Would You Have Been Mad? 5 Year Old Drama... Again!

I'm going to get flamed for this but WHAT is the BIG deal? She didn't have an ax, steak knives and a gallon of bleach. It sounds cute and I would have just gone with it. I'm older and know not to sweat the little stuff. This is a 'champange problem."

She set up a party THINKING you'd enjoy it.

She's FIVE years old. She's still little. Be glad she wasn't parked in front of the tv watching one of those sassy mouthed Disney or Nick shows.

I wouldn't want to have a tea party after that either.

Poor baby, she was really thinking this was going to be fun.

I would have played.. later I would have reminded her this was a one time event with the food in her room, for now on she can do that at the kitchen table, with my permission first. .

AWW! Sounds like she went through a lot of trouble to set up her 'party' :) If this was the first time she'd done it, I probably would have gone with it. Then, when we were cleaning up I'd say something like "honey, this was fun...but it's a house rule that we don't have food in our bedrooms. Next time I'll help you set up at the table."

I'm with Christine J. In our house we would call you The Dream Crusher! She was trying to surprise you & do something nice. Poor kid. :(

I don't blame you for being mad. Maybe I'm just a hard arse, but giving in & partaking in the tea party (for which she broke several rules) is like saying it's okay to break the rules & make mommy feel guilty in the process. If your DD is anything like mine, she does not always follow the rules, especially after being allowed & almost rewarded for breaking them, and then getting a gentle warning not to do it again, after the fact. She's smart, she knows she did wrong & knows she was working you. Don't feel bad about putting your foot down. Contrary to popular parenting, your child's psyche will not be hurt, nor will her spirit be crushed if you *GASP* discipline her for breaking the rules. Oh the horror.

Geez, at 5 she is still very impulsive. She was having a party and that was her focus. The rules weren't in her picture. This was something quite different then bringing a snack to her room.

I would've gone ahead with the party but I would also have told her this was an exception and told her that no food is an all the time rule.

Do you not ever make an exception for yourself? Say, you ordinarily don't eat in the living room but there's a special show on and so you eat dinner there this time.

I suggest canceling the party, while angry, was showing a lack of respect for her intent and her feelings. I'd apologize to her and arrange to have a party at some future time in the dining room. I'd tell her that I was upset because she'd not followed the rules but after I thought about it I realized she'd made a mistake and you understood her hurt feelings. You'd made a mistake too.

I do think suggesting to move the party was a good move and I would be irritated that she couldn't compromise but again, she's only 5 and hasn't yet learned much about compromise and making things work. A five year old can be very single minded just as you were with the rules.

I suggest both of you have hurt feelings and it would be helpful to "cry" together over the missed opportunity for a party.

I think your daughter knew exactly what you would say. Why else would she have waited until you were in the shower to put all her plans into action? It's typical drama to try to make it seem that her life is hard and she is put-upon!

When she has finished pouting - which I hope is soon; there needs to be a time limit on that - you might say, casually, "I was really impressed with your setup. You planned everything well." If she responds well to that, you might say, "We could make plans for a party later this week if you'd like. Maybe we could even decorate the whole kitchen. If you'd rather not, that's OK, too." Let her decide.

Be sure to write this all down while you remember it vividly. It will be a great story for her children when she has real babies of her own.

I think you responded nicely. You complimented her on setting it up then reminded her of the rule AND what she should do. You didn't crush the whole party idea. SHE made the choice (even if she is 5) to throw a tantrum about it. She could have said "ok, let's move it to the kitchen!" her response actually shows that she did know the rule and the fact that she broke it.

The only thing I would have done differently is I would have moved the party to the kitchen anyway. Then I would have said "we're all set to have the party now, so when you're ready, let me know!" and then left her. I'll bet she would have sniffed up her tears and joined you for a nice tea party.

