only message I can see these parents are sending is: I reject you for being you. And that is tragic.

I think they're freaks! We're born one way or the other -usually-and for my guys there's nothing wrong with loving sparkly pink and enjoying Barbies and princesses, but this is taking it way too far. I let my kids choose their toys and interests, and right now for my two year old boy those include Barbies, but to try and make him gender-ambiguous is only going to cause problems for him. I think these folks are sniffing for publicity and a book or tv deal.

I saw this article as well and I thought it was INSANE. First of all, parents are so busy who has time to worry about keeping the gender a secret along with all the other worries of being a parent? I think they should be worrying about more important things regarding their child's upbringing. I like what Babs W said, we are supposed to protect out kiddos and make decisions before they can make their own. This family is crazy!!!

I know this is socially unacceptable and politically incorrect, but those 2 people are complete and total morons. They are playing up to their own sense of "justice" and "freedom". Those kids have no idea what they are doing. It is ridiculous. Just my own personal opinion of course! :)

interesting article, but disturbing too. Obviously, they are not PARENTING their children as being a PARENT involves making decisions for children until they have been taught to make them for themselves. The children may choose to follow their parents or may choose to go completely the opposite of their upbringing. That's the beauty of choice but it's foolish to make a 5 year old defend himself to adults. That's where your parent should be - between you and things that are hurting you as a child.

No, and I don't agree with the parents who decided to with hold the child's sex from even the closest family members. Why can't they celebrate and embrace how their child was made?
Their logic is that they want the child to have choices that are otherwise dictated by their parents or society, but in reality, they are making some hefty choices for the child anyway.

Sorry but I think those people are nuts....Whether they like it or not...gender does define you to a degree because frankly boys and girls are different duh! LOL
No I would not do that. BTW I think Storm is a boy. :)

From a purely practical standpoint, I would be annoyed if I kept having to say "Storm has a playdate next week with Storm's friend, Sally. He/She (IT?) is really looking forward to his/her/(its) playdate. Storm loves playing with Sally. He/she/(it?) loves going over there because he/she/(it?) really likes Sally's dog." and on and on. At some point, I would slip up and use the correct pronoun, then everyone would know. And if they decide to forgo that and use "it" instead of "he/she", well, THAT will really help with Storm's self-esteem, wouldn't it?

This is just ridiculous, quite frankly, and someday their kids will say things like "yeah, well, MY parents were NUTS, you should have seen the childhood I had!" Boys and girls ARE different, they have different strengths and qualities. What, exactly, is wrong with letting your child identify with his/her gender and being proud of what they are? My girls were outside playing baseball with their American Girl dolls yesterday - so what? My son got a ballerina Barbie for his third birthday - so what? They know what they are and (shocker!!) still play with toys that are traditionally for the opposite sex. Storm's parents don't want their kids to get pigeonholed into a stereotype? How about the "kids who grew up with crazy parents" stereotype. How about teaching them that they can do/be anything they want, regardless of sex, as long as they have the drive, passion, dedication and commitment? They're basically making this child's entire existence about their own issues and paranoias. I feel sorry for Storm, I really do, it's not fair to him/her/it.

By reading the response of their older son, not wanting to go to traditional school because of teasing. Even seeing that instead of answering with words, but only nodding, I think the damage in that family has already been done.
It is a noble idea, not categorizing their children into gender roles, but the reality is that the rest of the world does. So either they have to keep them completely excluded from other people (which in itself is socially deblilitating), or subject them to cruelty; or at best, curiousity that can be misunderstood as cruelty.
Why don't THEY start dressing and acting gender neutral, or cross dressing, and do the experiment on themselves? When they were interviewed, they shouldn't have told who was the mom and who was the dad.... to take it even further, their children shouldn't even know which is which. I'm being facecious, because to me, that is absurd. Is it not important for them to learn that it takes boy parts and girl parts to procreate?
It almost seems like it would create a sense of shame associated with sexual organs, instead of celebrating (at the appropriate ago of course) what an amazing thing creating new life is!
BTW, my mom let me keep a pixie hair cut and wear camouflage daily for years. I had Barbies that I didn't play with, and GI Joes and HeMan characters that I did. I climbed trees, built Legos and rode bikes with the boys. She even blew off the neighbor who told her she was causing me to be gay, and told her she was letting me be me. But she also educated me about getting a period and liking boys (when it became apparent that I did). She would tell people proudly that I was her tomboy and called me her "leen (short for my name) machine." People knew I was a girl, but they also knew who I *was* inside. There's nothing wrong with letting your child "be" who they are, but there's also nothing wrong with celebrating their gender.

coo coo for cocoa puffs!

