Would You Let Your 13-Year-old Start the Car?

I remember feeling SO grown-up and responsible when my parents would let me start the car. So yeah, I think it's just fine and I plan to do the same with my girls when they get older (my oldest is only 4.5).

How else are kids going to learn life skills and responsibility if we don't let them DO anything???

Well in Iowa kids get learners permits when they're 14. (I grew up there. My mom let me drive on country roads when I was 13 and I'm not even a hillbilly or anything!) So I don't think it's a big deal at all to have a 13-year-old start the car. They would be starting it and driving it in a year if they lived there. (Here in Illinois it's 15.) I think it depends on the kid but I don't see a problem with it if you have a responsible kid. Really where ever you live, they'll be driving in just a couple years. Like you said, time to get familiar with how a car works. No big deal.

This made me laugh! My husband always jokes that his parents had remote starters for their cars - him and his siblings! He said they were far superior to the remote starter my car has... theirs cleared the snow and ice, too! They lived in the mountains in Colorado and they would do exactly as you're describing.

I was called overprotective more than once - okay, a lot - when my children were growing up (they're all out of college now.) We never lived anywhere really cold, so this issue never came up for us; but I can absolutely imagine it going just this way if we had lived somewhere where it snowed.

My 8yo starts the car for me all the time.

My family is pretty "conservative" in that we don't let kids drive until they're about 12 (many members in my family race). Private driveways, even private courses, and then junior level stuff... I often feel like I'm coddling my son by ONLY letting him get the car running for me. His cousins, meanwhile, at his age, are manual shifting farm equipment, and driving a few miles to get the mail.

Guess it's all a matter of perspective.

absolutely. the idea that kids are brainless hooligans who can't be trusted with any adult responsibilities until they turn 18 and then are magically endowed with all wisdom is modern and nutso. most kids i know these days are completely at sea in a car when they get their learner's permits at 16.
obviously in some situations (city streets, crowded malls, most public venues) it's not the best idea, but in your own driveway? it's not only a great convenience for you, it's a responsible way to gradually introduce your son to the adult requirements of being a vehicle operator.
we were actually a little lax in this department. we didn't work with our kids on driving as much as we should have before they hit drivers' ed. but i think that was a failing on our part, not the right way to do it.
every child is different, but parents tend to know when THEIR kid is ready. my niece was driving up and down her driveway at 12, but her older sister was uninterested and still at 16.5 hasn't ever taken the wheel. there are kids in our homeschool co-op who were driving around their parents' properties at 8 and 10.
i think it's a little silly to get all worked up that a young teenager actually knows where the ignition is and how to use it.
khairete
S.

I'll just say this. My pastors son starts cars for lots of elderly women after church...and he's 13. My pastor is very fundamental, and I would consider him a responsible parents (of 8 children.)

My dad...also a very responsible, caring parent...let me shift for him in his truck starting when I was about 10. What does your husband think of that? :)

No, I think you're all good.

Hi JB,
My son has been starting the car for me since he was about 8 - he is now 14. I was little worried when I had a standard and made sure he learned how to start it when I was in the truck with him - i.e., making sure it was in neutral so it would not leap forward. But once I went back to automatic transmissions I just showed him the gear stick and told him to never touch it - unless he wanted to drive into the house. LOL

It is lovely, on cold mornings he runs out and starts it and put the defroster on, and we both get into a toasty warm car.

He knows how to work everything inside the car - now I am trying to convince him to drive the thing!! He turns 15 in two months and I want him to get his learner's permit, but he is afraid to my Pilot - thinks it is too big for him...he is taller than me now so it really should not be a problem.

So, I say tell your hubby, that it is a good thing that your children start the car. It will not hurt them or the car.

Good Luck and God Bless

I let my 13+ yr old son start the car. Especially in the winter mornings. It drives me crazy when he would turn the AC on when he thought it was the heater.. LOL It's great. I have even taken him out in the deserted roads and let him drive. He is responsible and for the most part pretty sensable. I did tell him if you EVER think about drive the car before you are legal on your own....the state will not let you have your DL until you are well over 18. So DON'T do it. Young men and woman on the farm have to learn drive early, and I don't see any problem with teaching pre-teens. As long as they have a responsible bone in their body.

I think it depends entirely on the child in question. Your son sounds responsible enough to handle the task though, so I do not see a problem either. I agree with your theory on children becoming familiar with the car before they take the wheel.

My husband does the same thing sometimes... makes a huge deal over something that I did not expect and dismisses something that I thought was a heavy decision. I would suggest that you sit down and discuss it calmly. You may even want to concede that you should have discussed it with him first, but you did not realize that he would feel so strongly about it.