Of course it's easy for me to say, not having been there and in the moment! My daughter always has answered like yours when she doesn't get what she wants or she breaks a rule. I always make sure that she has a second chance available should she choose to stop having a tantrum and feeling sorry for herself. Usually she does ;)

I agree with Marda, but my "in the moment" reaction would have probably been what you did. It is so hard when you get "surprises" like that sometimes... you just got out of the shower. If that had been me, the first place my mind would have gone was "What is spilled?!!! What needs to be cleaned off the carpet? Has toothpaste been squeezed out on something?" Freak out mode. Would that have been the "right" reaction? no... but that would have been my INTIAL reaction. Having a little time to reflect on it, I think Marda gave a great response. But we don't always get that time to reflect before we respond, do we? LOL
Relax. She won't be scarred for life over it. I do agree that you might want to have a discussion with her about "food" vs. "snacks" and that NONE of it is allowed in her room, even as props for playtime. Explain about any spills or crumbs attracting bugs, etc. The bugs don't care that it was a prop and wasn't a "snack".... they'll be attracted to it no matter what she was using it for.
((Hugs))

Oh heck no. I would calmly and firmly tell her she knew she wasn't allowed to bring that food in her room, and I'd give her x minutes to move it to the right place. If she threw any kind of hissy fit she would have been disciplined for talking back and having a tantrum about it. For the record, she would never try that. Do not feel bad you didn't play. That would have been rewarding the whole thing. Don't let her boss you around all like, YOU ruined it and now SHE won't play, let her know she ruined it by breaking the rules, and that's why you're not playing. You can be firm and still play with her the next time.

nooooo i sure wouldn't have gone along with that. i think you did exactly right, from appreciating her effort, right down to making her help put the food away. you weren't being mean. she knows better. she's being a typical dramatic little girl. hang in there mom...you're doing right. it's okay to make them mad sometimes...means you're doing your job :)

Amazing what can transpire while Mommy's in the shower, haha.
You probably should have played with her, I think you see that now in hindsight, no harm done tho, she'll get over it and the next big party will be in the kitchen I'm sure.
A few years from now you'll be able to say "Do you remember the time you set up a party in your room while I was in the shower? You raided the fridge and made lemonade?"
*Since she was quick to say "Fine, I just wont have a party" tells me that she already knew she was gambling.

I ignore this behavior. Let her pout and whine but don't give it a second thought. She broke the rules, end of story.
You might feel bad but DONT show it.

If she were mine and she had been told that there is to be no food in the room then I would have no sympathy. I don't do drama and crying for 30 minutes would not be an option. I have to many kids to put up with this much drama.

That said, I am laughing so hard at her idea of a party. How funny!

Im shocked she got the big bowls of water in without spilling it!! Since it was already done I would of just gone with the flow. Afterwards tell her next time she wants to do a party the kitchen is more spillproof.

nope i'm with Amy J. She made a huge mess in a place that food was not allowed. she chose to be whiney and ahve a fit, when called out for it.

Maybe what you could have done was offered to help her move the party to the kitchen, rather than focusing on her forgetting the rule about no food in her room. I had a similar situation last week at the mall that I posted on here, about trying to do something nice for DD (age 4) and having her have a melt-down, and then me questioning if I should have done something different. Maybe I could have, but I did what I did, and hindsight is always 20/20 anyways. But DD got over it and yours will too. I'm not one to give in to the drama either. Like someone else said, she broke the rules to begin with, and I am big on kids learning to take responsibility for themselves and the choices they make, rather than trying to shift blame onto someone else.

You responded appropriately. If you would have played and then talked to her about it later, you would have been talking to a brick wall, because all she would notice is that she got to play anyway. You did good, she's just disappointed she didn't get away with it. Tell her you're sorry that she's mad but you will be happy to play another time in the kitchen or whatever. Especially if she knew no food int he bedroom was a rule. If she didn't know this, then mayyyybe it would be different, but I'm guessing from her reaction she knew it was a rule and it just didn't turn out how she wanted it to. Keep the mood light and positive. Ignore the tantrums