I think they are taking this to the extremes. It is possible to raise your children without gender barriers while still respected there can be gender differences. I want to love and encourage my son's future self- but I also don't want to make him a pariah. Balance people!

Gender confusion is a very real issue for thousands of young adults - why create it? That is what I see these parents doing.

Cross gender dressing, playing, and toy preference is perfectly natural in our children. (My son had a beloved Polly Pocket set as a toddler).

30 odd years ago, I was in Elementary school. We had a new student join us, "A". "A" was a girl, we knew because she was introduced as such. "A" dressed like a boy, looked like a boy, and acted more like a boy than a girl. "A" was forced to join the girl's ballet class instead of playing sports outside with the boys.

"A' has grown up to live life as a male. He is comfortable in his own skin, but from mutual friends, this took years of anguish for him to achieve. (I do not know if he ever had gender re-assignment surgery.)

From this experience 30 years ago, I truly believe that parents can cause gender confusion in young children by not helping that child discover the uniqueness of their birth gender. When children begin to want to express their gender, like the little boy the article, they should be allowed to explore their gender - whether this be the biologically assigned gender, or the one that they feel inside. That was what struck me in the article - that the child wants to be identified as a boy now, and his parents seemed resistant.

Some people are simply born into the wrong body and suffer through horrible personal and societal pressure. I would hope we are a more enlightened culture today than when I was in Elementary School.

God Bless

I wanted to throw up after reading the complete article. The older boy asked his mom to let the people at the nature center know he was a boy. Clearly, he wants to be what he is. Talk about confusion.

My kids are teens and over the years I've known a few kids whose parent have given them very wide berth in how they want to wear their hair, clothes, etc when they were young - and then nearly forced them to maintain those ideas as the kids got older. A few boys (more than 4) that instantly come to mind wore long hair, or a tail / braid of some type down their back when they were pre-schoolers wanted shorter hair once they got to school age. In every instance the parents kept trying to convince the kids that they didn't really want their hair cut "like everyone else's" - when clearly they did. Eventually all of these boys got the traditional haircuts that they wanted.

When my now-preteen son wanted a Barbie doll like his sister had he got one for Christmas that year - my daughter, around the same age wanted Rescue Heros because her buddy (a boy) at preschool had them. She got Billy Blazes for Christmas that year. Both kids deserted the "opposite gender" toys pretty quickly and went back to what is the more traditional boy or girl toy to match their gender. It's not something we pushed in any way - but we did allow them to be who they wanted to be.

But the fact is that when my son was 2 - 3 he turned everything - even a stalk of brocoli - into a gun, knife, car or plane. While my daughter turned every soft object into a baby or a doll. I never bought her one Barbie - I personally can't stand them. But she got a few as gifts and became nearly obsessed with the desire to dress them, furnish her bookcase like a house for them, and developed relational story lines for them. When left to their own devices my daughter and her friends played mom, store, vet's office or pediatrician (caring for the baby dolls) while my son and his friends chased eachother, and had sword fights with anything that could be fashioned in to a sword or daggar (tree branches, brooms, vacuum wands, etc.) - their story lines involved battles, victory, defeat, saving the world, etc.

I feel bad for these children who are being raised by parents who have made up their minds (erroneously I believe) that society is the determinant of gender behaviors. For thousands of years the genders have become what they've become becuase of distinct differences, not inspitte of them. The genders are different - we just are - nature is strong. Unfortunately these parent see that as a bad thing instaed of embracing the differences and developing their strengths. How about developing their sons as strong provider/protectors who adore & cherish the women in their life and developing their daughter (if Storm is a girl) to be strong loving nurturing woman who can raise her family and also be an entrepeneur or doctor or business woman. Those things are not mutually exclusive - too bad Storm's parents think they are.

I read this article and got pissed off. I think these parents are irresponsible at best, but more accurately, downright cruel. They are causing unnecessary confusion for their children. Allowing a CHILD to burden a decision of gender affiliation of any sort is plain and simply forcing a child to make a decision that they are just not mature enough to make. Using your children as guinea pigs to prove an albeit progressive point is just plain irresponsible. I never use my children to forward my own agendas.