13 is definitely old enough and responsible enough to start the car. The driving age in my home state was 14. I have always thought it is a mistake to keep pushing the driving age to later and later. Kids going off to college to live on their own and starting to experiment with drinking now have only a year or so of driving experience under their belt. Plus we keep kids secured in the backseat until they are 12 or older so they are totally disconnected to the workings of the car or the rules of the road. As parents it's our job to educate our kids on these basic car details. You are right on target. Good job.

When i got my permit, I had NEVER sat in the driver's seat and literally did not know where to put the keys. My brother, 2 years younger, had been driving the tractor for years. It was a smuch smoother learning curve for him when it came time to drive a car. Go for it- you know your son and he knows the limits.

My 13 yo starts the car all the time. We live on a farm, and we have an extremely long driveway, and recently we've started switching seats whenever we get home, and let him drive the car down the driveway to the house. Teenagers are often horrible drivers. Teaching him gradually over the next few years on our own property will hopefully give him the confidence and comfort to make him a better driver once he hits the real roads. I see no problem with allowing your teenager to start the car as long as he is responsible. I do think maybe your husband just felt left out.

yes-same thing, if she is ready first she can start the car, clear windows, etc. when it is cold. BTW ladies, we also have a hobby farm and she drives the tractor (supervised, but she is driving). Let's not baby them too much. We have 4-5 years now to get them ready for the world. I let her have a sip of wine today too. Yikes! lol

My son is 10 and knows just about how to do everything but drive. Every time my hubby changes oil, a head light, wiper baldes, spark plugs my son is doing all the handing of tools and rechecking what daddy does.
He can also jump a battery.
He does not get the keys when I am in a store though.

My older three have all been taught how to do all the "fine tuning", even though my one daughter has no desire to change a tire, jumpstart, or check oil she can.

So have dad get his butt out there and start teaching the child just what he wants him to know. Or have dad teach him how to make a souffle and you teach him the ropes of the automobile. ;o}

Of course.
If he is level headed I do not see a prob. I used to have our daughter do the same thing.

My mom also let us do this to heat up the car or cool it down with AC.

yeah, 3 more years and they will be starting it for real!

Mine did. I'm sure it depends on your child. We had both of our sons driving the car at that age, out in the country. I agree that the sooner you get them familiar with the workings of the car the less ignorant they will be when 16 rolls around.
Turning the car on in the morning to warm it up, I see no problem with that at all.
If you live in some crazy environment where the kid could get car jacked while waiting in the car, my answer would be different.
So, basically, the temperment of your son and the environment are the two deciding factors. Apparently your husband doesnt trust him as much as you do for some reason?

i think it is absolutely ok. a good "chore" for a 13 year old. and super helpful to you. not sure why dad is overreacting....does he have a lot of macho pride regarding "his" cars or something? why on earth would he freak out about this? honestly, not even worth the long rationale you felt like you had to write here to defend yourself. i feel like your husband is picking a fight over literally nothing.

Hi JB,
I have a 12yo,(almost 13) whom hubby has allowed to start the car without my knowledge. I was hysterical! I thought he was too young & yet too immature for this task. He wanted to do it so, he could just wait in the car & not help him to get out of the house in the am w/his younger brother. However, after we talked about it, I said: I'm not comfortable w/it! so, he wont do it for me"
Ok, so, he told me alot of what's said here about teaching him & being knowledgable of the workings in the car.
I guess, it all depends on what YOU are comfortable with, you know your son better than any of us here. Your hubby's input is of course very important in this matter.
good luck,
NM

Wow! I cannot believe your husband was so upset about that! How did he not know if your son had been doing it for months? I'm not sure when exactly my parents had me starting the car, but I know it was by that time. I also remember my dad showing me how to turn the key to listen to the music in the car quite some time prior to that.

Just this past winter I began contemplating when I am going to allow my daughters to start the car. They are 9. I believe as long as you have an automatic and you explain how it all works there is no harm at all in having your son start the car for you.

Hi.....I don't see anything wrong with what you let your son do.....after all, you didn't give him permission to drive the car....just to start it. In my opinion, you are helping him become familiar with all the car's workings, it teaches him responsibilities, and making him appreciate helping out his mom.....not to mention boosting his self-esteem. This reminds me of when I used to teach a 1 to 2 year old class for a Navy daycare. We weren't aloud to teach any academics....however some of the older kids rooms had the alphabet and numbers displayed in the rooms. So I decided to make letters and displayed them in my classroom. I never intended to actually "teach" them about the alphabet, I just thought if it's on the wall, and they are seeing it everyday, it will come easier for them when they are in Kindergarten or Pre-K and do start to learn to read. One day we had an inspection, and I was told I had to take them down, that it wasn't age appropriate and too over stimulating. That never made sense to me. So, I think as long as he is aware of his limits and has never given you any reason to not trust him with the car......I think it's a great idea! I think you have to give kids chances, when appropriate. You will always be able to come up with a reason for not letting them do something, whether it be danger or worrying about them taking a mile because you gave them an inch, but if you say no to everything, (of course, there are times when you have to say no...that comes with good parental judgment) I truly believe it can stifle them, it doesn't show that you trust them with anything, it doesn't promote self-esteem, and when the day comes for them to go out into the world on their own, they may not be as confident as you would want them to be. I also feel that it can set fears into them which will limit what they let themselves experience in life. You know......I better not do that because this might happen.....I better not do this because that might happen. I speak from experience. I love my parents. They were very good parents to me growing up and they raised me to the best of their ability. But their being so protective of me, stifled me. It's been a long road coming out of it....and I still limit myself. But then everyone is different. Just explain to your husband about the responsibility of it and the self esteem part....maybe he will understand.

I'm ok with it. It is convienent for both of you; what person wants to sit in a hot/cold (depending on the weather) vehicle waiting for their parent to get out there? At 13 your son knows better than to sit in the drivers seat, put the car in gear or do anything like that. I was driving at 13 though so I don't think it's a big deal (we lived in the country and the vehicle was a standard). I say it's no big deal.

It depends on the child and the circumstances.
Some kids are using a riding lawn mower to mow the lawn or using ATVs at 13, so starting a car is no biggie for them.
They should know when it's safe to start a car - NEVER in a closed garage (carbon monoxide poisoning).
Leaving a 13 yr old in a car in a parking lot with the keys is different from having them start up your car in your driveway. I think the 13 yr old would be too easy to overpower in the event someone wants to steal the car.
I think learning about how the car works will be easy for my son.
When we're driving together I point out things I look for as I change lanes, other drivers behavior - "Look at that guy weaving in that lane - yep - you can see he's on his phone", road/weather conditions - "If you have icy road conditions start and stop slowly and leave extra space between vehicles so you don't slide together", "Turning your lights on is not always about YOU being able to see better. Sometimes it's so OTHERS can see where you are" "Never turn your brights on in a fog. It just reflects back at you so you are blinded to what's around you", etc.
There's a lot I can teach him about driving and traffic and being alert on the road before he's behind the steering wheel himself.

Driving is a big deal. Is it possible your hubby felt a little left out, like maybe he missed out on some big milestone? Maybe he felt like he missed out on a bonding moment or something?

Yep, every morning my 12 yr old son takes the keys to the garage, opens the garage door and starts the car for us. I showed him how to of course.

And now, I get into a heated car....and there is one less body at the door putting on boots and coats too.

I personally think it sounds fine. I think that a few factors would make a difference though - is the car in a driveway or parked on the street? Driveway - I think it's totally ok. I would always be sure the emergency brake is up too, just in case the car gets knocked into neutral somehow. Otherwise I think it sounds great for you!

He's starting the car outside, right? I'd make sure he knows not to start up a car and leave it running in a garage where the fumes could killl him.

I think your son is sweet to get the car warmed up for you in the morning. But personally, I wouldn't be comfortable letting my sons start the car at 13. I'd be too worried that they might bump something, not pay attention and roll over one of the neighbor kids. It wouldn't be worth taking a chance on.

If you teach them, you can let them do so with guidance.

I didn't read the other responses, but I'll be honest and just say no, I wouldn't let a 13 year old start a car. Sorry.
Dawn

It would all depend on how much you trust the 13 yr old and how mature they are. How far the car is from the door and how busy the street/sidewalk is at the time. You would have to consider if high schoolers in a bad neighborhood might be passing by and take the oportunity to "borrow" the car. Or do you live far from others so no one is the wiser when the teen goes out to turn the key. Safety for the teen is top priority and if there is any chance they might try out the gas, brake or shifting, Id be sure to stop this helpful chore. How long until they get thier learners permit? Might be great to have them feel confidant with some of the workings of an automobile. I had a neighbor who while working on his car, let his 2 yr old sit on the front seat. At one point he stepped out to check something under the hood and the toddler went to stand up and see what daddy was doing. We think he pulled on the gear shift to stand up and pulled it down into drive, and ran it right into the garage, bending the hood back over the roof and punching a hole in the back wall of their garage. How fortunate the dad was able to shove their 5 yr old daughter out of the way and escape injury himself. So just keep in mind, accidents can happen and we rarely see it coming.