Gender is engrained in our brains- its not just about private parts. Obviously these parents haven't thought this through. They are setting their children up for lifelong confusion and ridicule. How sad.

Playing devils advocate: I saw that article. I wouldn't do this, personally, but I love the message they are trying to send. In a world full of so much racism, sexism, differing political and religious views, they are trying to have ONE neutral person out there. Just because something's 'weird' or 'different' or isn't something you would personally do, doesn't make it WRONG.

If you look past how radical this is, the general, underlying purpose (I think) is beautiful and wonderful. If we had more 'blindness' in this world, I truly believe we would live in a better place, for us and our children.

I'm also very impressed at their will power and the fact that they haven't slipped up and told!! ;)

I couldn't even finish reading the article. That's absolutely ridiculous.

One of the most ignorant things I've seen in a long time.

While I get what they are saying and trying to do, it's my opinion that your child's life is not the forum to get your message out there. Also, I don't think it's bad to be labeled a man or a woman...even transgender people refer to their new gender as "man" or "woman" so what is the big deal? They should let Storm decide these things for him/herself when he/she is old enough. BTW, I also agree that it looks like a boy :)

I read the book that they were referencing soon after both my oldest two were born. I thought it was excellent and incorporated many things into my parenting styles. My kids can wear what they want, and yes when my son was little sometimes that meant dresses. I have tried hard not to place gender specifics on them. They both played with trucks and in the kitchen. Yes the parents could be going to an extreme, but are we sure they are reporting all the info. At birth some children need to have the parents and Doctors decide their sex, because of certain genetic "abnormalities". Perhaps they did this with one of their son's and have since regretted it. Perhaps they want the child to decide which way the operation should go and are trying to protect their baby the best way they can. I think people shouldn't be so quick to judge.

I was totally appauled by this when I read it last night. The poor older child is begging his mom to stop wearing pink and not correcting people if they say he is a girl. Just wrong.......

I think this is ignorant! Social experiments should not be done on children!
Think of how confused this child will be...

I'd say "Storm" is doomed.

I get her point, but I think she is taking it a bit far. I personally think that she could support what ever he child wanted to be without all they hype of not telling anyone if her baby was a boy or a girl. I do love the name. Very strong and gender neutral.
But just by looks, I think the baby is a boy.

It is interesting as I read the responses to this story I think back to the question the other day about long hair on boys. The response to that question was overwhelmingly positive for long hair despite the gender issues it sometimes caused, but now on this topic the response is negative because of the gender issues that it would cause. It makes me wonder if the issue being tackled here is really gender standards or the very different parenting style?

I applaud their efforts to be the best parents that they can be. I may not agree with all their philosophies, but I love the time and thought and effort that they are putting into their kids. I firmly believe that anyone who is on the receiving end of that much love and concern will end up a better person for it. Yes, they may look back and think "wow, my parents were a little odd", but they will look back with love and look forward with tolerance toward the differences in others.

Though it is not my philosophy, I think it is a wonderful idea and I look forward to seeing Storm grow.

I think it's silly. Why not allow the child to be known by the proper pronoun and then encourage their daughter to play with trucks or their son to play with dolls? To not tell their own parents what gender the kid is? Even if they homeschool (or unschool), there will be a point at which it really matters and what are they going to do then? Will this kid be "Pat" from SNL? If their kid turns out to be very boy or very girl, will they despair or will they embrace that their kid wants to go the whole 9 yards in one direction? What's this business with "intense experiences" with gender in the brother? Is it because they are too afraid to give him direction? Kids like to know the way things are and have definitions and limits (within reason). Maybe they are causing their own issues. I think they are turning their kids into science experiments for their own purposes. I also wonder about the overall concept they have of child rearing. I'm not there. I don't see the kids in action. But it sounds like the kids are running the show. Are they afraid to stand up and be parents and set an example? Are they unsure about themselves so they are afraid of their children?

I do not box in my children. My stepson has developed a love of formal gardens and my daughter loves to be a pirate who lives in a pink castle and rides a unicorn. Her sister played the tuba. I have preferences for them, but they are who they are. Someone else said that children should not be social experiments and I agree. There are other ways to get out their message.