My first reaction was not to, but it depends on the level of maturity of the child. I would think that they would be tempted to then take the next step...I would splurg for the remote starter. They are heaven!

My 8.5yr old has started my car for me on cold mornings when I was getting everyone else ready. We park in the garage so he opens the garage door, starts the car and turns hte heat on, then comes back in. Its helpful when we are running behind and he's ready an I have to get shoes and jackets on the two little kids to get out the door. I see nothing wrong with it.

I think it's fine and probably a good idea to get the teen oriented to the controls of the car, for all the reasons you cited. Assuming he is responsible enough to not put the car in gear, it's not a bad way to start out your day. I wonder if your husband is reacting to not being informed/included in the decision, or if he felt it made him look bad in front of your parents (if they were witnessing this)? If your son was doing this all winter on the way to hockey, it's surprising to me that you didn't even mention to your husband that you found a way to warm up the car and give your son some responsibility. He may be feeling shut out or excluded. He may also be reacting to the fact that his own daughter couldn't figure this out, and he feels that he's being made to look inadequate as a parent on, now, 2 occasions? Also, some men have the idea that machines (cars, lawnmowers, etc.) are THEIR area of expertise.

To make peace, I would apologize for not informing him, and explain that you didn't want your son to experience the same confusion as your poro stepdaughter - that you learned something from watching that experience. Don't make it sound like, "You screwed up, DH, and I was going to make darn sure that our DS didn't go through that." Make it clear that you will discuss major parenting decisions with him in the future particularly where it relates to you DS and his driving.

Good luck.

Lol. I remember when I was 13, my dad would allow us to DRIVE the car to the gas station down the road!!! Of course, we lived in a small town... so it wasn't likely that we would see anyone on the road... We learned to drive when I was about 8 or so, so starting the car wasn't a big deal. Especially if she's 13... now if she was 4, and might accidentally put the car in gear, I could see an issue with it.

My 5 year old loves starting the car and turning the heat or AC up. He feels so big. He is only allowed to do it while I'm buckling up his little sister and knows not to touch anything else. I might want to add that I'm one of the most over protective moms you can find. We started this last year when he was 4, and it's very helpful, and gives him confidence. He loves when I ask him in front of his friends if he wants to start the car. lol

It is illegal to leave an EMPTY car running.

I used to love doing this for my parents and will when the time is right allow my children to do this.

Not sure what to say.
My daughter is 13, she has stared the car but not put the key, just press the start bottom on my keys and get in the car while I take her sister.
Letting her sit in the front of the car and put the key and wait there no so sure, because I would worry for a crazy guy.
But, I do know many kids that age that did it, not much now and not much in here, but many when I was a kid, specially boys.
I do agree that they are ready to start learning some basic stuff.
I just change the lights of the car, I am not sure how much I save by doing it my self but I was very proud to tell my husband, I also have change a tire!
I want my daughter to be able to change a tire too one day, and not depend on a stranger to do for her, then again we do have now AAA so she may never needs to, but you never now.

Here's the thing.... it is illegal. It is dangerous. It has potential for disaster....

That being said, I remember I did it when I was young (13 and up, perhaps.) Now, we lived in the country. There was no chance of me accidentally putting the car in reverse and backing over the neighbor's dog/child/golf clubs. There are admittedly time that parents bend around the letter of the law because they feel it is a personal decision they should be able to make for their own children. Just beware the example you set.

I think starting the car is a big deal. A car is a lethal weapon and should be treated as such. Would you let your son shoot a gun? Again, I was taught to handle firearms at a young age, but it was predicated on learning and respect for the item at hand.

Was it cool for you husband to go off the handle? No. Absolutely not. But do try to put aside his poor response and see the meat of his argument.

Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't let your son start your car. I just ask you to address the seriousness of the matter.

i think the maturity of the child should play a key role in this decision. they get a permit at 14, so 13 isnt far off. i think it's like anything else that could potentially be dangerous thatll play a vital role in your child's life- it's best to educate them how to repsect a vehicle and know how to operate it safely.

It's probably fine, but not worth arguing with your husband over. I'd save that battle for something more important, and let him win this one.

My daughter's 13 and she recently began starting the car in the mornings. It makes sense for us; it encourages me to hurry and gives the engine a chance to warm up. She sits in the passenger seat and reaches over. In our car it's impossible to "bump" the gear shift into neutral; you have to have your foot on the brake AND depress the button on the gear shift in order to take the car out of park.

My friend's husband is a cop, so he's my go-to for all basic legal questions. He says in the state of Massachusetts it's illegal for those under 16 and with out a license to operate a motor vehicle. Turning it on is part of operating it (actually, the most important part!). He gives it the thumbs-down.
I guess once that motor is running, say the kid is jamming to their favorite song and bumps the gear shift out of neutral - who knows what could happen?

I think it is fine BUT in certain situations, it can seem sort of rude, like if you are visiting with someone outside the car and a kid starts it up, it could seem like you have an impatient, rather rude kid. In the winter time just warming it up is totally fine.

I see I'm pretty late to the party here & am not going to read all of your bazillion other responses, but I can tell you this: My son is currently 11 years old, will be 12 in early August. He has been starting the car for me in the winter for 2 years now. I taught him how to put the heat on high & turn on the defroster. He's a very responsible kid so I'm not at all worried that he'll touch anything else or try to drive away or anything. Your husband is WAY overreacting on this one.

Personally, I think you are asking for trouble. He could become curious and want to take this a step further. He could knock the car out of gear and not be prepared to react in the proper manner.

Further, your husband is right. It is a decision the two of you should make together. I am sure you didn't purposely make a big decision without him, but a car is a BIG responsibility.

If something were to happen while the car or keys were in your sons care, your husband would be furious.

LOL about it being the next best thing to remopte start. I absolutely agree with you. My 8 y/o did this for me this last winter, awesome!

My Husband and I have let my Son go out and start the car several times he is 13 as well.He enjoy's doing it and like you said if they're ready before you,it's a nice way to get the car warmed up.I don't see it being a big deal as long as he is taught safety rules.Not touching the gear shift,pedals,etc...

Updated

My Husband and I have let my Son go out and start the car several times he is 13 as well.He enjoy's doing it and like you said if they're ready before you,it's a nice way to get the car warmed up.I don't see it being a big deal as long as he is taught safety rules.Not touching the gear shift,pedals,etc...

Well this is a two fold question. Can a 13 year old start a car, steer in parking lots etc not a big deal with parent supervision etc. It seems more that the husband was upset he wasnt involved plus he might have been upset because its also important to explain the limits or next time he might decide to back down a driveway etc and could potentially hurt something

My personal thought is it is no big deal. I agree in the convienience to you and the stage of learning for your son. That thought is coming from what you have shared regarding that you believe that your son is responsible and trustworthy. However you should take a few things into consideration. Without you being in the car legally that places your son in control of the vehicle. Law enforcement could interpret this in a manner that is breaking your states laws (what ever they may be). Also should something out of the ordinary happen (car gets knocked out of gear, parking break fails; etc) is your family prepared for a potential civil liability that would come from placing a 13yo in control of the vehicle? Does your son have the emotional fortitude to handle consequences that could stem from that?

In regards to your husband being upset - you are only one third of the equation. Discuss with your husband why he thinks it is such a big deal to him. He may have very valid reasons. Even if he does not, in your opinion, I would hope you would still respect that. Parenting takes two. Perspective is an interesting thing as each person see entirely different facets to a situation. Come to a decision together based on your perspectives AND where your son is at developmentally/responsibility and then stand by the decision you have shared.

I may not always agree with my husbanb but when his feelings are very strong about a subject I stand behind them. I hope he does the same for me.

I wish you well on this. Battles must be chosen wisely. Don't fight the fights worth fighting, fight the fights worth winning as there is always a great cost.

In many communities a child can get a farm license at 12 to drive hay truck and to go into town for supplies. My husband had one at that age. I think it is actually good for them to learn where things are in the car before learning to drive to limit distraction, so I think this is just fine for you child.

Personally, I don't see a problem with this. It's not a big deal to me.

You asked about the law, and this is what I found. It is illegal in Massachusetts for anyone without a license or learners permit (while accompanied by a licensed driver 21 years of age or older) to "operate a motor vehicle." This is the legal definition of operating a motor vehicle in Massachusetts:

"Massachusetts law defines operation of a motor vehicle as occurring whenever a person is intentionally manipulating some mechanical or electrical part of the vehicle, like the gear shift or the ignition, which alone or in sequence, will set the vehicle in motion."

It mentions the ignition, so technically it's against the law. If you are a super stickler about the law, it's your choice as to whether you want to stop having him do this. With that said, I doubt any cop is going to drive by and reprimand you for this.