COO COO!!!! Its a boy. :-)

I read it and these people are sick and extremely selfish. Do you know how many problems this child will have with his/her own identity???What about the memories? The child will see they were dressed in gender neutral tones their whole life and not one dress or cute little suit etc. So selfish of the parents!!!! I feel bad for this child.

M

Okay, I had to read it and weigh in too, it is interesting. I think this... I agree that the concept although it does sort of come from a pure place, is a gimic. As I was reading I too wondered if they're not searching for some sort of reality show to be their forum on the "right" way to raise a child. They said in the article that 'parents' are making too many decisions for their kids and steering them one direction or another, but then the following paragraph is dedicated to how they are unconventional parents letting their children decide what clothes to wear, toys to play with, and whether or not to cut their hair. So it seems that "society" isn't a factor with how they parent anyway, so why all the secrets??

I personally do agree with some of their theories. I do think it's okay for boys to play with dolls or wear dress up clothes, or shoot, even girl clothes if they like. Of course I think it's okay for girls to play sports and drive trucks through the mud, and I think MOST kids are a combination of both, at least at some point in their lives. But, I sort of draw the line in centering my life around the kids and letting them make all the decisions, but in a big picture mentality, I agree with the core of their argument.

For the sake of the child I hope that he/she grows up well rounded and secure in themselves...probably he/she will, but only time will tell!

The hindering of children based on gender is far behind us. Actually, if anything, its boys that are suffering because schools are setting expectations higher and higher and boys often lag behind girls in many areas of development. I think as parents we need to walk a fine line between encouraging our children's individuality and pride in themselves and helping them understand what is socially acceptable. For example, my friend (who is a psychologist) has a son who loves Tinkerbell. He picked out Tinkerbell underwear to buy. These parents in the article would buy the underwear I am sure. Instead, she validated that they sure where pretty but they didn't have the part in the front for boys and suggested Mickey underwear instead which he happily accepted. Let's keep it real, people and not admire parents who may have their child's best interests in mind but are acting truly irresponsible.

Nice in theory, bad in practice. I think this is a form of reverse discrimination. Not letting their children embrace who they are, male or female, will potentially create insecurities in the future. There is power in being comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are--and even being put in situations where you are able to defend who you are. Moments of vulnerability can be moments of strength where children can learn they can stand up for themselves. But so much of that we learn from other people--mainly parents and role models. They are not teaching there kids to stand up and be proud of who they are in a sense--although they think they are.

I hear why they are doing it, but their kids should not be there own social experiment. Just because you don't like the way things are done, doesn't me doing the complete opposite will correct all the injustices they are seeking to overcome. I strongly believe life is about balance, and tipping the scale one way will not even it all out--it will just create another extreme. I hope in this case it doesn't.

After some thought, this is my conclusion (and I could be incorrect):

This sounds like two parents who are so afraid of their child blaming them later on in life for feeling "boxed in" that they are willing to let the children navigate this on their own. This experiment can only last for so long, runs the risk of alienating many within one's own family-- which I believe would cause more 'damage' for the child/ren-- and still doesn't seem to have resolved any issues with their son who was experiencing the "intense issues" with his gender. To visit the responsibility of 'making it right' on their newest child, I think the family is well-intentioned but perhaps hasn't considered the long-term effects of making their child "other" socially by making this a big mystery. Consequently, people are probably more likely to focus on the child's gender than not.

I know so many children who do not feel their options are limited by their gender because their parents were smart and supportive in encouraging their children to pursue their passions. Nice that there was a book in the late 70s which depicted this sort of experiment to be a success, however, times and technology have changed. Media coverage of children is rarely a positive thing, in my book, and what could have been done incrementally, conservatively (as needed) in addressing a child's as-yet-unknown-*potential* future gender issues from birth seems like a massive overcorrection. As for the parents, they have some interesting one-liners about knowing a person for what's in their head as opposed to what's in their pants....Nice sentiment, but I think that *they're* making assumptions galore about everyone else, too.

these are the kids that will grow up hating their parents and offing them and they will wonder what they ever did to deserve it :) just kidding

I think it is just ridiculous and not at all progressive like the parents are hoping to be. Huge possibility of an identity crisis with the kids. Very wrong approach to parenting. Hope those kids do well eventually.

I think it's crazy and that baby is a boy -- so who changes the diapers? Do not tell me that only mom or dad do.